I'm really sorry if I'm bothering anyone with this whole rant, but feel free to skip as this is just something I need to get off my chest (it's also super long, so). Also, I'm going to be putting this under a spoiler as it does have triggering content.
Spoiler - click to show.
This whole quarantine situation has been incredibly difficult for me– mainly because I live with incredibly toxic and controlling parents and school was supposed to be the only place where I could truly relax and be myself (and to socialize with friends since I'm not allowed to talk to them after school). Just the other day my mom was (still is) shoving Christianity down my throat and forcing me to worship the way she wants me to, said that I was less than an animal for "forgetting" to say happy birthday (even though she ignored me when I did), and gave me shit for doing hobbies that I like. Literally, every time I do a different hobby she always asking me "Why do you [insert random hobby] so much? Do something else." I have no way of expressing myself unless it benefits her. Take makeup for example. I hate wearing it but because of her obsession with making me look presentable, she forced me to and even went as far as to call me a man for not wanting to wear it. When I told her that it hurt my feelings, she said that she said it to motivate me into wearing it and she also forced me to tell my aunt about my sexual assault (even though I told her I wasn't ready) just so she can have something to gossip about. This is only surface-level stuff, though and I might not share the rest of it here as this rant is already too long.
Now as for my dad, he's honestly pretty controlling and I honestly feel as though I'm more of a trophy to him (as well as my mother) than an actual daughter. He's pushing me to be a doctor and is telling me to name my son after him and to raise them how they're raising me right now because it's the "proper" way of raising children. Both of them don't really let me talk to anyone else outside of school or let me have my own opinions that are against theirs. I remember wanting to join a club and him threatening to beat me up until I turn blue if he found out that I was using that as an excuse to talk to friends and called me a slut and said that all my friends thought that I was a slut for befriending a boy.
Little things like these are what makes me want to stick a fork in an outlet and call it a day, but I'm clinging onto the hope that I will get out of there soon as I only have a year and a half till I'm an adult.
Now I'm gonna have to cut this whole rant short because I think they're awake now, but this honestly makes me feel a lot better.
Y’all there have been so many update since I was last active and I’m confused. The number of people ‘following’ each discussion, is that accurate. I started a discussion in the character section and it says fifty something people are following it but no one has even replied. Has to be a glitch right?
Y’all there have been so many update since I was last active and I’m confused. The number of people ‘following’ each discussion, is that accurate. I started a discussion in the character section and it says fifty something people are following it but no one has even replied. Has to be a glitch right?
A lot of people have it set to automatically follow every new discussion.
I'm really sorry if I'm bothering anyone with this whole rant, but feel free to skip as this is just something I need to get off my chest (it's also super long, so). Also, I'm going to be putting this under a spoiler as it does have triggering content.
Spoiler - click to show.
This whole quarantine situation has been incredibly difficult for me– mainly because I live with incredibly toxic and controlling parents and school was supposed to be the only place where I could truly relax and be myself (and to socialize with friends since I'm not allowed to talk to them after school). Just the other day my mom was (still is) shoving Christianity down my throat and forcing me to worship the way she wants me to, said that I was less than an animal for "forgetting" to say happy birthday (even though she ignored me when I did), and gave me shit for doing hobbies that I like. Literally, every time I do a different hobby she always asking me "Why do you [insert random hobby] so much? Do something else." I have no way of expressing myself unless it benefits her. Take makeup for example. I hate wearing it but because of her obsession with making me look presentable, she forced me to and even went as far as to call me a man for not wanting to wear it. When I told her that it hurt my feelings, she said that she said it to motivate me into wearing it and she also forced me to tell my aunt about my sexual assault (even though I told her I wasn't ready) just so she can have something to gossip about. This is only surface-level stuff, though and I might not share the rest of it here as this rant is already too long.
Now as for my dad, he's honestly pretty controlling and I honestly feel as though I'm more of a trophy to him (as well as my mother) than an actual daughter. He's pushing me to be a doctor and is telling me to name my son after him and to raise them how they're raising me right now because it's the "proper" way of raising children. Both of them don't really let me talk to anyone else outside of school or let me have my own opinions that are against theirs. I remember wanting to join a club and him threatening to beat me up until I turn blue if he found out that I was using that as an excuse to talk to friends and called me a slut and said that all my friends thought that I was a slut for befriending a boy.
Little things like these are what makes me want to stick a fork in an outlet and call it a day, but I'm clinging onto the hope that I will get out of there soon as I only have a year and a half till I'm an adult.
Now I'm gonna have to cut this whole rant short because I think they're awake now, but this honestly makes me feel a lot better.
Wow yeah they sound awful. I can sympathize with struggling with my family during quarantine but obviously I haven’t found a solution. I’m here for you though.
Y’all there have been so many update since I was last active and I’m confused. The number of people ‘following’ each discussion, is that accurate. I started a discussion in the character section and it says fifty something people are following it but no one has even replied. Has to be a glitch right?
A lot of people have it set to automatically follow every new discussion.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that feature since I’ve never used it. Thanks pickles…or not pickles I supposed
Y’all there have been so many update since I was last active and I’m confused. The number of people ‘following’ each discussion, is that accurate. I started a discussion in the character section and it says fifty something people are following it but no one has even replied. Has to be a glitch right?
A lot of people have it set to automatically follow every new discussion.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that feature since I’ve never used it. Thanks pickles…or not pickles I supposed
No pickles here, only cucumber
cuc
thank you for this fine addition to my collection of cursed nicknames
Some of y'all eat healthy and it shows
Some of y'all eat healthy and it shows
looks at my cabinet full of grapefruit hi chew
Some of y'all eat healthy and it shows
Looks at the three cookies in raw cookie dough I just consumed
Yeah okay we'll go with that
Some of y'all eat healthy and it shows
looks at my cabinet full of grapefruit hi chew
oh mood
Meanwhile, I ate about 6 ounces of chocolate in 2 days
Some of y'all eat healthy and it shows
casual glances at my candy stash
yeah, very healthy indeed
speaking of eating healthy it's pain week so i'm finally breaking out the dollar store box of valentine chocolates i never ate months ago and nothing can stop me
You got chocolate on Valentine’s Day? Can’t relate no one cares enough to even buy me shitty chocolate
it was from my grandma lol
Aw that’s lovely
…
All my grandparents are dead
Yo someone on tiktok was like joke threatening me and like I don’t appreciate it but it was kinda hilarious
Would ya look at that
It's self-loathing time :)
