"If you don't get anything else from this lesson, you will learn not to trust your brother in law."
-APUSH teacher

"If you don't get anything else from this lesson, you will learn not to trust your brother in law."
-APUSH teacher

what did the brother-in-law do, though?

"Henry Clay was-"
"Not elected!"
"Correct!"

tall kid pushes his small friend into oncoming students YEET

Something my junior coworker said to me (note i’m looking at a photo of a brain): “Is that the heart?”

She was not kidding whatsoever.

"Don't be ridiculous! Of course pulling an all nighter is healthy. And it's not like we have school tomorrow anyway"

"Yeah so here's our pet Belarusian"
"Я уничтожу все, что ты знаешь и любишь"
"What was that?"
"I said you have very nice eyes"

"He's out, he's gone feral and I just lost sight of him"
"His mood is always feral"

Something my junior coworker said to me (note i’m looking at a photo of a brain): “Is that the heart?”

She was not kidding whatsoever.

“No it’s the leg”

"There is a fine line between you and me. What do you think it is?"
"Uhhh, you're funnier?"
"No. I'm just superior."

“With a flu shot I might be paralyzed.”
My friend: Damn, the Karen’s were right!

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

Lol I’d totally do that.

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

God, I love Gen Z humor.

"Amazon rainforest is dying. This makes us sad, Here at Shell, we are sad."

Friend: If there was a school shooting, I would be the second to die.
Me: ??? Weird flex but okay??
Friend: No when the first person went down the shooter would just hear a muffled "mmm whatcha sayyy" from inside one of the cupboards and it'd be all over for me

DO YOU KNOW HOW LOUD I JUST SCREAMED

my friend: 2 weeks of school with no breaks? looks like I got pneumonia really bad fake coughs

The police officer that works at our school: Have a nice day at school.
Me: You too

we re playing jeopardy (oh that's lame) but we're getting donuts (OH! THAT"S NOT LAME!!)

me at my sister: "KID! Hey, KID! WAIT!!"
my sister: "I dOn'T wAnNa BuY mEmEs!!!"

"SUCK MY DICK SATAN!"

“Suck a succulent salmon”
“Why is everything you say slightly gay”

“Why is everything you say slightly gay”

me. just me.

"my sister is tall and my mom keeps joking that she's gonna be bulletproof in 9th grade" my friend
"that's not something to joke about in America" random kid in the hallway

"You're blocking the only route to Bagel Town"

"It's never too late to become deaf and blind."