I genuinely haven't gotten to sleep before 12 in the past few weeks and I'm starting to get scared because I have no idea why? I got diagnosed with insomnia last year (like legit barely over a year ago) and I'd been taking sleeping meds since I was like 8 and finally stopped. I was fine for a while but after daylight savings time hit I haven't been able to fall asleep.
My cat just tried to eat a piece of carpet, then got mad when I took it away from her bc she was choking on it.
Truly an iconic big-brained animal.I love her
Me too.
Thank you, she's currently stretching one leg straight up and licking herself. She looks like a right triangle, it's ridiculous. She also photobombed my call with my therapist this morning, and tried to open my door by slapping the handle.
I love this.
Sometimes she does it while I'm showering and I Really Do Not Like That.
Just real quick about the whole "Diagnosis" spiel you guys have got going on….
While you are more than welcome to vent about your issues, I would suggest refraining from using """"""triggering""""" speech (ie: Im depressed….blah blah blah etc etc etc) because it can be really harmful to those who actually–and constantly–fight against awful symptoms. It's not that it is upsetting, it's that it comes off that you're using it to be quirky and 'special' without understanding how truly debilitating many of these mental disorders/issues can be. Just try to be gentle, if not for the people who are in a constant uphill battle, for yourself. It's not fun to be apart of this club. Some people can't leave their house for days, have to have their parents come and check on them every other day to make sure they are breathing and eating, or have to have daily emails to/with their therapist about how life feels.
I have depression. Fully diagnosed since I was about 13(ish–give or take a year). I never tell people that I feel depressed or sad or down or anything because I know how that makes others feel and it makes me feel as well. Most of the time I say "I'm feeling blue." That lets them all know that Im not exactly okay and need help, but is also gentle on everyone, and brings a spot of color into a bad day.
Shrug
Thats just an example.
Anyway–
The most frustrating thing is that getting a diagnosis is a battle in of itself. It's a first step in working to make ourselves better and having an obviously atypical person bathering on about how life is so awful really, really steps on all of the hard work that we've put into ourselves. If you suspect you have something, go to a doctor, you have the right to know and work towards healing.
Dont just vent.
Do something about it.This, 100%.
Facts
Coming from someone who's had suicidal depression and self harm tendencies since fifth grade.
Again with this online stuff. I mean this in a helpful way: "leading me to believe" does not equal "I have."
Yes and?? She wasn't saying that it did. No one's saying that.
And while it certainly helps when you have the right one, it's hard to find the right one (at least for me), and that process is also expensive
Not to mention, many people on here who are venting about symptoms have tried to get help
They've told their parents, and it made their situation worse
School counselors really aren't a fantastic option in my opinion, and I don't particularly trust them
An actual therapist can be trusted to keep information (except life threatening information) within the room and not express it to your parents
It feels a hell of a lot saferThen find someone else to talk to. A friend. A teacher. Anyone.
This is literally what people are trying to do when they vent about it on here??
strangers on the internet?
Huh.
Sounds pretty trustworthy.
And while it certainly helps when you have the right one, it's hard to find the right one (at least for me), and that process is also expensive
Not to mention, many people on here who are venting about symptoms have tried to get help
They've told their parents, and it made their situation worse
School counselors really aren't a fantastic option in my opinion, and I don't particularly trust them
An actual therapist can be trusted to keep information (except life threatening information) within the room and not express it to your parents
It feels a hell of a lot saferThen find someone else to talk to. A friend. A teacher. Anyone.
This is literally what people are trying to do when they vent about it on here??
strangers on the internet?
Huh.
Sounds pretty trustworthy.
You vent on here too.
Some people simply can't afford to get professional help, Miriam
It's really expensive, and not in a lot of people's budgetsOh, I know.
My family doesn't have a ton of money.
But insurance will cover it for a lot of people.
What if you don't have the insurance? And what if you have a family member who already has mental issues that everybody focuses on and you don't want to take away the care they need to thrive??? (For me it's one of my sisters)
And while it certainly helps when you have the right one, it's hard to find the right one (at least for me), and that process is also expensive
Not to mention, many people on here who are venting about symptoms have tried to get help
They've told their parents, and it made their situation worse
School counselors really aren't a fantastic option in my opinion, and I don't particularly trust them
An actual therapist can be trusted to keep information (except life threatening information) within the room and not express it to your parents
It feels a hell of a lot saferThen find someone else to talk to. A friend. A teacher. Anyone.
What if you have no one? What if your parents monitor text messages? What if you don't have an out and about life? What if you just don't like talking to new people????
What we're saying is, not everyone is able to get a professional diagnosis, but they are still entitled to their feelings, and if they are worried they may have anxiety or depression or whatever else, they have every right to vent about it
Right. But, again, claiming to have a disorder is different from expression feelings.
I agree, I fully agree. But sometimes people get called out for using the term even when they aren't actually self diagnosing and that is just as hurtful.
For many people, notebook is the only place they can vent, and bringing them down about not having an official diagnosis that they quite literally can't afford to get is invalidating and hurtful and takes away their only safe vent place
As a kid who's tech is almost completely accessedle to a parent who is a tech expert and has no way of locking their parent out with getting in trouble the above statement is 200% true. I am one of these kids. I physically do not feel safe venting about some of this ANYWHERE else.
But at the same time I often don't bece Im afraid of getting called out or judged like I have seen happen to others, or have sometimes even gone back and seen myself doing. I come, like many others probably do, for a safe place to vent, get it out, and stop bottling it up. If we can maybe get a little coping advice, at least for me, that would be awesome. But we don't come to be judged, or called a liar.
If you can't get diagnosed, then refrain from saying you have something???? It's simple.
Again with this online stuff. I mean this in a helpful way: "leading me to believe" does not equal "I have."
Yes and?? She wasn't saying that it did. No one's saying that.
"leading me to believe I have suppressed memories"
My cat just tried to eat a piece of carpet, then got mad when I took it away from her bc she was choking on it.
Truly an iconic big-brained animal.I love her
Me too.
Thank you, she's currently stretching one leg straight up and licking herself. She looks like a right triangle, it's ridiculous. She also photobombed my call with my therapist this morning, and tried to open my door by slapping the handle.
I love this.
Sometimes she does it while I'm showering and I Really Do Not Like That.
Ah, yeah. I get that. Sometimes my cats would do that or just scratch at the door and meow until I let them in.
My cat just tried to eat a piece of carpet, then got mad when I took it away from her bc she was choking on it.
Truly an iconic big-brained animal.I love her
Me too.
Thank you, she's currently stretching one leg straight up and licking herself. She looks like a right triangle, it's ridiculous. She also photobombed my call with my therapist this morning, and tried to open my door by slapping the handle.
I love this.
Sometimes she does it while I'm showering and I Really Do Not Like That.
Ah, yeah. I get that. Sometimes my cats would do that or just scratch at the door and meow until I let them in.
She has torn up a chunk of my carpet by trying to claw her way into my bedroom.
She's crazy. I love her.
Some people simply can't afford to get professional help, Miriam
It's really expensive, and not in a lot of people's budgetsOh, I know.
My family doesn't have a ton of money.
But insurance will cover it for a lot of people.What if you don't have the insurance? And what if you have a family member who already has mental issues that everybody focuses on and you don't want to take away the care they need to thrive??? (For me it's one of my sisters)
Then we're back to the topic of finding someone else you trust.
And while it certainly helps when you have the right one, it's hard to find the right one (at least for me), and that process is also expensive
Not to mention, many people on here who are venting about symptoms have tried to get help
They've told their parents, and it made their situation worse
School counselors really aren't a fantastic option in my opinion, and I don't particularly trust them
An actual therapist can be trusted to keep information (except life threatening information) within the room and not express it to your parents
It feels a hell of a lot saferThen find someone else to talk to. A friend. A teacher. Anyone.
What if you have no one? What if your parents monitor text messages? What if you don't have an out and about life? What if you just don't like talking to new people????
No friends? No neighbors you like? No teachers? Hm.
What we're saying is, not everyone is able to get a professional diagnosis, but they are still entitled to their feelings, and if they are worried they may have anxiety or depression or whatever else, they have every right to vent about it
Right. But, again, claiming to have a disorder is different from expression feelings.
I agree, I fully agree. But sometimes people get called out for using the term even when they aren't actually self diagnosing and that is just as hurtful.
Saying "this is like 'xx'" is not the right thing to say.
For many people, notebook is the only place they can vent, and bringing them down about not having an official diagnosis that they quite literally can't afford to get is invalidating and hurtful and takes away their only safe vent place
As a kid who's tech is almost completely accessedle to a parent who is a tech expert and has no way of locking their parent out with getting in trouble the above statement is 200% true. I am one of these kids. I physically do not feel safe venting about some of this ANYWHERE else.
But at the same time I often don't bece Im afraid of getting called out or judged like I have seen happen to others, or have sometimes even gone back and seen myself doing. I come, like many others probably do, for a safe place to vent, get it out, and stop bottling it up. If we can maybe get a little coping advice, at least for me, that would be awesome. But we don't come to be judged, or called a liar.
Once again
No friends? No neighbors you like? No teachers?
No way for you to discover your own coping mechanisms?
Impossible.
If you can't get diagnosed, then refrain from saying you have something???? It's simple.
My cat just tried to eat a piece of carpet, then got mad when I took it away from her bc she was choking on it.
Truly an iconic big-brained animal.I love her
Me too.
Thank you, she's currently stretching one leg straight up and licking herself. She looks like a right triangle, it's ridiculous. She also photobombed my call with my therapist this morning, and tried to open my door by slapping the handle.
I love this.
Sometimes she does it while I'm showering and I Really Do Not Like That.
Ah, yeah. I get that. Sometimes my cats would do that or just scratch at the door and meow until I let them in.
She has torn up a chunk of my carpet by trying to claw her way into my bedroom.
She's crazy. I love her.
I love her too. She's awesome. That (somehow) reminds me of a time my cat found a rabbit borough and tried to go in it. It forced its way in, but it was a liitle Chonky™ and couldn't get back out.
why the actual fuck do i still bother with art
why haven’t i just thrown everything away yet
it’s clearly only hurting me…
oh yeah, I remember now
cause i can’t do anything else
i am nothing else
this is the one thing i’m known for
the one thing I can still pull off despite my stupidity and lack of basic life skills
just essentially being a shitty expensive photocopy machine that evolves backwards and malfunctions 8 times a week
why the actual fuck do i still bother with art
why haven’t i just thrown everything away yet
it’s clearly only hurting me…oh yeah, I remember now
cause i can’t do anything else
i am nothing else
this is the one thing i’m known for
the one thing I can still pull off despite my stupidity and lack of basic life skills
just essentially being a shitty expensive photocopy machine that evolves backwards and malfunctions 8 times a week
oh ella, you a not nothing-
you are so much more then you will ever know-
My cat just tried to eat a piece of carpet, then got mad when I took it away from her bc she was choking on it.
Truly an iconic big-brained animal.I love her
Me too.
Thank you, she's currently stretching one leg straight up and licking herself. She looks like a right triangle, it's ridiculous. She also photobombed my call with my therapist this morning, and tried to open my door by slapping the handle.
I love this.
Sometimes she does it while I'm showering and I Really Do Not Like That.
Ah, yeah. I get that. Sometimes my cats would do that or just scratch at the door and meow until I let them in.
She has torn up a chunk of my carpet by trying to claw her way into my bedroom.
She's crazy. I love her.I love her too. She's awesome. That (somehow) reminds me of a time my cat found a rabbit borough and tried to go in it. It forced its way in, but it was a liitle Chonky™ and couldn't get back out.
When we first got her, we thought she got out and was under the deck. Turns out she was fast asleep in my sister's closet, curled up on top of her pillow pet.
why the actual fuck do i still bother with art
why haven’t i just thrown everything away yet
it’s clearly only hurting me…oh yeah, I remember now
cause i can’t do anything else
i am nothing else
this is the one thing i’m known for
the one thing I can still pull off despite my stupidity and lack of basic life skills
just essentially being a shitty expensive photocopy machine that evolves backwards and malfunctions 8 times a week
Mood, but with writing.
I may not be able to handle my issues, but I sure as fuck can take them out on fake people I make up!
Then reach out to other people.
I'm not in your shoes, I can't tell you what to do next,
But there's no way it's impossible for you to get help.I know it's not impossible for me to get help. But at this point in my life going through all the roadblocks to get to that help is going to do a number of things, all of which are negative.
Then honestly, that's on you.
Your decision not to get help is completely a you thing.One, it'll uproot my life, something that has happened more than 11 times, (that's the number of times I've moved in my life. Not counting surviving a divorce, losing friends, getting lice a number of times, and the night the police had to be called back when I was maybe 5-6.
Perhaps for the better. The literal definition of 'help' is "make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one's services or resources."
As a child who has spent very little of their life actually making friends that the fact that they now have a friend group that consists of !ore than three, and that none are relatives and not all are church kids and that my mom doesn't know their parents is a shocker to this day should tell you something.
Two. It'll probably destroy my already shaky relationship with my mom. Permanently. And I am not ready for that to happen.
If your mother doesn't want you to get mental health support, maybe that's another thing you could seek help for.
Doing that could land my siblings with a very abusive father and I refuse to risk their safety just because my mom may have a few issues with parenting me. Part of it is probably the very real possibility that she doesn't want to get into the ickyness of some of the stuff we've gone through any more than I do.
Three. It would change everything I know about myself,
….
How??
I am also a sheltered kid. Memes and vines rarely make sense to me. I don't know what a lot of the popular bands, YouTube artists, and generally common things even are. I didn't know gay was a thing till I got on notebook, and I definitely wasn't fully aware of what depression, anxiety, and mental health issues were. This whole thing is a fairly new territory for me, so it's scary to think about where I may fit in there.
Four. It will involve going back into some nasty emotional stuff I survived as a kid and teen, a lot of which I only know about thanks to my mom's blog, leading me to believe I have suppressed memories.
Again with this online stuff. I mean this in a helpful way: "leading me to believe" does not equal "I have."
And if you dec ed you didn't want to go back to those nasty things, a professional can't make you. They can only suggest.
Thing is, is my mom, at one point, did try to get us into family therapy. As of last year, I'm really only beginning to understand what might be going on in my head besides ADHD. Broaching that is a huge roadblock I don't know where to start with, and it will be painful. I genuinely do want to have a least one session with some kind of professional so I can understand if my former stepfather may have actually traumatized me or worse.
Five, the fight and push to get help will probably hurt me more than it will ever help me, especially at this moment in my life.
Overall, as of right this instant, it's emotionally less terrifying and potentially damaging to wait till I'm a legal adult to go look for therapy.
Nobody said you couldn't wait. If that works for you, wait.
That right there made me want to cry and felt extremely invalidating to me as a person. I never said I WANTED to wait. It's more like a self-imposed need in the best interests of my family.
It's also a case of "This will seem a heck of a whole lot easier when it's just me I'm dealing with, " which is why I'm waiting till I'm 18.
When we first got her, we thought she got out and was under the deck. Turns out she was fast asleep in my sister's closet, curled up on top of her pillow pet.
Precious.
I just went to a random colour picker and the first colour I got was Notebook blue.
Then reach out to other people.
I'm not in your shoes, I can't tell you what to do next,
But there's no way it's impossible for you to get help.I know it's not impossible for me to get help. But at this point in my life going through all the roadblocks to get to that help is going to do a number of things, all of which are negative.
Then honestly, that's on you.
Your decision not to get help is completely a you thing.One, it'll uproot my life, something that has happened more than 11 times, (that's the number of times I've moved in my life. Not counting surviving a divorce, losing friends, getting lice a number of times, and the night the police had to be called back when I was maybe 5-6.
Perhaps for the better. The literal definition of 'help' is "make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one's services or resources."
As a child who has spent very little of their life actually making friends that the fact that they now have a friend group that consists of !ore than three, and that none are relatives and not all are church kids and that my mom doesn't know their parents is a shocker to this day should tell you something.
Then
Talk
To
Them?????
Two. It'll probably destroy my already shaky relationship with my mom. Permanently. And I am not ready for that to happen.
If your mother doesn't want you to get mental health support, maybe that's another thing you could seek help for.
Doing that could land my siblings with a very abusive father and I refuse to risk their safety just because my mom may have a few issues with parenting me.
Your mother not wanting you to get mental health support is not an example of abuse. It's a misunderstanding.
Part of it is probably the very real possibility that she doesn't want to get into the ickyness of some of the stuff we've gone through any more than I do.
SO YOU ARE OPENLY SAYING YOU DON'T WANT HELP.
Three. It would change everything I know about myself,
….
How??I am also a sheltered kid. Memes and vines rarely make sense to me. I don't know what a lot of the popular bands, YouTube artists, and generally common things even are. I didn't know gay was a thing till I got on notebook, and I definitely wasn't fully aware of what depression, anxiety, and mental health issues were. This whole thing is a fairly new territory for me, so it's scary to think about where I may fit in there.
You know who would be great at teaching you about things, especially anxiety and depression?
A professional.
Four. It will involve going back into some nasty emotional stuff I survived as a kid and teen, a lot of which I only know about thanks to my mom's blog, leading me to believe I have suppressed memories.
Again with this online stuff. I mean this in a helpful way: "leading me to believe" does not equal "I have."
And if you dec ed you didn't want to go back to those nasty things, a professional can't make you. They can only suggest.Thing is, is my mom, at one point, did try to get us into family therapy.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand… You didn't use the oppurtunity?
As of last year, I'm really only beginning to understand what might be going on in my head besides ADHD. Broaching that is a huge roadblock I don't know where to start with, and it will be painful. I genuinely do want to have a least one session with some kind of professional so I can understand if my former stepfather may have actually traumatized me or worse.
Five, the fight and push to get help will probably hurt me more than it will ever help me, especially at this moment in my life.
Overall, as of right this instant, it's emotionally less terrifying and potentially damaging to wait till I'm a legal adult to go look for therapy.
Nobody said you couldn't wait. If that works for you, wait.
That right there made me want to cry and felt extremely invalidating to me as a person.
bruh
I never said I WANTED to wait. It's more like a self-imposed need in the best interests of my family.
It's also a case of "This will seem a heck of a whole lot easier when it's just me I'm dealing with, " which is why I'm waiting till I'm 18.
Sounds like a choice to me.
can you guys please stop with the long quotes
i have spoken and i say that people aren’t allowed to start yelling at others for not having a diagnosis for every emotion they feel
that is all
i’m not saying people should go around shouting “I have [thing]” if it hasn’t been proven
i’m just saying you also shouldn’t harass these people
that’s it
if you don’t like it take it to rudeness or something, i dunno, i’m too tired for this
who here has harassed someone else on this chat
if you think someone has, look into what harassment actually is
This is going to make me sound like a bitch, but I'm going to say it anyway.
I am being as polite as I can possibly be to explain my point of view.
I do not know how I can be any more clear about how I feel on the situation.
I do not know how someone cannot understand when someone else clearly has many real, personal, and circumstantial reasons for not doing something while still wanting to.
As of right now I can feel the will to let my inner thoughts dissolve into less than positive, and tears are starting to come.
Right now I want to not exist and basically be anything but something capable of having feelings.
A flower would be nice.
I would also like for people to understand that continually asking someone why, and questioning them when they give an answer as clear as they are willing to get when it comes to having survived the better portion of their life with a father they trusted that continually criticized them for everything from how they are to how the walked and breathed,
I want people to understand that it is this refusal to listen, and maybe take a second to look from the other person's shoes, is what is the most hurtful.
To prevent myself from drawing this out more than it needs to be I'm now going to refrain from replying to anything further. If you wish to speak with me tag me in a separate thread as this is no longer worth my time or emotional capacity.
who here has harassed someone else on this chat
if you think someone has, look into what harassment actually is
As of right now I feel harassed by you because you cannot seem to understand that for some people a vent on a writing website is their only way to keep from bottling up shit and negativity they don't understand yet!