"simple: they're forbidden frosted flakes."
"i'm clearly not scamming you. my IQ is too low for that."
"sounds like something a high IQ scammer would say"
"identity theft is the sincerest form of flattery"
"that's not how the saying goes but i agree"
"It's not as easy as you think it is, stepsis-"
"Stealing someone's bones should be easy enough! We just gotta make sure they're dead first, right?"
"[sighs] Yes."
"It's like communism. Good in theory, but it'll probably end up with your country becoming a smoking crater, especially if you let a dyslexic 17-year-old with serious emotional issues become president."
"Date women instead."
"I'm trying! But one of them is cheating on me and the other only wants me for my body!"
"Date better women."
"He's exactly my type in men."
"Trash?"
"No- well yes, but-"
"There is not an ounce of bisexuality in that girl."
"Wait, she's STRAIGHT? what a fucking waste."
1: "Are you implying that there's someone you would kill a child for?"
2: "No. Well, give me a second, I'm sure there's someone."
1: "I wouldn't kill a child for anyone, sorry guys. Actually maybe Sarah Paulson."
3: "How many children are we talking?"
2: "Only one."
3: "Oh there's probably a lot of people then."
"Listen, sometimes you have to throw your friends under the bus to win."
"Yeah, I just wish my friends weren't driving the bus, too!"
"steal the baby. yOU SON OF A BITCH JUST STEAL THE DAMN BABY ALREADY!"
"running off with some old hag's jewels is the best way to survive in this cruel world. now make haste, we have a heist to finish!"
"no, i'm not running from the law-"
"i- nobody asked you if you were, rosalynn."
"i- well FUCK i gave myself away then didn't i?"
"yeah."
"[sharp inhale] SHIIIIIIIIT."
“Emmanuel Bidet at your service.”
…
“Squirt squirt.”
"You're literally going to get rabies but continue." -my psych teacher
"i,,, i got a bit of strawberry dna guys"
"what are you gonna name him?"
"jerry"
"Welcome to hell. Can I serve you some Mcdonald's, sir?"
"as long as you get the order wrong-"
"Yes of course!"
"Honestly I just need to date her long enough that it's warm outside so our first kiss can be a recreation of the percabeth kiss underwater."
“You’re too Asian”
(Said by a white man to a white woman)
(Is this ~a racism~?)
"It's just every holiday all the time over here."
"The Pac-Man soundtrack kinda slaps though."
"The Pac-Man soundtrack kinda slaps though."
(You should hear the Championship Edition OST)
(in a voice about to cry) "I have some bad news. Bobbi done fell."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CB0IsZzNaQU (for some context)
"goodnight melancholy, eat my ass"
"Just look at him- He's like a paperclip. He's a tiny little paperclip man."
“Well you know what they say about guys with big magic….”
“They have smaller dicks than russell hartley?”
“Yes.”
"Cash Ambulance! It's like Cash Cab but if they get 3 questions wrong, we turn off the ventilator."
"Cash Ambulance! It's like Cash Cab but if they get 3 questions wrong, we turn off the ventilator."
yes
"Aww, you were so cute!"
"Were?"
"I mean you still are, just in a different way. Like a 'I want to make out with you in a forest' kind of way, not little kid kind of way."
"my shirt is very fluffely"
"fluffely probably isn't a word but i agree nonetheless"