"I want to see you settle before I ascend to Heaven with the angels."
"And with Grandpa!"
"No. He is not there."This sounds like something that'd be in The Trail to Oregon-
it does-
hate to burst your bubble but this is literally from Gravity Falls
I know it wasn't from The Trail to Oregon, that was sort of the whole point of the joke.
i know, just thought i'd inform you
"Those ain't nipples."
"Where does Black Panther live?"
"Zimbabwe."
"Liberia."
"Pride Rock."
"i'll head to the dentist, let them floss my sugar tits"
"get sum titpaste and brush em all nice and shiny-"
That's so cursed.
“I challenge you to a Pringle molestation contest, the person with the most cases filed against them wins!”
"Harry Potter and the year he couldn't leave the dursleys because COVID"
"Harry Potter and the year he couldn't leave the dursleys because COVID"
Big mood though
"Mommy, where do clams come from?"
"People think we're dating, but we're not."
"Exactly!"
"Yet."
bike crashes
"Your cat really scratched you!"
"Oh, these are from when I dove into a bush."
"You're dumber than I thought."
"I don't know, I've never been white before!"
"No"
"What?"
"Another coke watermelon-"
"This man won't stop drilling watermelons!"
“I vaporized my assets.”
“All in favor of giving Enoby crocs?”
“Showering is such a cringe normie thing to do. Real chads lick themselves clean”
“You know when cats lick their butthole then try to kiss you goodnight? That, but it’s just a really buff dude”
"So either I'm a soulless demon sent by Satan to turn you evil or you're wrong."
(As an older sibling who’s fought with younger siblings, I felt that.)
sigh
"how many girl's pisses have you drank?"
"I wish I could just cut you open and point and be like, 'Yes! Move that!' You would die, but it would be fun!"
(Surgery)
((Choir))
"in between where two legs meet up? there's one butt. spiders have 8 legs, thus 7 places where they meet. conclusion: spiders are dummy thicc"
Imagine you're fighting with Joe Biden and you say you'll steal his kneecaps but he just shouts "jokes on you I have five extra knees" and then boss music starts playing
"My story: pregnant at 9."
"My story: pregnant at 9."
Youtube be like
"in between where two legs meet up? there's one butt. spiders have 8 legs, thus 7 places where they meet. conclusion: spiders are dummy thicc"
"Holy shit, you're right."
"This is the same girl who showed up and stole a van to go to a bar. So why are they surprised??"