forum (OPEN AGAIN!!!!) I'm in the mood to critique people's characters! Drop them off if you want :)

Started July 18, 2019 by @Kaloobia

tune

@WriteOutofTime You're very welcome, as always :)

@AloeVera Don't apologize for writing a lot, I'm a big fan of detailed description and quite a rambler myself :) I'm happy to take a stab!

I'm in tears this is such a helpful critique,,,,I had been struggling to work on/develop Jean a lot bc i took him out of critiques after people inflated my ego about him and this,,,,,this is just SO helpful thank u. I would like 2 specify a few responses be4 i get started on editing my boi

• I took 8 hours a week of Philosophy in my last year of high school and I'm SO HAPPY that I know exactly what you're talking about in his Motivations :D I'm definitely getting the sense that there's bit of aimlessness to Jean and, along with his Mannerisms, he's not far from turning into a simple tool (as an assassin is wont to do) and losing his humanity. Very curious to delve deeper into that.

I took 4 years of worldview studies and a lot of it focused on philosophy so of course I was like ":) I wonder:) what:) my OC's:) philosophies:) are:)" but ur the first to mention his philosophy so yES! gracias

• "Since Jean was manipulated by his family, and only had one friend who hung out at Jean's house, Jean barely left his own house despite having one of his own, which his family helped him financially, but only used this so that Jean would depend on his family." This is a little wonky, and I don't really understand what you're trying to say.

I have a tendency 2 write like i talk so i big apologize for that LMAO i'll fix it up

• ooooohhhh I like how you set up for the start of the story, I'm actually intrigued.

OwO thank u i had to stop myself from just writing the story itself

• Now I don't know a thing about poetry and am not very big on it, but I really like the one you included.

Thank u! Nothing crazy happens in my life so I have to write about my character's trauma as a beginner poet

• (There are a lot of songs in his playlist that I ADORE and a bunch more that I'm curious to listen to, so don't mind me favoriting it for listening to later)

I listen 2 his playlist more often than i care to admit (also! I've organized his playlist so if u start with the song at the top and don't shuffle, it goes in order of his story!)

• His moodboard is BEAUTIFUL and also wow organized??? Great stuff, might come back to it and pin some stuff myself haha, sorry if it seems like I'm stalking you in the near future.

I'm a slut for aesthetics

• "Healthy Decisions (Failed)" STOP IT OMG

LMAAOO IF I HAD TO PICK A FAVORITE PART OF HIS PROFILE THIS IS IT

You weren't kidding when you implied a LOT haha, but God I loved it. What a wild ride. I have very few characters myself that are so inherently ambiguous as Jean and I'm living for it. You've clearly worked on him so much and there's so much detail and I really adore it. I hope some of my comments were helpful to you, and thank you for the music and pinterest photos that I will definitely refer back to haha :)

but yes again thank u so very much u have no idea how much i appreciate this critique! It's helped point me where I should add/elaborate and some contradictions Jean has! Funny enough he actually used to be a completely different character; i ended up trashing his old story and trying to mess around with him, but considering he didn't really have a personality or a story, i struggled. Then I thought, 'hey, this mysterious kinda thing he's got going on actually works' and built him off that. (And then my friend and I started an RP to help me develop him more and then we created our new obsession……so many AUs,,,,,,) but I'm really proud of his as a character because a lot of people that have critiqued him say they don't know why they love him so much considering how much of a dick he is LMAO

Jesus Christ I rambled so much u don't have to read all that just

thank u big lot

@AloeVera Haha thank you for your response, you're absolutely welcome and I'm always so happy to hear that I might have said/asked something helpful. I can see that he's come a long way so, good luck continuing his journey :)

you are big welcome

Hi. I believe I'm a little late with this, but could you critique my character Marie ?

Hi, I hope I'm not too late, but could somebody give me their opinion on Markus?

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster HI THANKS FOR WAITING HERE WE GO
Matthew:

• Be a bit more specific than "Ectomorph" in Body Type: some people won't know what that means, and won't have the patience to look it up. Does he have wide shoulders? Lean and long, but is he bony or soft?
• You don't mention weight. I'd suggest mentioning weight haha, it can really help in visualization.
• Specific shade of blond? any identifying marks? I can't really see him in my mind, does he tan or burn easily? Does he have freckles, or beauty marks or scars? Is he always seen with a specific article of clothing? Ears pierced, other body parts pierced? Tattoos????
• "and his looks and down to earth and compassionate personality[…] " …. you sort of drift off there haha, do you mean these latter traits make him popular with classmates as well?
• I'd love to see his Weaknesses developed some more, especially since you dub him a popular and well-liked guy: when do these flaws surface? What is he vengeful about? Is he overprotective of his friends because he doesn't think they can stand up for themselves, or because he feels the need to carry others' safety and responsibility on his shoulders? You mention a Hero Complex in his Overview tab, and I'm curious to see that play into his weaknesses. He is a control freak, is that coming from a good place or is there a selfishness there that he doesn't like to explore? Secrecy can also count as a flaw, even if it's for the sake of survival: is he prone to dishonesty beyond hiding his condition? I'm also curious how his popularity clashes with his need to protect the underdog, because you've clearly established that this school has a LOT of bullies, who turn on those who don't agree with them like sharks: how has Matthew remained unscathed?
• Some more Quirks/Mannerisms would be good too: does he walk a certain way, smile a certain way, only smile at certain people? Is his voice or way of speaking distinctive? Is there a charm to him that makes people swoon, perhaps as a distraction?
• You could also specify his Talents, because both intelligence and strength come in different forms: high IQ or clever or street smart? Physically strong or mentally, able to to preserve and persevere?
• In Favorite Weapons, "Class's" I don't understand what this means?
• Wow everyone's,,,,,, really in love with Sophie haha
• "but at he had his parents and a handful of friends when his loving parents divorced and he got his leg sprained by his former friend, he was able to keep in touch with his father, but while that was nice, his mother let herself go, not going to work or cleaning the house until a year later when his mother remarried" ALL OF THIS is a little jumbled, not to mention a run on, and some connections are seemingly made that don't make any sense to me.
• "gives him a mission, take down 5 deadly spirits when he turns 18, due to that he started training in order to prepare" Is this,,,, in order to heal him?? Or is he part of some prophecy now? Also, where's his mom in all of this, after his stepdad got arrested? Why did she start neglecting him in the first place, just because her new husband was doing it? Wasn't Matthew there first? Lastly, when did he suddenly become popular, and how did his personality change so drastically from who he used to be?
• He believes in Karma: in this case, does he let "destiny" give punishment to those who have wronged, or does he take on the role of Karma and distribute his own justice? How does this play into his need to protect his loved ones?

Matthew's profile is a little scrambled haha, but he has good elements and a good foundation. He could simply use some development here and there. Thanks again for you patience, and good luck!

@voidphobia Hey I'm happy to look! Thanks for waiting :) (Also thank you @Kinarymo for helping them with with the private/public switch ^^)
Willow:

• Her Looks section is so good!! I don't even have any critique here, I love her look and you're very detailed with it.
• Very good start in Flaws, I'd love to see a more detailed connection between her emotional constipation and the loss of her mother, because that definitely had an impact, whether Willow is aware of it or not (especially if she remembers her mom at all, and already established a conscious connection with her before the mother died(?)).
• "this mostly backfires on itself and only makes situations worse for her and the ones around her." Detail on why her distrust "backfires" on her, as this is a strong word choice: does it make it very difficult for her to work in a team with others, to the point of compromising the end goal? Along the same lines, does she trust absolutely no one except herself? Is she so stubborn that she can't put aside her own defenses for the sake of a common goal? (You hint at this with the last sentence but I think it warrants elaboration.) How long does it take for her to trust someone? And what does it take to gain her trust?
• I find it interesting that her Prejudices aren't her's haha, rather what people think of her. This type of reaction from others can definitely cause a social isolation, as well as a lack of faith and distrust of others around her. But does she have any inherent dislike of certain people/things, based in a misconception or a single bad experience?
• Great Talents and Hobbies. It all really reflects how withdrawn she is, I think.
• You say "deceptive" in neutral traits: I didn't get the sense of this while reading her profile, and am curious how this isn't a negative trait, as dishonesty and manipulation tend to be? I also don't quite understand what you mean by "earthy", but as these are your notes I don't think it's a big deal :)
• Although it's all listings, I really like the positive to negative traits ratio haha, I LOVE a flawed character. These are just notes of course, and she is a work in progress, but like with "deceptive", I didn't at all get the vibe of "insecure" or "fearful" while reading her profile. It might help to introduce these traits earlier in the profile, subtly, or else really delve deep into explaining it when you do properly write out her Personality Type section.
• Overall very good Nature section, despite being a WIP!
• Good Social too.
• Not much I can critique about History because you haven't written it yet haha.
• I love her Gallery :)

You've clearly put a lot of thought into Willow, and your descriptions are really indepth fort he sections that have been filled out. I'd love to take another look at her when you've written her Personality Type and History! I hope this was helpful, and good luck! :)

@nat
Addox:

• Is the weight in pounds? ;)
• Otherwise good Looks! I'm curious what animal(s) his mix of traits are based off of.
• Alright, first thing in Nature: the very last thing you mention haha, is that he is constantly stressed, but covers it up. He must be very good at covering it up, because it jumped out at me out of nowhere, not to mention you don't really elaborate on it. Something like that could be tied in to an anxiety disorder, especially put simply like that. Whether or not it is, it warrants an explanation: why is he so stressed, and why does he feel the need to cover it up? Also, does his silly and touchy side have anything to do with it? Is that his way of coping, or perhaps a way of distracting others and/or himself from his stress?
• How does he make people happy? How does he cheer them up, if he's so good at it?
• I would definitely add more Mannerisms, though you have a good start! Does he have any other ways of acting that could maybe be attributed to perhaps his animalistic side? Is the fidgeting one of them? Do his ears twitch? Does his tail swish around when he's in a certain mood? Do his wings flutter ever without him meaning to? Other things to consider: does he have a certain gait? A certain accent, or way of speaking, intonation to his voice, a lisp or a stutter perhaps? Is his face very expressive? Etc.
• He has a very selfless motivation: does he maybe have something that's more selfish, more for his own self-interest, that drives him? It can something small, but it would add a humaneness to him: very few people live only for others and not for themselves.
• Good start in Flaws, but these also could be elaborated: does he give everyone the benefit of the doubt because he believes there is good in everyone? Or is this in hopes of avoiding conflict? Does he hope interaction will go more smoothly if he trusts the other person and shows them his more genuine side immediately? Does he want to make friends quickly, or does he want to provide support for everyone, even those who aren't kind to him right away?
  Why does he doubt himself? This could be tied in with his internalized stress. Is he afraid that his inherent trust of everyone makes shallow connections that perhaps might not matter when he needs them most? (A rational fear.) Is he doubt seeded in something deeper, perhaps a self-loathing that he may not even be conscious of?
  What's his over-protection based in? Does he believe Charlie can't fend for himself, or does he have something of a hero complex, feeling the need to take responsibility for the safety of his loved ones?
  Some other flaws could also be mentioned, like the fact that he can perhaps be too loud, or not serious enough when he needs to be (you mention he likes annoying his sister, not a great trait haha).
• Some more Hobbies would also be good, as well as explaining why he doesn't like to show his dancing (does he think he's bad at it??)
• The Social tab is,, a little empty? If I may say. Try filling it out a bit more, just the bare minimum, and you can always return to it and develop more!
• Good background, and it actually sheds more light on the fact that Addox is probably lonely as hell, which is worth mentioning I think. There's a naivety there as well, which could be named and elaborated.
• I'd also be more specific in Education, which you sort of do in Background but still. "High" means different things to different people.
• HIS! NOTES! ARE! GOOD! AND SHOULD BE SQUEEZED INTO NATURE BECAUSE THEY GIVE A LOT OF INSIGHT YO!!!!

Addox doesn't feel very real to me yet, but with some tweaking and some added detail, he could be much more solid. He has a good foundation, clearly the sort of character one sympathizes with. I hope this was helpful!

@Destinee
You're never too late, don't worry! Sorry you had to wait haha
Marie:

• What a lovely gallery!! She's so cute!
• Love her appearance, she's my TYPE gosh <3 Great details.
• Wonderful Mannerisms as well. Her Motivation is a little vague though, and I'm curious what specifically propels her forward in the story?
• In many ways she goes against the stereotype of "sheltered rich girl", while still retaining some obvious traits that are due to her upbringing. This is done very well!
• "Marie doesn’t really care for others who don’t take responsibility or are just bullies. She doesn’t really give them the time of day." This could go in Prejudices! And it raises the question, does she have bad personal experience with these sorts of people?
• This may be a silly question to ask, but is she more of a feeler/"Talker", or a listener/receiver? She's empathetic, but is she more in tune with her own feelings or those of others? She's kind and caring, but does her affection smother her loved ones sometimes, because instead of really listening to them or helping to fix the problem she's simply coddling them? Moral support is very important, but is that all she can provide?
• How does she deal with these bouts of loneliness? You mention she tries to "get over" (so to speak) her depressive lows on her own, not wanting to trouble anyone; but the solution to loneliness is socialization, and is this enough? Or is her loneliness something deeper, the kind you feel when you're in a room full of people but feel like no one understands you or supports you or wants you? If so, is it founded in anything perhaps?
• Does she ever feel insecure? If so, what about?
• Just,, I really love Marie, and her Nature tab is very detailed :)
• "Marie tends to not really keep up with politics. She finds it quite noisy and confusing" It could be worth mentioning that, due to her social class and privilege, she can afford to not care much about politics, because it doesn't affect her very much. This would also place her on the Conservative side, since she is not fighting for any particular change, since she herself is well-off and doing fine.
• "Marie and her mother would y’all about marriage" …. do you mean how they would "fantasize" or "speak" about marriage? ;)
• Good Background. Let me see if I've got this right: Marie is the product of Alfonse's infidelity, and is the first (or second?) incident of this, with Agatha treating her and her older twin siblings with some resentment. Alfonse finally gets divorced and has Silas with a third woman. Marie is Silas' favorite. It's a little bit confusing, but that tends to be the case with big families (and several parents haha). Was Agatha ever toxic/abusive towards Marie? And does Marie harbor her own resentment for being treated differently by her step mother? Or does she understand and sympathize with her? Is Marie loyal to her father 100%, or does she criticize (internally or externally) his infidelity, perhaps harboring some misplaced guilt for being the product of such an affair? Also what happened to her biological mother?
• OH AGATHA IS THE OLDEST (?) SIBLING NEVERMIND HAHA, but I guess all my questions still stand, has Agatha and Marie's relationship improved at all over the years?
• How ironic that a mute character would have a pet parrot :) I live for it.
• Ooh a lot of interesting info in Notes, that could be moved to Nature and elaborated! Her being a mediator for example: does she ever get tired of conflict because of her role in it? Does she try to prevent it, or move the issue to a later date? How does she deal with conflict in general?

Marie is so so cool and cute and agh, wonderful <3 I really like her, and there's a lot of details to her that make her feel genuine and real to me :) Most of my questions are nitpicks at this point haha. I hope this proved helpful regardless, and thank you for sending her in!

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster HI THANKS FOR WAITING HERE WE GO
Matthew:

• Be a bit more specific than "Ectomorph" in Body Type: some people won't know what that means, and won't have the patience to look it up. Does he have wide shoulders? Lean and long, but is he bony or soft?
• You don't mention weight. I'd suggest mentioning weight haha, it can really help in visualization.
• Specific shade of blond? any identifying marks? I can't really see him in my mind, does he tan or burn easily? Does he have freckles, or beauty marks or scars? Is he always seen with a specific article of clothing? Ears pierced, other body parts pierced? Tattoos????
• "and his looks and down to earth and compassionate personality[…] " …. you sort of drift off there haha, do you mean these latter traits make him popular with classmates as well?
• I'd love to see his Weaknesses developed some more, especially since you dub him a popular and well-liked guy: when do these flaws surface? What is he vengeful about? Is he overprotective of his friends because he doesn't think they can stand up for themselves, or because he feels the need to carry others' safety and responsibility on his shoulders? You mention a Hero Complex in his Overview tab, and I'm curious to see that play into his weaknesses. He is a control freak, is that coming from a good place or is there a selfishness there that he doesn't like to explore? Secrecy can also count as a flaw, even if it's for the sake of survival: is he prone to dishonesty beyond hiding his condition? I'm also curious how his popularity clashes with his need to protect the underdog, because you've clearly established that this school has a LOT of bullies, who turn on those who don't agree with them like sharks: how has Matthew remained unscathed?
• Some more Quirks/Mannerisms would be good too: does he walk a certain way, smile a certain way, only smile at certain people? Is his voice or way of speaking distinctive? Is there a charm to him that makes people swoon, perhaps as a distraction?
• You could also specify his Talents, because both intelligence and strength come in different forms: high IQ or clever or street smart? Physically strong or mentally, able to to preserve and persevere?
• In Favorite Weapons, "Class's" I don't understand what this means?
• Wow everyone's,,,,,, really in love with Sophie haha
• "but at he had his parents and a handful of friends when his loving parents divorced and he got his leg sprained by his former friend, he was able to keep in touch with his father, but while that was nice, his mother let herself go, not going to work or cleaning the house until a year later when his mother remarried" ALL OF THIS is a little jumbled, not to mention a run on, and some connections are seemingly made that don't make any sense to me.
• "gives him a mission, take down 5 deadly spirits when he turns 18, due to that he started training in order to prepare" Is this,,,, in order to heal him?? Or is he part of some prophecy now? Also, where's his mom in all of this, after his stepdad got arrested? Why did she start neglecting him in the first place, just because her new husband was doing it? Wasn't Matthew there first? Lastly, when did he suddenly become popular, and how did his personality change so drastically from who he used to be?
• He believes in Karma: in this case, does he let "destiny" give punishment to those who have wronged, or does he take on the role of Karma and distribute his own justice? How does this play into his need to protect his loved ones?

Matthew's profile is a little scrambled haha, but he has good elements and a good foundation. He could simply use some development here and there. Thanks again for you patience, and good luck!

and his looks and down to earth and compassionate personality[…] " …. you sort of drift off there haha, do you mean these latter traits make him popular with classmates as well? Yeah I forget to write that in

When do these flaws surface? When he's pushed too far, like when someone take advantage of his kindness or hurting his friends
What is he vengeful about? His stepfather ignoring and isolating him, attacking him and leaving his mother depressed

Is he overprotective of his friends because he doesn't think they can stand up for themselves, or because he feels the need to carry others' safety and responsibility on his shoulders? A mixture of both, his best friend is usually bullied and pressured into doing work and sees him too much of pushover to defend himself also supernatural beings targeting his friends and stuff
You mention a Hero Complex in his Overview tab, and I'm curious to see that play into his weaknesses. He is a control freak, is that coming from a good place or is there a selfishness there that he doesn't like to explore? I guess it comes from a place of caring and perfectionism

Secrecy can also count as a flaw, even if it's for the sake of survival: is he prone to dishonesty beyond hiding his condition? He mostly hide his condition and also wants to just seen a perfect guy

I'm also curious how his popularity clashes with his need to protect the underdog, because you've clearly established that this school has a LOT of bullies, who turn on those who don't agree with them like sharks: how has Matthew remained unscathed? He tends to be on good terms with the teachers and apparently has no dirty laundry for the bullies to attack, also since he is part of the disciplinary community and could easily get Elijah (main bully) and his gang expelled

In Favorite Weapons, "Class's" I don't understand what this means? I probably misspelled Claws

He believes in Karma: in this case, does he let "destiny" give punishment to those who have wronged, or does he take on the role of Karma and distribute his own justice? How does this play into his need to protect his loved ones? Actually the karma part was something I just left in, I guess I could incorporate it into Matthew's character

but at he had his parents and a handful of friends when his loving parents divorced and he got his leg sprained by his former friend, he was able to keep in touch with his father, but while that was nice, his mother let herself go, not going to work or cleaning the house until a year later when his mother remarried" ALL OF THIS is a little jumbled, not to mention a run on, and some connections are seemingly made that don't make any sense to me. I guess I put that in to establish a connection with the three side characters, the part about him getting his leg sprained was based on the zodiac race, since his symbol is the cat zodiac, I could've just left the part about his dad in the notes tbh.

"gives him a mission, take down 5 deadly spirits when he turns 18, due to that he started training in order to prepare" Is this,,,, in order to heal him?? Or is he part of some prophecy now? Also, where's his mom in all of this, after his stepdad got arrested? I thinks was most likely due his mother wishing to heal him, I was generally planning to rewrite that part tbh

Why did she start neglecting him in the first place, just because her new husband was doing it? His stepfather tried to cut off contact between them due to jealousy
Wasn't Matthew there first? That was the main reason his stepfather targeted him in the first place

Lastly, when did he suddenly become popular, and how did his personality change so drastically from who he used to be? In high school, due endless exercise and training, and generally having to take care of everyone molded him into the person he today

Well since that all done, here's the last character

Ok so it’s 5 am where I am, I’m operating on zero hours of sleep, and I’m on a lot of pain medication, but I felt like making my first character on this platform and I’m always open to critique! Any ideas, suggestions, or ways to improve/expand are always welcome! Have a good night! Or, morning, I guess!

Please keep in mind these are notes and in no way reflect the depths of this character. I mean, I haven’t even thought of a last name.

@voidphobia Hey I'm happy to look! Thanks for waiting :) (Also thank you @Kinarymo for helping them with with the private/public switch ^^)
Willow:

• Her Looks section is so good!! I don't even have any critique here, I love her look and you're very detailed with it.
• Very good start in Flaws, I'd love to see a more detailed connection between her emotional constipation and the loss of her mother, because that definitely had an impact, whether Willow is aware of it or not (especially if she remembers her mom at all, and already established a conscious connection with her before the mother died(?)).
• "this mostly backfires on itself and only makes situations worse for her and the ones around her." Detail on why her distrust "backfires" on her, as this is a strong word choice: does it make it very difficult for her to work in a team with others, to the point of compromising the end goal? Along the same lines, does she trust absolutely no one except herself? Is she so stubborn that she can't put aside her own defenses for the sake of a common goal? (You hint at this with the last sentence but I think it warrants elaboration.) How long does it take for her to trust someone? And what does it take to gain her trust?
• I find it interesting that her Prejudices aren't her's haha, rather what people think of her. This type of reaction from others can definitely cause a social isolation, as well as a lack of faith and distrust of others around her. But does she have any inherent dislike of certain people/things, based in a misconception or a single bad experience?
• Great Talents and Hobbies. It all really reflects how withdrawn she is, I think.
• You say "deceptive" in neutral traits: I didn't get the sense of this while reading her profile, and am curious how this isn't a negative trait, as dishonesty and manipulation tend to be? I also don't quite understand what you mean by "earthy", but as these are your notes I don't think it's a big deal :)
• Although it's all listings, I really like the positive to negative traits ratio haha, I LOVE a flawed character. These are just notes of course, and she is a work in progress, but like with "deceptive", I didn't at all get the vibe of "insecure" or "fearful" while reading her profile. It might help to introduce these traits earlier in the profile, subtly, or else really delve deep into explaining it when you do properly write out her Personality Type section.
• Overall very good Nature section, despite being a WIP!
• Good Social too.
• Not much I can critique about History because you haven't written it yet haha.
• I love her Gallery :)

You've clearly put a lot of thought into Willow, and your descriptions are really indepth fort he sections that have been filled out. I'd love to take another look at her when you've written her Personality Type and History! I hope this was helpful, and good luck! :)

ah, thank you so much for this lovely review!! :)
i'm totally going to take ur notes into consideration and i hope to present a more finished piece in the future! as for the prejudices, i honestly just misunderstood what it meant during the creation process and took it the wrong way around ^^" i haven't had a lot of time to write (especially with school being so close for me aaa) but i plan on adding a lot more to willow, as well as putting down a few of her friends from my story. once again, thank u for taking ur time to critique her!! this was a blast to read and instantly got me all inspired.

@Destinee
You're never too late, don't worry! Sorry you had to wait haha
Marie:

• What a lovely gallery!! She's so cute!
• Love her appearance, she's my TYPE gosh <3 Great details.
• Wonderful Mannerisms as well. Her Motivation is a little vague though, and I'm curious what specifically propels her forward in the story?
• In many ways she goes against the stereotype of "sheltered rich girl", while still retaining some obvious traits that are due to her upbringing. This is done very well!
• "Marie doesn’t really care for others who don’t take responsibility or are just bullies. She doesn’t really give them the time of day." This could go in Prejudices! And it raises the question, does she have bad personal experience with these sorts of people?
• This may be a silly question to ask, but is she more of a feeler/"Talker", or a listener/receiver? She's empathetic, but is she more in tune with her own feelings or those of others? She's kind and caring, but does her affection smother her loved ones sometimes, because instead of really listening to them or helping to fix the problem she's simply coddling them? Moral support is very important, but is that all she can provide?
• How does she deal with these bouts of loneliness? You mention she tries to "get over" (so to speak) her depressive lows on her own, not wanting to trouble anyone; but the solution to loneliness is socialization, and is this enough? Or is her loneliness something deeper, the kind you feel when you're in a room full of people but feel like no one understands you or supports you or wants you? If so, is it founded in anything perhaps?
• Does she ever feel insecure? If so, what about?
• Just,, I really love Marie, and her Nature tab is very detailed :)
• "Marie tends to not really keep up with politics. She finds it quite noisy and confusing" It could be worth mentioning that, due to her social class and privilege, she can afford to not care much about politics, because it doesn't affect her very much. This would also place her on the Conservative side, since she is not fighting for any particular change, since she herself is well-off and doing fine.
• "Marie and her mother would y’all about marriage" …. do you mean how they would "fantasize" or "speak" about marriage? ;)
• Good Background. Let me see if I've got this right: Marie is the product of Alfonse's infidelity, and is the first (or second?) incident of this, with Agatha treating her and her older twin siblings with some resentment. Alfonse finally gets divorced and has Silas with a third woman. Marie is Silas' favorite. It's a little bit confusing, but that tends to be the case with big families (and several parents haha). Was Agatha ever toxic/abusive towards Marie? And does Marie harbor her own resentment for being treated differently by her step mother? Or does she understand and sympathize with her? Is Marie loyal to her father 100%, or does she criticize (internally or externally) his infidelity, perhaps harboring some misplaced guilt for being the product of such an affair? Also what happened to her biological mother?
• OH AGATHA IS THE OLDEST (?) SIBLING NEVERMIND HAHA, but I guess all my questions still stand, has Agatha and Marie's relationship improved at all over the years?
• How ironic that a mute character would have a pet parrot :) I live for it.
• Ooh a lot of interesting info in Notes, that could be moved to Nature and elaborated! Her being a mediator for example: does she ever get tired of conflict because of her role in it? Does she try to prevent it, or move the issue to a later date? How does she deal with conflict in general?

Marie is so so cool and cute and agh, wonderful <3 I really like her, and there's a lot of details to her that make her feel genuine and real to me :) Most of my questions are nitpicks at this point haha. I hope this proved helpful regardless, and thank you for sending her in!

YOU ARE HONESTLY THE BEST ! GOD I REALLY LIKED HOW YOU REALLY WENT IN AND NITPICKED BC I AM THE SAME WAY !
It really opened up some things about Marie that i should’ve thought about but completely missed.
ALSO IM SUPER ECSTATIC THAT YOU LIKE HER I MADE SO MANY UGLY NOISES it was ridiculous u___u BUT HONESTLY THATS SO MUCH , I WAS WORRIED THAT SHE WOULD APPEAR TOO NICE OR PERFECT BC OF HER LACK OF NEGATIVE TRAITS ( i feel like she lacks negative traits but nothing too crazy yk bc i still want her to be seen as someone genuinely like an angel but with issues of her own )
ANYWAY YOU GOT THE BACKGROUND RIGHT AND HONESTLY IT MADE MORE SENSE IN MY HEAD im so sorry i pit you through that
Again, thank you so, so, so, so, so, so much , i’ll definitely think on your opinions and apply them soon
Hopefully i can send you another character in the future
As for you, i hope work and life doesn't stress you out too much. Thanks again!

@nat
Addox:

• Is the weight in pounds? ;)
• Otherwise good Looks! I'm curious what animal(s) his mix of traits are based off of.
• Alright, first thing in Nature: the very last thing you mention haha, is that he is constantly stressed, but covers it up. He must be very good at covering it up, because it jumped out at me out of nowhere, not to mention you don't really elaborate on it. Something like that could be tied in to an anxiety disorder, especially put simply like that. Whether or not it is, it warrants an explanation: why is he so stressed, and why does he feel the need to cover it up? Also, does his silly and touchy side have anything to do with it? Is that his way of coping, or perhaps a way of distracting others and/or himself from his stress?
• How does he make people happy? How does he cheer them up, if he's so good at it?
• I would definitely add more Mannerisms, though you have a good start! Does he have any other ways of acting that could maybe be attributed to perhaps his animalistic side? Is the fidgeting one of them? Do his ears twitch? Does his tail swish around when he's in a certain mood? Do his wings flutter ever without him meaning to? Other things to consider: does he have a certain gait? A certain accent, or way of speaking, intonation to his voice, a lisp or a stutter perhaps? Is his face very expressive? Etc.
• He has a very selfless motivation: does he maybe have something that's more selfish, more for his own self-interest, that drives him? It can something small, but it would add a humaneness to him: very few people live only for others and not for themselves.
• Good start in Flaws, but these also could be elaborated: does he give everyone the benefit of the doubt because he believes there is good in everyone? Or is this in hopes of avoiding conflict? Does he hope interaction will go more smoothly if he trusts the other person and shows them his more genuine side immediately? Does he want to make friends quickly, or does he want to provide support for everyone, even those who aren't kind to him right away?
  Why does he doubt himself? This could be tied in with his internalized stress. Is he afraid that his inherent trust of everyone makes shallow connections that perhaps might not matter when he needs them most? (A rational fear.) Is he doubt seeded in something deeper, perhaps a self-loathing that he may not even be conscious of?
  What's his over-protection based in? Does he believe Charlie can't fend for himself, or does he have something of a hero complex, feeling the need to take responsibility for the safety of his loved ones?
  Some other flaws could also be mentioned, like the fact that he can perhaps be too loud, or not serious enough when he needs to be (you mention he likes annoying his sister, not a great trait haha).
• Some more Hobbies would also be good, as well as explaining why he doesn't like to show his dancing (does he think he's bad at it??)
• The Social tab is,, a little empty? If I may say. Try filling it out a bit more, just the bare minimum, and you can always return to it and develop more!
• Good background, and it actually sheds more light on the fact that Addox is probably lonely as hell, which is worth mentioning I think. There's a naivety there as well, which could be named and elaborated.
• I'd also be more specific in Education, which you sort of do in Background but still. "High" means different things to different people.
• HIS! NOTES! ARE! GOOD! AND SHOULD BE SQUEEZED INTO NATURE BECAUSE THEY GIVE A LOT OF INSIGHT YO!!!!

Addox doesn't feel very real to me yet, but with some tweaking and some added detail, he could be much more solid. He has a good foundation, clearly the sort of character one sympathizes with. I hope this was helpful!

Thank you so much for the insight!

I've finally completed his profile!
Be in no rush to complete your analysis as I can see there was a bit of a queue before. Really wanted to finish this just so you could look at it (I'm THAT addicted haha)
Love your criticism and look forward to hearing from you xXX

@voidphobia
I'm so glad I could help! :) You're super welcome, and have fun writing!

@Destinee
Haha thank you for your enthusiastic reply!! :) I'm very happy I said some pertinent things. And as for Marie "lacking" negative traits: there are things like her sheltered upbringing, and her naivety, that could in fact get her into some tense situations, and the key here is to not just sweep her mistakes under the rug: have her take responsibility for them, or have other characters acknowledge it and perhaps look at Marie different for a while, or something: the real danger of characters coming off as "too perfect" or as Mary Sues is when they seem to never do anything wrong or, when they do, they can easily get away with it, and that's what grates on a reader's nerves.
Sorry for the rambling AGAIN haha, but I felt like just putting that out there because you have such a good character who, you're right, could fall into the trap of Mary Sue if you're not careful. ANYWAY, I'd love for you send in another character! And I'm always stressed haha, but thank you, you're very sweet, and good luck with your editing! ^^

@nat You're super welcome!

@Torpion Hey sorry for the wait!
Markus:

• oOf, he's tall! :o Great Looks section!
• (Thank you for the explanation in Motivations, it's quite helpful ^^) Very good Mannerisms, but I think you could add more! Does he have a particular way of speaking, a tone or an accent or a specific vocabulary? Does he have any other ticks, for when he's lying for example? Why does he stare at people: because he's focused, because he's trying to intimidate them, because he's trying to convey something else entirely?
• Very good and concise Flaws. Is it the inexperience of youngsters that cuts his fuse short? Is he perhaps more civil with people who have been working or in his unit as long as he has, or have seniority over him? And in this case does he ever try control his temper, especially with someone of higher rank? Is there anybody he respects, besides this bigger picture community/country that he's fighting for?
• Nothing to say on Talents and Hobbies, good job here
• "train new soldiers at the Southern Genocastra Base." AH, he must NOT have been very happy about that. Is he very bitter that he's been sent to handle new recruits and those with less experience, when he was (probably) very comfortable serving directly under the Chairman? Is Markus the type to take out his anger on the nearest, most convenient target? Does he project a lot, does he gaslight, does he ignore his own issues in favor establishing authority/dominance? He has an angry streak, but how is he at dealing with his other emotions, at being vulnerable with himself? Or has this tendency been completely trained out of him? Finally, what's his moral compass like? How far is too far when it comes to getting what you want, according to him? Is he manipulative ever, or is he brutally honest to a fault no matter what?
• All that being said haha, he's got a solid Nature section!
• Ooh, love the world-building in Politics!! And it all makes complete sense and seems realistic to me?? Not a good things haha, but again, thanks for the notes. They add a good deal.
• I'll be honest, I half-expected him to have some really tragic backstory from the way he acts hahaaaa, but it also makes sense that he's just the product of war and conflict. Also him being raised into this type of lifestyle explains a lot as well.
• Oh, he's a HARDCORE Aries if you ask me ;)
• Him meeting his mother only once is,,,,heartbreaking. Why only once? If he's so high ranking (let alone if their BOTH high ranking) shouldn't he be able to request some, like, bonding time with his mum? Or is intimacy/affection frowned upon in the GEU, because it softens soldiers? It also makes me curious about, well, Markus' HEART, and his ability to love, to care for others. There's a certain tragedy to him being apart from his parents and raised as a sort of war machine, but I can't be sure about this from what you've written. Has he ever loved? Has he ever been IN love?? Also where's Dad?
• I love the Ducklips memory, it's cute :) And it adds a certain humanity to Markus, that he can be annoyed at a CAT haha.
• I have a couple final things: You talk profusely about Markus' professional life and his career and his abilities, but, how is he on a more personal and safe and non-threatening level? What's he like around these "friends" that you mention in Random Facts? How does he keep friends with his frankly foul and insensitive personality?

A solid character, Markus could just use a few more details here and there, some development in certain minor aspects. Not necessary because I see that he's a side character, but nevertheless, maybe providing some insight that makes the reader sympathize more with him (against their will haha) would be helpful.
I hope this proves useful to you, and good luck!

I love these reviews, they're so detailed and thorough, and so fun to read! If you don't mind, I would love if you took a crack at Val. I'm working on developing her and would love some feedback. Thank you so much xx Valerie Graves-Okada

Henlo o/
I'm back q3q Srry for being absent for so long, i really didn't have what else to post and the one i did want to post is still severely incomplete and old (sadly, i dont know how to fix it yet :">)
So for now i can only ask for a critique of this bab
No art for them yet sadly, but i hope i can make smth soon :">

Edit: I managed to draw this bab * v * Hope you like it :"D

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster
Jax:

• (I took the liberty of checking his Family tab and! sure enough! he's another Sophie love interest haha ^^)
• HOLYYY SHIT HE'S TALL!! :O :O Good detail in Body Type, but lacking in Hair Style (as well as absence of Identifying Marks and Weight). Do you mean that he has a messy-ness to his hair, like a mullet that sticks up? what's his bang situation? Spiky naturally, like a cat's fur standing on end, or in a hair-product kinda way?
• "due to his lack of emotionless" I get the total opposite here: he clear doesn't lack emotions, and if you mean that he's simply not very emotive then write that, or replace with a "seeming lack of emotions". You mention he has friends, why do these people continue to associate with him if he only shows his softer side to his mother, and to them probably comes off like a jackass? Why does he associate with them, in particular, if he has major trust issues? Also, I'm curious if he truly doesn't notice how others are feeling, or if he chooses to ignore how others react to him? Especially because you mention that one of his Talents is reading people!
• I'm very curious about his possession, and if the Kitsune inside him fully controls him (and thus makes him how he is) or if it's a more peaceful cohabitation (which would also affect Jax, albeit in a different way).
• I'll admit it sort of hit me out of nowhere that he enjoys puns, he doesn't seem at all like the kinda guy who's big on humor, especially this kind of more "silly" form of humor. You may want to elaborate on this sillier part of him, maybe compare it to his snarkier side which seems to be his default with people he doesn't know well or want to be talking to.
• It'd be great to elaborate on things like "Vengeful", because it doesn't really jump out or explain itself in his profile. What's he vengeful about? Is he petty, or is goal-oriented in his revenge? How angry does he need to get, how strongly does he need to be wronged for something in him to just snap and for him to seek revenge? How does this affect him in a bad way, eating him out from the inside?
• What kind of shop worker is he, in Job? A nitpick, but it is rather vague.
• I know there's a lot of difficulty in explaining the behavior of an abuser, but why was his father emotionally abusive only to him, and physically abusive to Jax's other family members?
• "his mother took them to a theme park in the Hollowstile district but after that, his father reveals he has custody of his older brother" another nitpick, but why is the theme park relevant in this part, or worth mentioning?
• "They are highly but they usually" after highly you kinda […]. I think you forgot a word there buddy ^^
• the Voice Claim section offers a good set of details on his speech, good addition :)
• I'm curious how his Character Theme, Apathy, plays into all this: he doesn't seem like the apathetic type, just guarded, but obviously takes relationships and promises and stuff seriously?

Anyway, Jax looks good, but some things could be taken further or explained more clearly. As always I hope this was helpful, and good luck!

@KnifeCrow Well, it probably isn't 5 AM anymore haha, but thank you for your patience! Please keep in mind that I did specify in my introduction that I prefer to critique more developed characters, for the simple fact that when there's very little written, there's very little to critique: I can't read your mind after all, and no amount of "but he's really in-depth in my head!" can make up for the fact that as a reader of this character's profile, I do not have access to what isn't explicitly written. Regardless, I will try my best, and also welcome to the site! ^^
Leon:

• He looks super cute in his drawing :)
• You could be more detailed in Body Type; is he slim in a lean/skinny/no fat kinda way, or does he have some chub that's well-distributed? Does he have broad shoulders, slim hips, long legs in comparison to his torso, abs, muscles in his arms or legs, etc?
• Good Identifying Marks, and Looks section in general :)
• The Mannerisms you describe are his Personality :) Mannerisms are things like quirks, manner if speech, way of walking or carrying oneself, ticks and tells, just, small identifiers that really make an individual unique, their own person, you know? The things you wrote here can be great for beefing up his Personality Type section!
• Some people have fewer flaws than others, but, just "Clueless" isn't quite enough: you could start by explaining why this is a flaw, how this affects him negatively or gets him in trouble or is something he has to overcome to grow as a person/character. Being clueless, or naïve, could be a charming characteristic to some people, so why is it a Flaw? I also find the "solid presence" part interesting, could you explain that more clearly? In general I like to find connections between traits, connect quietness to shyness and shyness to pacifism and pacifism to a strong moral code and strong moral code to a strength that's very stable but more hidden, etc. But, that's for later in the creation process :)
• Ooh, he's capable of breaking bones!! That's an element that immediately adds another layer to Leon, an ability that he has but won't use, I assume, possibly because of a fear of hurting others, or something else??

You've got a good base for Leon, and I'd love to take another look at him once you've filled him up more! May I simply taking the elements you've already listed, and developing them with a sentence or two: don't be afraid to over-explain or over-analyze haha, it'll help you understand your own character better. I hope this was helpful, and good luck!