Good Looks section! It might help to add a weight for him, but that's optional.
Great detail in Personality! For Motivation, I would raise the point that it's dangerous to have a character's only motivation center around another person, to push their entire character into the role of Love Interest and nothing else; so, maybe develop a second Motivation for him.
What do you mean when you say "Cursed" in Conditions? Elaborate.
I find it a tiny bit contradictory that, for someone who wants so desperately to be loved, you describe Lucas as someone with few worries, gets into fights constantly (and enjoys it), comes off rude and selfish as a first impression. Are all of these traits defense mechanisms? perhaps to keep people who "aren't worth it" at a distance? In which case, who's his target "audience" haha, who's love is he desperate for? What type of people is he drawn to, and how long before he lets down his guard and becomes more "Warm" as you describe him?
Everything else in Nature looks good!
I'm actually curious, in his Likes you put "love", but who on earth doesn't like love? Who doesn't crave it on some basic level? This might be interesting to elaborate on, perhaps introduce an obsessiveness or fixation to him.
oooooh he has a spouse but likes Sophie :0 :0 :0
"This was all caused when his mother's ghost tried to steal his soul, His father resented him for that" why??? does his father resent him for something like that?????
In general his Background is a little confused, you leave certain sentences unfinished and there's a certain vagueness to a lot of it. Maybe go over it a few more times, try to be more specific in areas (4 people? who they???)
I find it a very good detail that, possibly because he was neglected by his father, Lucas has a tendency to date around, to seek affection that he missed out on during his childhood. I had to guess at this, and I think it'd be a great aspect to elaborate on and detail in his Nature section!
Overall a good character who just needs a little bit of polishing, and you should be good! I hope this was helpful :)
About the part when Lucas's mother ghost stealing part causing him father dislike him, I meant to put it as his mother dying from childbirth making his father resent him while his mother tried to rip his soul out of his body to take him to heaven with her, I guess I didn't word that properly
hooooh he's big!! And the entire Looks tab is very good :) However I notice you don't detail a Body Type, so I have a hard time visualizing him fully: is he heavy-set, big-boned, muscled, chubby? Wide shoulders? strong thighs or arms? long legs? It can be very helpful to specify.
I am VERY consfused by you putting "His matters are non-existent" for Mannerisms; I'm asking this in the least judgy way, are you maybe confused on the definition of Mannerisms? You seem to imply here he doesn't have a physical form for which Mannerisms would be necessary to depict, which is in complete opposition to your detail in his Looks and the fact that he's present enough to have a group of people who he interacts with and who interact with him and. Just, the sentence makes no sense unfortunately. Just in case, a mannerism is anything that your character does that can be categorized as a tick, a quirk, and it's a great way to personalize your character: how does he talk, soft or loud or with an accent or with a lisp? Does he swagger, or walk with a hunch, or does he tiptoe or dance everywhere? Is his face expressive, does he chew loudly, is he a chain-smoker?? So many things, great for small details!
Good list of flaws, I think it would help to actually explain each flaw, to solidify why it's a FLAW, especially for things like a high sex-drive (why is this bad? how might this get in the way of him developing as a person?). Is his self-hate founded in anything, and how is it expressed? Is he always over-emotional, or only about particular subjects? What triggers his possessiveness? Is he clingy only with loved ones, or does he get very quickly attached to anyone who shows him any basic kindness? It's good to elaborate!
"he has a bias against his boyfriend and his best friend. " Just me being a nitpick and a correct grammar freak, but I think you mean "has a bias FOR […]" because here it seems like he HATES his boyfriend and friends ;) And I don't think I would qualify pessimism as a Prejudice, that would go better in Flaws, unless you can find a way to explain how his pessimism might illogically or irrationally affect his judgement of things or people he knows very little about personally.
The reader might not know what Isaac's talents are, but the author should know Everything about their character, and that includes things they are GOOD at haha. Some Hobbies could qualify as Talents if Isaac has particularly good mastery over them, and some personality traits could even qualify as well, like a talent for manipulation or making the best out of situation (=resourcefulness).
Good start in Hobbies, though I would add one or two more; something as simple as "hanging out with friends" or "cuddling with boyfriend".
"He's a logical and overly-emotional," is directly contradictory, do you mean perhaps "illogical"? Also you bring up so many new flaws in his Personality section!! "unreliable" and "holds grudges" and "violent when angry". These could all be initially listed in Flaws, and you elaborate them decently in Personality too! It's good that you keep connecting certain aspects of his personality back to his past, as it adds a cohesiveness and also in a way "explains" his behavior, but I think you could go further, by actually pointing out which aspects of his past have affected him into a certain type of behavior, rather than keeping it vague. I understand that you're trying to build up to the Background section haha, but it's okay to drop more obvious hints, for example when you mention his mother, that's already a good start. If I may also recommend, tying in more traits to his past as well as to each other? For example, him needing affection that is genuine and not forced, could also be connected back to his "backstabbing mother", as well as to his trust issues, as WELL as to his self-esteem issues, like, it's all a big circle and it all connects, if that makes sense??? Idk I'm just rambling at this point haha, please excuse me.
"quick-witted which is useful to him due to his violent behavior and stubbornness." You'll have to explain this better, I personally don't see the correlation.
In general you do good in explaining his traits with, so-to-speak, "evidence" in Personality, but I think some things could still be elaborated on.
Good Magic section, love the pokemon comment haha and it's true, it's creative to use the fact that Scorpio is a Water sign and have him draw power from that, I quite like that!
Can you be more specific in Religion, for example which branch of Christianity? How heavily does his belief affect him in his day to day life? Does it contradict in any way with the fact that he used to be a demi-god??
No such thing as having "no politics"; everything is political, from ones education to their social class to their income to their human rights; if someone "doesn't have an opinion" on politics they are most likely Conservative, or right-leaning, as the system benefits them in a way that they aren't even aware of the effect it might have on their life because they have nothing to complain about, and wouldn't really change anything. Regardless I would recommend some research on political parties, as I'm no authority haha. Political could also be something as simple as personal beliefs that not everyone would agree on, for example Isaac is lgbt+ so clearly, he's in favor if lgbt+ rights.
Interesting (and unhealthy?) that he thinks of his boyfriend as a "possession": you could elaborate on the fact that this is unhealthy and tie it back in with his obsessiveness and clingy-ness, perhaps his lack of knowledge on the subject, as he is an ex-demigod, and what his boyfriend might have to say on the matter. Does Isaac consider himself more important than his boyfriend, does he put his own needs first? Does he have any respect for his boyfriend? To be elaborated on, as it's an interesting distinction you make.
Everything else in Social looks good!
Specify "High" education, as people have a different definition of that: does he have the equivalent of a high school diploma, a bachelor's or a master's or a PhD?
JeSUS chRIst that backstory is intense and grotesque, I hope that's what you were going for because???? wow. It does end a little abruptly, what happened afterwards, how did he escape, or was Isaac banished or??? How did he get to his current position in the story? His long list of flaws also makes sense now, holy shit. (You'll have to excuse me for not offering more here, I only skimmed the section after I got to the "incestuous" part, that kind of thing makes me incredibly queasy haha, you'll have more luck with someone else on that particular section.) (Also may I recommend a Trigger Warning? for people who might react worse to that kind of thing than I did, it's INTENSE.)
Ending on that note haha, you've got an interesting and complex character in the works, who could easily be a villain as well as an unlikely hero, a sort of grey morally I personally love in a character. Some elaboration and connection inside the profile should do Isaac some good. I hope this was helpful to you, good luck!
Any particular shade of brown for her eyes? Great detail in Body Type, everything in Looks is pretty solid.
I have very little to say about her Nature section: you go into so much detail and connect everything so seamlessly and it's all very solid and easy to read. Wonderful job here. Since you asked to pay special attention to Conditions (though even here I'm having trouble finding critique): perhaps relate her empathy more clearly to her Condition, as she seems to relate to people who are suffering on a more personal level and this is what makes her so good at interacting with them in the right way. For real though, you detail so much of her symptoms and after-effects of her trauma in other sections of her Nature tab and that's one of the best ways to do it if you ask me: I'm afraid I can't give much advice here because you've done such. a. good. job.
Great Background, and may I also assume that, along with wanting to help others by studying psychology, she also wanted to help herself? Knowledge and awareness of your own Conditions is a big first step to healing. If that is the case I would highlight that as well, whether in Background or in Conditions.
I really like the Trivia section, it adds a little something :)
I'm sorry this so short, but Michelle is so well-developed and you've clearly spent a lot of thought and time on her: there's not much for me to say here haha. She feels very real to me, and I think you've got yourself a great protagonist. Good luck! :)
@Kaloobia Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm glad you like her! I'll have another look at her with the stuff you pointed out. And I'll definitely add what you said about her studying psychology to help herself, great though! Again, thank you, and thank you for taking a look at her for me!
@Kaloobia
Thank you so much!! And I’m so sorry about the incest part, I though I put a warning?? Stupid me, apologies!
Maybe I should move the backstory tab before the nature tab?? But, uh, thank you so much!! This was extremely helpful!-
I’d like to note that I had no idea what it meant by mannerisms as it could’ve meant like so many other things lmao—
His boyfriend’s relationship is extremely confusing, Isaac does love him, but due to his past has a hard time knowing how and his constant lust makes it a difficult relationship—
I didn’t go into detail with his education as he is a God so he kinda just learnt everything from watching mortals around and his mother, (so— yea I could put that)
I recommend you also check out my “Death Flower” universe it’ll make him make some more sense!!
And I think that covers up— pretty much all the confusion?? If there’s still any questions feel free to ask! Again thank you so much 💜💜
And oops did I accidentally put pessimistic in prejudice? And silly me— I need to reread more xdd
I kinda stopped sending this guy to critiques because after putting him through so many critiques, eventually people just gave me specific reasons why they love him, but you seem to be pretty skilled and know ur stuff so I would like 2 see if u can take a stab at him!
You may be relentless on him. He's a bitch and I hate him but at the same time he's a good boi and i Love him it's a weird relationship. I would like to formally apologize for the walls of text. He's my most developed character.
Well I'm back, here's another one of my OCs Matthew Thomas
Deleted user
um, hi!! i'm pretty new to this website and i'm not entirely done with her descriptions, but i would love if you could take a look at my character, willow. she's very work in progress, though i believe she has enough to provide decent critique material. don't worry about being too harsh or writing too much- i adore super detailed reviews as they help me improve on her :) one tiny note; her "personality" section is very very rough and only features an "outlook" on her traits. i plan to write a fleshed-out explanation of this soon! i just haven't gotten to it yet.
thank you so much and please take your time, you seem pretty busy!! wishing u a good day! <3
| Invalid Character |
@voidphobia your character is on private, please set it to public (go to character's page, find the privacy settings and put it to public, it's the small "share" icon, the sideways "V")
Deleted user
@Kinarymo ahh so sorry about that!! like i said, i'm new to the platform and had no idea that was a thing u_u; it should be fixed now!
Addox (Add-ucks) Ive been working on Addox and Aloisia for a while. If u have the time id love to see what u think of either of them (the link is to Addox)
@Kinarymo Hey thank you for your patience!! Here we go
Alphonse:
????How dare??? He be so pretty??? beautiful my god, your art art never fails to impress me (I LOVE the goldfish background)
Other than maybe specifying what type/shade of blond he is (optional), the Looks section is great and detailed as always!
A cinnamon roll ; _ ; I'm curious if, as you mention in Mannerisms, he also avoids eye contact with people he trusts? It's very accurate for you to mention that his social anxiety makes him question the bond between him and loved ones, does he ever feel secure enough in a relationship to maintain eye contact, to fully relax, to let down his guard and loosen on his fight/flight/freeze reflexes?
Ah yes, classic Imposter Syndrome, another element that often comes hand-in-hand with social anxiety: this would be great to elaborate on outside of Prejudices! You start well with his low self-esteem in Flaws, but there's definitely more to it, an inherent guilt of feeling like you are tricking people into thinking that you are good at something that you genuinely believe you aren't good at, which creates a vicious circle of self-loathing and almost an inability to truly accept compliments, no matter how valid.
Is he absent-minded because he's constantly imagining his next piece, or because he's just casually daydreaming, or something else? I find myself relating more and more to Alphonse haha so I'm just gonna put this out there: having my head in the clouds is nearly a coping mechanism at this point, an easy and reliable escape from the real world, where things often get too difficult to deal with. The fantasy world is so much more vast and yet so much more harmless, and you control where your thoughts go (with a few exceptions of course, see: intrusive thoughts), and it can be a way to regain the control that you may not have of a lot of things, including yourself, in real life. If that rings true for Alphonse, at all, definitely elaborate! The rest of his Flaws looks good, though the list is a bit short, but the boy's only twelve and some people really are just,,,,, that soft and harmless. A rare but possible case, and it lines up well with Alphonse.
Losing his vision is definitely a very understandable fear for an artist, but it is also a bit irrational: is it just an irrational phobia, or is it founded in something else?
I will bring up the question of Trust again: has he been betrayed before? Is he very slow to trust, or is his young age and innocence enough to allow him a certain openness with people, even if he is slightly intimidated by them??
Overall very good Nature section as well, detailed as usual.
"He's a smol Christian boyo" ahbsldkb;kbja;k pj cjdbjdj <3 <3 <3
!!!!!! Three children on an adventure together!!!! cute cute cute how fun but also how dangerous omg, they're tinyyy I can't
ChiLDReN iN lOVe!??? nooooo it's cute what are You DOING to me!!! ;; o ;;
Very interesting magic section as well!
I really really like Alphonse, he's a sweetheart and appeals to me on a personal level. I think some small things could be elaborated on in Nature especially, but otherwise I have nothing else to say, he's cutie-pie, much luck with him! ^^
@WriteOutofTime Hey good to see you again! :) The Big Boss, here we go
Nyir:
I really love the detail in Hair Style! ^^ That being said you add details that have nothing to do with her hair haha, and that you repeat later in her Skin Tone. Just a nitpick!
Just, great details overall in Looks, and idk what you're idea of "conventionally pretty" but she is 110% my type.
Very good Conditions section, it already sets up her character nicely. You mention later that she is loyal to a fault: how does this, perhaps, contradict with her waiting for her loved ones to inevitably betray her? Does she ever fully trust anybody? Is her loyalty a consciously self-destructive trait, perhaps evidence of Nyir thinking she """deserves""" punishment if it comes her way, when her loved ones do "eventually" betray her?
Great Mannerisms and Motivations!
Her refusing to go to a therapist also supports her self-punishing tendencies, would love to see that elaborated!
What sort of person would she consider "weak-willed"? Someone who can't stomach the horrors of the job? Someone who can't deal with her? Someone who's a pushover and who just lets her walk all over them, not even bothering to fight back against her fire? Along the same lines, does she care very much at all when she realizes she has hurt someone with her words or actions? Does she feel any sort of regret, and how does she deal with that?
Her Hobbies and even Talents add a humaneness to her, a realness, nice job.
(I adore the Logistician personality, love writing and reading emotionally constipated characters ^^) Wonderful details here, and although you describe her as very calm and straight-faced, I'm curious about her Anger(TM): clearly she's the vengeful type, and you mention that she frowns a lot as her default expression. It makes me curious about how strong her patience is and how selective it is, and whether she's more prone to irritation or anger (I feel there's a difference between the two). Does she openly show irritation? Is her anger the explosive type or more quietly stabbing? She has walls up and does not show *positive emotion often, but her bluntness and rudeness may be in the same vein as a short temper, which I'm unclear on. Her lack of patience may be connected with a short temper as well, a need to get everything done quick for the sake of not getting worked up. Again, I'm not very sure of this.
"Nyir is partial towards the dark brown of her husband's eyes." this is sad thanks
The entire Social tab is very good, nothing much to say here.
The fact that she had a miscarriage, that she lost basically the only remnant of her husband, makes this all the more heartbreaking. And the whole deal with Evera brings Nyir's trust issues full circle, my God.
Nyir's a great character with a lot of room for growth, which is wonderful for a protagonist. Some cleaner links could be made between traits but that's just small details haha. I really Nyir a lot, and although I can't necessarily relate I can sympathize, and that's important. I hope this helps, and good luck! Thanks for sending her in :)
@Kaloobia
Gaahh, im SO glad you like him :'D He's come a very long way from his days as a filler character :'> (i literally created him just to make 4 protags instead of 3)
To be fair, i will admit he's pretty much ended up being 80% my fantasy self-insert :'> (only he's one arm short and actually has a crush on someone ).
That drawing is legit the first one i ever did of him, he's never made it on paper before, not even the first time i created him, so it makes me happy to see he's liked :'D
Eye contact is a big no no. He just can't, no matter who he's talking to :'>
Constantly planning a new piece, always looking for improvement - and also daydreaming to get rid of boredom.
Art is what he's good at, take away his sight and he's no longer special. Art is his way of receiving validation, and taking that away would ruin him
ye keep in mind Narion eventually turns out to be a boy :'>
i'm happy to hear he feels real and relatable, given that i havent paid attention to him at all in the past, its a relief to hear he's managed to become a character people can love :'> Thank you so much once again, for the helpful review and advice!
Hey, I'm currently working on a character and making sure he is good for criticism. If it wouldn't be a bother, would you mind taking a look at him in about a week or two?
Nyir's a great character with a lot of room for growth, which is wonderful for a protagonist. Some cleaner links could be made between traits but that's just small details haha. I really Nyir a lot, and although I can't necessarily relate I can sympathize, and that's important. I hope this helps, and good luck! Thanks for sending her in :)
THANK YOU DUDE!!! I was lowkey scared you wouldn't like her because I'm always so unsure about my protagonists. This was so helpful, especially the thing about her anger. Thank you so much for the critique!
@AloeVera Don't apologize for writing a lot, I'm a big fan of detailed description and quite a rambler myself :) I'm happy to take a stab!
Jean:
What an extensive gallery!! :o Very eye-catching, already gives me an idea for him.
Very nice details in Looks! (I'm a fan of Old Spice myself, yay Jean)
I took 8 hours a week of Philosophy in my last year of high school and I'm SO HAPPY that I know exactly what you're talking about in his Motivations :D I'm definitely getting the sense that there's bit of aimlessness to Jean and, along with his Mannerisms, he's not far from turning into a simple tool (as an assassin is wont to do) and losing his humanity. Very curious to delve deeper into that.
You briefly elaborate, but I find it interesting how his anger issues might play into his almost robotic nature: you say he explodes after everything has piled up, but that doesn't necessarily signal anger issues, and is in fact simply a certain way that specific people get angry (those who have high patience, those who are emotionally constipated, etc). Anger issues often exhibit themselves as over-reactions (usually outwardly) to seemingly small things or minor inconveniences, and Jean seems very much not the over-reacting type. Anger issues are also often characterized by a short fuse, and so far I haven't gotten that vibe from Jean at all. So reading that he has anger issues is a little jarring, and sort of takes me out of the profile for a second: if you don't simply mean that he internalizes his feelings until he explodes (which is a common albeit unhealthy coping mechanism), you'll have to elaborate more.
Other than that good Flaws, nicely developed!
I'm afraid the Prejudices confuses me a little: is he biased against those who are in debt to others, or against those in power who hold the debt over others' head? And wouldn't either of these be a bit contradictory to Jean's nature, of not caring very much about others, as well as making it clear that he expects favors in return for his help?
Wonderful Personality Type section, you went very in-depth and I definitely get the feel for who Jean is. The Hobbies also add quite a bit!
There's a lot of mentions of Jean literally only doing things for money: what is he doing with this money? Is he saving it, is he drinking and smoking it all away? Is his end goal to just, be stuck in this cycle of work, smoke/drink, break down, repeat? Or is thinking of the future a blurry and possibly even scary thing for Jean?
Ahahah why is his cat his best friend but also an arch enemy?? :) Just a funny detail to me.
That is a VERY specific birthplace wow!!
I would put in Education what degrees he has, or the lack thereof. Just a nitpick.
"Since Jean was manipulated by his family, and only had one friend who hung out at Jean's house, Jean barely left his own house despite having one of his own, which his family helped him financially, but only used this so that Jean would depend on his family." This is a little wonky, and I don't really understand what you're trying to say.
Ok ok ok so there's a LOT going on here and it actually explains SO MUCH. Very hard to mourn a family that you've grown to hate, very hard to mourn a family that fucking ABUSED you, and I would LOVE to see that elaborated in Nature, how his entire fucking view of love is completely skewed. Also um, depression, PTSD, would be GREAT to mention in Nature (there's a Conditions section!), although it's fairly obvious that a) he's depressed and b) clearly SOMETHING happened/is going on, but I would love to see you explain it more clearly and tie it in with his other traits, because although mental illness is by no means a crutch for your character it is a huge part of a person and affects a lot of how they act, their worldview, etc. Also, I didn't pick up on the self-loathing AT ALL until you mention it in History, and I think it'd be great to squeeze that in somewhere earlier and, again, connect it with his other traits because it MAKES SENSE.
ooooohhhh I like how you set up for the start of the story, I'm actually intrigued.
I realllllly like the Family Information, I like that you include it and it all makes perfect sense and I LOVE seeing information like that and nodding and thinking "yes yes that makes sense good very good" even tho it's, you know, terrible.
Now I don't know a thing about poetry and am not very big on it, but I really like the one you included.
Ahh you elaborate in Mental health, ok good, but I still think it can be detailed more. See: previous notes.
(There are a lot of songs in his playlist that I ADORE and a bunch more that I'm curious to listen to, so don't mind me favoriting it for listening to later)
His moodboard is BEAUTIFUL and also wow organized??? Great stuff, might come back to it and pin some stuff myself haha, sorry if it seems like I'm stalking you in the near future.
"Healthy Decisions (Failed)" STOP IT OMG
I love the Trivia section so much, great titles for his stages of destroying bodies :) He's just. He's really, truly a meSS.
"Jean often feels paranoia and suspicion, but his childhood was much too traumatizing for him to feel much fear of other people/concrete things." THIS. Would. be. great. to elaborate on!!!! in Nature especially, a natural tendency to check and double check and triple check and cover his trail because duh he's an assassin.
"Jean associates success with fame which is something he resents. He would much rather seek happiness." Interesting, would love to see this elaborated on as well, as Jean doesn't seem the type at all, presently, to be seeking happiness, or health. Clearly he's stuck in a rut, and I'm curious what his idea of "happiness" is.
"Jean does not feel emotional attachment." very, very interesting. Humans inherently crave affection, and connection with others: not craving these things borders onto sociopathy, I believe. Would love to see this elaborate, and I'd find it much more believable if, instead of "not feeling" Jean rather refuses to get close to anybody anymore, including Anubis when he re-enters his life, for fear of feeling the lose he may have felt, however mildly, when Anubis left him the first time. But, either way, would love to see this elaborated.
You weren't kidding when you implied a LOT haha, but God I loved it. What a wild ride. I have very few characters myself that are so inherently ambiguous as Jean and I'm living for it. You've clearly worked on him so much and there's so much detail and I really adore it. I hope some of my comments were helpful to you, and thank you for the music and pinterest photos that I will definitely refer back to haha :)
