@izzyandgrace
Hi, please only send one character at once! (I think I put that in my introduction post.). If you want to re-send Isobel after I've done Grace, feel free!
But before you do ANY of that haha, I can't seem to access Grace. Can you make her public please? Thank you :)
Be more specific in Body Type, is he a slim rectangle or a chubby rectangle or a thicc rectangle haha.
Same for Hair Style, is his hair short or long, curly or wavy or straight, messy in an unbrushed manner or in a purposefully charming manner? What's the situation with bangs? (Or lack of bangs?)
What kind of brown is his hair? There a lots of shades.
You'll have to elaborate how "-Sharp-tongued" is a minus for his personality: does it get him in trouble? Does he not know how to control his sharp-tongue? Because this could be seen as a good thing for a shy person, a trait that allows them to stand up for themselves.
"Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto Us" Sorry, I don't know this expression?? What do you mean when you say this?
In general his Nature section could be elaborated a little better, I can sort of get a feel for who he is but only just barely?? What other Mannerisms (or Quirks) does he have? Does he slouch, does he avoid eye-contact, does he try to make himself small or unnoticeable? What are some of his adverse reactions to, say, being forced to leave the house? How does he respond to authority, and what does it take to earn his respect and his willingness to listen? You started something in Beliefs, any other important details about his moral compass?
what exactly is his tactic for "never speaking to Sophie again", when the two live together?
A bit barer than his sister, and a bit empty for someone who has a Protagonist label. You've got the basics down, so I would focus on elaborating a little more and maybe relaying some elements to each other to create more of a cohesiveness in his profile. Good luck!
@izzyandgrace
Yep, got her! And thank you in advance :)
Grace:
I'm going to function under the assumption that whenever there's a slash that it indicates a timeskip.
Good detail for Hair Style, but what about actual hair length? Also there are many shades of blue, try to find a more specific adjective.
Try to be more specific in Body Type as well, does she have a small waist? wide shoulders? broad or small or sharp curves? any muscles?
I can't really get a visual for Grace, maybe add some detail in Identifying Marks? Like if she has a certain aura about her, or if she wears a certain expression often, if she has a distinctive face-shape or particular details about the size of her hands, or tattoos, or beauty marks, or a certain gaze, etc.
Her Prejudice is vague, and I don't quite understand out of context. Elaborate.
Her Nature section is VERY bare; try to fill out the bare minimum for every section in that tab, like Mannerisms and Flaws, and add more to Personality Type. I honestly have NO IDEA what Grace is like, and there isn't much critique I can give here because of that. Is she shy? Outgoing, but rebuked for her efforts? What's her sense of humor like, does she trust easily, is she naive, is she excitable, does she carry her heart on her sleeve or is she more closed off, afraid to trust others despite wanting to be with others? So much stuff that I don't know and that I can't guess.
Okay, so so much of her Background could (and should) be in Nature, maybe move some things around? Elaborate on how she's withdrawn but lonely, and how is she a popular girl when people think she is creepy? Why does she carry these weapons? Even still she needs more traits and qualifiers, I feel like I'm only seeing the outer layer of her personality.
It is hard to critique things that are not there haha. There isn't much else I can say; if you want to bring Grace back to me after you've filled her out more, I'd love to critique her more seriously/in-depth when there's actually more material. Good luck!
Yep, she's the one, she has a whole set actually not just a sword. shes also the one who made Narion's life miserable
What pulled her out of her insanity was the young Morphidae she took control of. Taking over a creature with a lot of magical resources partially brought her back into her comfort zone and eventually led to her calming down. The newly found powers weren't as strong as the ones she had before, but it was better than nothing at all. As for serving someone else, she is technically the one with all the power, the king is just for facade. She didn't take the king title for herself for strategic reasons.
It's kind of a mix of both, i mean she cares for humans since she got to where she is now thanks to them, while its also a strategic move. A win-win situation, kinda :0
Goats are just weird (but cute imo)
She lies a lot, yes, but she knows when to stop. A lot of times she even twists things around just to turn a lie into a truth
Good point here. She wasn't right in the head when she swore she would exterminate morphidae, but she had already taken the first step in that direction when she decapitated that young boy. I had a lot of trouble coming up with a motive for her (7 yrs and im still unsure of it), but i was wondering if it would be a good idea for her to have a reason as to why she tried stealing the island's magic. If she was in a stressful situation that forced her to resort to stealing, it would make sense to me as to why she's mad about losing her power and why shes doing what she does to take it back. And the genocide thing wouldnt be just meaningless killing, but her various attempts at finding out a solution for her problem (as weird as it may sound). I mean, just making her Crimson Set alone had a lot of failed attempts. Making her a little tragic sounds a little better than just pure greed. I havent decided on what that starter event was tho.
Overall, she was meant to be a villain depending on the side she's viewed from. For everyone else, she's a great person, but for Morphidae she brings nothing but misery. Im really bad at coming up with a motivation for a villain, so i really dont know how to handle this well :')) If i decide going the tragic route, she may one day realize she was a fool for holding on to revenge, that her rage was directed at the wrong people - i cant really bring myself to make her unredeemable 100%, so i want to leave some hope for her, though i dont know how yet.
Thx for the critique, it was very helpful as always! o3o
Thank you so much for the overview! I'll be sure to organize a lot more things as she was one of the first characters I made on here so I was still getting used to the "in-depth" thing haha. Really wanted to improve her profile in general xX
Be more specific in Body Type, is he a slim rectangle or a chubby rectangle or a thicc rectangle haha.
Same for Hair Style, is his hair short or long, curly or wavy or straight, messy in an unbrushed manner or in a purposefully charming manner? What's the situation with bangs? (Or lack of bangs?)
What kind of brown is his hair? There a lots of shades.
You'll have to elaborate how "-Sharp-tongued" is a minus for his personality: does it get him in trouble? Does he not know how to control his sharp-tongue? Because this could be seen as a good thing for a shy person, a trait that allows them to stand up for themselves.
"Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto Us" Sorry, I don't know this expression?? What do you mean when you say this?
In general his Nature section could be elaborated a little better, I can sort of get a feel for who he is but only just barely?? What other Mannerisms (or Quirks) does he have? Does he slouch, does he avoid eye-contact, does he try to make himself small or unnoticeable? What are some of his adverse reactions to, say, being forced to leave the house? How does he respond to authority, and what does it take to earn his respect and his willingness to listen? You started something in Beliefs, any other important details about his moral compass?
what exactly is his tactic for "never speaking to Sophie again", when the two live together?
A bit barer than his sister, and a bit empty for someone who has a Protagonist label. You've got the basics down, so I would focus on elaborating a little more and maybe relaying some elements to each other to create more of a cohesiveness in his profile. Good luck
I fixed up his profile a bit but i could answer some of the questions
-Sharp-tongued" is a minus for his personality: does it get him in trouble? Most of the time it distance him away from people even the ones he loves
Does he not know how to control his sharp-tongue?
Not really, due not socializing in a couple of months, he get better thoughout the story though
Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto Us" Sorry, I don't know this expression?? What do you mean when you say this?
Since Sophie ignored and dismissed him, he does the some back to Sophie
what exactly is his tactic for "never speaking to Sophie again", when the two live together? by that I mean he never aknowlegdes Sophie unless provoked
Well now that we`re done those two how about we get to love interests, here the first one Charlie Rōtasu
Interesting that she hates her name, it's not a bad name? Is there a sentimentality behind the name she doesn't like, or is her namesake someone/something she dislikes?
Her Appearance? Perfect. Great details in Body Type especially, society does deem a specific sort of body type "androgynous" and if you're outside of that One Single Standard you might get comments like "of but you don't look non-binary :/ " and will probably have a lot of self-loathing in general for "failing" to live up to a standard that's been set by cis people of all people. ANYWAY, I could go on but I just really appreciate that you include that in her description and, already, it gives me a feel for her character.
I am curious, is her body dysmorphia primarily associated with an insecurity about her gender, or an insecurity about her weight? Either way good detail in Conditions.
Also great Mannerisms! Ditto with Flaws, very detailed. I'm curious about her selfishness: coupled with her always thinking she's right, I'm curious how this plays into her body dysmorphia, or vice versa? Often with dysmorphophobia, a person will seek validation (verbal, physical) from those around them (despite not actually believing any validation they might receive), and the disorder is often partially caused by social pressure, by a social beauty standard or by peer pressure. So I'm curious if these traits developed after her high school years, perhaps as a counter-reaction to her history of self-loathing, of caring too much of what others might think, to the point where it had terrible consequences on her health? (I only assume this as the case because you write "She gets angry easily whenever anyone makes her feel weak/uncomfortable in her body and gets into people's faces when she feels threatened" and I think that would be an interesting aspect to elaborate on!)
"loves cuddling, sleeping, […]" this is a big "Awwww" for me, and makes me wonder who she shows this more intimate side to? Alternatively, what factor decides whether she'd rather be training or sleeping, as the two are very opposing?
"She values her life, but feels young and invincible. She acts as though she is a god at times. This overconfidence makes her a viable ally, as she will never give in to a fight, but also a dangerous liability." I just wanted to highlight how much I LOVE this. Just in general this is a wonderfully detailed section, you manage to create such a flawed (SO FLAWED) and believable and yet likeable character, and I can name two people in my life off the top of my head that TK immediately reminds me of, "exciting […] to be around, but […] can be draining". It's just wonderful how real TK feels to me.
LOVE her Politics section as well haha, "Sometimes it hits her that she works for the government and she gets all salty about it", wonderful.
Mmm good backstory, and it also answers one of my initial questions about the foundation for her body dysmorphia.
Overall I just,,,,, god I just ADORE TK, she's the type of person I would absolutely avoid in real life and would probably clash with but at the same time she's so relatable in certain aspects and as a character, very exciting and has a lot of room to improve, and it makes me excited to see her journey as a person. Anyway a lot of this wasn't really critique haha, but I hope it was helpful nonetheless! All your characters that I've seen so far are just,,,, right up my alley and I love them. Keep up the great work!
Again, try to add more details into his Appearance. You don't include a Weight, for which you would have to make up for in Body Type: slender, okay, but does he have any muscles? Does he have any chub anywhere? Also useful details to add are things like slim hips? wide shoulders? long neck? legs-to-torso proportions? What kind of brown is his skin tone? Where do the majority of his freckles congregate, his cheeks, his nose, his shoulders? Are they numerous and evenly distributed along his body? What shade of blue is his hair?
His Personality is well-developed!! You actually describe his traits and detail them in Personality, good job; I would definitely add more Quirks, or Mannerisms, that demonstrate his skittishness and caution. I would ask for reasons behind his low-self-esteem, but I get the feeling from previous profiles you'll go more in-depth about that in his History :) Overall I'd say Charlie is the most clearly established Nature I've seen from you so far!
Good Social tab.
Okay, you definitely go more in-depth about why he is the way he is in Backstory; I think his period of anger and depression could be elaborated on more in Nature, and how he tries to avoid ever showing that side of himself again, or even acknowledging its existence. I also see his similarity to Sophie and why he's her Love Interest haha, they would definitely understand each other.
Nice job overall; as usual, I think a few more details and clarification are warranted in some places, but Charlie seems well-thought-out! Good luck :)
@Echellia Honestly y'all are so nice, insisting I take my time when I'm sitting here quietly begging for people to give me their characters haha <3 I'm happy to look at your character, don't even worry about it.
Min-Jee:
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but the faceclaim in your gallery does not have black hair :) As you seem to imply it in her Looks tab.
Try to add more detail to Body Type! She's clearly a light girl, is she slim/slender/thin? Does she have skinny arms? When you say Curvy, do you mean she's voluptuous or that she has a small waist and therefor the impression of an hourglass frame? Large curves automatically tend to add a heaviness to a body, so you can always heighten her weight to make that clearer.
Overall a good Looks tab, although it sparks some confusion with it's contrast to the picture in your gallery ;) It also raises some other questions: is her gaze as innocent and sweet as it is in the picture, is her aura as angelic? Does she give off a certain type of vibe? This could be elaborated in Identifying Marks!
I'd beef up her Mannerisms too! Does she twirl her hair when she's nervous, when she's being flirtatious, when she's bored/waiting? How does she talk, does she have an accent, does she have a unique tone of voice, does she cuss a lot? Does she have any other nervous ticks, does she have a tell for when she's lying? Does she have a particular gaze, a certain way of looking at people or pinning them down with a look?
Definitely explore more of her flaws: you bring up a few in Personality that could be elaborated on, like over-protectiveness, two-facedness, lying, controlling, manipulative, etc. Her Prejudices also imply a possible insecurity, or a fear of losing control over herself, and how she uses her control of others to appease this fear.
I would add some more Hobbies, her Talents are good though! Does she have medical training? Also, things like lying could be a Talent, as well as manipulation.
I do like that, even with all her flaws, everything she does is for her brother, signalling that for Min-Jee the ends justify the means, another belief that could be further explored! It raises questions about her moral compass, and how far is too far for Min-Jee, or is there no such thing for her, if her brother's safety is concerned? Would she die for him, or does she have an element of self-preservation? What's her life and personality outside of her brother?
I like the details for her favorite possessions and weapon :) It adds a humanity to her, a girlyness (if I may say that?), a youthfulness.
Interesting that, at first, Min-Jee is the one who needs "protection" on her brother's part, but that their roles reverse as they grow older and experience the same trauma: is her brother aware of this switch in dynamic, or does he still consider himself the Rottweiler to this day, unaware of Min-Jee's protectiveness?
Good details in Career, and it again raises the question of whether Min-Jee's cruelty is possibly something more inherent than she'd like to think/admit.
A good and interesting character! She could use some beefing up and some more clarity, as well as details, in certain areas, but she has a clear motive and a gray morality that makes her interesting by proxy. Hope this was helpful, and good luck! :)
@Kinarymo ::whispers:: I always have time for you <3
Virion:
Putting "quite handsome" in Body Type is completely up to personal taste ;) Replace that phrase with what you believe makes him handsome, rather than telling the reader how to feel about his appearance: beauty is incredibly subjective. Does he have a long (elegant) neck, or a slim waist, or a wide chest, or long legs? You say he is "average, well-proportioned", but is he slender? thick-skinned? big-boned? Does he have chub in some places?
Other than that, great job on Looks!
oooooh it's not often I see an obvious misogynist on this site!!
"Hiryur, whom he basically raised since he was little. He is affectionate and slightly protective towards his lover, almost like a parent would be towards a child," This will be more of a personal thing, so feel free to ignore me on this: it is a little weird that one would fall in love with someone to whom they were basically a parental figure, and borders onto pedophilia, depending on when Virion's feelings began to develop, whether he was aware of them or not. There's a power imbalance there, and because I'm unaware of exactly how young Hiryur is, I immediately assume the worst as well. Just something to chew on.
His Flaws are a bit lacking I think, you don't mention that he's manipulative (though you do elaborate it numerous time in the other sections, that's good), for example. I think it would add more to him if you elaborated this section a bit more, really solidified what makes him a villain, or else establish that he's a detached antagonist, who doesn't go out of his way to be evil but doesn't really care if things turn out that way, as long as he and his boyfriend are fine. This in turn could be explored, a moral compass that's focused solely on his own needs, and introduces a selfishness/self-centered that could add a lot.
Overall his Nature is very detailed, you do a great job as usual with really nitpicking his personality which I love haha.
I'm curious, you seem to imply that his job turned him into a charming, manipulative person. What was he like before, in that case? Was he more socially awkward, less smooth?
His development into someone more empathetic seems very heavily tied in with his boyfriend, which again raises the question of how far his kindness and caring extends: is it only ever for the sake of Hiryur, or has he begun sympathizing with others as well?
A good character with a nice neutrality and gray morality: that being said I am scared that he might not stand out, especially next to other characters. If this is not a concern of yours, then don't worry about it: but I think if you enhanced his cruelty perhaps, while still keeping his humanity and love for Hiryur intact, he might make for a more interesting/complex character?? Just a thought. I hope this was helpful, and keep up the good work! ^^
@Kaloobiagasp aww <3
i indeed need to work more on flaws and the extent of his kindness, got it o7
I originally intended to make him a little more vile, but i was afraid it might be too much, since he's the family's literal black sheep 👉👈
As for the almost-pedo situation, it has been pointed out to me before, reason why i made him aware of it as well and talked about it in his backstory.
I really love your critiques, i love how you find even the last bit of information hole there is about a character, it's amazing and also refreshing to read your responses (no joke, there's a positiviness about you that brightens my day) so thank you once again for taking your time to look at one of my boyos 🙏
Now that this one's done, i hope you do not mind if i send another one. You can put me on the waiting list, no problem :'D
@Kinarymo
You're literally the sweetest???? Thank YOU, for always responding and answering any questions I might have, and supplying such interesting characters! :D (^-^)
And believe me when I say that there's literally no line, I'm grasping my hands at thin air just waiting for the requests to come in hahaaa
Hiryur!
I'm SO into his look!!!!! Ngl my first thought was "eMO!! I FOUND MY PEOPLE!!!"
I'm so excited just because one of his tags is literally "annoying" <3
Again, zero comments on the Looks, it's all perfect
He is such a complex character, the moral ambiguity coupled with a need for fair fights coupled with his flashiness, and I just love everything about him.
Again, great depth with his Mannerisms. It actually made me laugh that he literally has One (1) motivation and it's something so simple, and it actually makes sense for that to be the ONLY thing that motivates him?? But I do wonder whether his attachment to Virion wouldn't add another layer, another motive, one that's less selfish, more protective. It can be dangerous to center a character's existence around someone else, but for someone as near-obsessive (and, dare I say, a little unhinged?) as Hiryur, it would also make sense.
His Prejudice brings up the question of pettiness, and grudges. Thoughts? in relation to Hiryur.
ooh I adore the detail of his forked tongue, and how that gives him the ability to speak two words at once; very creative!
His religion is very vague, any particular reason? Or have you not decided on a major religion for him yet?
I just love the tiny details, like the exactness of the hot cocoa, and doll-playing, and the "it'S pASteL LAVendER". It really make Hiryur come alive for me.
Again, great job with the backstory, though I will point out (not a critique, more of a technical issue): the second and sixth paragraphs of his Background section are in a different font, and they go on off the page, elongating into one huge long line of sentences rather than manifesting into a paragraph. Maybe you typed something by accident that cause the font to react weird?? Just a small thing.
I'm not exaggerating when I say this is my favorite character out of all the ones you've sent me hahaaa, I LOVE him. I think my bias made it harder for me to be as critical, so I'm sorry if this particular critique is shorter and more praise than actual stuff to improve. ^^"
Great job as usual, and keep up the great work! :)
Overall I just,,,,, god I just ADORE TK, she's the type of person I would absolutely avoid in real life and would probably clash with but at the same time she's so relatable in certain aspects and as a character, very exciting and has a lot of room to improve, and it makes me excited to see her journey as a person. Anyway a lot of this wasn't really critique haha, but I hope it was helpful nonetheless! All your characters that I've seen so far are just,,,, right up my alley and I love them. Keep up the great work!
YAY I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE TK!! I feel like her personality can be so abrasive so I wanted to make her relatable. Thank you so much for the lovely critique!
I'm so happy that you're reviewing my OCs, It's really helping me with correcting my OCs, I do have three more characters for to critique, Here one Lucas Bates
Hi! If you're not too busy, could you critique Michelle for me? I could really use some help on especially the Conditions part since I have some quite heavy stuff there; I don't want to mess it up. Thanks in advance!
Ayy, i'm glad you like his look :"D i kinda struggle with outfits in general, so it's a relief to know i got it right I did have some people in the past suggesting i use less black for a villain's outfit, but hey, black is the hardest to stain, so ¯_(ツ)_/¯
More than just one motivation, i'll see what i can do o7
Yeah, the prejudice thing. He does indeed hold grudges, his biggest one so far being against Rin, because he knows he's overpowered and he hates it
Uuh, yea, i forgot about the religion thing. He's supposed to be in the same situation as Virion, but when you edit characters at 4 AM you forget stuff :'>
Ah yes, i've encountered the paragraph issue before, it happens when you press space 4 times before a sentence instead of 3 ( even though it doesn't show, i always put 3 spaces before the first line of a paragraph.)
I'm really glad you like him, especially since he's a villain, the one type of character i struggle the most with :'> Knowing i've got him right lifts a weight off my chest, thank you so much <3
I hope you don't mind if i send u another boyo, since i'm already here :"D
YAY I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE TK!! I feel like her personality can be so abrasive so I wanted to make her relatable. Thank you so much for the lovely critique!
Good Looks section! It might help to add a weight for him, but that's optional.
Great detail in Personality! For Motivation, I would raise the point that it's dangerous to have a character's only motivation center around another person, to push their entire character into the role of Love Interest and nothing else; so, maybe develop a second Motivation for him.
What do you mean when you say "Cursed" in Conditions? Elaborate.
I find it a tiny bit contradictory that, for someone who wants so desperately to be loved, you describe Lucas as someone with few worries, gets into fights constantly (and enjoys it), comes off rude and selfish as a first impression. Are all of these traits defense mechanisms? perhaps to keep people who "aren't worth it" at a distance? In which case, who's his target "audience" haha, who's love is he desperate for? What type of people is he drawn to, and how long before he lets down his guard and becomes more "Warm" as you describe him?
Everything else in Nature looks good!
I'm actually curious, in his Likes you put "love", but who on earth doesn't like love? Who doesn't crave it on some basic level? This might be interesting to elaborate on, perhaps introduce an obsessiveness or fixation to him.
oooooh he has a spouse but likes Sophie :0 :0 :0
"This was all caused when his mother's ghost tried to steal his soul, His father resented him for that" why??? does his father resent him for something like that?????
In general his Background is a little confused, you leave certain sentences unfinished and there's a certain vagueness to a lot of it. Maybe go over it a few more times, try to be more specific in areas (4 people? who they???)
I find it a very good detail that, possibly because he was neglected by his father, Lucas has a tendency to date around, to seek affection that he missed out on during his childhood. I had to guess at this, and I think it'd be a great aspect to elaborate on and detail in his Nature section!
Overall a good character who just needs a little bit of polishing, and you should be good! I hope this was helpful :)
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