forum (OPEN AGAIN!!!!) I'm in the mood to critique people's characters! Drop them off if you want :)
Started by @Kaloobia
tune

people_alt 82 followers

@Kaloobia

@Nie-Huaisang-God-of-Advice
Orla:

  • Her gallery pic so cute!!! Which game/program did you use to make her? :)
  • Small little nitpick: even if the character, and those around her, doesn't know her age, the author should have an idea of it. You even mention in Looks that she's Human, so she doesn't have the excuse of being a deity who's been around for thousands or something of years. That being said, if it's a plot point or a revelation somewhere down the line, then the vagueness is totally fine! Up to you.
  • Ok, so she's a small child? Is what I understand from her appearance. Good details, esp with hair. I would also nitpick that you can find better qualifiers for her skin tone than "white", and since you mention "pale", I'll put out there that I have a particular fondness for "alabaster" ^-^ In reference to very light skin. Does she tan easy, or get sunburnt quickly? Body Type could also be much more detailed: is she thin, slim? does she have long limbs, perhaps bony joints? I ask because she seems to be young. Does she still have that baby fat on her face and body? Is she mal-nourished maybe?? Good details in clothes, and I looked up "traditional Chinese shirt" like you asked ;) My question is, does the shirt hug her body like it does on the women in the pictures, or is it more baggy like on the men? This could be solved by detailing her Body Type, and depends on how far she is in her development stage, which again is hard to guess at with no qualifier for age.
  • Her Nature section is.. a bit bare. You start off strong in Mannerisms, and I would love to see that sort of detail extend to the rest of the tabs! Now, most of Mannerisms could go into Personality Type or even Flaws: in Mannerisms, how does she move? Does she have a particular gait? Does she stand straight, at attention, or does she slouch? Is she very jittery, moving around a lot, perhaps having a lot of energy to expel? Does she talk with a certain accent, or a distinct vocabulary? Does she repeat a certain movement, like chewing on her lip or scratching the back of her neck or vibrating her leg while she sits? Does she have any nervous ticks, any tell-tale signs of being angry or upset or bored or excited? Endless possibilities!!
  • Might want to explain her motivation a bit more: why does she want to kill the demon king? What did he do to her? Or is she fighting for a greater good? Doesn't seem likely, with her seemingly young age and immaturity, but worth mentioning if it's the case, and how that ties in with her personality!
  • Flaws can DEFINITELY be developed more. Her inability to use magic barely even counts as a Flaw, but it could be the reason for a lot of potential flaws: is she insecure about being unable to use magic? How does this affect her relationship with magic-users? Any inferiority/superiority complexes? Does she try to overcompensate, and does this maybe cause problems for her? Do her violent and authoritative mannerisms stem from being unable to perform magic? Or from something else? She gets quieter when she likes someone, so is the yelling and anger a defense mechanism? Is she actually willing to listen to those she likes? It makes sense that she would be prickly with people she doesn't like, but Why is she so prickly with strangers? Does she have trust issues? If so these can really be delved deeper into!! What does is take for her to like someone, and to trust them? Who does she feel safe around, enough to drop down her guard and angry act? IS the anger an act? Or is there a lot of it pent up, due to a traumatic past or maybe something else? So much to think about!!!
  • Again for Background, where did she learn to fight? Who taught her that all demons should be murdered? How did she get recruited to an Elite Force at such a young age, regardless of her talent? Was it to subdue her, to keep her under control, to harness her power for more political purposes? Where are her parents?????? Lots of details missing here.

Overall, you have a good idea and solid outline for Orla, but I'm having a hard time visualizing her further than how she looks physically. I know I asked a lot of questions haha, but there's a lot that can be developed here, and Orla could be a very good character if detailed more!
I hope this was helpful! Good luck ^^

@Kaloobia

@knikols :)
Alice:

  • OoF she's TINY :o You don't detail a body type, which would be very helpful. Her weight suggests less body mass/ body fat. Is she slim, is unusually skinny/thin? Does she have very minimal curves? Any body proportions worth noting? Muscles??? You detail the exact shade of her eyes but not of her hair ;) You repeat info in Identifying Marks, where you could put instead that she wears a hat, or that she has an excitable expression or expressive eyes. Don't let the presence of a gallery pic become a crutch for detailing her appearance :)
  • "And Pretty much Anything & Everything" Patently untrue, since right after you detail her Dislikes ;) It's totally fine for a character to like many, many things, you don't have to excuse it! Her Personality could be developed further (but the base is good!): in what ways is she childish? Does her over-protectiveness ever become toxic, or annoy her loved ones? Why would you "wanna hide" if you get on her bad side, does she hide an angry/aggressive/vengeful side? Develop this. Why is there a "but" before "super sweet?"? What is it contradiction to? Is the implication that jocks can't be kind? How does she exemplify this sweetness? How does she act around people she isn't best friends with necessarily? "Easily blushes", so she is embarrassed easily? How are her shame levels? Does she lash out when she's embarrassed, or can she laugh it off? You mention in Hobbies of the Nature section, that she likes to do a LOT: is she an adrenaline junkie, is she indecisive? She has so many interests that she's pursuing, is she highly organized so as to juggle everything or, on the contrary, is she constantly late to places, forgetting things and being unable to handle all these activities, perhaps being affected negatively by the stress?

You've got a solid base for Alice, but most sections could use more details! Sorry this isn't as long, you don't have a lot of sections for me to comb through haha, try filling out the provided Social and History sections! They coud especially helpful in fleshing out your character. Good luck! :)

Destinee

WAAGH YOU'RE BACK!! I hope you had a wonderful week prior to this one and are looking forwards to better weeks to come !

AND AS PROMISED, I HAVE A BOY !

I’ve been trying to get a feel for him since he’s one of my more cool/cold(?) characters
But as of right now, it’s a little difficult for me
Boys are harder for me to develop than girls for SOME REASON
He just seems a little stale to me, so I desperately need your eyes for a fresh new look at him u_u

@Kaloobia

@EWS-SunGod Why if course! ^^
Scott:

  • I ADORE everything about her Looks, already gives such a good idea of her and also she's GORGEOUS
  • Her Nature section is so good, I'm gonna have to nitpick haha. You say "she's undeniably kind. She doesn't' have the highest empathy level out there, but she's got great attention to detail" She's not a particularly empathetic person: so what is her motivation, or reasoning, for being kind? Does she try very hard to hide this inner kindness? Her attention to detail and organized nature would suggest that she's helpful and nice so as to keep the ball rolling, make sure there are no complications down the line: in this case, is there a selfishness to her actions, a self-preservation? I can totally see her as a Bianca Del Rio figure haha, who's a self-described "stone-cold-bitch" who in reality has no problem helping out the little ducklings, because she does not feel threatened or have anything to lose in doing so. Yet this doesn't quite seem to line up with everything else I've seen of Scott, so it feels like there's a tiny little thing missing that could really hold the whole thing together better.
  • You say she's loyal; to who, or to what? You also mention she does not like children: yet, she takes up the "mentor" role fairly often, if the other sections are anything to go by. Adults can be just as unpredictable as children; I understand the "doesn't like crying" part but, what else is there to differentiate adults from children so much for her? Is it the developmental stage that scares her? Is she confident around adults because, in many ways, they know who they are and are not as easily swayed, while children are constantly looking to adults as an example of how to act, and she doesn't trust herself to do a good job at that? Even though she seems to be a great example? Are there some very small very hidden insecurities there somewhere????? Am I reading too far into this haha
  • This is honestly such a strong section, she makes sense in almost every area and ugh, great stuff
  • Great Social section as well

Overall, great characterization, can she be my wife too because she s My Type and I love her.
I'm curious how you'll develop her Conditions part, since clearly there's something in store there :) I really really like Scott, keep up the good work! I hope this proved helpful <3

@Kaloobia

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster
Himawari:

  • Good details in Looks! I would only add a bit more Body Type. also I didn't know we had Abs Cups :o
  • Him being analytical and booksmart seems a bit at odds with him being impulsive: this could work, but you'll need to go into more detail, and refer to how these traits oppose each other but also how they fit together. Maybe tie in with his Strong Willed part, as that gives a good idea of what you're going for.
  • In Weaknesses, in what ways is he Overbearing?
  • "Gets flustered easily by perseverance" what does this mean haha
  • He keeps Collin "in check", how does this work when he's also an Impulsive person, as you describe him?
  • Wow very good history, obviously the run-on sentences are a bit difficult to read sometimes but very extensive details that I'm happy with :)
  • AHAHAHAHA HIS LOVE INTEREST IS THAT GUY HE HATES THAT IS TOO FUNNY I just LOVE that, one of my favorite tropes :D
  • I love that Voice Claim section, I think I've told you that before, helps a lot with visualization

hey Asumi looks good! A few things to specify here or there but, I hope this proved helpful with that! :)

@Oakiin

@EWS-SunGod Why if course! ^^
Scott:

  • I ADORE everything about her Looks, already gives such a good idea of her and also she's GORGEOUS
  • Her Nature section is so good, I'm gonna have to nitpick haha. You say "she's undeniably kind. She doesn't' have the highest empathy level out there, but she's got great attention to detail" She's not a particularly empathetic person: so what is her motivation, or reasoning, for being kind? Does she try very hard to hide this inner kindness? Her attention to detail and organized nature would suggest that she's helpful and nice so as to keep the ball rolling, make sure there are no complications down the line: in this case, is there a selfishness to her actions, a self-preservation? I can totally see her as a Bianca Del Rio figure haha, who's a self-described "stone-cold-bitch" who in reality has no problem helping out the little ducklings, because she does not feel threatened or have anything to lose in doing so. Yet this doesn't quite seem to line up with everything else I've seen of Scott, so it feels like there's a tiny little thing missing that could really hold the whole thing together better.
  • You say she's loyal; to who, or to what? You also mention she does not like children: yet, she takes up the "mentor" role fairly often, if the other sections are anything to go by. Adults can be just as unpredictable as children; I understand the "doesn't like crying" part but, what else is there to differentiate adults from children so much for her? Is it the developmental stage that scares her? Is she confident around adults because, in many ways, they know who they are and are not as easily swayed, while children are constantly looking to adults as an example of how to act, and she doesn't trust herself to do a good job at that? Even though she seems to be a great example? Are there some very small very hidden insecurities there somewhere????? Am I reading too far into this haha
  • This is honestly such a strong section, she makes sense in almost every area and ugh, great stuff
  • Great Social section as well

Overall, great characterization, can she be my wife too because she s My Type and I love her.
I'm curious how you'll develop her Conditions part, since clearly there's something in store there :) I really really like Scott, keep up the good work! I hope this proved helpful <3

Ahhhh thanks so much!!!! This was awesome and so helpful, I'm really glad you like her!! xDD I'll mabe post her again after I work on her some more if you're still open ^^ I'll definitely be using this to improve her :D So glad you thought she was well put together tho!!!! <3 <3

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster group

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster
Himawari:

Good details in Looks! I would only add a bit more Body Type.
also I didn't know we had Abs Cups :o
Him being analytical and booksmart seems a bit at odds with him being impulsive: this could work, but >you'll need to go into more detail, and refer to how these traits oppose each other but also how they fit >together. Maybe tie in with his Strong Willed part, as that gives a good idea of what you're going for. It >tends to be a certain scenarios type thing, it ties in him being strong-willed
In Weaknesses, in what ways is he Overbearing?
He can get a bit too optimistic to the point of not seeing other's side
"Gets flustered easily by perseverance" what does this mean haha
I meant to type pervertedness
He keeps Collin "in check", how does this work when he's also an Impulsive person, as you describe him?
He tends to keep Collin from lazing around
Wow very good history, obviously the run-on sentences are a bit difficult to read sometimes but very >extensive details that I'm happy with :)
AHAHAHAHA HIS LOVE INTEREST IS THAT GUY HE HATES THAT IS TOO FUNNY I just LOVE that, one of >my favorite tropes :D
I love that Voice Claim section, I think I've told you that before, helps a lot with visualization
hey Asumi looks good! A few things to specify here or there but, I hope this proved helpful with that! :)
Anyways thanks for the critique, here's his love interest , Kage Kage Shiore

@Kinarymo

(For the love of god can you please not quote the entire response when sending a new thing? it gets awfully confusing in here)