forum I'll Critique your characters!
Started by @Celestial-B
tune

people_alt 73 followers

@Celestial-B

@"Shadow of the Elements" Ok! And thank you :D

He is underweight a bit. You mention that he is skinny, but not underweight. The average weight of someone his height is 155-189 lbs! His eyes and hair are brown, but what shade of brown exactly? Mocha? Chocolate? Russet? There are plenty of shades of brown for people to get confused by! Where did he get his tattoo and how long has he had it? His mannerisms are fine, I think you should give him a few more though, possibly gestures? Like 'plays with hands when nervous' or 'bites nails when thinking' and think like those! Good motivation (funny, I have a character named Lilly. That name is super common lol)! His prejudice is that he thinks that he is smarter than everyone else, so does that mean he is arrogant? Because that is something arrogant people think often. I see a lot of people put the Myers Briggs personality type, that's completely fine, but in my opinion I think its better to actually write down their personality, y'know? But that is my opinion of course, and you can do whatever you want! Wow! His backstory is really interesting! The story sounds well thought out and something that I would read!

Good luck with your story and characters, hope I helped some!

@Celestial-B

@Avacohenshippee Alright, now i'm onto yours! xD

Hmm, i'm assuming she's 5'0 because all you have is 5' lol. So she is also a bit overweight, but not by much You never said she was overweight so i'm assuming she isn't. The average weight for a female her height is 95-117. So she isn't really overweight I guess, so you could probably just leave it. I think you should give her some more mannerisms. And when does she pull on her ears? When shes nervous? Thinking? Or is it just a habit she has? How does she talk to people she dislikes? Does she mumble? What does she do when shes scared or excited? On her motivations, what feelings does she want to hide, and from who? Her prejudice is a bit confusing. How does she prejudice that she was raised a follower? Also, how can one of her talents be putting others first when she is mean and hostile? It just doesn't connect. Her religion is 'her religion?' xDD What is that religion lol? Her backstory is small and confusing. Why would she hate Ember because she is scared of her? And was she scared of Ember or was Ember scared of her? Also, you leave a lot of things out. Like things about her parents, if she had any siblings, other friends, what she did in her free time, things she wanted but could never have, and so on. I saw in her notes that you put she is a shifter? Is that like a shapeshifter but can only shift into one particular thing? And you don't mention that anywhere else in her profile. I would also think that would be a talent of hers!

Anyways, I think that if you fix up this stuff, you'll have a decent character on your hands! Good luck and hope I helped <3

@wake-read-eat-sleep

Thank you so much Celestial-B I'm so glad you made this disscusion or I would have had a totally messed up character! The problem is, I can't think of her motivation! And also, she does hate everybody, but to cover her story as a homeless and slightly evil-ish girl who abandoned her parents, she has to pretend everything is fine, because she (on the inside) is ashamed.
So sorry I didn't put that in!
Thanks for helping anyway. That site you sent was really helpful!

@Celestial-B

@Madisen Alright! I'll help you!

First, he doesn't have any nicknames? If not, instead of leaving the 'other names' tab blank, just put none. And you didn't put his role. That would be like, is he the protagonist? Like one of the main characters? Love interest? Antagonist? Background character? I suggest you fill those two out! And no weight for him either? The average weight for someone his age and height is around 135-170 lbs (just so you know!). How long is his hair exactly? You say it is long and curly, but how long? You don't have his race or identifying marks either. I think its important to put every single piece of information because not only does it help build up your character, but it helps you get to know them better! An Identifying mark would be like a scar, or freckles, or maybe he has really long arms! Ok, so you mentioned you don't know what a mannerism is. A mannerism is 'a habitual gesture or way of speaking and behaving.' So for example, 'rubs his neck when embarrassed.' Would be one! And 'bounces when excited' would be another! I suggest putting lots of these because they make a character feel more human! And no motivations?? That is the whole reason for the story! Its what the characters wants most and their goal! You MUST have a motivation for your character, no exceptions!!! He has no prejudice either. A prejudice is a 'preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience.' So for instance, maybe he prejudices against a certain race because that is how he was raised. Or it could be something small; maybe he has been told that all vegetables are nasty, so that is what he believes lol. Prejudices are so helpful with character development, they really are. What do you mean as his personality type 'Demon?' Is he an actual demon or is that just the way he acts? I would suggest explaining his personality in that place! No religion or politics? If he doesn't have a religion, i'd just put Atheist. And every teenager has some opinion on their politics, maybe he thinks a law is stupid or something! No favorite possession?? He doesn't have one thing he really likes? Like, he doesn't have a favorite shoe, a phone or computer, a trophy? Nothing? No birthday? Are you just unsure yet? Because everyone has a birthday! Or a creation day at least lol. If he is unsure, just but 'he is unsure.' or something like that. His background is good! Wow, his dad stabbed his mom 27 times??? Sadly, the more realistic think would be that he only went for about 25-ish years to jail, not for life, maybe even that long. and they would be obligated to take Devon too.

good luck and hope I helped

@Celestial-B

@Flowerfur, Lover of Seliph

She doesn't have any nicknames? Like, no one calls her even a shortened or extended versions of her actual name? I see what you put for weight! The average weight for someone her age is around 70-80 lbs! And the average height is around 4'5, just so you know! You say her hair is short, but how short? To her shoulders? Shorter? Higher? And is it straight? Uneven? You say she has bangs so i'd put that there too. And no, bangs aren't facial hair lol. How did she get that scar on her left cheek and how long has she had it for? Why does she have 'cat-like mannerisms?' Is she part cat or is that just how she does things? If she is part cat, I suggest putting that in her race. If not, then I would put that is just how she acts, and maybe add a few more mannerisms. Why is her prejudice that she'll never fit in society? Is it because she thinks she is different or are people like her unaccepted in society? He hobby is playing with Pokemon, does that mean pokemon exist in her world? Or are you talking about the game? And no talents? She has to be good at something! Maybe she is really good at playing with the pokemon, maybe she has a really good voice, maybe she can ride a bike supppperrr well! She has to have some type of talent! Her background is small and a bit confusing. Why was she sent out into the wild at such a young age?? Wouldn't someone look after her or be placed in a orphanage or something? How did she meet Kekini and when? And the other two, Rattata and Pikipek?

Hope I helped and good luck!

@Celestial-B

@Sandra Renee Melton Alright!

I feel like i've done her before… oh well lol. How long is her hair when it is down? And how long is it when it is in a ponytail? To her shoulders? Lower back? Higher? Lower? Her flaws aren't really flaw I guess, more like things she does or possibly little quirks. I'd put something like 'childish' or 'Clumsy' and things like that! Here is a list of flaws I like to use when making characters! β€” https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/. In her background, how was she orphaned? Did her parents die? Did they just leave her? How did she even take care of herself at the age of one? I would think that 1-5 year olds would not be able to live on their own and survive, especially during cold winters. So someone or something had to help her survive.

I really like her! Good luck and hope I helped!

@Celestial-B

@MajimePlease Sure! Sorry, i'm taking quite a while to do this lol

Alright, sorry if I get this wrong I use pounds not kilos, but he is a bit underweight. He should be around 62 ish kilos to 79 ish, or 140-175 lbs. He doesn't want people ruining his plans, what are those plans? What does he want to accomplish with them? He has perfect precision at shooting what exactly? Guns? Bows? What?! (cheese cake is my guilty pleasure too lol) Hmm, so hes an assassin? Or something like that? But he won't hurt innocent women? But what if one of his jobs was to kill a women? What would he do then?

I like him! I couldn't find much wrong with him! Good luck with him and hope i helped!

@fyodears

@Celestial-B
Thank you so much for checking out my character! Don't worry about taking a while to reply, it must be hard to keep up with all the different people asking, but you're still doing all of them and that's admirable lol
You're completely right about the weight, I never know what to put in there so I'll follow your advice and put 62 kilos heh
And about your questions (just if you were wondering, if you weren't, ignore this); yep he's an assassin, he has perfect precision at shooting, like, EVERYTHING (yes he's that awesome), and about the innocent women thingy, he'd only kill them (and that's also for men) if they've previously commited a crime.
Thanks again for taking the time to read about him^^

@Celestial-B

@Lynn Sure!

First, how long is her hair? To her shoulders? Elbows? Lower back? And where is her monster eye? Does it replace an eye that should be human? And how did she get it? Her race is human, but humans aren't naturally born with monster eyes lol. Is it a curse? Or something else (wait nvm you put that in her background lol)? Hmm, I think you should give her some more mannerisms! Does she bite her fingernails? Maybe she constantly apologizes? Does she play with her hair when nervous or embarrassed? Here is a list of character mannerisms I use when I create characters! β€” http://martzbookz.blogspot.com/2011/10/mannerismshabits-for-characters.html. Her motivation is a bit confusing. Are people wanting to kill her or something? Because she wants to stay alive so that is what that leads me to believe. And who is Dale? She gets money from staying with him? Why and what do you mean by that? She has very, very little flaws. I don't think a mono brow would be considered a flaw, more like a identifying mark, so i'd put that there instead! No common sense is okay I guess, but I think you should be a bit more careful when saying that. Does she just have bad judgement or does she honestly have no common sense, at all? Some flaws would be childish, dependent, judgmental, gullible, etc. Here is a list of character flaws I use when creating a character! β€”https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/. I recommend giving her at least 5 flaws! You mention she is lazy and has anger issues, those would count as flaws! Does she control when she is a monster or does it just randomly happen? Can she tell when it is going to happen if that is the case? For her education, i'd recommend putting what grade she is in and how her grades are. Like if she gets As, Bs, Cs, Ds, etc. Or if she is out of school, i'd put that! On her background, what about her parents? Did she ever even have any?

Good luck with the character and hope I helped!