Thank you for that, it was definitely an eye opener for me, haha :) And I guess with the "bit of an alcoholic" part was my own personal way of talking seeping in, haha. Either way, I will definitely get back to work on him, thank you!
@CorbinB3
Sure!
First, Alec!
I think you should give him a few more flaws! He should have at least 5-6 individual flaws. Is he Immature? Lazy? Maybe he is naive? Here is a list of flaws I like to use when creating characters. — https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/. Hes got to have some prejudices. Maybe he believes something about a certain race or a certain type of people. Maybe its something like 'things all blonde chicks are dumb' lol or 'everything that is green tastes nasty.' It doesn't have to be something huge, just something small like the last ones. His background is small and confusing. What do you mean by ' Alec was born in Waco, Texas, to two high?' It doesn't make sense. And tell me more about him! What was his relationship like with his parents? What did he think about school? Did he have any siblings or pets? Any major childhood events that affected him? What did he do in his free time? What did he do with his friends? You mention something about his parents leaving him or abandoning him? Tell more about that!
Alright, now Haiden.
What color of blonde is his hair exactly? Dirty blonde? Honey? Beige? There are plenty of shades of blonde to get unsure! The same with his eyes! Be more exact! On his identifying marks, does he have any freckles? Scars? Maybe he has big eyes or deep dimples. That is what you would put there, but his clothes would be fine too. Hmm, for his mannerism, I think you should give him some more actual mannerisms. Like, running his fingers through his hair. Or, bouncing his leg when nervous, and things like that! The same thing about his flaws as with Alec's, give him more! I think you should explain on how his prejudice is a prejudice. Is it because he doesn't trust people at first, thats his prejudice? Most teens tend to have strong political views, so I think you should be more specific on that. His background isn't really showing up in full sentences, only pieces. I think its because you might have copied and pasted it. So I think you should write the full thing out instead of doing that, because I can't really critique his background if it isn't if full sentences lol.
Last, Daxon!
Alright, he doesn't have any nicknames? The other friends in the group don't jokingly call him 'president?' No one calls him 'Dax?' No one has a nickname for him? Is that just what he insists on people calling him? What shade of blue are his eyes? Ocean blue? Navy blue? Baby blue? Be specific! Hmm, I think you should give him more mannerisms like how I said with Haiden. It will just make him seem more human. Why would he do anything for anybody? He has to have a reason for his motivation, or else it wouldn't really be a motivation would it. Again, more flaws!!! What exactly are his prejudices though?!? You say he has some, but what are they?? How can he be quite but outgoing at the same time? Those two like, completely contradict each other lol. The same thing with his background like Haiden's. They aren't in full sentences so its a bit confusing and I can't critique it lol.
I like them, I think they would be good friends! Just fix up some things and I think you'll be good! Good luck! <3
Hey, I want to check this out. Be careful, I'm not sure if any of this will make sense to anyone outside of my head. XD Hope you don't mind!
You may want to check out the description of his race(s) just for clarification, because he isn't a human, and a quick run through of the universe. Thanks ahead of time, maybe I'll ask again!
Thankyou. Stone is the unit of measurement we use in the Uk for weight, stone and pounds.
@Angel
Oh I see, sorry xD i'm not from the UK so idk how their measurements work lol.
@Ava
Sure!
First, I think you should give her more flaws! Animals can have a lot of flaws just like humans can! I recommend giving her at least 5-6 flaws! Is she dependent? Immature? Over emotional? Why does she prejudice against the rich and ignorant? No personality trait tab? I recommend writing in that! Put all of her personality in it in as much depth as possible! Tell me her flaws, her pros, her little quirks, what she thinks about! Or, you can summarize her entire personality in it! No religion? I'd just put atheist if that is the case. Wow, you skipped a few things in her social tab. I recommend filling everything out! It might not seem important, but it will really help you in the long run! Tell us her favorite food, everything! Her background is pretty small. I would put as. much. as. you. can. Tell us what she remembers about her parents, her friends, major events in her life, her relationship with her brother, her favorite thing to do when shes bored.
Good luck with her and the story! Hope I helped some! <3
Invalid Character idk if you're still going through this stuff, but if you want to take a look at my character that'd be cool.
@CrazyLlama
K
No last name? I suggest you should give him one! No nicknames either? No one calls him 'Mark,' or anything like that? What shade of black is his hair exactly? Jet black? Ashy? Charcoal? The same with his eyes. What shade of pink? Magenta? Pastel? Blush? His mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms. A mannerisms is 'a habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving.' So for example, 'Runs fingers through hair when nervous,' would be one. And 'mumbles when angry' would be another! Here is a list of mannerisms I like to use when creating characters! — http://martzbookz.blogspot.com/2011/10/mannerismshabits-for-characters.html. I suggest giving him at least 4 or 5. I think you should also give him more flaws. People don't have 1 or 2 flaws! They have 10 or 20 plus! Is he childish? Arrogant? Shallow? There are plenty of flaws to choose from! Here is a list of flaws I like to use when creating characters! https://writerswrite.co.za/123-ideas-for-character-flaws/. I suggest giving him at least 5-6 flaws if you want him to seem more realistic! No prejudices??!!? How can that be?!? Everyone has a prejudice, whether they recognize it or not! Maybe he hates a certain race, maybe he believes every person taller than him is dangerous! A prejudice is 'a preconceive opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience!' Is his only talent being able to transform into a dragon and create dragon stones. He seems a bit bare in his talent and hobbies, they are all about dragons! I get that is probably what your story is about, but even if your story is about death and murder, your characters only talent isn't going to be 'murdering people.' Maybe he has some boss fighting skills! Maybe he can cook some mean lasagna. Perhaps he is super good at singing! He has to have some type of talent or hobby that doesn't revolve around the story, or else he just doesn't seem as realistic. There is literally nothing in his social tab. What. The things in there might seem pointless or stupid, but honestly, they aren't. I recommend filling out every. single. one. Not only will it develop the character more, it will help you and the readers understand him better! Tell us his religion, tell us about his favorite color, his favorite weapon! It is sooooo important! Alright, this is a really bad thing, your character isn't even a character! Everything revolves around dragons, that is terrible i'm sorry to say. But if you're character doesn't even have a personality or even a background that is actually something about him, he doesn't even seem realistic. I'm sorry for being so blunt lol. He might as well have his name be 'Dragon,' his age 'Dragon,' and his personality 'Dragon.' Tell me about his family! If he had any siblings! How he was able to transform into a dragon and for how long. Tell me about his friends, if he has any pets. Tell me about what he did when he was bored, how he got into making dragon stones. Tell me about something major in his childhood that made him the way he is. (even if he is a background character, he has to have something about him that makes him stand out. He just seems like another character in a world full of characters.)
Good luck with your character and story!
@CrazyLlama
Alright
First, Aaron.
Spits out water Holy f- hes underweight (sorry that was over dramatic lol)!!! By at least 30-40 lbs! The average weight for someone his height is 225-275 lbs! Especially if hes muscular, he should be up in the 250s! By his hair color being 'burnet,' do you mean 'brunette?' And what about his hairstyle? How short is it? And does he sweep it to the side? Does he leave it messy and crazy? Does he make sure it it super straight every day by combing it down? Explain! Hes tan, but how tan? Olive? Mocha? Honey? No identifying marks? He doesn't have any scars, bruises, freckles? Nothing? More identifying marks would be dimples, large eyes, maybe he has big hands! Those would all be identifying marks! I think you should give him some more mannerisms! I think I told you earlier that he should have at least 4-5 mannerisms! It just makes him seem more human. Pfft. C'mon, give him some flaws! What you have doesn't really tell me anything! Tell me he is blunt. Say that he is over dramatic! Tell me he is egotistical! I want to know everything about him! No prejudices?!?! That is hard to believe. I've told you this already, everyone has one! No hobbies or talents? He might as well be a mannequin then. Everyone has a hobby or talent, no matter how much you think you suck at everything lol. Maybe he is supper good at fishing. Maybe he loves to play piano! Hes got to have something! His favorite color is unknown? Does he not know what it is? But you should still know what it is. If he doesn't have one, i'd put that he doesn't have one! Even if the stuff in the story is kept hidden, its not hidden to you! You should write it down! It is a place for you and you only where you can write down everything about your character! So even if his personal insights are kept hidden throughout the story, its not to you! Well hes got a lame background lol. There is literally nothing about him in it; just like Markus's! Just like I said in Markus's, tell me everything about him!
Now, Avatar? Hmm, so this is the game avatar? Well there isn't much to critique since everything is either the default things or 'players choice.' So i'm just gonna go on.
Alright, Hana! No last name?? Shes got to have one! Every person has a last name lol. Her hair is brown, but what shade of brown? Chocolate? Mocha? Brunette? Explain! And how long is her hair exactly? To her shoulders? Middle back? Thighs? Lower? Higher? And is it messy? Straight? Maybe it has split ends? I tell everyone to go as detailed as possible when writing a character! So she has heterochromia? Let me tell you that is extremely cliche and a over use trope that many people give to their characters. So I recommend using that sparingly. But what shade of brown and blue are her eyes? Is her blue eye sky blue? Ocean blue? Pastel blue? Is her brown eye dirt brown? Almond? Amber? Her mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms. On Markus's critique, I told you what a mannerism is and left a like to website full of them! I recommend using that and giving her at least 4-5! Her motivation is a bit confusing. How is she motivated by being loyal to her friends? Usually, a motivation is a goal of some sort, loyalty isn't really that. Well geez, just like the other ones, she only got like one flaw? No, big red flag. NO ON has one flaw! No one. It makes her seem like a mary sue. Give her 10! Give her 50! (well, forget 50, you don't want her to seem like a damsel in distress and unable to function on her own.) Again, everyone has prejudices! Give her one! Give her some hobbies too!!! And give her her personality trait! Just summarize her personality there! Or, you can go really in depth and explain everything about her in there! And again, fill out everything! You left some stuff out in her social tab, everything is important, whether you think it is or not! Bish, her background is laaaammeee. "Royalty?" Is that really the best you got? I want to know what she thought about being royalty! her relationship with her parents and/or (possible) siblings! I want to know what she thought and felt, what she thought about school and politics! If she wanted to be queen or could honestly care less!!
Now, Sasha! Why is she called 'The White Death' and who calls her that? What color of silver is her hair? Is it ice blue? Platinum? Ash grey? And how long is her hair? To her shoulders? Lower back? Her butt? Does it sparkle in the sunlight? Is it nice or messy? And how many braids? One? Two? Four? Eight? And are they regular braids? French braids? Dutch braids? You. have. to. go. in. depth. I can't tell you that enough! The same with her eyes! What color exactly? No identifying marks? Really? That is hard to believe. Again, her mannerism isn't exactly a mannerism, more of her personality! Does she touch her hair when shes nervous? Does she bounce when shes excited? Does she yell when shes angry? You can't write a character and then expect people to know everything about them if you don't explain! MorE FLAwS!! More! Why does she prejudice against demons? What did they do to her that made her think whatever about them? sigh and again, no hobbies or talents. Seriously. You gotta put them down. And her personality traits too! Very important! No religion or politics? If she isn't religious i'd just put atheist. She has to think something about politics, everyone has some thought about them! Pfftt, you skipped like all of her favorites! That just makes her seem like a robot! What is the highest possible education? And again. Literally, no background!! I. Need. to. know. And how did she meet that wolf that is her pet?
Last, Todd. No last name either? Give him one! What shade of red is his hair? Fiery red? Blood red? Mahogany? How short does he cut it? And how does he style it? Is it slicked back? Is the top longer? Details! The same thing with his eyes, what shade? Forest green? Lime green? Sea green? There are plenty shades of every color to get confused! What shade of tan? I mentioned this on one of your characters critiques and gave examples of tan skin colors, but i'm lazy rn so i'm not going to repeat it. Where did he get his burn scars and how long has he had them? Again, his mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms, more of his personality! Fix that and put some mannerisms there! His flaws are very few. If he thinks highly of himself is he egotistical? Thats a flaw! Put a lot of them in there! Why does he hate demons too?? And his personality trait, put that in there! Oh! On his hobby, what about guns is his hobby? Shooting them? Studying them? What! Lol, his favorite possession cracked me up. Again, his background! It barely tells me anything! Put every detail about him in there!
wow this was long lol. Good luck with your characters! I think if you fix up this stuff, you'll have some pretty solid characters on your hands!
@Larissa Boulet
Of course! You're no bother ;3
Does he have muscles? If so, I think he would be just a little bit more in his weight, because he is literally on the brink between average weight and underweight. Good mannerisms! I just think you should a little more umm, interactive things? Like, maybe he runs his fingers through his hair when nervous and things like that! I think you should give him just a little bit more flaws! At least a few! Is he childish? Immature? Blunt? Over dramatic? Oh! A neat freak would be a flaw, and so would sarcastic! So would easily excitable! So you could put that in his flaws :D You mention something about him being tortured, but never mention it again. I want to know more about that! And what is his relationship like with his sister? Are they close? Do the have kind of the same personalities?
Hey, I like him! Good luck and hope I helped!
@SincereBeastie
Sure! I'd be glad to!
He is underweight! I'm not sure if that species ways the same as humans, but the average human of that height is around 220-270 lbs! What shade of red are his eyes? Blood red? Chestnut? Apple? His mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms, more like his personality! A mannerisms is 'a habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving.' So for example, 'rolls eyes when angry,' and 'bounces when excited,' would be two! I think you should give him just a few more flaws!! Most characters should have at least 5-6 flaws! No religion or politics? Hes got to have something! If hes not religious i'd just put atheist! Didn't you say he wanted equality for experimental creatures or something like that? Well would that be a political opinion? No favorite food either? Some things might not seem necessary, but trust me, everything is important! So I suggest putting all that down! No birthday? At least put the day he was created!
He is a interesting character! Good luck with him and hope I helped!
@Eren
Sure! I'd be glad to! :D
So what shade of red is her hair exactly? Blood red? Crimson? Chestnut? And how long is her hair in a ponytail? To her shoulders? Middle back? Lower back? Higher or lower? And is it messy and uneven? Or is it nice and straight? How did she get the scar on her left arm? I think you should give her a few more mannerisms. Maybe something like 'avoids eye contact when nervous' or 'plays with hair when scared' and other things like those! No personality trait? That is for you to summarize your characters personality! You've got her flaws down, but what about her pros? The little quirks she has that makes her her? That is what that is for (at least that is what I use it for)! Her background is a bit small, I recommend going a bit more in depth with it!
Good luck and hope I helped! <3
@Celestial-B
I'll probably have to change the weight, anyhow, but it was actually supposed to be more of a blend of the two animal creatures which were mixed, but for his height, he should be heavier, you're right. Thanks for that. I suppose if I was specific about it, I'd say they were crimson. I suppose when I filled out mannerisms, I was pretty vague. It's actually supposed to be read more like, "He has a happy-go-lucky persona, but it's not what he portrays around his friends. His mannerisms are also 'cool guy' mannerisms, like showing off, being a dude, trying to impress people. That's also my bad though. Thank you! I haven't gotten as far as political views though, because I'm creating the worlds, religions, creatures(which make food) calendars, everything from scratch, so it's still in progress. ^~^
Overall, thanks!
Would you mind critiquing my character? he's the main character in my story, it's set in an ordinary human earth setting
@pastelpearls
Of course!
I can't find much wrong with him!! I really like him and his personality! Good luck, sorry I couldn't be of much help! :D
@Celestial-B
Ahh thanks, it's fine, it makes me happy that you think that!
(i'm still going guys! Keep leaving your characters!)
@Ruby jane
Sure!
Wow, shes got quite a long royal name xD I can only imagine how long it takes her mom to say it when shes angry at her. How long is her hair when she puts in it a ponytail, or when she styles it with braids and curls? Is it messy and curly? Or is it straight and nice? Good mannerisms! I think you should give her a few more flaws and elaborate on the ones she has! No one has only 2-3 flaws! Is she over dramatic? Childish? Immature? Over competitive? Maybe shes clumsy? And by elaborate I mean tell us why shes so bossy and insecure? Who shes clingy to, etc! In her personality trait you put she is loud and impatient, those would be flaws! No education? Shes a princess from what I can tell, shes got to have some type of education! Her background is kind of small and a bit unrealistic. Why would her father want her dead of she was colorblind? That just means she sees colors a bit differently unless being colorblind is like some bad omen in your universe. And if she is colorblind she would see pink as a green shade, so she wouldn't really know what the color pink would look like unless she has Tritanpia color blindness. But the fact that her father wanted her dead because she was colorblind seems unreal to me. And at age two? How would they even know, most people won't even start to question their child is colorblind until they are probably around 10. Does she have any siblings, adopted siblings? Does she ever get to see her family? Why was she sent off to the academy? Was it required?
Good luck with your character and hope I helped!
Thank you so much! She is completely color-blind, it is an awful omen in my universe. Her favorite color being pink has an explanation. I appreciate all of the help and I will add more detail to the things you mentions. Thx!
dunno what I'm missing, if you could help? Adele Dukes
@Amber Of course!
Wait, I think i've actually critiqued her before on something,
But from what I saw so far, I think you should give her a few more mannerisms!
Sorry! I thought that I had asked someone to critique her but I didn't really remember. Well, thanks XD I'll edit her
Hey so I'm back:) You helped so much with my first one I was wondering if you could help with my other one…?
@Ruby jane
I'm glad I helped! Of course I can help!
He doesn't have any other nicknames? No one calls him Mark, Lane, nothing? He is a bit underweight, especially if he is muscular. He should be around 165-220 lbs, maybe up in the higher part if he has some muscles! Why does it bother him when his hair looks more blonde and makes him look like his twin? Does he not like them? I think you should give him a few more mannerisms! How does he talk to people he dislikes? What does he do when hes bored? When hes scared? In his background, why didn't his dad want to take his brother? Is Markus his favorite? Is he disappointing in the other? Has he seen his brother since? How did he feel about his father taking him away and did he ever try to run away? Who are Everleigh, Camie, and Lukas to him? His friends? And did the purposely kidnap/rescue him?
Good luck and hope I helped!