Why does she never expose her back? Is that what she just knows to do or did something happen? She wants to be proved innocent of what? Does she have any good traits lol? Most of everything you say is something about her being sarcastic or rude and blunt. Is she honest? Loyal? Courageous? Does she have strong willpower? I really like your character! From what I can tell, she doesn't have much problems for you to fix!
Good luck with your character!
I'm pretty sure i've critiqued Dimitri (unless it was a different Dimitri who was very similar) before but I don't think I've done Emil yet!
So first, for Emil, why does he have those other nicknames? Who gave them to him and why? His hair is brown, but what shade of brown? There are a lot of colors of brown honestly. Is it Cinnamon? Mahogany? Caramel? And same for his eyes! In his mannerisms, why does he have those night terrors and what are they normally about? He made a painting for Zeke? So maybe painting would also be a hobby or talent? Wow, background off to a wonderful start lol. Did they ever find who murdered his parents? I feel he is really realistic and I have much sympathy for him T-T. Good luck with your character, sorry I couldn't find much to write about in here!
Invalid Character If this is still going, I've got a character who needs some critique. (I'm writing a musical about Anne Frank, but I want to get her personality DOWN before I start any lyrics or anything.)
Alright, first, shes a bit underweight, by like 10 lbs or so. She should be around 130-155 lbs! Her eye color is blue, but what shade of blue? There are plenty of shades of blue to get them mixed up. Are they Sapphire? Sky blue? Jade? Baby blue? I think you can give her a few more mannerisms. What does she do with her hands when shes bored? Does she bounce when shes excited? Does she slouch? Her flaw is kind of confusing. What do you mean by 'push off other people?' And I think she needs more flaws. Is she stubborn? childish? Gullible? Maybe even a liar? OH, in her personality type you mention that she is headstrong and stubborn and rude. Those are flaws! Hey.. you skipped a lot on social! Some of those things might seem pointless, but they aren't! They help build you character and help you and others get to know them more! I always try to use every. single. section. Ohh her background is interest! But you fail to mention a lot of things about her now life. Like her parents and friends and things like that!
Good luck with your character and story! Hope I helped!
she didn't really have any favourites for what it was asking, I guess I should've just written none which explains why the social is so empty, thanks for all the advice!!
Oh I see, I just got a bit confused because i've never heard that term used before to explain that. I usually just hear 'distance themselves' or 'build a wall' or something like that
@Ionnielei
Sure! And thats funny, my class just got through reading the play about her and were going to watch the movie next week
For her race, I think its okay that you put white, but I think putting 'Caucasian' in there along with that would be good too! Her mannerisms are good. Hmm, can you think of any other flaws she has? Doesn't she often speak over others and interrupt them? Especially with her mother. I think you should put her background in there, I believe it will help you out! :3
I think you've got just about everything down pact! Good luck with the musical!
Oops, my bad; still learning how this website's social media side. You can also look at the universe she's in if you'd like, but that's still an incomplete work in progress with a lot of reading to do.
First, Han! How short is his hair exactly? Maybe add a bit more to his mannerisms. What does he do when hes nervous or scared? How about excited? Does he have any more flaws? Is he dependent? Absent-minded? Proud? Selfish? Good prejudice, it makes sense. In politics, you say he follows no one except his father, does that mean his dad is a politician or involved in politics? His background is okay, but it can use a little more meat in it. Who were his siblings and how was his relationship with them? What about his parents? Where were they when they were killed? How did he feel about their death? How did his new father find him? Where did he go when they died? Did he have any friends or pets?
Now, Leola! I think you can give her a little more flaws too! She only has three that you mentioned. You said why she is against men, but why is she against humans?? Her background is also a little small. What happened to her mother? Does she know who her real father is? Does she have any friends? How old was she when the man found her that night? Anything happen in her childhood that made her the way she is now?
They switch from male to female? Does that mean they are genderfluid? How do they want people to call them as? Their real name? Hunt? They/them? She/her? How long is her hair when its down? To her lower back? Elbows? Higher? Well hold up now, a 32 b cup is not almost flat chested lol. It might be a bit smaller than most boys would like, but its definitely not flat. You want a small breast size? Go down into the As and AAs, that is a small size. Why does she always wear that silver band? Is it important to her or does she just like it? I think you should give her a few more mannerisms! What does she do when shes scared? What does she do with her hands when shes bored? How does she walk and talk? I thin her flaws could use a bit more too. Is she over-emotional? Dependent? A pessimist? Nosey? Naive? Hmm her personality traits is interesting. So she has two personalities? I'd think that depression would stray into the happy-go-lucky personality as well since that is a mental disorder or a disease or whatever you'd like to call it that stays in the back of your mind no matter what you do, though it can leave for a while and come back at random. Also you said 'This is the side she usually is when she is other people.' That is a bit confusing. When does her personality change? When she is with certain people? Or does she just wake up one day and its the opposite one? Is there no politics in her world? How does their world function then?? Why is she afraid of her mom getting into her laptop? Is she hiding something or does she just not want her mom touching it? There are no animals on the planet? Like no creatures or anything? What do they live off of because you said they are basically like humans except they live longer, which means they have to live the same way humans do and humans have to live off of meat! Whoa so she only ate fruit? How did she manage to live? Wow did her dad hurt his hand that bad? To be in a hospital for 11 months plus 6 months of rehab? Thats quite a while for a hurt hand if you ask me. So does she have PTSD from her dad? And what happened to her other sister? Did she go along with Lynn while all this happened?
I really like her! I think you have a good character on your hand and if you just fix up a few things, she'll be good to go!
@Celestial-B Thanks soooo much for the critique! It means so much to me!
I'm an idiot. Yeah, she's genderfluid.
She is Lynn to normal people, but Julian calls her Hunt (You'll learn more about her later hopefully)
I'll flesh out the mannerisms and special objects
She is a realist
It's weird. Don't ask me how, it's her brain, but her happy side sort of cancels out the depressed side of her and makes her happy for some reason. She doesn't get it either, but she got pretty good at controlling her emotions over the years. This is how she controls her emotions. She tries to be the Happy Lynn that everybody knows her to be so she practically forces herself to be happy.
She has no stand in politics since she is not over 21 (21 is the voting age on this planet). The planet has no politics itself, all of the government is run on FXN-01 where the prime minister has been making sure everything ticks since for 11 years now.
She doesn't really trust anybody with her secrets at all since she grew up with quite the dad., which is why she wants to keep it away from her moms. Her laptop has everything she has ever vented, everything she needed to keep away from people, all conversations with her internet friends, and literally everything else. Her laptop is practically like her unattached heart. She doesn't know what it is, but she has this weird thing in her laptop that looks like a silver key with a piece of opal near the handhold. It's weird because she can physically pull it out of her laptop, but can't carry it too far without it returning to the laptop. And nobody else can see it when she pulls it away. This is actually the key to Everything.
No animals or trees except for artificial grass and trees. They don't need the animals because, on top of every building, they have a carbon dioxide to oxygen converter that makes sure everyone gets oxygen.
All food is shipped into the planet
Yeah, her dad fed her fruit and bread. In his old-fashioned delusional brain, this seemed okay. She was quite malnourished as a child, and when she stayed with Sarah and Lizzy for almost a year, that was actually the year she grew to her height. She was very small for her age until that year when she grew five inches.
He cut his hand. His hand got severely infected. Him being the stubborn man he was he wasn't going to let that stop him. He got to the hospital and was very weak. They had to put him on antibiotics to fight the infection that would have killed him otherwise. He was weakened so much that he had to learn how to use his hand and walk and pilot his vehicle again. So yeah, quite the hurt hand.
Yes, she does have PTSD now that I think about.
Lynn has a sister? Did I accidentally put that in there somewhere? If so, where, so I can fix it?
P.S: The court isn't able to prove he abused her, which is why he got Lynn back a few times.
P.P.S: If I made a spelling error anywhere in there, I am sorry and will fix it when I notice it.
