forum I'll Critique your characters!
Started by @Celestial-B
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Logophile

Do you mind doing mine? They're from a story I wrote a while ago and am trying to revamp, I'm worried that they're a bit cliche and boring. Thank you so much!

@Celestial-B

@logophole Sure!

First, Far! he is a bit underweight. He should be up in the 100's. About 100-135 lbs ish. Also, I think you can give him more mannerisms. What does he do with his hands when he is bored? How does he talk to people he doesn't like? Rudely? Does he have any more flaws? Is he clingy? Stubborn? Childish? His prejudice is kinda confusing. What is it about Royals and the other people that he prejudices against them for? You also left out his personality type! It is really important to basically sum his personality together. Tell us that he is caring but very emotional! Explain!! You say that his father would make him forfeit the thrown, why? Did he really not like his son that much? He tried to kill himself with the royal sword, why? Was he depressed? Was he disappointing in himself? Did he feel lonely? What could he just not bear anymore that made him want to do that?

Now, Zeke! I see you skipped his weight. It doesn't have to be exact (though its better if it is). You can put something like 5'6 and 120-130 or something! Just to give us an idea. You also skipped identifying marks. If he doesn't have any I recommend just putting 'none.' But i'm sure he has to have something, whether it be a scare or some a birthmark or something lol. Put more mannerisms! What does he do when hes angry? Does he fold his arms or stiffen his body? How does he sit in a chair? Does he slouch or have good posture? How is he gullible until he gets trapped in jail. My personal opinion is someone who is gullible will always be gullible. Unless something major happens and they get tricked into something bad. But again, that's just my opinion! Can you go into detail a bit more about why he is so quick to anger? Or maybe just add a lot more flaws lol. Well what does he prejudice about other people? That they shouldn't be trusted? That they all deserve kindness? What?! You also skipped his personality type! Explain everything in as much detail as possible! Ohh his background is pretty bareeee! What happened to his father? What was his relationship like with his sister and mom? Did he have any friends? How did he find out that the king wanted something bad happen to his son? Did he do anything about it?

I think you have some good characters here, just a few things to fix up! good luck and hope I helped!

Deleted user

Woah, okay, I'll try to answer as many questions as I can.

Okay. Hicia first.

Keepers guard the Amulets and help influence the owner on what would be right for the world since they have experience, they change their appearances dependant on which animal they become. Since she is an immortal being under the curse, she cannot eat, her body doesn't require it. She starts out as a villain then becomes a hero by taking out Sycore and Birane, she was a traitor to both the Keepers and her owner. Her hair goes about to her elbows. Since they don't remember their pasts, they don't remember their talents. They aren't allowed in human form often and are usually a kitten-sized version of the animal they are. She is Hunter's friend and Keeper.

Birane:
Sycore was the previous owner of the Wildcat Amulet. During this time they fought each other, Sycore, mad that Hicia liked Birane and not him, killed them both out of rage, suffering from his wounds, he died of blood-loss. When an owner dies while in ownership of the Amulet, they become the next keeper and are servants of the owner. They don't remember much of their past lives, so that's why a lot of things are unknown. When Birane died, he had brown hair, amber eyes, during the main plot of the second book, he has black hair and dark brown eye's because that's what match's his animal's color description.
For Audra, it is easier to just give you her link:

Hunter: Okay, magic is rare in this world, he was very surprised. I wanted him to have a more "human" reaction to a tiny, smartass coyote telling him he had to be a hero. Hicia is a very impatient and sassy person, so being the little strawberry he is, he didn't want to get hurt. He does have a brother and sister, Connor and Belle. He was bullied most of his life but, the story starts during 8th grade. Ember, a shy girl whom he tripped accidentally on the first day of school, was Ocelot, Hunter's partner. They were friends and realized they knew each other. James, his friend, gave him the nickname "Mister Ginger".
Here's his link so you'll understand what's going on.
https: https//www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/248154

I'm so sorry that you had to read through all that cringe. These three were not a good choice to choose to go together because you barely got any of the stories. Despite being the main characters, Ember and Hunter have the least interesting backstory and I'm sorry that nothing made sense. Like, really sorry.

Logophile

Thank you so much for the help! I wasn't really sure what to work on but this really cleared it up. Thank you again and I hope you have a great day!

@Celestial-B

@MeadowOfSilence You're just fine! That is what critiquing your character is for! To make them not cringy or even better than before!

@Holy-ghosts

Would you like to look at my first written out oc. I could really use help at making more specific characters rather than stereotype characters.

Thanks

@Celestial-B

@Holy-ghosts Sure!

Does he have any more mannerisms? What does he do with his hands when he is bored? What about what he does when he gets scared? Or maybe even gets excited? He can't not have any prejudices! Everyone has them whether you recognize it as one or not! I guess not liking people who don't like dogs could be one, but, you'd have to explain why would he prejudice against someone who doesn't like them. Hmm, I think you should give him another talent. If he plays the guitar and is good at it, that could be a talent too! Maybe he is really good at destroying things (not necessarily a good talent lol), or maybe he can bake! Whoa, alright, here is your problem!! He has NO BACKGROUND! That is the biggest no no I can think of, other than giving him no flaws. ESPECIALLY because he is one of the main characters! Tell us everything about him! His parents, siblings, friends, favorite things to do, any problems he had as a child, what shaped him into the person he is!

Good luck and hope I helped!

@Celestial-B

@Jensenbear Alright!

Good mannerisms, good motivations! Hmm, I think you should give him more flaws, hes only got three and the ones he have aren't even that bad of flaws! Is he spoiled? Childish? Dependent? Gullible? Naive? Good prejudice! That is a very common prejudice that, unfortunately, A LOT of people in today's world have! You say he doesn't have a opinion on politics, which is hard to believe. Most people, and especially teenagers, usually have a strong opinion on politics. You don't have to put something huge and direct, just something small like, 'believes in basic equality and freedom' or that he thinks a certain law is stupid! I like his background!

Good job! Just fix a few things and I think you'll have a good character! Good luck and hope I helped!

@Celestial-B

@Jensenbear Alright!

Good mannerisms, good motivations! Hmm, I think you should give him more flaws, hes only got three and the ones he have aren't even that bad of flaws! Is he spoiled? Childish? Dependent? Gullible? Naive? Good prejudice! That is a very common prejudice that, unfortunately, A LOT of people in today's world have! You say he doesn't have a opinion on politics, which is hard to believe. Most people, and especially teenagers, usually have a strong opinion on politics. You don't have to put something huge and direct, just something small like, 'believes in basic equality and freedom' or that he thinks a certain law is stupid! I like his background!

Good job! Just fix a few things and I think you'll have a good character! Good luck and hope I helped!

@Celestial-B

@Jensenbear Alright!

Good mannerisms, good motivations! Hmm, I think you should give him more flaws, hes only got three and the ones he have aren't even that bad of flaws! Is he spoiled? Childish? Dependent? Gullible? Naive? Good prejudice! That is a very common prejudice that, unfortunately, A LOT of people in today's world have! You say he doesn't have a opinion on politics, which is hard to believe. Most people, and especially teenagers, usually have a strong opinion on politics. You don't have to put something huge and direct, just something small like, 'believes in basic equality and freedom' or that he thinks a certain law is stupid! I like his background!

Good job! Just fix a few things and I think you'll have a good character! Good luck and hope I helped!

@I.J.Green

I'd love to hear your comments on these two! I have had the hardest time with them and appreciate all the help I can get. Thanks in advance!

@Celestial-B

@CoolBeanz Np! And i'll be glad to critique them!

first, Bryce! holy f- hes tall! Idk how I found this out, but hes underweight, by a lot! He should be up in the 300 lbs or somewhere around there. What color of orange? Pastel orange? Pumpkin orange? I think you can give him some more mannerisms. What does he do when he's bored? When he's excited? He hates the color orange, so does he hate is eye color? Woah, background off to a, interesting start lol. So his father at his mom.. is that a normal thing for people of his race to do? Why did his sister hate him? Who is Beatrice and who murdered her?

Ok, now, Fauna. Wow she is also really tall too lol. She she would weigh a loooot more than that if she is 8 feet tall. Like somewhere around 250 lbs+. Her motivations don't really make sense. What is motivating her and making her do what she's doing? Is it money or fame? Friends and family? Recognition? Maybe even herself? You say she's too trusting some times and not trusting enough at others? What do you mean by that? Who does she trust too much and who doesn't she trust? My personal opinion is instead of putting the Myers Briggs thing, I suggest actually summarizing her personality on her personality traits! Tells us that shes loyal but distrusting of others, that shes unsure of herself, etc. etc. etc… Explain how she uses a rope as a weapon, i'm curious! Ok, I think you can add a bit more to her background. How did her parents die? Did she have no aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, friends, etc to take care of her? Why does no one like her race and religion? What do you mean by 'until everything got bad?' Who is Pirate? Who is Bryce to her? Her friend? Lover?

Alright, Marvyn. Why is one of his nicknames, Lucky? He is a little underweight, by like 20 lbs lol. Average weight should be about 150-190 lbs! Describe his hair and eye color more! Don't just say 'brown,' say 'dark mocha' or 'honey!' What is 'the mark of the Niamh?' You left out his personality trait. Like I said, its just a way of explaining his personality! I recommend not leaving ANYTHING out! He believes in rebellion? Rebellion against what?

Last, Oilell. Eh, kinda the same thing with her personality and junk eheh. What about history his her hobby? Her background is a little short. What is her relationship with her parents like? How about her siblings? Does she have any friends? Why is her and Bryce ex best friends? Who is lady Adramalech and what did she do in history?

Good luck and hope I helped!

@Celestial-B

@Winter Sure!

(off topic but I have a character named Lilly, or Lillith, too!) Ohh shes short! Like, dang my Lilly is short too, like 4'9-4'10, but yours is really short. 4'2? Idk that seems a little too short for a 17 y/o y'know what I mean. Her mannerism isn't exactly a mannerism. That would be more of her personality than her mannerism. And you should give her a lot more. A mannerism is 'A habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving.' So for example, she plays with her hair when shes nervous, or paces when thinking or even bounces when shes excited would be a mannerism! Give her more flaws! The first flaw is funny I laughed lol. But in all seriousness, the other ones are kinda halved I guess. Like 'might have trust issues' and 'can often be hard on herself' just don't sound that.. flaw-ish? Say shes stubborn! Tell us shes distrusting of others and it takes time for her to warm up to people! That she's depressed. Explain to us every. single. thing. that makes her human! Why does she hate controllers? Ohhh boy-o. Her background is blank. Boooo. (lol sorry that is one of my pet peeves) Blank backgrounds means your character is basically a robot with nothing to live for except to serve it's master xD. Tells us about her parents! Did she have any siblings or pets? What was her dream as a child? Did anything major happen as a child that made her so distrusting or depressed? Who are her friends? Ahh! So much to write and so little written!

Anyways, hope I helped and good luck with your character! <3

@CoolBeanz

@Celestial-B Oh sorry I forgot to mention that they are giants and they have hollow bones like birds that was something huge that slipped my mind. See stuff like this is why I need outside input. Thank you for the notes and I will now edit my character's profiles!!!

@Celestial-B

Mkay @Paperok :D

First, is his real name Michael Smith and people just call him 'Boomer?' If thats, the case, I recommend putting Michael Smith as his real name and Boomer as his nickname and mentioning that people usually call him that or something. He's under weight, but not by much! Even if he is skinny, you don't say that he is specifically underweight so I suggest fixing that! What shade of blue are his eyes? Turquoise? Sapphire? Aqua? There are so many different shades of colors you have to give us an exact shade so we can picture him better!! Does he not have any identifying marks? No scars, bruises, scratches, tattoos, random marks, even something like glasses?? Does he have any other mannerisms? How does he talk to people he dislikes? How about they way he sits in a chair or eats his food? Something specific he does that isn't considered exactly normal? He wants to be held? What do you mean by that in his motivation? You gotta give him more flaws! They are the soul of every existing person! Is his lazy? Over-emotional? Egotistical? Selfish? Temperamental? Details! No personality traits? Well, you never told us anything good about him! That is what its for! To put together his personality and summarize! Use everything this website gives you whether you think its useful or not. His background is pretty short and a few things are missing out. Why did his mother abandon him? Why did his father give up on raising him? Was it too hard? How did the traveling women find him? Did he have any friends, siblings? Did he and the women get along? How did he feel when she died? Who took him to the foster home? Did he take himself or did someone else put him there?

Good luck and hope I helped you somehow! <3