Steve took a seat, glancing around at the silent train, only a few other people riding at this hour. "Never used to be this quiet," He said with a faint smile, thinking back to the nights where people would more openly start conversations with strangers.
Bucky laughed a little. "Well, things have changed, I guess." he replied. "Wouldn't have expected them to stay the same."
"No, I wouldn't," Steve said, smiling as he nodded a little. "Still disappointed that cars aren't flying in the streets, but what can ya do?" He softly laughed, "Howard made it seem pretty damn close at the Stark Expo."
He laughed a little. "Well, I'd guess there's…other things on the world's minds." He replied with a shrug.
Steve let out a soft sigh, nodding as he remembered the hefty confusion he felt during the first few weeks of waking up. "Hmm. Like more wars and like, a hundred cultural resets?" He chuckled, "Man, you leave the world alone for one second and–"
He laughed again. "Yeah, I suppose that's true." He replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Although…some of that is my fault."
"HYDRA's fault," Steve corrected, glancing around the train before looking at Bucky with a wary smile, "HYDRA did a lot of stuff to influence how things panned out, yeah."
Bucky shrugged. "I was HYDRA's weapon for years. I'd say there isn't all that much of a difference." he replied softly, shaking his head.
Steve bit his lip, averting his eyes as he leaned back in his seat. This again. "I don't wanna get into this again but…" He shrugged, "There is a difference. You didn't want to do the things you did."
He shook his head just a little bit. "It's…I don't know, Steve." he replied, looking over at the blonde for a moment, then away again.
Steve looked at Bucky with a softened expression. "I don't know either," He said with a faint shrug, "I just know that I wish you saw yourself as I do. You're not a weapon, or some…awful person. Just Bucky."
Bucky shrugged one shoulder, eyes flashing down to the metal hand, and he shook his head. "I…I don't know, Steve." he said slowly.
"Take my word for it," Steve said, biting his lip as he reached over to hold Bucky's metal hand. The doubt in Bucky's voice was a bitter thing to hear. "Not a weapon. A person. Bucky Barnes."
Bucky shrugged. "I'm still a weapon, Steve." He replied. "Even if I am a person too, I'm still…a weapon. I've still got HYDRA's junk in my head. That's…not ever going to change."
Steve let out a quiet breath, looking down for a moment. "But…it's different," He said, chewing on his bottom lip, "You don't wanna hurt people anymore. You're a good guy."
Bucky shrugged. "Yeah, but I've still got…all of the HYDRA shit in my head, Steve. It's…" he shook his head jsut a little bit.
"–It shouldn't define you," Steve said, glancing at Bucky with a sincere look, "I mean, I know it's a part of you and that you can't change that. But I can't let you go through life thinking that the good part of you; the real and…non-HYDRA part of you is to blame.
Bucky swallowed softly. "I…" He ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. "I don't know, Steve."
Steve nodded thoughtfully. "It's complicated, I know," He said, softly shrugging, "But it'll get better, for both of us. I know it will."
"It will, I know, but…still." he replied, biting his lip a little bit. "I don't…I don't know my own head."
"Hey, it'll take time," Steve said reassuringly, taking his hand into his. "We can read books, figure out how to go from here, talk to each other, talk to other people–" He said, cautiously hinting at therapy, "–People who know about this stuff and wanna help."
Bucky frowned a little, but nodded. "I suppose." He said slowly. "I'm still…not quite sure what to do?"
"What to do about…what?" Steve prompted, softly raising his eyebrows, "About talking to me– or other people?"
"I don't know. All of it?" He let out a faint laugh, shaking his head and looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Steve said with a quiet smile, "You're tryin' your best. And things are a little tough right now. But…one day at a time, right?"