Jude's smile turned mischevious, his rational thoughts nowhere to be found as he glanced at Nyx expression. Every curious glance of his would make his heart flutter, and the way he was looking at their hands–
"Does this make you happy?" Jude quietly asked, his smile hanging on every word as he spoke close to his ear.
Nyx shifted a little bit, biting his lip again and not looking at Jude. "Sh-should it?" He asked softly, very glad that he couldn't blush. Yes this makes me happy, but I can't say that to you.
Jude chuckled gingerly, giving Nyx's hands a gentle squeeze, "You shouldn't need a guideline for happiness." He told him, "I want to know if…this, or whatever it is we're doing, is making you happy." Because that's all I want to do right now. I want to make you happy, without hurting you in the end.
(I gtg soon)
Nyx chewed on his lip. Wished he could turn and kiss Jude. Knew that he couldn't. Shouldn't. "I…yeah." he admitted softly. "It…is." he glanced over at Jude shyly.
Jude almost kissed him then and there. Just that twirling glance over his shoulder almost brought his mouth onto his. "Good." Jude told him, eyes betraying, tempting him with the sight of Nyx's mouth, "That's– good, that's what I want for you."
Nyx swallowed. Nodded. Tried to keep his eyes on Jude's eyes instead of his mouth. Tried to remind himself that kissing Jude was a bad, bad idea. Tried not to notice that Jude's eyes had flicked to his own mouth for a moment.
Jude took a breath, biting his lip like it might stop him from all this wanting. Just one? His heart bargained, It'll be fine, it would just be one. Thankfully, his mind intervened, reminding him that this would mess everything up again. God, he looks so perfect like this. "What are you feeling right now?" Jude asked, his heart beating as if he was already kissing him, adrenaline on standby.
"I…I…" I feel like I wanna kiss you, and I want you to kiss me back and I want… He swallowed again. "I don't know." He breathed. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, and he took a deep breath.
"You don't know?" Jude quirked an eyebrow, he didn't know either. Whatever this feeling was, he liked it, wanted it. "Describe it?" He prompted, wondering if Nyx was feeling the same swirling pleasantness that moved through him.
Nyx hesitated, biting his lip. "I-I…" He shrugged his shoulders, every inch of him aware of just how close he was to Jude. Aware of how very badly he wanted to be kissed.
"You…" Jude smiled teasingly, hating how he hoped this might go further. He found himself glancing back at his hands, pressing onto Nyx's and moving in a subtle caress. Maybe it's different now– Now we know what we'd be getting into….sort of.
Nyx's breath shivered a little bit as he inhaled, hating that he couldn't hardly resist but to melt further against Jude. "I don't know." he breathed, eyes flicking to Jude's mouth again, lingering there for a moment as he imagined leaning closer and pressing his own lips to Jude's.
"Hm," Jude softly hummed, getting a good idea of what he might be thinking. Maybe it was too much– the heavy stares and quiet words between them, but Jude didn't dare move away. Through his haze of craving, he tried to calculate how bad he would mess up if he kissed him right now. Depending on if he kisses me back…Hm, then we'll have to talk about it. Then we'll stop. Or we won't. Either of those options won't do.
Nyx caught his lower lip between his teeth, worrying it back and forth for a moment. He watched Jude, his entire body taut with wanting and knowing that he couldn't have it. He wouldn't. He wouldn't kiss Jude, no matter how much he wanted it. And he wanted it so badly.
Jude took a breath, time seemingly slowing down, the pottery wheel moving to a stall and anticipation radiating off the two of them, just waiting to see who would make the first move, or call a bluff. "Is this too much?" He asked, more of a murmur than a coherent question.
Nyx swallowed hard, lip still caught between his teeth. "I…" he didn't know. He didn't know if it was too much. He didn't think so, because he wanted so much more. This isn't enough. He thought. He knew he couldn't say that though.
Jude smiled lazily, an effortless smirk of quiet adoration towards Nyx. "You…" He started, wishing he knew what went on in that pretty little mind of his. It must be such a happy place, he reckoned, when most of one's memories were sweet, so sweet, they cavitied. It'd be wise to keep them sweet, happy; without heartache.
He shook his head very slightly. "I don't know." he whispered, looking at Jude and very nearly trembling with how much he wanted the other male, how much he wanted Jude to kiss him. Please please please I know we shouldn't but I want it so badly…
Jude's heart seemed to jump at the question filling his mouth, pounding against his ribcage to stop stalling before it would give out. And his mind– tearing and scratching for him to stop before they'd hurt each other again. "Would it be too much for me to kiss you right now?" He asked, leaving a soft chuckle to follow.
Nyx's breath caught in his throat, and he stared at Jude. We shouldn't. We shouldn't we shouldn't we shouldn't… But he wanted to. Goddamnit he wanted it so badly. He finally shook his head a little bit, eyes flashing down to Jude's lips for a moment, then back to Jude's face.
"Too much?" Jude asked, nodding softly and trying to read his expression. Yes? No. He's going to say no. But yes– he might say yes. Say yes. Say no. Kiss me. Was that it? Kiss me. He knew how he felt, but was it a yes, or a no?
Nyx took a deep breath. "I…" he didn't know how to respond. "I want…" He wanted to be kissed but he didn't know how to say that, didn't know if he should say that, if he could, and he didn't know how Jude would respond.
"You want…" Jude tried, all the possible responses swirling through his head in hopes to prepare himself for the best, or the worst. He shook his head softly, searching Nyx's face for an answer, "What do you want?"
Nyx closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "I want you to kiss me…" He finally admitted, quietly, knowing that he shouldn't have said anything, that this wasn't a good idea. But he didn't want to stop himself.
Jude swallowed, his hold going slack over Nyx's hands as he moved closer to him, his mind buzzing with simmering anticipation. This was selfish, greedy, and just plain self-indulgent. He knew that it could bring a whole other round of distance between them. But the way his heart sang for him– He couldn't stop himself from bringing his mouth to Nyx's.