Nature's first green is gold / Her hardest hue to hold / Her early leaf's a flower / But only so an hour / Then leaf subsides to leaf / So Eden sank to grief / So dawn goes down to day / Nothing gold can stay.
Relocation Diffusion
derivative
No voy a estár en clase en el 27 de Enero hasta un poco mas tarde que las 11:30. Puedo venir después de clase para hacer las tareas que voy a faltar?
Kyo: he's still bleeding from the glass shard in his face, it's in his cheek area and has been bleeding this whole time.
"Get back here! Your boss isn't here!"
- If a man betroth a girl to his son, and his son have intercourse with her, but he (the father) afterward defile her, and be surprised, then he shall be bound and cast into the water (drowned).
WHAT
- If a man betroth a girl to his son, and his son have intercourse with her, but he (the father) afterward defile her, and be surprised, then he shall be bound and cast into the water (drowned).
WHAT
That is an actual excerpt from Hammurabi's Code, the oldest known laws
- If a man betroth a girl to his son, and his son have intercourse with her, but he (the father) afterward defile her, and be surprised, then he shall be bound and cast into the water (drowned).
WHAT
That is an actual excerpt from Hammurabi's Code, the oldest known laws
Wow
interphase, prophase, metaphase, anaphase, telophase and cytokinesis.
−3x2−2y
cволочь
hand holding rose, wrist at bottom of frame, some of palm showing, beautiful rose
prodrome
LJKJ-XV6
Dream chooses to remain ignorant to the specifics of their crimes, rather than acting to fix them, even though she knows that they should not be fully trusted.
7 Linton Place (please do not google this address, i was house hunting)
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WEIRD AND RANDOM THINGS WE’VE OVERHEARD…
“Not now, sweetie, mommy’s cyber-bullying the mayor.”
“Cool! I’ve always wanted a penguin that eats children!”
“The ducks, the ducks! Drowning all the humans.”
“If you get an Octobass and another Octobass together, they’ll have a baby harmonica.”
“CHIPS! CHIPS! CHIPS! CHIPS!”
“Once I threw a giant snowball at the invader and it turned out it was an Amazon guy.”
“I’m a yeet.” “Do you even know what yeet means?” “Um… that I’m gay…?”
“We were talking about the word four today and some kid said, “Four, like my dad has four girlfriends?”
“You’re feeling racist today? Cool! Me too!”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me the floor was brown.”
“Ex-GAY-use ME?”
“I can’t go today. I have to take my ex-girlfriend to get her first tattoo.”
“Does anybody here want to be a doctor?” Taylor raises her hand “OK! Can you help Jason deliver his balloon child?” slowly puts hand down
“The five spirits have collided! The barrier is broken! BE FREEEEEE!”
“LiStEn. If the clock is a banana and the floor is a banana, are you a banana?”
“I locked every door and window and told the guy to leave and it turns out it was my dad.”
“I want to lick this wall. Ok?”
“SHENIQUA? GINA?”
“Shoes are noun. Sunday shoes are also noun.”
“OH! It’s actually an R.”
“Tokyo’s in France.”
“People are getting sick and dying in CHINAAA…. People are getting sick and dying in TOKYOOO… COVID hits America People are getting sick and dying in AMERICA…”
“I THINK it is…that’s my best guess. It’s a noun, it’s a verb… etc.”
“Mah DAUGHTER just shot her first deer today… and together, we’re driving my poor wife crazy…” “Sam, what’s that song from?” “Oh, I made it up!” “Wait. That actually sounds like actual music…”
“First, you cut the squirrel open. Then you stuff things inside it. Now, it’s a squallet!”
“BILL GATES LAYS EGG SACS IN HIS BACKYARD!!!”
“dAdDy, DADDY, DAD!!!!! Ugh, move your hand boi…”
“Mrs. Isham and Shrek met at a bounce house and became boy and girl friends… then Shrek divorced her.” “Uh, they weren’t even married yet so how could they get divorced?” “DON’T QUESTION MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.”
“Jason, you’re the sushi kid.” “I’M THE SUSHI KID?!?!” “That’s what I refer to you as because on the first day of school, I said I disliked sushi and you shouted at me, “That’s the difference between you and I; I like sushi, and you don’t.’” “Fine. I get to come up with a nickname for you then, Mrs. Isham.” “Yes…?” “YOU’RE MRS. FIONAAAAAAAAAAA!”
“You see…Fiona’s a rather ugly swamp ogre…” “Well, before she was an ogre, she was a beautiful princess!”
“Did you just tell me I had a glow-DOWN?!”
“eiGhtY fOr THREEEEEEEE”
“Remember that guy who told me he made yogurt on the sun?”
“Nice pants!” “Shut up, you little fish!”
“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” “NO, JACE, DON’T! JACE…” “SAMMM…”
“You flipple my nipple, you crippled my nipple?”
“You see, translated into english, it means ‘dead monkey baby’”
“NAY-NAY, ENGLISH!”
“Yum, toe jam!”
“What’s the difference between jam and jelly? You can’t jelly a child into a white van.”
“Let’s be friends, let’s be friends!” “Aw, thanks balls.”
“I’m literally giving up on life.” “I don’t care! I don’t care!”
“Turn it off! I’m not a cube!”
“I have a tendency to forget dumb things.” “Like the rules?” “Exactly! Dumb things.”
“I tried to crack an egg, but there was no egg…”
“Also, don’t feel sad, because Trump’s not president anymore. SMILE!”
“Mac’s watching Game Theory?!”
“WE DON’T SELL FREAKING TREE SAP AT MCDONALDS!!!!”
“The only thing I’m going to push is the pull door.”
“Anyways, as a punishment for making me not understand, I decided to eat my wife for dinner tonight.”
“Is Kim Kardashian the reason turtles are dying?”
“uNcLe rObBiE!”
“What have I done to deserve being british? I’ve eaten cheeseburgers and stayed away from the forbidden art of kilometers like a good American citizen.”
“LOWER CASE IS FOR THE LOWER CLASS!”
“I was a weatherman before I turned into a snowman.”
“HAHAHAHA, tHaT’s a rEaL kNeE sLaPpEr!”
“Why did you bring ramen into class?”
“Tell your parents they named you wrong. There’s not supposed to be an E!”
“The ‘E’ is silent in my name… I’d be Jah-mez Eh-veh-rehtt if it wasn’t!”
“Go harry potter, shoot that cop off of the building! Yeah, shoot him off the airship!”
“For future reference… WHO ARE YOU????”
“The future is in the palm of your face! Don’t stop swimming or you’ll die! I looked up some inspirational shark mantras!”
“No drugs, no swearing, no naked women, perfect!”
“Public execution!”
“PHYSICAL BODY DAMAGE LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
“My booty don’t jiggle-jiggle, it’s flat. You wanna see it wiggle-wiggle? TOO BAD. But listen… My personality is THICC. And my heart, is even THICCER.”
“OH MY GOSH, SHE SAID I COULD HAVE A SIP OF HER DR. PEPPER, AHHHHHH!”
“SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIII”
“Girl, kick that boy so hard in the gut. He deserves it.” “He’s my brother…” “Oh.”
“In my defense, he did try to kill me with a graham cracker.”
“Peacocks are colored turkeys CONFIRMED!!!”
“Somehow I brought eight lunch bags…”
“Let's play a game. It’s called Jingle Clan!!!”
“Our chickens do drugs.”
“I’m actually glad the person who gave us that boring non-electric urn died.”
“I’m France.” “You’re french.” “No, I’m FRANCE!” “Pfff. Sure. And I’m Britain. I mean… British.” Walks over to friend. “I’m glad we’re not related.” “How do you know we’re not related?” “I’m better than you.”
“Nice carrot, Carrie.”
“THERE’S A TAMPON ON THE CEILING, LILY!”
“Hohoho, what do you want for Christmas?” “A real gun!” “Hohoho! You won’t shoot your eye out, will you?” “No! But I’ll shoot my brother! I’m plotting a dur-mer!” “Hohohoooohboy….. And how old are you?” “Three!”
“Hohoho! What do you want for christmas?” “A freeze-dried cow!”
“Because chickens are basically dinosaurs, are dino-nuggies ACTUALLY dinos?”
“Is the fruit orange named after the color orange because oranges are orange, or is the color orange named after the fruit orange?” “I’ve never witnessed someone say the word “orange” six times in one sentence and it makes sense. You’re a life changer, Mannii.”
“Are you my Dad? No? Dad, is that you? No? DAD! Dad! I thought I recognized you…are you my dad? No? OH MY GOSH DAD!!!! THERE YOU ARE!!!!”
“dOn’T tOuCh mE, bRaYaN.”
“Mrs. Broderick?” “Ya” “Where’s the- shut up Sam.”
“We made craters.”
“oH mY gAwSh mAx, sTaWp!!! NO STAWP!!! yOu’Re sO fUnNy mAx jUsT sTawP!
“Jimmy Janga”
“Can you shut up?” “No, you're just jealous that you're not as good a singer as me and Max. Just close your ears. No that's plugging your ears, you have to close them” “oh, ok”
“Nacho, taco, chimichanggaaaaaaaa celebrate, our differences!”
“mAx iS jUsT mY LiTtLe gUrU mOnkEy!”
“Why can’t you just be my daddy?” isaac “WHAT DID I JUST HEAR?!”
“Sofia, my ears are SO itchy!”
“I love yOu dad”
“Oh my gosh, I’m, like, stepping in beetle juice!”
“Mrs. Broderick?” “Yes?” “Can you adopt me?” “Um…” “Can I adopt your dog?”
“If you saw Bill Gates on a skyscraper about to jump, what would you do?” “Probably scream, Jace. Obviously.” “Yeah… well I’m only on the planet because I’m the one percent of people who would stand there with popcorn screaming ‘DO A BACKFLIP!!!’”
“Does anyone else wonder how they go to sleep with their blankets, then wake up while laying in the same position except the blankets are on the other side of the room?”
“Who stole my hat?” “…I’d rather not say…”
"Ah, parades. The only time of the year when I can legally run into traffic and fight children for candy."
“Mrs. Broderick, I’m going to make an inflatable dartboard!”
“Ugh, I hate when people spell “school” like that. It’s obviously wrong, you DON’T put the second “o” before the first “o”. YOU IMMATURE WATERMELON REGURGITATORS.”
“I, SIR PURRYWHISKERS, AM YOUR MASTER!!!”
“Did you know the guy who invented Pringles is now buried in a Pringles can? Imagine living a whole life for your family to be like, “Hm, let’s just squeeze his corpse into a can with crumbs and seasoning!””
“Swans are just female geese though…right?”
“This weekend, I’m just going to sit around in my pants eating cheese.”
“DID DINOSAURS HAVE NIPPLES?
“How much data can you store in an elephant?”
“If bread was a vegetable, it would be a potato.”
“Coconut shavings are the devil’s toenail clippings.”
“FYI, you have really smooth elbows.”
“A monkey could do my job. At least HE’D be able to fling poo when he heard a stupid idea.”
"My partner once, completely at random, in her sleep, yelled, 'OPEN THE WINDOW, ABIGAIL, I'M BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL!' Important note: We don't know an Abigail."
"My roommate talks in their sleep almost every night and, one time, he just burst into laughter and said, 'Well, why did none of you try to chop my head off then?'"
"My freshmen year I lived with two guys in a dorm who BOTH talked in their sleep. One night, I woke up and one was chanting, 'I am the spring berry, I am the spring berry,' and the other just responded 'Yeah, but Chick-Fil-A said 'no' back in 2011!' They have no memory of this."
"My wife always jumps at the opportunity to tell people that I once said, 'How come you get the cool spaceships and I get the Jetsons?' while asleep, then made the Jetsons flying car sound."
"My friend's little brother sleepwalks and once he came into our room. He kicked open the door and said, 'Did you tell mom about the soup thing?!' To which my friend replied, 'What soup thing?' To which he replied, 'You know, the thing with the [strangled screaming noise] and the [bird noise]!' He then stood there for a minute before leaving."
"Apparently one time while I was sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulders and told her: 'Hey, people are just stacks of years!' like it was the most important thing in the world."
"I've been told both by my boyfriend and my sister that I express my love for potatoes while sleeping, saying things like: 'They are just so versatile. I love them. French fries, hash browns, baked potatoes. I really think they're great.'"
“OF COURSE ELMO WOULD WIN!!!”
“Your words sound rounder…like whhhhhHhHhoooOOOOOOOOoOOOOP!”
“scoffs kiDs tHeSe dAyS…YOU ARE NOT OLDER THAN ME, LILY!”
“DAVID. DAVID. DAVID. DAVID! PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS.”
“STOP LOOKING AT ME, YOU’RE BANNED FROM LOOKING AT ME, BAYLEE!”
“BAYLEE, STOP FLIRTING WITH DAVID”
“hOw dO yOu bE aVeRaGe aGe? AVERAGE AGE IN NOT A THING.”
“DAVID, STOP. FLIRTING. WITH. BAYLEE!”
“I did zero work on the slideshow…” “wELL, gOoD fOr yOu bAyLeE!”
“SSSSSSOOOOOOMEONE’S ON THEIR PHOOOOOOONE!”
“What animal makes that noise David?”
“HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT HE KNOWS?
“My age is thirty four thousand!” “So?” “It’s my age!” “And…?” “Age is a number!” “Nope! Age is a word.”
“Cymbals are metal hand clappers.”
“I became a Fruit Cat because I couldn’t afford anything else.”
“What’s your surname?” “What’s a surname? Isn’t it, like…Your name that’s a sir?” Facepalm
“I woke up to the natural obligation to leave my offspring.”
“Two girls offered me their pants.”
“THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN REPORT ME TO IS MEEEEE!!!”
“Dun, dun, dun, eat the egg RAW!”
“It totally won’t squirt all over her….”
“Listen, kids, that dentist is Quack! He’s an orthodontist at best!”
“Bang her? I barely know her!” “That's why you use OLIVE JUICE!!!!”
“PREPARE TO BE STONED!” “Remind me not to bring you when I go to stone someone.”
“If I break a few of my bones, I can squeeze between the bars of the cell and escape.”
"Just because you started an electrical fire on the bus four years ago doesn't mean you're cool. It means you're dumb."
“I like inserting things into the gaping hole on my neck growth, then sending them into a pocket of acid to disintegrate.”
“Oof, I think after doing that pull up I squirted out a bit of my…menstrual juices.”
“Just because it’s not right doesn’t mean it’s left!”
“I JUST TOUCHED DIGESTIVE JUICE!”
“They were unkind to her and called her a chu-chu.”
“I want you to make me a character.” “Okay, dad, who do you want it to be?” “A human woodpecker hero named ‘Face Knife.’”
“Don’t drop-kick your child across the football field. Yet.”
“I’m gonna tie whoever that was to the top of the bus.”
“I have been let out of the basement for one day. And I have to tell you: Don’t. Eat. The. Purple. Cheez-its. They don’t taste like tomatoes.”
“HELLO FROM THE OTTER SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE”
“AHH! JANICE IS STABBING ME!!!” “Sorry, but it was the only way to get the Jellybeans out!”
“Ugh, can we stop by the gas station? I need to fill up my Tesla.”
“And here I am, standing by a bush!” “Mom, that’s not a bush. You can’t just say that everything is a bush!” “Well I said it’s a bush so now it’s a bush!”
“If I lost all my teeth in my bed, it would be bad and there would be blood and it would hurt a lot.”
“Would anyone like to order a black mamba?”
“My fish blew up.”
“JUST BECAUSE IT’S FLUFFY DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT A NAZI!”
“You’d only need to throw 17 cats into a black hole to power Norway.”
“He has a broken nose.”
“EXCUSE ME, AT LEAST I TAKE TIME TO SANITIZE MY HAIR FOLLICLES!”
“STOP TOUCHING MY TURTLES, JEREMY!”
“I’m going to go fart in the air purifier!”
“Why does “lisp” have an ‘S’? That literally embarrases you more, seriously? ‘Lithp?”
“Darn, I really thought I was 16. Does anyone have a spare cat I can borrow?”
“And last time we gave him kittens, he ate them!
“You know, a few years of grave robbing is just archeology.”
“I’m weird because I love bingus cats!”
“My vacuum is SUPER racist!”
“Oh, poop.” “Oh it's literally poop.”
“You’re gonna have to bleach that hand.”
“He’s literally soup on the ground.” “Tomato soup.”
“Cats are kinda like kids.” “How so?” “If you stick your foot in front of their face, they might lick it.” “NO!”
“bOw DoWn tO mEeE. I’m MoRe sUpErIoR tHaN yOu!”
“You can bet your cheese on it.”
“Clean it, clean it like you're a serial killer who just committed a gruesome crime and doesn’t want to get caught, I want this house SPOTLESS.”
“Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic expectations on how many swords they can carry at one time.”
“Timmy’s still stuck in a jar of aliens.”
“I WILL SLAP YOU WITH THE PANTS OF FRIENDSHIP!!”
“They have candy canes. And they’re FRESH!”
“I will literally drop kick you across Walmart.”
“He legit sucked on my bald head.”
“Well I’m not prepared. But you know what I am prepared for?” “What?” “To die.” “Honestly, same.”
“I have no sponge and I must Bob." "I have no Bob and I must sponge." "Together we will make the spongiest of Bobs."
"If Satan doesn't come to me at 3 wearing a fluffy bunny costume, at this point I promise I will be thoroughly disappointed."
“I’m attempting to write a country song titled “There’s Wasp on Your Butt.”
“Everyone knows that parking your front two wheels on the park bench asserts dominance.”
“Time to head to Colorado to eat some babies.”
“I’m older than your mom.” “Suuure.” “Yeah! I’m seven thousand!” “Then how come you're still in fifth grade?”
“Today we’re doing NetSmarts.” “Why? I’m smarter than a net!”
“He said there were squirrels in the rolls, so now I’m never eating a bowl again.”
"We can't let you pee outside, all the corn fields are flooded and you'll get bitten by a snake"
“I know EVERYTHING because of the dishwasher…FOR I AM HIS ELF!”
“I took my snail on a walk, then tried to mop the ocean.”
“Anybody else feel like slapping a newborn? Like, really hard?”
“YOU COULD BE WHATEVER SIZED FISH YOU WANT!”
“He died doing what he loved. Repeatedly slapping elephants.”
“I LIKE DOING IDENTITY THEFT, IDENTITY THEFT, IDENTITY THEFT! I LIKE DOING IDENTITY THEFT SO I CAN SUE THE FLOOR!!!”
“HUG ME OR YOUR KNEES WILL COLLAPSE, YOU OVERSEWN CUP OF JUICE!”
“Mothers are temporary, Australia is FOREVER.”
“These are the fake Jews…” “Wait, what happened to the REAL Jews?” “…” “The Holocaust, Trevor.”
“I am ggggrrrRrRRAAAAACCCEEEEEFFFUUULLLLYYYYY walking in a pile of wRiNkLES!!!!!!!!!!”
“DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU TIP OVER A DOOR, THERMOMETERS EXPLODE?!?!?!?!”
“Are you emo?” “Not this emo thing again.” “Would you tell us if you were emo?” “I guess?”
“I don’t know what's more stressful: being the president of the United States or being a bush that was just set on fire.”
“The church is the color of ramen.”
“Looks like he’s been possessed by a western spirit, and it’s, like, leaking out of his eyeballs.”
“How many parents do you have?” “A lot.”
“Okay, so there’s an ambush. It’s an armadillo holding two swiss army knives in each hand. Your ankles are in danger.”
“I’m so blue I’m greener than purple.”
“WHY IS CARGO FROM A SHIP AND SHIPMENT FROM A CAR?!”
“WE DON’T NEED AN ANTAGONIST AT OLIVE GARDEN!”
“Croutons have NO sense of humor, MIA! FOR THE LAST TIME!!!”
“I need a diffuser. If I can’t cleanse my soul I’ll cleanse my house”
“I'm going to need a therapist to talk about my therapist.”
“Don’t ostracize librarians; they are like the bees, once they are gone we have nothing.”
“Why does Mom wear makeup?” “To look pretty.” “But she is already pretty.” “Awww!” “Dad, you should wear makeup.”
“WE MUST CULT AROUND THE SCISSORS! HUZZAH! HUZZAH! oH oW…”
“hOw dOeS sAnTa pEe?”
“Here’s a suspenseful story, so…so…Jace’s MOM, right, his mom? Yeah? So she went on a plane, all the way to California…pause…and she had an awesome time, right? So then she flew back to greet her kids, and it was fun like that.”
“I’m a beautiful fish!” “You are a beautiful fish, Jason.” “I am?”
“I’m a Alien-fish-bird-potato!” “Um… very nice, James.”
“SINCE WHEN DID THE CHICKEN TENDERS BECOME COMMUNISTS?!”
“pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS niCe, pEaCe iS bEtTeR tHaN microphone cracks CHICKEN AND RICE! pEaCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, niCe, niCe, niCe, pEaCe, pEaCe, cHiCkEn, cHiCkEn, microphone cracks, again RICE! RICE! RICE!”
“Cleanse, cleanse, cleanse, the sponges, cleanse out all the crap!”
“Giga-chads are BUFF.”
“What happened to all the morbid children's stories?” “Like red riding hood?”
“There was a Danish children's story about an evil cat who ate pretty much all of the humans that came near it, then he met a woodcutter. And you didn’t see it but the next picture is all the people, and the cat has a bandage around it.”
“I don’t get why you’re all obsessed with my computer. See, this is my personal life account, and this is my school life account!”
“They called me a chicken and sent me to Evie.”
“Mrs. Isham? Can I sit here and do nothing?” “Here’s the thing, Jason. If you ask me, I’m going to say no, but if you don’t tell me, I might not notice.” “Oh.”
“So you’re telling me next semester you're going to have Brady right here? And be more productive?”
“RAP JUICE!” “You see, one sip a day will make you rap like Kanye.”
“YOUR MOM IS A HAIRDRYER!!!”
“Bloob lint…”
“I can call a monkey? Any time of the day? And it’ll talk to me? Oh? You have to be hot to call the monkey?”
“It’s hard, I know he has a ponytail, it’s confusing…” “WE HAVE A COMMON ANCESTOR OF MONKEYS, OK?” “I IDENTIFY AS A LIZARD, OK MRS. ISHAM?!”
“You either need to stop playing games, or just be sneakier.”
“Your title should be ‘I don’t like reading books.’” “OOOOH, YOU’RE THE ONLY TEACHER THAT’S TOLD ME THAT!!!!”
“Your stupid.” “your dumb.” “your mom.”
“What’s your name?” “Trevor…?” “How do you spell that?” “A-a-b-e-d-k-l-m-z!”
“That’s not fair!” “Zach, someday I’m going to make you define unfair.”
“Explain something to me that is actually unfair.” “this!” “No, really.” “Racism!” “good job!”
“How much powder do I need to eat to make myself throw up?”
“OOOH waddle waddle”
“That’s pretty tough dude. You kinda suck.” “I HAVE ONE HEALTH” “Ooh I did it!”
“Why do skaters go online?”
“If they’re red, they’re bad.”
“EY, jump in the snow, jump in the snow! PLAY WITH ME”
“He’s a true man of Truman.”
“Mass of politician contrary.”
“BRUH, frick you brody!”
“Kay, no, all of us should actually get together and have a snowball fight sometime. Not my house, but yours.”
“Kay, but you told me you like stories about dogs, but not 14 year old girls babysitting?”
“He’s a captain because he’s wearing underpants…”
“Ming-Ming, duck!” “flips feathers YES, I AM A DUCK!” “NO LITERALLY MING-MING, DUCK!!!”
“EEEH shut up shut up shut up noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo”
“Three V three, guys! He’s one HP guys, GET OUT OF HERE” “DANGIT” “wooooooow hector” “Wait hector? SO warren you’re on our team”
“Hector you just flip over” “I know OH OH OH dodge him OH OH NO”
“GALAXY GIRLS!!! YEAH!!!”
“Do you like books about galaxies, or books about girls?” “Um….. GALAXIES!!!!!”
“Nine-four-oh-one-gimkit. EVERYONE’S GAY”
“BRODYYY You guys suck”
“Frikin mrs. hansan’s class. All my science classes do not have grades.” (??)
“Can u guess wut the boys in my class are doing?” “being dumb” “gAmiNG” “so, being dumb, then.”
“GUYS I JUST SHOT ALL THOSE SNOWBALLS AT ONCE*
“Shottie shottie she’s a hottie” “LETS GO”
“I’m about to use my hand!”
“IF I GET ONE MORE SNOWBALL WEDGED UP MY BUTT, I SWEAR I’M GOING TO SLAP SOMEONE!”
“Make sure you get the present.” “make sure you get the snowman.” “where?” “Right there.” “YOUR MOM”
“ If you are a smart guy don't sue me” “Ok Mrs. Fiona”
“MCKAY MCKAY fur i cant see!” “Oh so funnnn” “Dude I need to shovel like five thousand times”
“I’ll give you 20,000 dollars to change your interest rate.” “Um… you don’t even know what an interest rate is, do you?”
“I love just SpAmMiNg them and watching them go “AHHHHHHHH””
“Rap juice, by Sammy the inventor. How does it work? Well the answer is Kanye West.”
“I’M LITERALLY YOUR MOM” “Don’t kill me im gonna shoot you!” “ITS NOT TEAMING”
“I’ll be the Papa, you’ll be the Mama.”
“Why?” “Rap Juice.” “But… why?” “RAP. JUICE.”
“I was known as the notorious O-R-E-O.” “Oreo?” “nO.”
“What if I put it in my dirt bike?” “The dirt bike will rap.”
“Do blind people just rub their grimy fingers all over groceries?”
“If he’s gonna be a butt, why can’t I show him how it feels to be…” Awkward silence “Butted?”
“MR. SARGENT!!!! ADALYN GAVE ME A REINDEER!!!”
“Stay fresh, cheese bags!”
“BACK. STREET’S. BACK. ALRIGHT!!!”
“Hey! You just hit me with the pass! Did you mean to do that?” “Yes…”
“This article tells how to make a vision board. Maybe it’s a little cheesy, too, but oh well! Embrace the cheese! Cheese for all!”
“Apparently when we die we don’t have skin or faces.”
“Does it creepily talk to you in your sleep?” “No…” “Why not?”
“You looked like a drunk driver, sweetheart.”
“YOU WANSUM, YOU WANSUM, YOU WANSUM TIIIIIISSSSSUUUUUUUEEEES?”
“I must swipe my credit card through your buttcrack, okay, Tay-Tay?”
“Have you seen Scar from the Lion King? He’s like, such a hottie.”
“I get to smack boxes for money!”
“Is that a violin?” Awkward silence while everyone stares at Jace, then the trumpet “That is the STUPIDEST QUESTION I have EVER heard you ask.”
“Hey! Rude!” “Hate to break it to you, but green beans don’t have feelings.”
“I’m sorry that you’re an orphan.” “I’M NOT AN ORPHAN!!!” “It’s just a phase. David, come calm your adopted son!” “MY. DAD. IS. NOT. DAVID. AND. HE. DOES. NOT. LIVE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!”
“I don’t cry over girls, my mascara is too 💅eXpAhnSahVE.💅” -Will Clegg, 12-20-2022
“I mean, I don’t like you making comments about my appearance, but you’re okay to…whimper”
“Pink is a boy color.” “Does that mean black is a girl color?” “Yes.” “YEAH!” “Oh, wait, nevermind, hahaha, black’s a gang color.” “I’d join a gang if I could.”
“Ya want it, Sock Dump?”
“Buh-booooowwww, buh-bowwwwwww, buh-boooowwwwwww.”
“Did you just call my parents ugly?!” “No, it was a bear. But I’m sure the bear could tell you that, too.”
“It made me fat!” “And it made me call her fat!”
“I burned my house down for all that insurance money!” “Um…” “hAhAhahahAHAhAhaHAhaHA”
"Do not stick bath products up your butt. Do you not realize how inconvenient farting bubbles would be?"
“We can't ibuprofen our way out of this one, girlies.”
“PLEASE don’t go all Alvin-and-the-Chimpmunks on us, we’ll respect your privacy.”
"And yes, I am interested in guys who look like maniacs and I'm not ashamed of that."
"Mulan is a horror movie, right?"
"maple over canada to the zero power?"
"could you perhaps make a chair that would zap him every time he says something stupid?"
"that's a lot of minutes for a detention. what did he even do?" "he threw a pencil across the room. and he said the r word." "the r word…???" "yeah, racist."
"You NEED to understand that you’re a watermelon, okay?”
“You’ve got to insert sphynx kittens into amazon boxes in order for world hunger to grow worse and trees to grow neon pink soda cans. Okay?”
“WAFFLES ARE JUST PANCAKES WITH ABS, AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT!”
“You unwashed left CHEEK!”
“Does anybody else hold their pee by squeezing their buttcheeks tight together, and sittting at an angle? Just me?”
“Uruguay is just South American Canada.”
“Please stop doing tiktoks and fix our limbs.”
“No thanks, I like skin cancer. Obviously.”
“The real question is, who are the 1% of butlers who aren't named Sebastian and why are they not captured yet?”
“WHY CAN’T WE EAT UNSCENTED CARPET MOTHERS?!”
“Onto you, MRS. SEDUCER.”
“THESE CUPS ARE ABSOLUTELY USELESS!” “You turn it upside down and pour into the other side…” “BUT I’D SPILL ALL OF MY APPLE JUICE.” “Ferguson, Ferguson. DRINK THE REMAINS.” “Okay, fine…” drinks the remains “Now, turn it upside down, pour YOUR FREAKING APPLE JUICE INTO THE VISIBLY CUP-LIKE PART, AND DRINK IT!” does it “IT’S WEIRD, IT’S UPSIDE DOWN, BUT NOW I CAN GET DRUNKER WAAAAAYYYY FASTER! HOORAY!” “IT’S. APPLE. JUICE.”
"You have to draw the ears, otherwise it looks like a demented baby."
“I AM ALPHA, and OMEGA!” “That’s not possible.” “I’M LONELY AND SINGLE, IDIOT!”
“OH, mArtHa, eHeHAHeheAH.”
“Austen tickled Jason’s buttcrack.”
“I too enjoy dragon entrails and pasta.”
“Put your toes down so I can suck on them!”
“A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!!!” “No singing The Little Mermaid in the library!” “A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!!! I’m not. It’s Aladdin.”
“Hahaha, did you know lightning is black???”
(To the tune of We wish you a merry christmas) “We wish you a merry beef sticks, we wish you a merry beef sticks, we wish you a merry beef sticks and a happy cheese cube! We really like cheese, and beef sticks are good, we wish you a merry beef sticks and a happy cheese cube!!!”
“You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy choccy chips, which is close enough.”
“So what will it take to let me sleep on your porch? I’m prepared to negotiate.”
“You took 10 minutes to tie your shoe!” “It was hard!” “IT WAS VELCRO!”
“This is Josh's orphanage, sorry we missed your call. But you know what we say, you make them, we’ll take them.”
“Do birds fly? NO, they just walk on frictionless air.”
“I CRAVE FLESH!!!”
“When I burp, I burp out baby hippopotamuses!”
“MY SANITY IS OUT THE WINDOW, IN THE MIDST OF A LARGE PILE OF BROILING POOP! MWAHAHAHAHA!”
“I must leave, to live amongst the dolphins.” “Oh, that sounds sweet!” “No, amongst them…” “Exactly, amongst them? You’ll train them?” “No, I will eat them.”
“My dog has rabies!!!” “My dog is dead!!!” “MUST BE SANTA!!!” “…”
“If we ate a baby, we would feel sick…”
“Either help or get out of my way!!!” Trips and falls down stairs
“Tell my kids…” “You have no kids…” “YOUR MOM HAS NO KIDS!!!” “…I want you to think about the logic of that sentence for a moment…”
“Everyone knows I don’t do peasentry. Do you do peasantry?”
“If you spell… APPLESAUCE, WITH JUST THE A, YOU GET AAAAAAAAAAAAH!” “Well, if you spell… COUGH DROP, WITH JUST THE C, YOU GET Loud and terrible choking sounds”
“My mom is Iron Man…”
“I’m “Brady” with and ‘L’, KAMBREE!”
“Why is the ant so FREAKING FAR AWAY from JAMES?!”
“QUIET TAs, I WILL WHIP YOU LIKE A HORSE!”
“Dude. I had a dream that Mr. Whitney sang me a lullaby.”
“Did he invent space?!”
“Mr. Woods, what’s 1+1?” “Well, what do you think, Hudson?” “eLeVeN! intense wheezing laugh” “sigh”
“You know what’s beautiful?” “What?” “To the tune of under the sea Your mom and your dad, under the sheets, under the covers, making a brother….”
“WHY is the soap in the city building’s restroom Victoria’s Secret LOTION?”
“BILL GATES HAS HIS OWN YOUTUBE CHANNEL?! I’m subscribing RIGHT NOW.”
“If I jumped out of the window, would I get fined?” “With medical bills…” “You physically can’t jump out the window.” “If I throw a chair out the window though… would I be fined for the chair?” “…Whatever breaks, you will be fined for.”
“Does it seriously say 11:57 PM?” “…That’s seriously what you're more worried about right now?”
“I like you in personal because your my son and your backpack reminds me of apples and that's why I like you and your eyes are like mine!”
“Why is the time different on the temperature?”
“You know what I should have done? I should have thrown the chair at the window when he came in!” Sigh
“I’m little Durphy!” “You mean little D? And no, Jason, put that you just can’t help it for the bad idea.”
“Guys, James is a pretty cool guy.” “NOOOO I wanna be lame.”
“I am the only one that knows how to read.” “Then why are we here?” “To learn how to read.” “Let me rephrase that. Why are you here?”
“Did you just say you wanted to sleep with Brady???”
“Can you sit at my desk Mrs. Isham?” “…”
“Hey! Nothing special happened to you!” “I know. Be quiet Jason!” “Will is specialer than you!”
“Did you forget to save the world?” “No, I’m not dumb!”
“Bye Jason! Don’t forget your dad!” “Okay! Wait… What?”
“Multiply world hunger with world thirst, then divide by environmental damage, add by how many turtles there are in the world, and the answer is chicken tender.” “NONE OF THOSE ARE NUMBERS.”
“Parker, if you don’t listen, you will go to the hall!” “I know!” “Parker!” “I said I know!” moves on “Alright. Next you will sit-” “WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG” “PARKER! GO TO THE HALL NOW” “But I didn’t finish my I knowwwwwwwww very long sentence-” “PARKER YOU DUMB THAT'S NOT A SENTENCE” “I know but I already finished it so GOoDdBbYEeEe”
"I am going to go contemplate all of my life decisions while letting fluid freely stream from my body. Bye!"
"They were all cut off," "That could be phrased very incorrectly…" "…"
"TAYLOR, WE'RE IN THE RELIEF SOCIETY ROOM!"
"Do you like my mom cup?" "Will, I'd actually say it's a manly Stanley."
"WHAT? I DIDN'T KNOW YOU AND JAMES #2 WERE COUSINS, TY!"
"sniffle MY eyeballs came." "You cried?"
"This knock-off emo girl slime is looking quite stale."
“All Red, Yellow, and Green bell peppers need to SHUT UP.”
“You searched “hahahahahaha”, and baby birds came up?”
“Never have I ever had a hat that looks like a train.”
“You’re still, you’re still a TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIN!” “Are you trying to sing Olivia Rodrigo’s “traitor”?”
“I once heard someone say Mr. Blair and Coach Carlson are hot.” “You do realize that 1), they are both at least 10 years older than us 2) They are married 3) they have CHILDREN 4) That's ILLEGAL.”
“Chill, it’s just word roots, guys!” “But it’s FRIDAY!”
“OoOooOH, that’s where the word transgender comes from, when a gender goes WHEEEE!”
“Oh! Because their tummies tele!”
“I shouldn’t have brought up conspiracies around Jace.” “BILL GAAAAAAATES EGGGG SACS!!!”
“Thirty four thousand, three hundred and nine, pass the pies around, cheese, cheese.”
“Why did the transgender dinosaur only eat leaves?” “wHy?” “Because it was a her-before.”
“Well before Fiona was ugly, she was beautiful.” Mrs. Isham “You have called that enough times to train my brain to respond to that. WHY?”
“My icicles can write better cursive than I can. That’s just sad.”
“Is it true that our brother turned handsome and he’s going to OD on ocean water?”
“We should take off half our swim-suits and dance in the rain.”
“JUST CAUSE I SAID YOU COULD USE HIM AS A RULER DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN USE HIM AS A rULeR!!!”
“Did you know if you drink the liquid inside a magic 8 ball, you can see the future? One guy did, and he said ‘oh no I’m gonna die’ and then he died.”
“Jesus walked on water. I can walk on watermelons. Watermelons are 95% water. I am 95% Jesus.”
“We have watermelons, so we need firemelons, earthmelons, and windmelons! Together, they will make the ELEMELONS!!!”
“When I got home from school in 3rd grade, EVERY DAY, (yes, as an eight-year old male) I would walk into my backyard where this elegant tree stood. And I would sing to the birds like Sleeping Beauty. My mom probably look out the window and went, “Tom, TOM, I think this one’s gayer than the other one.””
“As soon as I combusted from the womb, I was so gay that the secret disco balls and speakers in the hospital room revealed themselfs and I started vibing to, screeching “EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!!””
“The Rock’s whole career would be completely ruined if he was indian. Like, “hALLo my friendings. Have you heard my songing on the tiktoking?””
“What did you learn in drama today?” “That Mr. Blair can make an immaculate dying goat sound!”
“Are you smacking the girl’s cheeks, Brady?”
“ADALYN KEPT SMACKING MY breast IN PE, MRS. ROBINSON!!!”
“Grace told me that boots are a red flag.”
“A group of four men were at a bar, chatting and such. (Chad, Jeremy, Steve, and John) John had to use the restroom and went on his way to the bathroom. The other three were chatting about how successful their sons were. “My son owns a car dealership, and gave his girlfriend a Ferrari,” says Chad. “Well, my son owns a bunch of private jets, and just gave HIS girlfriend a private jet.” says Jeremy. “WELL, my son has a bunch of land and gave HIS girlfriend a castle.” says Steve. John comes back from the bathroom and asks what the friends were talking about. “Oh! I don’t have a son, but my daughter is having a great life. All three of her boyfriends gave her a car, jet, and castle! And because I trust you guys not to say anything, they don’t even know she’s cheating!””
“Mrs. Isham! I messed up!” “It’s okay, Jace. We all make mistakes.” “Jace’s parents made a mistake.” “HEY! SAY 3 NICE THINGS!!!” “Okay, okay! You’re smart, you're nice, and your parents did a good job making you.”
“You’re smart, you’re nice, you’re good at math, you’re good at science, you’re good at writing, and I don’t mean any of this.” “Good. If you did, I’d be worried, Jason.”
“WiLlIaM!” “I like your old man impression. Sounds like me.”
“…Because you said that, a cat died. Because you laughed, a cat died.”
“I hate you, you hate me, let’s tie Barney to a tree with a shotgun, ch, ch, Barney on the floor, no more purple dinosaur!”
“I hate this chair! It will pay for its sins!”
“tHiS cAt HaS rAiBiEsSsS KILL THE CONE - AHHH”
“You are so young for a 12-year-old.”
“Eeeeh I thought that was your hand.” “My hand? That thing’s warm and ricey!!!”
“Can we have some seaweed?” “No.” “Please?” “No.” “I’ll give you something!” “No.” “I’ll give you this pencil!” “No.” “It’s pink!” “I don’t like pink.” “What’s your favorite color?” “Black.” “…Okay. I can’t” leaves
“How come the girls always get to go?” “Because they’re generally more respectful than boys, Jason.” “That’s not fair!” “Also, I know you would stop to talk to your best friend in the hallway.” “So would Taylor!” “Really? Should we set a trap, then?” “Yeah! I’ll walk out and say hi!” “Well, you’re not her best friend!” “Yes I am!” “What’s her middle name?” Turns to Dani and mouths what’s her middle name??? “Um…” “What’s her eye color?” “BrOwN.” “…” “What's her favorite color?” “Green!” “Nope.” “When’s her birthday?” “…January 14!” “Close. It’s actually December 31.”
“James is a flower.” “He is?”
“OOOOOld baldy, the father of our country!” “Geoooooooooorge washing machine! The father of our country; had to fight for the right to wash his pans!”
“(Waitress) How well do you want your steak?” “(Husband) As often as I win a fight with my wife!” “(Waitress) Rare it is, then!” Choke Wheezing laugh
“Libby, can I please lick the sword?”
“I’ve been working on my water pump impressions lately, thank you.”
“It’s just a bunch of people with capes sitting on a lightpost!” Taylor grabs church shoe OFF HER FOOT and threatens to whack victim
“WHY HAVE I HAD THREE DREAMS IN A ROW ABOUT A PERSON I HAVE NO ROMANTIC ATTRACTION TO?!”
“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!”
“Here’s your baby, sir. But I’m sorry, your wife didn’t make it.” “Then send me the one my wife did make!”
“Not saying that you can, Taylor, but here are some more lickable weapons I have.”
“I just touched digestive juice!”
“Easton kind of reminds me of a pug- so ugly, that he’s cute!” “Ok, that’s actually kind of mean.”
“Why are they taking a life-sized cut out of the Mandalorian, during a FIRE DRILL?!”
“Yes, Leah, I’m very aware about Fox being a hottie-shawtie. But I care nottie.”
“I’M SIMBA!” “Taylor, WHAT DID YOU PUT ON YOUR FACE?” “Shiny stuff from your bathroom!” “Oh dear. Taylor, show me what you put on your face.” “SHINY!” “Oh gosh. It’s just my highlighter.” “What did you think it was?”
“Shake your booty! (Yeah-ah)” “Are you referring to, “Rock Your Body”, from the Backstreet Boy’s “Everybody”?” “No, I’m referring to “Shake your booty! (Yeah-ah)””
“JENNA ORTEGA! JENNA ORTEGA! JENNA ORTEGA! JENNA ORTEGA! JENNA ORTEGA!”
“Mr. Woods, how do people in Australia not fall off the Earth?” “Ben, are you actually curious about this question?” “Yes, how are they not falling into the abyss of space?”
“I just realized, oranges are untrue facts.”
“Y’all know Sy, right?” groan in unison
“Grey is wearing a FLUORESCENT ORANGE HAT!!!”
“Whales are mammals, which mean they can produce milk, which also means, WE CAN EAT WHALE CHEESE!”
“Whipping five pies together in a pot is the true way of spatula creation.”
“Wait, so smoking pot isn’t people gathered around a pot inhaling the aroma?”
(Doctor) “Alright! Who’s ready to have a baby?” (Wife) “GET. THIS. THING. OUT OF ME!” (Doctor) “Will do ma’am! But we have a new program where the pain is transferred to the father. Would you like to try that?” (Wife) “YES PLEASE!” (Husband) “Sounds ok to me! Can’t be that bad.” (Doctor) “Ok, we’ll start off with a steady 20% transfer!” (Wife) “Oh! That’s a bit better!” (Husband) “Wow…can’t feel a thing! Turn it up to 40%, Doc!” (Doctor) “Alrighty, 40%” (Husband) “I seriously can’t feel anything!” husband’s phone rings, it is from his brother (Husband) “Oh hey! Are you ready to be an uncle?” (Uncle) “Yeah. But I have a wicked stomach ache, maybe food poisoning” (Husband) “Oh bud, I’m so sorry. {whispering to the doctor, “60%” as he sees his wife going into further pain.}” (Uncle) “OH MY GOSH IT’S GETTING WORSE! AHHH!” (Husband) “Oh I’m so sor-” {Husband’s realization kicks in} (Husband) “TURN IT TO 100%!”
“Do freeways ever end?”
“Are skyscrapers there to scrape the sky?” “Yeah. We want the sky juices.”
“Russia will never be a state if you claim chicken nuggets.”
“We’re all eating carrots in the NIGHT TIMEEE!!!” “Um…”
“Why can’t we do the quiz in the classroom?” “Do you want to take the quiz in the classroom?” “Um… no?”
“EWWWW. This cheese is slippery. I kinda want to slide it down the floor. HAHA”
“Your sweatshirt looks like eggs.”
“OMG, Max, you’re soooo sexy.”
“Have you heard of that Mad Cow disease? Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
“Um…can orphans eat at a family restaurant?”
“What do you call a blonde in the freezer? Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.”
“MY SOUL HAS LEFT MY BODY! I’VE LOST FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE!”
“I hosted and illegal car meet!”
“This is my french zester hand!”
“This is why tigers are morally depressed!”
“When Charlie is embarrassed, he becomes possessed by a goblin creature.”
“From off, to like dying bird noise, right?”
“Where’s Galaxy Girls?” “Jason, it’s at my house.” “Then boys, we must track down her home! ONWARD!”
“Does anybody else hear the word 'criticism' then cling to the nearest object and scream at the top of their lungs?”
“Did you know that if you look up ‘deformed’ on Canva, a pear with a butt will come up?”
“Is America Mexico’s Canada?”
“You sound like a chicken giving birth with pneumonia when you laugh.”
“PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH SQUIRRELS!”
(things i have heard)
She just touched that with a shovel. Oh it's a hoe
I’ve been friend zoned by an AI
It doesn’t matter, I read it, and its great.
He’s mad at me for trying to dis-install life
Dragons don’t get tan lines.
PIGIONS ARE REAL!
WHAT?!? The train station is feminine?!?
No, im a party pooper!
Its like a neck with a ‘ss’
We aren’t a threat! Please be our friend!
Remember that time when you did that thing?
Suzy! We all thought you’d be dead by now!
If we don’t stay and fight, we might never find out how that hat talks!
I’m secretly a member of the frog choir!
Yippee kie yay MOTHER PUFFER!
I got a tiara! I got a tiara!
Looks like you guys could use a protractor!
Let me show you how a real math magician works!
I owe you sooo many birthday presents..
Oh look! A train station! Ah, I’m dead.
I like twain’s!
I have been alive again for THREE YEARS! Why has NOBODY offered me shoes?!?
You laugh like a chimpanzee
Chapter thirty-eleven
They are not potatoes, they are little demon fruit
No, I’ll paint them on velvet! (why?) so they’ll have texture when you lick them, obviously! What are you, stupid?
“I can ask you weird questions, too! What’s your blood type? What’s your pant size?”
“(Mrs Harman holds up some fake money) “Do you guys think I should write something on this?” (Kids going crazy) “Write chicken nuggets on it!”
“Can I pet your hair? Seriously it’s as soft as a doggg.”
“Is piglatin just pigs speaking latin? Cause that is what people look like when they say that.”
“Dallas, are you a tourist?” “No, I’m a Torres.” “So you’re a tourist?”
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
“I never said she stole my money. …”
“Taylor, you DON’T need to say the full name EVERY. TIME.”
(tongue twister you should never say) “A ship-shipping ship ships shipping-ships.”
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”
“The wooden spoon couldn’t cut but left emotional scars.”
“It was a really good Monday for being a Saturday.”
“Love is not like pizza.”
“Waffles are always better without fire ants and fleas”
“Why is a lady with no eyebrows worth over billion dollars?”
“Brady, what are you drawing to represent Logos?” “A pie!” “Oh. Um, I don’t really understand how that relates to any sort of statistic, etc.?” “But it’s a cherry pie!” “Yes. How does that make it any more related?” “Um, pie is numbers!”
(Jace) “I would invent a Micro-James! So whenever I’m confused, I can just ask my Micro-James for the answer!” (Mrs. Isham) “Honestly, I could totally use a Micro-James.” (James) facepalm
“EmOtIonAL DaMaGE!”