forum freshman advice corner(more advice from crocs)

Started July 19, 2020 by @croccin-champagne

tune

I knowwwww but my ability to get things done goes way down until the day before the exam

I mean to be fair I studied for like two exams so I'm not one to talk.

And don't let yourself look at things and be like "yeah I can do this much then then and then on the day it's due so I only have to do this much now" because I promise you: you're really bad at guessing what that day's going to be like and how much you can actually do between classes and during lunch.

I mean to be fair I studied for like two exams so I'm not one to talk.

I do required work the day before and of and the review we do in class so-

And don't let yourself look at things and be like "yeah I can do this much then then and then on the day it's due so I only have to do this much now" because I promise you: you're really bad at guessing what that day's going to be like and how much you can actually do between classes and during lunch.

Totally, the lunchroom is hell for getting work done decently. Not only will you want to be talking with your friends, but it's loud and hectic and just awful to focus in.

And don't let yourself look at things and be like "yeah I can do this much then then and then on the day it's due so I only have to do this much now" because I promise you: you're really bad at guessing what that day's going to be like and how much you can actually do between classes and during lunch.

Totally, the lunchroom is hell for getting work done decently. Not only will you want to be talking with your friends, but it's loud and hectic and just awful to focus in.

And like. Sorry but your friends don't care that you're trying to get stuff done. And when the roles are reversed, you really won't care either. So just don't do it. Lunch is "yell and scream with your friends and eat their food" time not "I goofed off in study hall and now I need to do my math homework because it's due in ten minutes" time

This is good

Oh lol when I tried to work at lunch my friends always left me alone and sometimes we would even help each other with work a bit. That said, we were in basically overachiever hell at our school, for lack of a better explanation.

the trick to defeating casual bullies–not the ones that actually physically threaten your well being and create a mental hell for you–is to just ignore them. like, those kids that pick on you incessantly? ignore them. literally. if you get upset–even though you should be allowed to–it's really easy for said bully to twist it so that you seem overdramatic in response to their 'playful teasing'. i've watched it happen.

but if you ignore their asses, then they're the ones people are looking at like 'dude…chill.' because the more you ignore people like that, the more they tend to go out of their way to get under your skin. people will watch them pick on you and be shitty to you, beyond the way friends are minorly mean to each other in a joking way, and they'll see the person for who they are. nobody wants to hang around someone who brings the mood down or makes every hang out uncomfy because of their weird obsession with insulting others. trust me on that

as for the more intense bullies? avoid them as much as you possibly can. and if avoiding them becomes to hard because they're actively seeking you out, tell an adult. now, in an ideal world, that adult would then do something helpful. but alas, sometimes it just don't be like that. which is when you take it to the higher ups because an issue like bullying that's being left un-resolved can be really bad for their image, especially if it's purposefully neglected. it also helps to have proof, video or audio or pictures of vandalism to your things, depending. that proof can come in handy if you need to get the police involved.

personally, i became the kid in jh and high school that no one wanted to bully(though i'm convinced that, at least at my high school, everyone was too tired and preoccupied/depressed to bully anyone), because i was 'scary' in jh and in high school i was really friendly and nice and like, everyone i met became some level of friend with me, but i was also known as the kid who probably had at least two knives on them and could frame you for murder without much effort. a very good combo of things

also, for those of you worrying about high school bullying

bullies are just losers who are insecure about something in their own lives, which is usually reflected in their favored insults and things they'll target about you. you'll be alright. also anyone in the seattle area being bullied let me know and i'll come egg your bully's house

Crocs, you are literally the essence of this screenshot

that's such a nice shade of red, now i want to buy that lipstick. also, rip @ me for having a lip piercing because now i have to use wands and brushes to apply color to my lips. and yet, i plan on getting another

also dfhdfhgdf spot on. im always ready to throw down

noooo

in any case, this probably belongs on the makeup advice thread but nyx liquid lipsticks??? seriously the best shit ever. they apply easy, have gorgeous shades, and they last. especially the mattes. like, long as you're not eating a footlong sub that shit can last you damn near all day. do recommend using straws instead of drinking on the rim of a glass or something tho. that's just general with lipstick

Going off what crocs said about bullies, seriously the best thing is to just ignore them.
I never really got targeted idk how. I’m just very diplomatic?? I just kinda reached an unspoken agreement with the popular kids that we’d play nice whenever we were forced to be around each other or I’d fuck up their lives idk man

ignoring assholes results in either what i described above or they get bored of you not being bothered and just leave you alone and tbh? win win

also max that's very iconic of you lmao

thank you it was unintentional but now it’s just a thing lmao
what can i say i’m a petty bish who knows a lot of people in school

But there are also times when nothing will be done about bullies. I knew a guy in high school who got away with everything because his dad was a principal at another school, and he was weirdly acting all buddy-buddy with our own principal (who i also despised!)
So he was sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, rude, disruptive, and also harassed girls. Not okay. Probably does a lot of illegal stuff. Got a speeding ticket for going over 100 mph and complained about it.
Look, I am generally a sweetheart. But with people like that, embarrass them when they slip up or come after you, but subtly, so you don't get in trouble. Generally people like that hate being outwitted and outsmarted. Give them a taste or two of that, and typically it makes you no fun to mess with. But again, it's better not to resort to that unless no authority will do anything about it, and obviously, if you're worried for your safety and think that might provoke them, then you don't have to try that.

lowkey I was just one of those people that was too scary to actually bully even though I’m just physically bigger than a lot of people at my school. I never got bullied despite how much of a fucking idiot I was, but up until about last year when I started working out did people stop teasing me for dumb stuff I did.

Moral of the story

1. get depressed
2. get RIPPED
3. ??????
4. people won’t bully you

or just find a group of friends you feel super safe and secure with and know they’d beat up a bitch for you

hi! it's time for your unscheduled and unsolicited advice, this time relationship geared!

whether romantic or platonic, you are not required to stay in any relationship with someone who is traumatized, mentally ill, or anything similar.

now that sounds pretty shallow, right? wrong

your mental health is just as important. and too often, untreated mental illness and trauma can lead a person to be manipulative and unhealthy, whether on purpose or not. but you shouldn't have to deal with that, and let it make you miserable and unhappy and make your own illnesses worse. this is especially important if you're somewhat recovered or in the process, because that sets you back so far. and if you yourself are untreated, this is your sign to leave that relationship and go to therapy, to get help

also for the love of god, everyone who has suggested to ask someone's classmates about them before dating says that for a reason, please fucking do it. and if someone says they go through friends quick because they 'get bored of them, for some reason uwu' that just means they put people on pedestals until that person loses their shine or is ykno, an actual person. then they get bored and ditch them and that hon is a trait often attributed to narcissists. like, the clinical kind.

To add on, this especially applies if you’re already friends with this person who is mentally ill and you’re their one form of support
Nothing good can really come from being in a relationship with that person

that's codependency and that's not healthy for either of you! like seriously bad

also if someone threatens to kill themselves if you leave, get the fuck out of there immediately. they're really just being dramatic and manipulating you because they think that'll make you stay. they're playing on your sympathy or empathy. if they do end up acting on that, it was because they wanted to, not because you left. they had been planning to for a while and you were simply collateral. you should never be someone's singular reason to live

This applies in high school, and it applies to adults too. So quick story time: I entered a poly relationship not quite a year ago. My fiance and I decided to date another woman together. She and I broke it off because we weren't really feeling it, but with our mutual agreement, they kept dating. My fiance has depression and anxiety, which I have been fairly well-equipped to help them handle since we've been together. I have depression too and kind of get it, and they also have a good support system besides me. But their girlfriend had depression as well, though we suspect she might actually have bpd, which has kind of flown under the radar and been left untreated. She kept maybe trying to get help, but my fiance suspected she wasn't letting on enough about her real issues in therapy, and she also acted like they were her only friend or her whole world, and things bordered onto obsessive. It was unhealthy and felt wrong. Especially because I felt like she didn't trust her friends (actually she kind of just stopped hanging out with them, period, and would only hang out with my fiance.) And they were absolutely stressed out all the time during all of this, and it was really hard to watch. Their own mental health became worse as a result. It was not good, not healthy, and the girlfriend was being sometimes a bit manipulative and pushing boundaries further than she should have.
I'm not saying don't date someone with mental illness. I'm saying don't feel pressured to stay with someone because of their illness, and don't stay with them if they expect you to do all the work in helping them recover. And if it's too much pressure on you, you can take a break, and you can still be a good friend and help push them to go to therapy or turn to other supports. But especially in high school, you come first. You can't help others unless you're in the right state to do so.

also if someone threatens to kill themselves if you leave, get the fuck out of there immediately. they're really just being dramatic and manipulating you because they think that'll make you stay. they're playing on your sympathy or empathy. if they do end up acting on that, it was because they wanted to, not because you left. they had been planning to for a while and you were simply collateral. you should never be someone's singular reason to live

The hugest red flag (okay it's probably not but y'all get my point). If that happens, go 👏 tell 👏 an 👏 adult 👏
Find a teacher you can trust, your parent, or the guidance counselor and TELL THEM. It's not "snitching", it's called being a decent person, and anyone that tells you otherwise is lying

What should I do about a girl that I'm kind-of-sort-of friends with? She doesn't threaten to do anything like that, but intentional or not, she keep guilting me into continuing to be her friend, even though I dislike her. When I partner with other people or want to be with them instead, she gets upset and accuses me of not really wanting to be her friend (which is true, but it'd be very rude to say). She's very clingy and if she can be with me, she will. Most of my friends dislike her and her reputation is… not great. She also dominates every conversation and only wants things her way. For example, I asked her to watch a single clip from my favorite show, and in return I'd watch a clip from her favorite show. We agreed. I showed her a clip that was less than two minutes. She watched half of it and then closed it and told me it was too long. Then she had the audacity to pull up a full 25-minute episode of her show and fully expected me to watch the whole thing.
But she says I'm her best friend, so I don't want to leave her because if anyone knows what it's like to have a "best friend" stab you in the back with no reasoning, it's me. No one should have to go through that, so I keep staying with her. Any advice on what to do? She's very sensitive so I can't just point out what she's doing wrong, even if I do it very gently.

She's very sensitive so I can't just point out what she's doing wrong, even if I do it very gently.

Yes you can