forum freshman advice corner(more advice from crocs)

Started July 19, 2020 by @croccin-champagne

tune

thank you it was unintentional but now it’s just a thing lmao
what can i say i’m a petty bish who knows a lot of people in school

But there are also times when nothing will be done about bullies. I knew a guy in high school who got away with everything because his dad was a principal at another school, and he was weirdly acting all buddy-buddy with our own principal (who i also despised!)
So he was sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, rude, disruptive, and also harassed girls. Not okay. Probably does a lot of illegal stuff. Got a speeding ticket for going over 100 mph and complained about it.
Look, I am generally a sweetheart. But with people like that, embarrass them when they slip up or come after you, but subtly, so you don't get in trouble. Generally people like that hate being outwitted and outsmarted. Give them a taste or two of that, and typically it makes you no fun to mess with. But again, it's better not to resort to that unless no authority will do anything about it, and obviously, if you're worried for your safety and think that might provoke them, then you don't have to try that.

lowkey I was just one of those people that was too scary to actually bully even though I’m just physically bigger than a lot of people at my school. I never got bullied despite how much of a fucking idiot I was, but up until about last year when I started working out did people stop teasing me for dumb stuff I did.

Moral of the story

1. get depressed
2. get RIPPED
3. ??????
4. people won’t bully you

or just find a group of friends you feel super safe and secure with and know they’d beat up a bitch for you

hi! it's time for your unscheduled and unsolicited advice, this time relationship geared!

whether romantic or platonic, you are not required to stay in any relationship with someone who is traumatized, mentally ill, or anything similar.

now that sounds pretty shallow, right? wrong

your mental health is just as important. and too often, untreated mental illness and trauma can lead a person to be manipulative and unhealthy, whether on purpose or not. but you shouldn't have to deal with that, and let it make you miserable and unhappy and make your own illnesses worse. this is especially important if you're somewhat recovered or in the process, because that sets you back so far. and if you yourself are untreated, this is your sign to leave that relationship and go to therapy, to get help

also for the love of god, everyone who has suggested to ask someone's classmates about them before dating says that for a reason, please fucking do it. and if someone says they go through friends quick because they 'get bored of them, for some reason uwu' that just means they put people on pedestals until that person loses their shine or is ykno, an actual person. then they get bored and ditch them and that hon is a trait often attributed to narcissists. like, the clinical kind.

To add on, this especially applies if you’re already friends with this person who is mentally ill and you’re their one form of support
Nothing good can really come from being in a relationship with that person

that's codependency and that's not healthy for either of you! like seriously bad

also if someone threatens to kill themselves if you leave, get the fuck out of there immediately. they're really just being dramatic and manipulating you because they think that'll make you stay. they're playing on your sympathy or empathy. if they do end up acting on that, it was because they wanted to, not because you left. they had been planning to for a while and you were simply collateral. you should never be someone's singular reason to live

This applies in high school, and it applies to adults too. So quick story time: I entered a poly relationship not quite a year ago. My fiance and I decided to date another woman together. She and I broke it off because we weren't really feeling it, but with our mutual agreement, they kept dating. My fiance has depression and anxiety, which I have been fairly well-equipped to help them handle since we've been together. I have depression too and kind of get it, and they also have a good support system besides me. But their girlfriend had depression as well, though we suspect she might actually have bpd, which has kind of flown under the radar and been left untreated. She kept maybe trying to get help, but my fiance suspected she wasn't letting on enough about her real issues in therapy, and she also acted like they were her only friend or her whole world, and things bordered onto obsessive. It was unhealthy and felt wrong. Especially because I felt like she didn't trust her friends (actually she kind of just stopped hanging out with them, period, and would only hang out with my fiance.) And they were absolutely stressed out all the time during all of this, and it was really hard to watch. Their own mental health became worse as a result. It was not good, not healthy, and the girlfriend was being sometimes a bit manipulative and pushing boundaries further than she should have.
I'm not saying don't date someone with mental illness. I'm saying don't feel pressured to stay with someone because of their illness, and don't stay with them if they expect you to do all the work in helping them recover. And if it's too much pressure on you, you can take a break, and you can still be a good friend and help push them to go to therapy or turn to other supports. But especially in high school, you come first. You can't help others unless you're in the right state to do so.

also if someone threatens to kill themselves if you leave, get the fuck out of there immediately. they're really just being dramatic and manipulating you because they think that'll make you stay. they're playing on your sympathy or empathy. if they do end up acting on that, it was because they wanted to, not because you left. they had been planning to for a while and you were simply collateral. you should never be someone's singular reason to live

The hugest red flag (okay it's probably not but y'all get my point). If that happens, go 👏 tell 👏 an 👏 adult 👏
Find a teacher you can trust, your parent, or the guidance counselor and TELL THEM. It's not "snitching", it's called being a decent person, and anyone that tells you otherwise is lying

What should I do about a girl that I'm kind-of-sort-of friends with? She doesn't threaten to do anything like that, but intentional or not, she keep guilting me into continuing to be her friend, even though I dislike her. When I partner with other people or want to be with them instead, she gets upset and accuses me of not really wanting to be her friend (which is true, but it'd be very rude to say). She's very clingy and if she can be with me, she will. Most of my friends dislike her and her reputation is… not great. She also dominates every conversation and only wants things her way. For example, I asked her to watch a single clip from my favorite show, and in return I'd watch a clip from her favorite show. We agreed. I showed her a clip that was less than two minutes. She watched half of it and then closed it and told me it was too long. Then she had the audacity to pull up a full 25-minute episode of her show and fully expected me to watch the whole thing.
But she says I'm her best friend, so I don't want to leave her because if anyone knows what it's like to have a "best friend" stab you in the back with no reasoning, it's me. No one should have to go through that, so I keep staying with her. Any advice on what to do? She's very sensitive so I can't just point out what she's doing wrong, even if I do it very gently.

She's very sensitive so I can't just point out what she's doing wrong, even if I do it very gently.

Yes you can

Pickles knows what's up.

I had a friend just like that Freshman year, We had been friends sense the 3rd grade.
I did it by slowly distancing myself until finally breaking away all together, but that is a long process and not a fun one for either party involved. Honestly, let her know that what she's doing is bugging you and isn't a good way to be a friend, regardless of what she might say. You don't want to be friends anymore clearly, and if she doesn't know what she is doing wrong she's never going to learn to be a better friend, for your sake and hers just be blunt with her.

Just dump her. You're under no obligation to be her friend if she makes you feel awful. I've known people like that, and it's much better to cut them out.

Ugh, same. I had a friend like that from 5th grade and through all of high school. I just ended up ghosting her when I went to college because my friends were still friends with her and I didn't want to cause drama.

I say ghosted. We actually just kind of stopped talking to each other, period. It's easy when you're leaving high school, but not so simple when you're still going to the same school.

Yeah, I'm hoping that I won't have classes with her this year and we can peacefully drift apart with no hard feelings.

but if you can't just drift apart, hon, you might have to deal with it directly. we're not pushing you, and ultimately, your choice is your own, but it seems like for your own health ending this is the better option

it's even as simple as saying 'i'd like to try being friends again someday, but right now, you're not the same person i was friends with, and the change doesn't seem to be the best for us as friends'

I've mentioned before that she's clingy, and for a while afterwards, she was actually better. I should probably talk to her if she resumes her behavior this year. I just really don't like confrontation

i can't stand it either, it makes me shaky and anxious. sometimes it's necessary though, even if you hate it

that's a good idea, but always keep in mind that the change might only be temporary, sort of a ploy to keep you her friend a bit longer before she falls back into old habits. just remember that you're not obligated to be her friend, okay?

I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I've had so many people who I thought were close friends that left me with no explanation. It lead to me having awful self-esteem and depression, two issues that I still haven't fully recovered from. I don't want anyone to have to go through that, and I would feel awful to be potentially enforcing that onto someone.