forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @HighPockets group

tune

mayako: why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? honestly, i would be excited just to have a bunk bed.
bri:
janet:
lily:
russel: i'm gonna tell them.
chika: don't you dare.

mayako: do you mind if i take the skin off of your furby?
mayako: i want to make him a God. once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin the path towards enlightenment. he will take care of us
lily: i literally could not care less but never say anything that frightening ever again

mayako, on the phone with chika: chika, can you come get me?
chika: what happened?
mayako: bri is passive aggressively doing the dishes she asked me to do 6 hours ago
mayako: this house isn’t safe

Clive: So apparently, the “bad vibes” I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

Grady, setting down a card: Ace of spades.
Niklos, pulling out an Uno card: Sorry, Dot, you’ve gotta draw four cards.
Dottie, pulling out a Pokémon card: Uh, I’m gonna heal my Jolteon for 20 HP.
Hank, holding Monopoly cash, desperately: Can someone please explain the rules to me?

Niklos: How’s the most attractive person here doing?
Dottie: I don’t know, how are y-
Clive, from across the room: I’m doing great, thanks!

Dallas: I saw Andor this weekend. He wanted me to tell you that Andor is high.
Ara:… Did he mean to say that Andor says hi?
Dallas: Probably, but I'm just passing on his words.

Gerard: My biggest talent is being stress.
Eva: Don’t you mean stressed?
Caleb: No
Leo: No
Frank: No.
Adelia: No.

Crispin: The power of love is BULLSHIT! The power of swords and violence; that's where the money is!

Keyla: Thanks, Cal. I owe you my life.
Calidor: No thanks, I've seen it and I'm not impressed.

Kit: Are you this rude to everyone?!
Crispin: Ah, yeah.
Crispin: Don't think you're special.

Andor: You were happy once, you know.
Ara: I was never happy. I was just less pissed off.

Ravina, smooshing Milo's face between two pieces of bread: What are you?
Milo: A snack.
Ravina: No.

Kit: You're a loose cannon, Leo.
Leo: No I'm not. I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Kit: I think you play by your own rules.
Leo: No way, I think rules were made to be broken!
Kit: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Leo: Nah, I'm just a reckless renegade. Crispin is a loose cannon.
Crispin: [Smashes a chair]

Dallas: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Ara: Several traffic violations.
Brian: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Andor: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Holly: Also, that’s not our car.

Niklos: My biggest talent is being stress.
Hank: Don’t you mean stressed?
Grady: No.
Dottie: No.
Fitz: No.
Niklos: No!

Carrie: The power of love is BULLSHIT! The power of swords and violence; that's where the money is!

Hank: Thanks, O'Neill. I owe you my life.
Grady: No thanks, I've seen it and I'm not impressed.

Hank, smooshing Clive's face between two pieces of bread: What are you?
Clive: A snack.
Hank: No.

Grady: You're a loose cannon, Carlyle.
Clive: No I'm not. I'm a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?
Hank: I think you play by your own rules.
Dottie: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken!
Fitz: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.
Clive: Nah, I'm just a fun renegade. Niklos is a loose cannon.
Niklos: Smashes a chair

Niklos: Alright, what time does the Judgmental Express get here at?
Grady: Hank gets here at noon

Hank: Oh, and for your information, I don't have an ego
Hank: My Facebook photo is a landscape

Dressel: Clive, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.
Clive: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that

Clive: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Dean: I need to get my gun. Simon! holds his hand out
Simon, who had spaced out and missed what he asked for: high-fives Dean

Dean: I don’t know what’s worse. That Henry whistled for me to come over…
Dean: …
Dean: Or that I did it.

Madeline: getting irritated and leaving the room
Xavier: Oh no.
Xavier: Despite what I’ve been saying for years, that ass might just quit.

Simon: “Yoink” is the opposite of “yeet”, but it’s just as fast.
CJ: The Lord yeeteth away, and the Lord yoinketh away.
Dean: I feel like I’m having a stroke.

Madeline: I will make you sorry you were ever born
Simon: Well for your information, I already am sorry I was ever born

Peter: I once forgot to brush my teeth for 5 weeks. I didn’t actually sell my car, I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask. When they say 2 percent milk I don’t know what the other 98 percent is. When I was a baby my head was so big scientists did experiments on me. I once threw beer at a swan and then it attacked my sister, Hannah.

Simon: I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.

Henry: Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.

Simon: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
CJ: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Dean: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Henry: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day

Henry: Wake me up…
CJ: Before you go-go!
Dean: When September ends…
Simon: WAKE ME UP INSIDE-

Simon, setting down a card: Ace of spades
CJ, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Henry, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Dean, trembling: What are we playing

Dean: Can I be frank with you guys?
CJ: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.
Simon: Can I still be Simon?
Henry: Shh, let Frank speak.

Madeline: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Peter: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Simon: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so…

Little Girl: Um, excuse me miss? How did you get so big?
Guinevere leaning down to her ear: I ate a dragon.
Little Girl: REALLY?!
Guinevere: Nah, everyone in my family's really tall. If you wanna know how I got like THIS (flexes bicep), I worked really, really hard at it. I ate my vegetables, did all of my chores, and went to bed on time.
Little Girl: Wow…! You're lame!

Little Girl: Um, excuse me miss? How did you get so big?
Guinevere leaning down to her ear: I ate a dragon.
Little Girl: REALLY?!
Guinevere: Nah, everyone in my family's really tall. If you wanna know how I got like THIS (flexes bicep), I worked really, really hard at it. I ate my vegetables, did all of my chores, and went to bed on time.
Little Girl: Wow…! You're lame!

luca: now, what do we say when we get depressed?
juniper: my depression may be chronic, but this ass is iconic.
luca: no.

luca: okay marie let’s actually go to sleep
mariette:
luca:
mariette:
luca:
mariette: the snack that smiles back
luca: goldfish-gOD DAMNIT MARIE

delilah: why is barbie in the nutcracker the only valid nutcracker film?
juniper: because barbie movies slap, next question

delilah: roses are red, tony hawk is a skater
may's phone, auto-reply: i’m driving right now, i’ll get back to you later
may, checking her phone later: fuck you

juniper: alright, so you and i are married.
may: we're not married.
juniper: relax, just pretend.
may: i don't wanna pretend.
juniper: scared you'll like it?
may: okay, if we're married, i want a divorce.
mariette: are you two like this all the time?
luca: yes, they are.

juniper: [being juniper]
may: you better shut the fuck up before i look at you one day, feel warm and realize i've fallen in love with you
juniper: [continues being juniper]
may: i'm serious, quit it! fuck!

Hank: Now, what do we say when we get depressed?
Clive: My depression may be chronic, but this ass is iconic.
Hank: No.

Titania: Alright, so you and I are married.
Oberon: We are not married.
Titania: Relax, just pretend.
Oberon: I don't want to pretend.
Titania: Scared you'll like it?
Oberon: Alright. If we're married, I want a divorce.
Poplar: Are you two like this all the time?
Aspen: Yes, they are.

Felix: I didn't listen to you last time.
Jarrod, sarcastically: And why start now?

Felix: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Felix Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I have a gun, so I'd like to see you try.

Felix: Can I copy your homework?
Austin: Read 3:09 AM

Melissa: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Austin?
Austin: No.
Felix: I do!
Mel: I know, Felix.
Felix: I’m sad!
Mel: I know, Felix.

Felix: What do you think Austin will do for a distraction?
Jarrod: He’ll probably, like, make a loud noise or throw a rock.
Building explodes and several car alarms go off
Jarrod: … or he could do that.

juniper: and that's why i think life isn't that much different than pissing in the snow on a dark winter night
juniper: anyways, luca, what's your opinion on starfish?
luca: don't talk about pissing in snow and starfish in the same breath-

mariette: welcome to meriette's word of the day
mariette: today’s word is 'don’t'
mariette: as in dON’T FUCKING DO THAT DELILAH YOU’RE GONNA BURN MY HOUSE DOWN
[camera cuts to mariette running after delilah, who is about to set the kitchen on fire]

luca: how’d you guys get kicked out of the movie theater
delilah: ju kept yelling out diving scores of people who jumped off the titanic
juniper: this last guy had a solid 8 let me tell you

delilah: what if mayo came in cans
mariette: well that would suck because you can’t microwave metal
luca: good morning to everyone except these 2 people

luca: every time an artist dies, god lets them paint the sky.
delilah: damn, i can't wait for my turn! i'm gonna paint d*cks.
mariette: and there goes the moment

(We got some new characters comin in, welcome Arthur ((Dad)) and Lorelai ((Villain))!)
~
Arthur trying his best to train the friends: Ok, one last time! Simultaneous alien attack and tornado; what do you do?
Minnie:
Sage:
Reese:
Ethan:
Minnie: Call the Terra Leg-
Arthur: yOU ARE THE TERRA LEGION
~
Lorelai: He took the cat so I tOOK HIS LIFE-
~
Ethan: I'M GONNA GO HOME AND DRINK A WHOLE GLASS OF WEED
Arthur: ????????
~
Reese: If the rest of the team jumped off a bridge, woul-
Minnie: Probably
~
Minnie: Dear Santa;
Minnie: I'm writing to let you know that I've been naughty.
Minnie: aND IT WAS FRICKIN WORTH IT, YOU JUDGEMENTAL BASTARD
~
Ethan: Don't correct me!
Reese: Then don't be wrong!
~
Arthur: Why's Ethan wearing sunglasses indoors? Is he asleep?
Sage: Nope, he's unconscious.
Arthur: Wh-
Sage: We were playing frisbee and I knocked him out, so I put the glasses on him in case someone thinks he's dead or something.
Arthur: Could he be dead though?
Sage: I mean, maybe
~
Reese: Hey, Minnie's been out for a long time. Could you try and find her?
Arthur: What, do you think I have her microchipped or something??
Reese: Well, do you?
Arthur:
Arthur: Yeah, hang on
~
Reese: Okay, we gotta get through this locked door. Ethan, hand me your house key.
Ethan: Here
Reese, pocketing it: Cool. Minnie, blow up the wall-
~
Minnie: (Bursts into the room and starts packing a suitcase)
Sage: Woah, what happened?
Minnie: No one died.
Sage: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT-
~
Rando Nurse: I'm sorry sir, we can only allow family to see her right no-
Arthur: Bold of you to assume I won't LEGALLY ADOPT HER RIGHT NOW
Sleepy Minnie from inside hospital wing: You tell em' dad
~
Lorelai: I'm very laid back.
Lorelai: I only care about two things; every person on earth and their opinion of me, and the crushing psychological burden that is being alive.

Commander Alro: Okay, one last time! Chora launches an attack on Chiri; what do you do?
Hank: Call the Ceta Leg-
Commander Alro: YOU ARE THE CETA LEGION!

Grady: You can't base your life around those four. If the rest of them jumped off a bridge, woul-
Hank: Probably.

Simon: I'm very laid back.
Simon: I only care about two things; every person on earth and their opinion of me, and the crushing psychological burden that is being alive.

may: the fact that tens of thousands of people refuse to send me their money is sickening. grow up.

luca: ok, do you understand so far?
mariette: yuh
luca: i
luca: whatever
luca: anyways
luca: now, we have to list the factors
mariette: im gonna list the ways to kill u
luca: I SWEAR TO GOD MARIE

Leaoni: I need to get my gun. Seb! [holds her hand out]
Sebastian, who spaced out and missed what she asked for: [high-fives Leaoni]

Desmond: getting irritated and leaving the room
Varian: Oh no.
Varian: Despite what I’ve been saying for years, that ass might just quit.

Alune: I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.

Kara: Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.

Takeo: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so…

Desmond: Okay, one last time. There's a robbery happening across the street, what do you do?
Trace: Call the cops-
Desmond: YOU ARE A COP!

Niklos: Gets irritated and leaving the room
Grady: Oh no.
Grady: Despite what I’ve been saying for years, that ass might just quit.

Grady: I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.

Clive: Red carpet. My entire apartment is red carpet. On top of that, leading into my bedroom, a second red carpet. Oh, what’s this in my shoe? Red carpet insole. Everywhere I go, I’m walking on red carpet.

Simon: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so…

luca: juniper offered me his drink because i said i was thirsty
luca: i did not expect to take a sip of vodka at 6:30 in the morning

luca: would you please not delilah this into a worse situation
delilah: hang on did you just use my name as a verb

juniper: [slams door open] screw boring high school romance tropes, i'm going on an adventure
luca: is that an indiana jones comic book you made in 6th grade?
juniper: DONT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE

may: my heart is guarded, but like… very poorly, the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R-rated movie.

may: you need to make them think you’re stronger than you actually are
delilah: is that what you do?
may: oh no. my power is no illusion. i can fucking demolish them.

Parsley: DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH PAPERWORK I HAVE TO DO FOR A DEAD HUMAN?!
Hunter: Oh don't overreact-wait, you've had to do that before?

Cass, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Alex, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Emma, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Sophie, trembling: What are we playing

Badger: If there was a Pokémon named Pokémonkey, would it be pronounced pokay-MON-key or pokay-MUN-key?
Callie: wHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE—

Jon: Oliver offered me his drink because I said I was thirsty.
Jon: I did not expect to take a sip of vodka at 6:30 in the morning-

Grady: My heart is guarded, but like…very poorly, the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R-rated movie.

Ceza: Eleria offered me her drink because I said I was thirsty.
Ceza: I did not expect to take a sip of vodka at 6:30 in the morning-

Eleria: My heart is guarded, but like…very poorly, the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R-rated movie.

Emily: slams door open screw boring high school romance tropes, i'm going on an adventure
Mara: is that an indiana jones comic book you made in 6th grade?
Emily: DONT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE

juniper: [dials 911]
juniper: hey i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again

mariette: i got a new drink, do you want to try it?
juniper: is it alcoholic?
mariette: no
juniper: then i hate it

juniper: this maze looks pretty dangerous. we should hold hands
may, pushing a shopping kart: we’re in a fucking walmart

luca: hey ju, lets go to area 51
juniper: i spent 10 years escaping that place and i’m not going back
luca: what?

police officer: i'm pulling you over because you're trying to fit three people on a motorcycle.
delilah with juniper and luca behind her: wait, three?!
police officer: yes, you and the two-
delilah: holy motherfucking god mariette fell off-

may: there's no i in team but there's one in pizza.
luca: so you're not going to share.
may: i'm not going to share

Niklos: I didn't listen to you last time.
Grady, sarcastically: And why start now?

Clive: It's a little art von gard, but–
Hank: Art von gard?
Simon: Art von gard?
Clive: Obviously that's not the right word because you guys keep saying it, but I'm proud of it.

Niklos: SAY YOU'RE SORRY!
Hank: Okay, okay! I'm sorry!
Niklos: WHAT ARE YOU SORRY FOR?
Hank, hiding behind Grady: FOR SAYING YOU'RE AGGRESSIVE

luca: if someone gave you two hundred dollars because “you’re ugly” would you take it?
may: i’m not gonna turn down two hundred dollars because someone else has bad eyesight.
delilah: what if you were a millionaire?
may: irrelevant

[comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread]
juniper: imagine stabbing someone with this knife.
may: it would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.
mariette: if you want information it is
delilah: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

may: all in all, a 100% successful trip.
luca: may, we lost juniper.
may: all in all, a 100% successful trip.

luca: do you think we're getting too old?
mariette: what makes you say that?
luca: well, we've both been through a lot. at some point, we're going to have to pass the torch onto those next in line to lead, and…
luca: juniper called me a boomer.