forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @HighPockets group

tune

Ted: So what do you do?
Molly: I drink.
Ted: No, I mean what do you really do?
Molly:….I really drink.

(mostly) Quill appreciation post

Quill: What if the person who thought of the word “umbrella” meant to call it a “brella” but was under a lot of pressure?
Elliot: Please consult your three brain cells before coming to me with an “important question” again.

Quill: If I ever get murdered or something, please know that my dying wish is for my corpse to be catapulted at high speed directly into Elliot's bedroom at 3 AM.

Ophelia: Why do you guys look so sad?
Elliot: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
Ophelia: Sits down
Quill: This bench is freshly painted.

Quill: In my defense, Your Honor, I was simply committing to the bit.

Anthony: Shit, I've lost my glasses.
Quill, looking at his glasses on top of his head: I'll help you look for them for ten bucks.

Anthony: Can you tell me where in the Void you are, kid?
Quill: I'm by a cloud that looks like a lion.
Anthony: …Can you be more specific?
Quill: Simba.

Quill: Ms. Hecate, I need some advice.
Cyrus, eating a bowl of cookie dough with a spoon: You've come to the right place.

Anthony: Look, pretty boy-
Dally: You think I'm pretty?

Quill: I really like murder mysteries.
Anthony, trying to be relatable and Hip With the Kids: You know, I've been a suspect in four separate murder cases.

Quill: Mr. Croce, do you support gay rights?
Anthony: I am gay.
Elliot: Quill! He's dodging the question!

Ophelia, holding a box: You promise you didn't get me bees again?
Elliot, yelling at her from a distance: Just open it!

Anthony: Quill, if a stranger came up to you and said "I'm Mr. Croce's friend, he told me to pick you up", what would you do?
Quill: I'd tell them they're a liar because you don't have any friends!
Anthony: …Not where I was going, but okay.

Barry: In my defense, Your Honor, I was simply committing to the bit.

Jonny: Shit, I've lost my glasses.
Molly, looking at his glasses on top of his head: I'll help you look for them for ten bucks.

Molly: Eliza, I need some advice.
Eliza Marie, eating a bowl of cookie dough with a spoon: You've come to the right place.

Klaus: Look, pretty boy-
Algernon: You think I'm pretty?

Mabel: I really like murder mysteries!
Ira: I've been a suspect in four separate murder cases.

Addie: Mr. Fynn, do you support gay rights?
Algernon: I am gay.
Kay: Addie! He's dodging the question!

Tiodore: Kids, if a stranger came up to you and said "I'm Mr. Calhoun's friend, he told me to pick you up", what would you do?
Silas: I'd tell them they're a liar because you don't have any friends!
Tiodore:…not where I was going, but okay.

Midge: What if the person who thought of the word “umbrella” meant to call it a “brella” but was under a lot of pressure?
Dahlia: Please consult your three brain cells before coming to me with an “important question” again.

Shea: If I ever get murdered or something, please know that my dying wish is for my corpse to be catapulted at high speed directly into Pazia's bedroom at 3 AM.

Dahlia: Why do you guys look so sad?
Midge: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
Dahlia: [Sits down]
Howie: This bench is freshly painted.

Midge: In my defense, Your Honor, I was simply committing to the bit.

Felix: Shit, I've lost my glasses.
Sid, looking at his glasses on top of his head: I'll help you look for them for ten bucks.

Drew: Can you tell me where you are, guys?
Sid: We're by a cloud that looks like a lion.
Drew: …Can you be more specific?
Holden: Simba.

Millie: Ms. Park, I need some advice.
Ms. Park, eating a bowl of cookie dough with a spoon: You've come to the right place.

Drew: Look, pretty boy-
Felix: You think I'm pretty?

Dominic: I really like murder mysteries.
Kane Arachnid, trying to be relatable and Hip With the Kids: You know, I've been a suspect in four separate murder cases.

Holden: Drew! Do you support gay rights?
Drew, with Felix's head in his lap: I am gay.
Sid: He's dodging the question!

Jim, holding a box: You promise you didn't get me bees again?
Midge, yelling at him from a distance: Just open it!

Thaddeus: Sparrow, if a stranger came up to you and said "I'm Thaddeus's friend, he told me to pick you up", what would you do?
Sparrow: I'd tell them they're a liar because you don't have any friends!
Thaddeus: …Not where I was going, but okay.

(bringing back some classics from a google doc i saved years ago bc i am fresh out of ideas)

Elliot, at 5 AM at a sleepover with the gang: Wake up, dumbasses, it's time to sin!

Jacques: You know, rain is a lot like communism.
Jacques: When you think about it, it sounds pretty nice.
Jacques: But once you actually get out into it…
Jacques: [Steps outside]
Jacques: It is even better!

Anthony: I'd say I'd kill a man for Dame, because I would, but Dame has already killed a man for Dame.

Quill: Mr. Croce, you studied criminal law, right? What's a good way to get away with a crime?
Anthony: …Don't do it?

Dally: Look, I'm straight, but all I want is for this guy to kiss me and tell me I'm pretty, you know? I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dally, still at the drive-through: So, anyway, can I also get a large fry…

Ophelia, looking at Cyrus: Jesus, she's pretty.
Elliot: Aw, don't feel jealous, Ophelia. You're pretty, too.
Ophelia: I'm not jealous, El, I'm gay.

Elliot: I hold the one brain cell in this friend group, don't I?
Elliot: I'm the main friend here, so-
Quill: You once snorted Kool-Aid powder. You are automatically disqualified.
Elliot: Are you trying to say you have the brain cell?
Quill: Me? Christ, no. What's gotten into you?

Quill: It’s honestly so rude to leave a desirable object under a box propped up by a stick.
Anthony: Did something happen, Quill?
Quill: …I don't want to talk about it.

Dally: Hey, if I asked you for love advice, will you promise not to be weird?
Daisy: No, but go on.
Dally: So there’s this one guy-
Daisy: You can do better.

Anthony: If your friends jumped off a bridge, wou-
Quill: Probably.

Quill: So the way the whole friendship thing works is you have to tell each other the deep stuff.
Elliot: The deep stuff. Okay. Like what?
Quill: Like, uh…what's your favorite color?
Elliot: Well, now you've crossed the line.

Anthony: I'm pretty sure that's illegal, Dame.
Dally: I'm pretty sure I'm a criminal, Detective.

Geneva: You know, rain is a lot like communism.
Geneva: When you think about it, it sounds pretty nice.
Geneva: But once you actually get out into it…
Geneva: Steps outside
Geneva: It's even better!

Silvie: I'd say I'd kill a man for Clare, because I would, but Clare has already killed a man for Clare.

Bobby: Kate, you studied criminal law, right? What's a good way to get away with a crime?
Kate:…Don't do it?

Bastian: Look, I'm straight, but all I want is for this guy to kiss me and tell me I'm pretty, you know? I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bastian, still at the drive-through: So, anyway, can I also get a large fry…

Hazel, looking at Alyssa: Jesus, she's pretty.
Jane: Aw, don't feel jealous, Hazel. You're pretty, too.
Hazel: I'm not jealous, Janie, I'm gay.

Gia: I hold the one brain cell in this friend group, don't I?
Gia: I'm the main friend here, so-
Babs: You once snorted Kool-Aid powder. You are automatically disqualified.
Gia: Are you trying to say you have the brain cell?
Babs: Me? Christ, no. What's gotten into you?

Jonny: It’s honestly so rude to leave a desirable object under a box propped up by a stick.
Lucille: Did something happen, Jonny?
Jonny: …I don't want to talk about it.

Tobias: If your friends jumped off a bridge, wou-
Barry: Probably.

Abel, at 5 AM at a sleepover with the gang: Wake up, dumbasses, it's time to sin!

Avon: You know, rain is a lot like communism.
Avon: When you think about it, it sounds pretty nice.
Avon: But once you actually get out into it…
Avon: [Steps outside]
Avon: It is even better!

Bianca: I'd say I'd kill a man for Shea, because I would, but Shea has already killed a man for Shea.

Azalea: Ann, you studied criminal law, right? What's a good way to get away with a crime?
Ana Luis: …Don't do it?

Ransom: Look, I'm straight, but all I want is for this guy to kiss me and tell me I'm pretty, you know? I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ransom, still at the drive-through: So, anyway, can I also get a large fry…

Rune, looking at Kora: Jesus, she's pretty.
Sparrow: Aw, don't feel jealous, Rune. You're pretty, too.
Rune: I'm not jealous, Sparrow, I'm gay.

Shea: I hold the one brain cell in this friend group, don't I?
Shea: I'm the main friend here, so-
Rhyda: You once snorted Kool-Aid powder. You are automatically disqualified.
Shea: Are you trying to say you have the brain cell?
Rhyda: Me? Christ, no. What's gotten into you?

Holden: It’s honestly so rude to leave a desirable object under a box propped up by a stick.
Drew: Did something happen, Sid?
Holden: …I don't want to talk about it.

Mischa: Hey, if I asked you for love advice, will you promise not to be weird?
Nikola: No, but go on.
Mischa: So there’s this one guy-
Nikola: You can do better.

Helen: If your friends jumped off a bridge, wou-
Vaughn: Probably.

Ray: So the way the whole friendship thing works is you have to tell each other the deep stuff.
Abel: The deep stuff. Okay. Like what?
Ray: Like, uh…what's your favorite color?
Abel: You've crossed the line.

Emily: I'm pretty sure that's illegal, Tania.
Tania: I'm pretty sure I'm a criminal.

Ophelia: Guys! If you were a fruit, what would you be? I'd be a strawberry!
Elliot: I'd be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group.
Ophelia:
Ophelia: Very expressive! Anyone else?

Quill: You ever wonder if you’re the bad guy in somebody else’s story?
Claire: I'm the bad guy in my own story.

Quill: You think kindness doesn’t exist, you pathetic nihilist? How about you go look into the big beautiful eyes of a cow? What do you think now, jackass?

Cyrus: Are you busy?
Anthony: No.
Cyrus: Want to do something?
Anthony: Why would you try to ruin this for me?

Quill: I wish I had more enemies.
Mrs. Cardenas: I’m sure you will someday, honey.

Elliot, winning at Connect Four for the seventh time in a row: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Quill: Would you stop saying that every time you win!

Emmett: Dr. Device, how do you feel about lifting heavy things?
Jacques: My doctor just said I should avoid-
Emmett: Being a wuss? I agree.

Anthony: I'm never having a debate with Felix again. He started his argument with fucking 'Riddle me this.'

Dally, throwing his head into Anthony's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Anthony, lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, is what you are.

Felix: Hopefully Elliot has learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings.
Elliot: Shut up and die, Fairbanks.

Ophelia: If I was married to you, I would put poison in your coffee.
Elliot: If I was married to you, I’d drink it.

Dally: Isn't it incredible how I can feel this bad and look this good?

Claire: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Ophelia: The hell is wrong with you!?
Elliot: Loaded question. Elaborate.

Isa: Remember… Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires

Shade: Oh, you're a villain, all right — just not a "super" one.
Kalkral: Oh, yeah? Well, what's the difference?
Shade: PRESENTATION!

Kora: Guys! If you were a fruit, what would you be? I'd be a strawberry!
Bax: I'd be a tomato because no one accepts me as part of the group.
Kora:
Kora: Very expressive! Anyone else?

Sparrow: You ever wonder if you’re the bad guy in somebody else’s story?
The King: I'm the bad guy in my own story.

Sparrow: You think kindness doesn’t exist, you pathetic nihilist? How about you go look into the big beautiful eyes of a cow? What do you think now, jackass?

Felix: Are you busy?
Rhyda: No.
Felix: Want to do something?
Rhyda: Why would you try to ruin this for me?

Vaughn: I wish I had more enemies.
Helen: I’m sure you will someday, honey.

Pazia, winning at Connect Four for the seventh time in a row: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Abel: Would you stop saying that every time you win!

Selene: Vaughn, how do you feel about lifting heavy things?
Vaughn: My doctor just said I should avoid-
Selene: Being a wuss? I agree.

Bianca: I'm never having a debate with Jeb again. He started his argument with fucking 'Riddle me this.'

Felix, throwing his head into Drew's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Drew, lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, is what you are.

Ray: Hopefully Abel has learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings.
Abel: Shut up and die, Raymond.

Killian: If I was married to you, I would put poison in your coffee.
Ransom: If I was married to you, I’d drink it.

Felix: Isn't it incredible how I can feel this bad and look this good?

Rhyda: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Sid: The hell is wrong with you!?
Abel: Loaded question. Elaborate.

Eliot: You think kindness doesn’t exist, you pathetic nihilist? How about you go look into the big beautiful eyes of a cow? What do you think now, jackass?

Jackson: Are you busy?
Geneva: No.
Jackson: Want to do something?
Geneva: Why would you try to ruin this for me?

Theo, winning at Connect Four for the seventh time in a row: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Erica: Would you stop saying that every time you win?!

Geneva: Grant, how do you feel about lifting heavy things?
Victor: My doctor just said I should avoid-
Geneva: Being a wuss? I agree.

Eliza: I'm never having a debate with Barry again. He started his fucking argument with 'riddle me this.'

Mikhail: Hopefully Sal has learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings.
Sal: Shut up and die, Krale.

Titania: If I was married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee.
Oberon: If I was married to you, I’d drink it.

Clive: Isn't it incredible how I can feel this bad and look this good?

Klaus: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Joey: The hell is wrong with you!?
Ira: Loaded question. Elaborate.

holy moly i haven't posted here in months but i'm back at it and i have new characters!!

Roger: Wraith, can I talk to you for a second?
Wraith: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Brent are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Roger: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Ember: What does 'take out' mean?
Roger: Food.
Brent: Dating
Heather: Murder
Wraith: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD

Heather: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Brent: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

Wraith: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Ember: I have a problem.
Heather: Kill it.

Roger: You believe me?
Ember: Roger, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Ember: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Wraith: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Wraith: I’m quick at maths.
Ember: Ok, what’s 38 times 76?
Wraith: 24.
Ember: That wasn’t even close.
Wraith: But it was quick.

Roger: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don’t murder someone right now.
Brent: There are no books in prison.
Roger: sighs Thank you.

Brent: I don't know how to tell you this, but… I love you.
Roger: That's great, Brent. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Lucia: You believe me?
Anthony: Lucy, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Emmett: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Quill: A…Bone…Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Jacques: Ms. Hecate, can I talk to you for a second?
Cyrus: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Emmett are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Jacques: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Alistair: Katherine, can I talk to you for a second?
Katherine: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Henry are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Alistair: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Carrie: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Hank: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

Jonny: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Addie: I have a problem.
Kels: Kill it.

Frid: You believe me?
Alistair: Frid, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Vassa: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Dara: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Oberon: I don't know how to tell you this, but…I love you.
Titania: That's great. Especially considering the fact we've been married for six years.

Warren: Vivian, can I talk to you for a second?
Vivian: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Sammy are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Warren: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Vivian: I have yet to encounter a problem where a glock didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Vivian: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

River: I have a problem.
Evan: Kill it.

Blackberry: You believe me?
Vivian: Blackberry, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Dreamer: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Vivian: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Sammy: I don't know how to tell you this, but…I love you.
River: That's great. Especially considering the fact we've been married for six years.

Vivian: I’m quick at maths.
Evan: Ok, what’s 38 times 76?
Vivian: 24.
Evan: That wasn’t even close.
Vivian: But it was quick.

Warren: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don’t murder someone right now.
Evan: There are no books in prison.
Warren: sighs Thank you.

Dreamer: What does 'take out' mean?
Warren: Food.
River: Dating
Evan: Murder
Vivian: It can mean all three if you're not a coward.

River: Are you busy?
Evan: No.
River: Want to do something?
Evan: Why would you try to ruin this for me?

Evan, winning at Connect Four for the seventh time in a row: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Vivian: Would you stop saying that every time you win?!

Vivian: Warren, how do you feel about lifting heavy things?
Warren: My doctor just said I should avoid-
Vivian: Being a wuss? I agree.

Evan: I'm never having a debate with Vivian again. She started her fucking argument with 'riddle me this.'

Suzanne: Hopefully Sal has learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings.
Screwgun: Shut up and die Suzy.

Suzanne: If I was married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee~
Vivian: If I was married to you, I’d drink it~

Vivian: Isn't it incredible how I can feel this bad and look this good?

River: The hell is wrong with you!?
Evan: Loaded question. Elaborate.

Suzanne: New Orleans girls, we're inconsolable!
Suzanne: Dreams of doom, the visions won't stop!

Suzanne: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Suzanne: Remember, kid, curiosity killed the cat.
Vivian: Forgot satisfaction brought it back. Find out if that shit catches fire, Screwgun.
Suzanne: You're a terrible influence.
Vivian: You don't know your sayings.

Warren: As they say, 'It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield.'
Blackberry: Opposite over hypotenuse.

Evan: God, I'm tired.
River: You get three hours of sleep a night, why are you surprised?
Evan: I'm not surprised, I just want to complain about it.

Screwgun: sometimes I just call the number on the missing dog posters and just bark

Warren: sorry if I’m bothering you
Lifeguard pulling him to shore: what

Vivian: hello this is Vivian from doordash
Vivian: pick a number between 1 and 10
Warren: 4
Vivian: Wrong
Vivian: no food for you
Warren: what
Warren: why
Warren: Vivian please

Evan after removing almost everyone from his private social media account: wait so I have only one follower now
Evan: hi Suzy
Suzanne: hey girl 👋 👋

Screwgun: “there’s food at the house” okay and what if I fucking kill you how about that

Blackberry: what is gaslighting?
Warren: you know what it is
Blackberry: no I don’t.
Warren: yes you do

Warren: is it normal to go for a walk in my neighborhood? like in jeans and sweatshirt? are people gonna think I’m weird?
Warren, editing the post: sorry folks. Got high and super paranoid.

Elliot, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Quill, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.
Ophelia: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Quill: Playing systemic oppression!

Anthony: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.
Cyrus: And I need you to be less vague and weird.

Mr. Luong: How was your day, El?
Elliot: Ugh, terrible. It's anti-bullying week at school.
Mr. Luong: That's terrible?
Elliot: Yes! I can't bully anyone for a whole week!

Cyrus: You’re a loose cannon, Dal.
Dally: I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? No, no, I’m just a lovable renegade. Ant is the loose cannon.
Anthony: Shut your trap, Dame.
Cyrus: I’d say Anthony’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing.
Claire: So is Dally a loose cannon or not?
Cyrus: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.

Anthony: Oh, go fuck yourself.
Dally: Fuck me yourself, coward.
Anthony: What?
Dally: What?

Quill: I just realized that every person is living a life as vivid and complex as my own.
Quill:
Quill: I feel so bad for them.

Anthony: Jesus, what a week.
Dally: Detective, it's Wednesday.

Quill: I've always wanted to see the inside of a water tower. I just know they hide some good stuff in there.
Anthony: …Water. They hide water.

Dally: Everyone who died or was killed on my quest to be fashionable deserved it and I don't care.

Elliot: Hey, can I have some?
Anthony, passing him his flask: Sure.
Elliot: Sweet!
Elliot, immediately coughing it up: Is this soup!?

Quill: Space pisses me off. The sun is too large and black holes are too mysterious and aliens are too sneaky!

Ophelia: You can never lose an argument if you say 'shut up, nerd' at the end.
Elliot: Pretty sure you can't.
Ophelia: Shut up, nerd.

Augusta: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.
Ted: And I need you to be less vague and weird.

Jezzy: You’re a loose cannon, Trino.
Aleks: I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? No, no, I’m just a lovable renegade. Reeta is the loose cannon.
Reeta: Shut your trap, Trino.
Jezzy: I’d say Reeta's more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing.
Reeta: So is Aleks a loose cannon or not?
Aleks: All right, put on a pot of caf. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.

Beck: I just realized that every person is living a life as vivid and complex as my own.
Beck:
Beck: I feel so bad for them.

Ted: Jesus, what a week.
Annie: Detective, it's Wednesday.

Ansel: I've always wanted to see the inside of a water tower. I just know they hide some good stuff in there.
Oliver: …Water. They hide water.

Algernon: Everyone who died or was killed on my quest to be fashionable deserved it and I don't care.

Joel: Hey, can I have some?
Ernesto, passing him his flask: Sure.
Joel: Thanks!
Ernesto, immediately coughing it up: Is this soup!?

Theo: Space pisses me off. The sun is too large and black holes are too mysterious and aliens are too sneaky!

Eddy: You can never lose an argument if you say 'shut up, nerd' at the end.
Theo: Pretty sure you can.
Eddy: Shut up, nerd.

Eddy: I have yet to encounter a problem where a gun didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Ruthie: You believe me?
Ted: Ruth, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Theo: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Eddy: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Jonny: I don't know how to tell you this, but…I love you.
Lucille: That's great. Especially considering the fact we've been married for six years.

Eddy: I’m quick at math.
Theo: Okay, what’s 38 times 76?
Eddy: 24.
Theo: That wasn’t even close.
Eddy: But it was quick.

Theo, winning at Connect Four for the seventh time in a row: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Eddy: Would you stop saying that every time you win?!

Atticus: Kora, can I talk to you for a second?
Kora: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Alexi are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Atticus: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Rhyda: I have yet to encounter a problem where a glock didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Felix: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

Pazia: I have a problem.
Abel: Kill it.

Sparrow: You believe me?
Thaddeus: Sparrow, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Dahlia: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Howie: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Atticus: I don't know how to tell you this, but…I love you.
Alexi: That's great. Especially considering the fact we've been married for three years.

Midge: I’m quick at math.
Leonardo: Ok, what’s 38 times 76?
Midge: 24.
Leonardo: That wasn’t even close.
Midge: But it was quick.

Killian: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Holden, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Sid, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.
Drew: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Sid: Playing systemic oppression!

Vaughn: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.
Tobias: And I need you to be less vague and weird.

Mrs. Peterson: How was your day, Marc?
Marco: Ugh, terrible. It's anti-bullying week at school.
Mrs. Peterson: That's terrible?
Marco: Yes! I can't bully anyone for a whole week!

Felix: Oh, go fuck yourself.
Drew: Fuck me yourself, coward.
Felix: What?
Drew: What?

Grace: I just realized that every person is living a life as vivid and complex as my own.
Grace:
Grace: I feel so bad for them.

Dahlia: Jesus, what a week.
Avon: It's Wednesday.

Midge: I've always wanted to see the inside of a water tower. I just know they hide some good stuff in there.
Hammy: …Water. They hide water.

Felix: Everyone who died or was killed on my quest to be fashionable deserved it and I don't care.

Sid: Hey, can I have some?
Grace, passing him her flask: Sure.
Sid: Sweet!
Sid, immediately coughing it up: Is this soup!?

Vaughn: Space pisses me off. The sun is too large and black holes are too mysterious and aliens are too sneaky!

Ransom: You can never lose an argument if you say 'shut up, nerd' at the end.
Hammy: Pretty sure you can.
Ransom: Shut up, nerd.

Dally: You okay?
Joey: I'm okay, yeah. You're the one without the padding.
Dally: Yeah, well you're the old one.

Barry: I'm saving my brain for special occasions. If I use it every day it'll get dirty.

Alice: Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car and he sighed and muttered to himself "never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence."

Safie: I'll never understand Jigsaw. To do that to another person doesn't seem very nice or kind. Sorry but this is just how I feel.

Augusta: Behind every girlboss is a gaslighting mom who gatekept her love

Babs: I could never abuse substances, I love substances!

Quill: I'm saving my brain for special occasions. If I use it every day it'll get dirty.

Ophelia: I'll never understand Jigsaw. To do that to another person doesn't seem very nice or kind. Sorry but this is just how I feel.

Quill: What does coffee taste like?
Anthony: You probably wouldn't think it tastes as good as it smells.
Quill: Oh, so like shampoo.

Elliot: Here's a fun Christmas idea: we'll hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is under it!
Ophelia: We are not doing that.
Quill: Mistlefoe!
Ophelia: No.

Quill: This is the worst day of my life!
Elliot: Agreed.
Dally: Some of you have not experienced the day Zayn left One Direction and it shows.

Ophelia: What're you gonna bring to the potluck?
Quill: My negative attitude and my sparkling personality!

Elliot: My goal for the new year is to drop all my passive aggressive bullshit.
Elliot: That's right, this year I'm just getting straight up aggressive.
Elliot: Good luck, fuckers.

Maddy: Hope you get run over by a truck.
Adrian: Hoping is all well and good, but ultimately it gets you nowhere. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Get in your car and run me the fuck down instead of waiting for others to do your work for you, you coward. You lazy fool.

Quill: I think my guardian angel drinks.

Anthony: Quill, that's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.
Quill, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

Anthony: What should I get at iHop?
Cyrus: Pancake combo.
Dally: Sucked dry.
Claire: Killed.
Anthony: …Alright.

Cyrus: Two consenting adults should be allowed to duel each other to the death without any legal repercussions.

Quill, putting her hands over Elliot's eyes: Guess who!
Elliot: It's either Quill or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Quill, putting her hands away: It's Quill!
Elliot: Dammit.

Elliot: Touch-starved, but, like, for physical violence.

Felix: 'Doomed by the narrative?' Couldn't be me. I doomed the narrative myself!

Quill: The pain is more incredibly annoying than unbearable.
Quill: I can bear it, but come on.

Anthony, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.

Felix: Are you busy?
Anthony: Yes.
Felix: Cool, listen to this.

Ophelia: What’s the status up here?
Quill: Fucked up, about to die, El's a nerd. The usual.

Dally: Live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say!
Anthony: You should say something else.

Abel: I think my guardian angel drinks.

Drew: Holden, that's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.
Holden, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

Felix: What should I get at iHop?
Grace: Pancake combo.
Shea: Sucked dry.
Abel: Killed.
Felix: …Alright.

Vaughn: Two consenting adults should be allowed to duel each other to the death without any legal repercussions.

Sparrow, putting her hands over Thad's eyes: Guess who!
Thaddeus: It's either Sparrow or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Sparrow, putting her hands away: It's Sparrow!
Thaddeus: Dammit.

Bianca: Touch-starved, but, like, for physical violence.

Abel: 'Doomed by the narrative?' Couldn't be me. I doomed the narrative myself!

Abel: The pain is more incredibly annoying than unbearable.
Abel: I can bear it, but come on.

Grace, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.

Felix: Are you busy?
Rhyda: Yes.
Felix: Cool, listen to this.

Tobias: What’s the status up here?
Selene: Fucked up, about to die, Millie's a nerd. The usual.

Nikola: Live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say!
Mischa: You should say something else.

Eddy: I think my guardian angel drinks.

Oleander: What should I get for breakfast?
Calla: Pancake combo.
Cypress: Sucked dry.
Hemlock: Killed.
Oleander: Alright!

Carrie: Two consenting adults should be allowed to duel each other to the death without any legal repercussions.

Aristotle, putting his hands over Byron's eyes: Guess who!
Byron: It's either Aristotle or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Aristotle, putting his hands away: It's Aristotle!
Byron: Dammit.

Eddy: Touch-starved, but, like, for physical violence.

Tabitha: 'Doomed by the narrative?' Couldn't be me. I doomed the narrative myself!

Joey: The pain is more incredibly annoying than unbearable.
Joey: I can bear it, but come on.

Jonny, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.

Jackson: Are you busy?
Geneva: Yes.
Jackson: Cool, listen to this.

Robert: What’s the status up here?
Clyde: Fucked up, about to die, Jane's a nerd. The usual.

Algernon: Live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say!
Tabitha: You should say something else.

Theo: You okay?
Eddy: I'm okay, yeah. You're the one without the padding.
Theo: Yeah, well you're the old one.

Eddy: Just gave my girlfriend an incorrect direction in the car and she sighed and muttered to herself "never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence."

Eliza Marie: I'll never understand Jigsaw. To do that to another person doesn't seem very nice or kind. Sorry but this is just how I feel.

Annie: Behind every girlboss is a gaslighting mom who gatekept her love

Molly: I could never abuse substances, I love substances!

Roger: I think my guardian angel drinks.

Ember: Wraith, that's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.
Wraith, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

Roger: What should I get at iHop?
Ember: Pancake combo.
Wraith: Sucked dry.
Heather: Killed.
Roger: …Alright.

Heather: Two consenting adults should be allowed to duel each other to the death without any legal repercussions.

Ayla, putting her hands over Bennett's eyes: Guess who!
Bennett: It's either Ayla or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Ayla, putting her hands away: It's Ayla!
Bennett: Dammit.

Heather: Touch-starved, but, like, for physical violence.

Roger: 'Doomed by the narrative?' Couldn't be me. I doomed the narrative myself!

Ember, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.

Wraith: Are you busy?
Ember: Yes.
Wraith: Cool, listen to this.

Rosamund: What’s the status up here?
Heather: Fucked up, about to die, Wilfred's a nerd. The usual.

Brent: Live fast, die young, and leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say!
Roger: You should say something else.

Tiodore: So what's the plan?
J.B.: I'll think of something. It's like jazz; we'll just vamp!
Tiodore: "We'll just vamp" is not a plan!

Wraith: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.
Brent: You’re too young to have enemies.
Wraith: You don’t even know.

Ember: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Heather.
Ember:
Ember: Don’t tell her I said that.

Ember, to Roger: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

Brent: I’m 80% awesome 20% water and 100% handsome.
Ronin: That’s 200%.
Brent: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.

Ember: I know what you're up to.
Wraith: Really? Because I barely know.

Brent: Just don't go.
Ember: Say you’re ill!
Wraith: Pretend to break your leg.
Heather: Really break your leg!

Brent: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Roger a little bit.
Ember, holding Brent's notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Brent: No, that's our joint tombstone.
Ember: My mistake.

Heather: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in?
Roger: What's the taser challenge?
Wraith: We tase each other, then drink.
Roger: How do you win?
Heather: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

Brent: So, what’s Roger's type?
Heather: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover.
Brent: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Heather: Did I mention oblivious?
Brent: Yeah, why?
Heather: Okay, just making sure.

Brent: I dare you-
Ember: Heather is not allowed to accept dares anymore.
Brent: Why not?
Heather: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

Rosamund: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
Wilfred: It was me…
Rosamund: …Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Viola: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say something homophobic and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.
Wilfred:
Wilfred: I like you.

Sage, looking over Viola’s shoulder: You can draw?
Viola, stopping what they were doing: You can speak?