forum I'LL CRITIQUE YOUR CHARACTERS!! [STILL OPEN]

Started October 01, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

@ninja_violinist
glad i could help! you don't need to reply, if you feel the need to explain it maybe add it to the character's category or notes.
and no worries, most of my characters are messes too :,D

Would you mind doing my protagonist? Elliott (Macnon)

Hey!Can you do mine? Mortus,Demi-Goddess of Earth

hey @Kaloobia I AM SO SORRY FOR THE INSANE DELAY!!!

1. make him about 10 ibs heavier for his age/height/body type. he'll definitely have some muscle from dancing! muscle weighs more than fat, and you could easily make him up to 154 ibs without worrying about accuracy.
2. not really sure what you mean by the hair style.. how does it "sometimes" fall on his forehead?
3. his skin will probably be much darker given his race. maybe olive with warm undertones or something similar.
4. good identifying marks, but more if possible. does he have a certain stance or clothing style that he always wears?
5. "throwing things around in his hands like some kinda football, " you mean tossing from hand to hand? otherwise it seems like he's actually forcefully throwing it and for a dog, that wouldn't be pleasant.
6. "fighting the demons his parents left him with" metaphorical? why did they leave him with the demons? what were they? what caused him to be left with them because of what his parents did?
7. changing what for the better? his personality? habits? flaws?
8. "attributes people liking him to him being part of a boy band" what does this actually mean? i get the next part, but this i don't.
9. "Taylor Swift Taylor Swift TAYLOR SWIFT " what about this is a hobby. also give him some more. does he enjoy the songwriting he does? in which case it might be a hobby. what does he do when his dogs aren't around and he can't listen to taylor swift?
10. "now that he truly has the opportunity" he could have lived his life to the fullest by just being grateful for what he had, presumably. maybe he just wants to get out and live freely.
11. "highly incompatible personalities" … this doesn't really mean anything. people can have incredibly incompatible personalities but still love each other to death (my parents for example, me and my mom for another example). idk i just don't like the idea of people being sorted into "personalities" that supposedly determine everything about them lol. you do you tho
12. "clashing of personal beliefs" children are very impressionable. if they were brought up in a home that has certain beliefs, chances are they'll have the same beliefs.

so that's all!! so sorry for the delay!!!!!!!

This is one of my four protagonists, but I will only send you the one for now. If you want to look at the others feel free to ask!

OH-KAY GETTING SHIT DONE
SO

1. "Panic! At the Everywhere" BIG MOOD I'M STEALING THAT LMFAO
2. more identifying marks. clothing style? certain stance? other physical things?
3. explain a bit - is he underweight or is he just so small he looks fragile?
4. so say "ghostly pale" "gaunt" or "chalky", depending.
5. so he is underweight. why? you can justify it a bit in the category
6. so does he have a weak immune system? what kind of sickness is it?
7. personality: MORE PLS. SO MUCH MORE. i need to know what kind of person he is. "quiet" doesn't do it. why will he snap if you annoy him? is he an introvert? is he creative? nice? mean? rude? polite? include even the tiniest details! they're super helpful. right now he just seems kind of like a Soft Boi who's seen as a weak flower but at the same time as Shocking OP powers, which kind of makes him a bit unrealistic. obviously there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want, but i had a similar character that ended up a plot device because of his lack of character, for lack of a better word.
8. "He is said to be on of the best mages in the Dark Kingdom." boi. if he's so sickly and weak, there is no way his body is going to have the capacity/ability to hold magic.
9. "completely unprejudiced" NO WAY. no one is so truly unbiased. i mean, think about it this way: if your person came into contact with his world's version of Donald Trump, would he be overjoyed or would he be horrified? if he's overjoyed, it could give you an idea that he'd be prejudiced against those who don't support that figure, and vice versa. that might give you something to work off of.
10. what do you mean he doesn't know when to stop fighting? how does he not? is it because he is unaware of who the enemy is? in which case he may be inattentive or have some other issue that causes this.
11. if he's so anxious, he probably has anxiety. that'd be a condition.
12. here's where things kind of solidify the unrealistic character: "He is motivated by revenge for what has been done to him in the past and how he has been walked over." someone with this motivation would not be so quiet and weak, i think. they'd be training every day, getting stronger, more powerful, and they would not allow their opinions to go unheard. sure, they might be quiet, but it'll be a hostile, standoffish kind of quiet (i have a character who's kind of like this actually).
13. "Being the crown prince of the Dark Kingdom he is a calm person who keeps his priorities in order. He also stays in the sidelines until he belives he is needed." so this is a lot of conflicting ideas. he's suddenly a prince?? he'd be quiet but diplomatic and very well groomed manner-wise. he wouldn't be so quick to snap when someone angers him, he'd probably be able to keep a good check on his emotions at least to preserve his image, if not to preserve his level-headedness and ability to make decisions. he most likely would not stay in the sidelines, he'd be on the field, managing the conflict as he's been told to do as a future leader of a kingdom.
14. "His favorite weapon is his sword." what kind of sword? if he's so powerful, wouldn't it be his magic? that could protect him easier.
15. "so he will eat whatever is healthy." this sounds more like an obligation to remain healthy. what would he pick off of a menu if he had the choice (and didn't have to eat healthy?
16. "By the time he was thirteen he was deemed one of the best sorcerers in the kingdom." i want to say this isn't true, because of his health and his age. yeah, you can practice for a while and get good, but you wouldn't be able to beat someone who's been doing it for 13 years with the same amount of intensity.

so. i know i was kind of hard on him, sorry, but i think you've kind of gone with an overused and unrealistic trope. totally up to you tho, you could write him great and not need to worry about any of this!!

No holding back!

aight @CurtisFamWriters

1. you can put most of the description you have in background. description is probably more like a quick snapshot without the history you've put in - maybe just "harbors a demon with a split personality that causes mayhem wherever/whenever it can". love that idea tho btw
2. "Hood in the back. Is the color of first class. Second class is green. Third is purple. Classes work more like military ranks. When they think you have enough power you advance. You can spent 5 years in first class or you could spend 5 days in first class. " not necessary for clothing, but i'm confused by the wording. what is the color of the first class? what color is the cloak? put the rest in the universe's information
3. make him a bit heavier for his body type/height. skin tone: medium what? light? olive? honey? chocolate? wow i'm the queen of basically calling people food but oh well
4. he should have some identifying marks. i say this sO MANY TIMES i'm starting to sound like a broken record//lady gaga's reused analogy, but how would you recognize him in a group photo or find him in a crowd? put that.
5. not sure what the stupidity level is. you could just put that he's pretty intelligent. funny idea tho
6. more mannerisms. stance? how does he act around friends vs. strangers? younger vs. older people?
7. motivated to do what by his mother's last words?
8. more flaws. personality flaws! is he reckless? stubborn? merciless?
9. what is his prejudice towards the royals? does he hate/love them?
10. ok so personality is pretty good. more details though. i need a person, not a list of traits! i'm going to reuse that now too oh well
11. job - that's not really a job, and learning to control the demon isn't really school. i'd put "student" in occupation, and add in motivations that he wants to learn to control the demon inside of him.

so nice job so far! keep at it :)

Hewwo o3o
This is my very first attempt at making a villain, i dont even know what to say about him :')))

Be brutally honest if you must qwq

Hey!Can you do mine? Mortus,Demi-Goddess of Earth

ok first off did you draw that crap because hOLY heck how much for a commission. damn that's sum tALENT

1. role - role in story, like protag? antag? random passerby? side character? that's a good occupation or description u have tho.
2. some more identifying marks if possible.
3. skin tone, not race. as in, "ghostly pale" or "deep chocolate" or "olive with warm undertones" or something like that.
4. more on hairstyle. layered? thick? thin? usually kept tied up or in a braid or just loose?
5. give an exact measurement, it might help
6. "Mortus,has a french accent and snobby atitude,but can be serious when talking about undeath.Reports say that she sometimes start crying when talking about her life when alive." this isn't really personality. personality is like; mean, nice, stubborn, naive, heck even tsundere or yandere or stuff like that. french accent would go in mannerisms. snobby and serious aren't really related so don't use the conjunction "but". if she "can be serious" that insinuates that she's normally silly. if she starts crying when talking about her life when she was alive, is it a sore subject or is she sensitive? basically what makes her her and everything else.
7. wait i thought you said she couldn't be out in the sun, does she practice her abilities indoors?
8. don't forget the spaces after commas, like this
9. control earth to what extent (stones levitating vs. earthquakes is quite a big difference) and how does this relate to her power over death/undeath? why is she an earth goddess if her special power is controlling life/death?
10. don't forget the spaces after periods. punctuation is annoying but important
11. "which makes people interested in her." what. there is nothing to prove this.
12. "She shows herself as a cocky and prideful individual,but inside she has a heart of gold,especially for those she creates and revives." personality! also, why does she show herself as cocky/prideful? is she insecure? that could be a flaw.
13. so i see you've written the social category through her perspective. ok cool
14. "Why, I have the most important job of all!I take care of the ground beneath you,of course,that doesn't make me inferior to you,ha!" ??????? isn't she the goddess of life/death? isn't her job to basically regulate the undead/living? what is her job????
15. what is her fav weapon tho
16. so is blue her fav color? you're just describing a bunch of things, not saying if they're her favorite or not.
17. "Mayor,Baroness,Demi-God" so is she all of these things? what is she the mayor/baroness of?
18. "For I own a town of my own,full of undead like me.Of course,I am the prettiest of them all!" this literally isn't politics. what kind of governing system does she agree with?
19. "habilities" it's abilities.
20. "Using her earthly powers,she rose up from her rocky grave,and was reborn." how does a person who can control rocks come back to life? earth doesn't really have anything to do with death.

so that's all! be careful with punctuation and wording and stuff. watch out for some conflicting information and stuff that doesn't add up.

Hey!Can you do mine? Mortus,Demi-Goddess of Earth

ok first off did you draw that crap because hOLY heck how much for a commission. damn that's sum tALENT

1. role - role in story, like protag? antag? random passerby? side character? that's a good occupation or description u have tho.
2. some more identifying marks if possible.
3. skin tone, not race. as in, "ghostly pale" or "deep chocolate" or "olive with warm undertones" or something like that.
4. more on hairstyle. layered? thick? thin? usually kept tied up or in a braid or just loose?
5. give an exact measurement, it might help
6. "Mortus,has a french accent and snobby atitude,but can be serious when talking about undeath.Reports say that she sometimes start crying when talking about her life when alive." this isn't really personality. personality is like; mean, nice, stubborn, naive, heck even tsundere or yandere or stuff like that. french accent would go in mannerisms. snobby and serious aren't really related so don't use the conjunction "but". if she "can be serious" that insinuates that she's normally silly. if she starts crying when talking about her life when she was alive, is it a sore subject or is she sensitive? basically what makes her her and everything else.
7. wait i thought you said she couldn't be out in the sun, does she practice her abilities indoors?
8. don't forget the spaces after commas, like this
9. control earth to what extent (stones levitating vs. earthquakes is quite a big difference) and how does this relate to her power over death/undeath? why is she an earth goddess if her special power is controlling life/death?
10. don't forget the spaces after periods. punctuation is annoying but important
11. "which makes people interested in her." what. there is nothing to prove this.
12. "She shows herself as a cocky and prideful individual,but inside she has a heart of gold,especially for those she creates and revives." personality! also, why does she show herself as cocky/prideful? is she insecure? that could be a flaw.
13. so i see you've written the social category through her perspective. ok cool
14. "Why, I have the most important job of all!I take care of the ground beneath you,of course,that doesn't make me inferior to you,ha!" ??????? isn't she the goddess of life/death? isn't her job to basically regulate the undead/living? what is her job????
15. what is her fav weapon tho
16. so is blue her fav color? you're just describing a bunch of things, not saying if they're her favorite or not.
17. "Mayor,Baroness,Demi-God" so is she all of these things? what is she the mayor/baroness of?
18. "For I own a town of my own,full of undead like me.Of course,I am the prettiest of them all!" this literally isn't politics. what kind of governing system does she agree with?
19. "habilities" it's abilities.
20. "Using her earthly powers,she rose up from her rocky grave,and was reborn." how does a person who can control rocks come back to life? earth doesn't really have anything to do with death.

so that's all! be careful with punctuation and wording and stuff. watch out for some conflicting information and stuff that doesn't add up.

Thank you!I'm sorry for the writing errors,my first language isn't english.I related death with earth because of burials and all of that.And yeah,she hides behind a bratty persona but is really insecure inside.

Hullo. Me again. Could you critique this character? I know he might need some work, and I am still working on character relations. :)

ok @Kohaku

1. so i would say for mannerisms maybe just make his resting face look shifty unless he is making a conscious effort to keep the sly expression in place. if so, why?
2. also, if he's a villain but has a master, is he just kind of a henchman? at 19-20, i wouldn't really expect someone to be dependent on another unless it was totally necessary for survival.
3. why is one of his motives to make his master proud of him? is it because he had a childhood in which he never got attention or he just wants to feel validated? if this is one of his motives, why is he so loyal to his master but yet is still a villain (is his master also a villain?)
4. more flaws! any inherent ones? maybe explain the reason for the flaws, because 90% of the time there is one. or more than one.
5. that's an odd prejudice. what makes him connect beauty and power? is it gender-specific? why does he think this?
6. other talents? that is a really cool talent, but it would take a lot of skill and mental focus. like rubbing your stomach and patting your head at the same time.
7. playing with dolls in a creepy way or a role-playing way? either way, i can imagine why he's private about it.
8. "narcissistic" flaw!
9. "due to his past as a forcibly submissive person" do u mean his past in which he was forced into submission by another? in which case he might have a more negative view of himself because he "let himself be pushed lower" or something and the selfishness/narcissism might be a ruse to hide his insecurities.
10. if he hides his emotions all the time but is still in a good mood, do you mean he's actually more likely to just bury the negative feelings? also what's so great about his legs lol
11. "he is not wasteful nor picky, keeping all his belongings in good shape, rarely asking for more than he needs" so i'd say this is definitely a characteristic of someone who is not selfish or spoiled, so be careful how you write that. maybe he's not selfish, but he's spoiled, but because of his past (or smth) he's always grateful for what he receives.
12. "becoming flustered if someone confronts him about it. " why? what's so embarrassing about it, other than the dolls?
13. "despite his defects," what defects? you haven't mentioned any (or any personality flaws) that might make him believe in equal rights despite those traits. "refusing to confront an enemy that is injured, tired or incapable of facing him, going so far as to helping the opponent to regain their strength." this seems more like a pride thing. he only wants to beat someone when they're at their best, so he can be sure that he's stronger than them. depends on how you write it tho
14. HAHAHAH LOVE THE LEG THING
15. aight so for clarification a naga is like a human with the lower half of a snake (in terms of physical appearance)?
16. so how old is his master and how old was hiryur when they fell in love? i'm glad it's not sexual but it's still borderline pedophilia. be very careful.

Thank you!I'm sorry for the writing errors,my first language isn't english.I related death with earth because of burials and all of that.And yeah,she hides behind a bratty persona but is really insecure inside.

no worries! if you relate death and earth because of burials, put that in there, that is such a cool idea!!!!!! maybe she gets her powers from the dead as they're buried (which grants her the powers of earth and life/death)? also, make sure to add insecure to flaws/personality because that is an important detail that helps the reader get to know the character. good luck and good job!

@Soup_Nana_and_co. ofc!

1. so how exactly are cupid years experienced by cupids, is it just in terms of their life expectancy? in which case just say he has the appearance of an 18-yr-old but is actually 235 (though that is the cupid equivalent of 18).
2. role: is he MC? protag? antag? side character?
3. more identifying marks? also, why are his wings larger than most cupids'?
4. more on body type. does he have any muscle? why is he thin? is he malnourished or just petite? if he's thin, why are his wings so big? they would probably rely on body size unless they don't actually help the owner fly and are just there for show.
5. silver white? like grey undertones or actually metallic/glowing?
6. more hair style. wavy? straigh? short? long? thick? thin?
7. " so he is afraid of most things," if he's skittish he's just easily scared/jumpy. not really afraid of everything. maybe he is afraid of a lot of things because he can't fight back or he's weak or something. or he's afraid because he thinks that he might have a weakness to it or smth.
8. so personality, i said this in an earlier critique, but be careful you don't write him with 0 personality because i had a character with similar traits that ended up literally being a plot device with no other personality than dependent and gay. obviously it depends on how you write him and yours obviously might not end up that way at all, but just a warning haha.
9. any other talents? doesn't have to be better than other cupids, but just something he's good at.
10. that's a good flaw for his personality. give some more though!
11. more mannerisms. and that's a pretty good description of the wings, but just so i know, is it just his feathers that drag on the ground or does he just walk around with his wings unfolded and weirdly bent so the whole thing drags behind him?
12. fav. possession: why.
13. so a. how were his wings fixed? give us all the details. full history, explanation, all that, it's super useful for the character's development!
    b. i can't really guess but was it Andromeda?
    c. idk how someone can fall in love at age 9, especially if cupid years mean that he was effectively an infant.
    d. OK SO I WAS SUPER CONFUSED ABOUT THE AGING THING FOR A SEC LET ME CLARIFY the cupid ages normally by human years until they reach the human age of 11, after which the aging process slows dramatically and they age instead at a rate of 18 cupid years of growth has the same effect on them as 1 year does on humans.
    e. "(shooting someone with an arrow of heart.)" so if this is how the pass on their love, how/why do they lose the ability to fly as well? does that have something to do with their ability to give their love away?
    f. haha like the birthday thing.

ok so that's all! he's pretty good rn. keep at it!

George

Lumen

No holding back!

uh. that is a lot of characters. idk if i'm going to be able to get them all done and if you honestly expect me to?? it takes me a while to do just one character. i'll start with one of them and i'll try to get to the others, but other people do need critiques n i'd rather do one character from 10 different people than 10 characters from one person. sorry

Hiya! Could you possibly take a peek at my character? Kristina Anne Pearce

@SupernaturalSyGuy
so for george:

1. exact age? helps with a timeline.
2. how short is his hair?
3. length/style of mustache?
4. revenge for what reasons? give us the multiple reasons
5. more flaws!
   5.1 added note is it watching porn or just reading it? i feel like i have to take a shower in holy water just saying that lmao
6. MORE PERSONALITY. what makes him a person and not just a good-for-nothing pervert with the kind of money to get away with it?
7. religion - i don't think someone christian would be ok with participating in the kind of activities he does (perverted stuff).
8. education - so why is he so perverted with his level of intelligence? why is he so insane? what makes him think that his actions (murder and nearly pedophilia/perversion) is ok, especially with his religion?

at this point it kind of seems like you've written him as an easily-hated character for the sole purpose of having him as unlikable, but i think you better give him some redeeming qualities or he might as well be a plot device. if your readers don't side with him and your main character does, then your main character will also be disliked and you might have trouble with your readership.

for Lumen:

1. how old is he? it's hard to critique without an age or i don't know what kind of personality to expect.
2. what is "fiery blonde"? like bright yellow blonde? red-orange blonde?
3. how long? do you mean like layered by "wisps of hair"?
4. more identifying marks if possible, though i like the ones you've got.
5. SO MUCH MORE PERSONALITY!!!! more flaws! i barely know anything about him. i would probably know that from a glance across the classroom at this point.
6. woah so did his friend cut off his hand? why? give a time line!

so that's all! maybe if you wouldn't mind adding a bit more information or develop your characters more before you ask for a critique, because i can't actually do much with the info i've got.
keep going!

Hiya! Could you possibly take a peek at my character? Kristina Anne Pearce

ok so!

1. don't just rely on images! say her hair is black with a grey balayage. how long is her hair?
2. "Human: Leaf-green"?? just say leaf-green. why does her race make a difference? even if it does, it's not necessary to put it in that category.
3. more on body type! is she a rectangle? an orange? a triangle? dare i say it - an hourglass (please don't make her this, very few people actually have that body type and a lot of times it's not natural).
4. more mannerisms! how does she act with friends vs. strangers? older vs. younger people? does she have nervous habits? a tic that happens when she's happy/sad/annoyed?
5. so her motivations do tie up with her flaws, good job, but what causes her self-worth to be so low that she blindly follows a 17-year-old bounty hunter? what else motivates her?
6. more on flaws - more of them!
7. "Feminine magical creature are evil, homewreckers, and masters of seduction." that's quite a generalization for a female to make. does she mean succubi? in which case put that. because i don't think it's quite possible for someone to believe that all creatures in a category no matter what their species are those exact words.
8. other hobbies? when she doesn't have much space to move around?
9. MORE PERSONALITY DETAILS! no one is going to exactly fit that personality type. that would mean that 1/16th of the world is a perfect mirror image of her. give her unique traits! add even the tiniest details!
10. background - HISTORY. timelines are super useful. give her a past that explains her personality! (i'm going to use this to explain the background category forever now)
11. if u drew that, you're really talented.

so that's all! she could use a bit more development, but good job so far!

You heard a lot about her in Griffin's bio thing (now updated if you want to re check that.) So now you can meet Andromeda!!!

No holding back!

uh. that is a lot of characters. idk if i'm going to be able to get them all done and if you honestly expect me to?? it takes me a while to do just one character. i'll start with one of them and i'll try to get to the others, but other people do need critiques n i'd rather do one character from 10 different people than 10 characters from one person. sorry

Oh, yeah, sorry, no you don't have to do them all.
If you could just do these two, I'd appreciate it a lot!

ok @luna
for Andrea:

1. "Makes it easier to find the places where it really hurts when she fights." isn't really necessary in the height category. might be good in talents or occupation tho. //UPDATE i saw she was a pacifist, so is this necessary to add at all if she isn't going to fight?
2. hair style - when it's down/natural, is it short? long? thick? thin? wavy? straight?
3. skin tone: warm what? warm olive? warm white? warm dark? warm chocolate?
4. bit more on body type - triangular? rectangular? circular?
5. "Has distinct accent, but no one can tell where it's from. Slightly British, but not?? But accent changes to whoever she's talking to." explain why. don't say "slightly british but not" if it changes. just say "has a strong accent that changes minutely depending on who she's interacting with". how does it actually change tho? because it took me a while to figure out how to change my british accent to an american, i'll tell you that; though i can switch on the fly now, it would take a while to learn a bunch of different accents, so how many does she have?
6. more identifying marks, but i like the ideas so far!!
7. interesting condition. not sure why she'd burst into song randomly tho.
8. motivations: how does this motivate her to move along with whatever plot she's in? a
9. "doesn't know when to stop" what? trusting? talking?
10. don't use bullet points. you're kind of categorizing things together that don't belong with one another, like "Too curious for her own good. Gets overwhelmed easily. "
11. does she get stressed easily? avoid all of that language and just say she's easily aggravated when stressed and will snap at someone before feeling bad about it.
12. less than 3 hours without fail or with slight variation. if someone slept less than 3 hours a night for every day of their life, they'd be collapsing at random points during the week and sleeping for 24+ hours at a time.
13. "Hates fighting, mean girls, drama, things that all foster and engender danger./Hates bullies with a passion./Advocates for the underdog, but isn't willing to be one." these aren't really prejudices (though i love the last one), but they're good personality details. change the wording a bit to make them a prejudice: she hates all insert generalized group of people here because they all insert incorrect generalization here. such as she hates "mean" girls because they're all judgmental and nasty.
14. "Extremely patient. Very compassionate, always helps a soul in need. Conscientious." not talents, but personality! also, idk if that really fits with her disorder, but just make sure you write it correctly.
15. "Falls in love with everything hard = everything/one has potential to hurt her. " personality detail. try a different wording instead, initially i thought she fell in love with anything that is hard (e.g. rocks/minerals). that also seems like she's had a bit of past trauma, that could result in mistrustfulness and hostility as a flaw; at the very least, a pessimistic and twisted worldview.
16. "95% of her camera roll is selfies, some cute and some not, with friends. " not a talent.
17. so the good speaker thing - not sure that matches up with her disorder either. maybe she "talks like an adult" or has an extensive vocabulary, but she won't really understand nonverbal cues and not really enunciate the use of nonverbal cues herself (e.g. perhaps in a speech).
18. "listening to people" with her disorder, she'd have a bit of a hard time doing that. she also might not be the best at reacting to people's body language. (this could all be a flaw) so i'm not sure why she'd enjoy doing that, but it is a possibility.
19. "Observing people's auras. " so is this a sensory disorder or something linked to her current condition? can she actually see people's auras, in which case is your world magical or is it just like a "spiritual" thing (i put it in quotes not to diss people who believe in that stuff but to insinuate that the majority of the people in your world in the example i'm putting forth do not believe in it.)
20. "good communicators, " not with her disorder i think. wouldn't say she'd be super popular either, because she wouldn't understand when people are politely attempting to move away from her unless she's told that. i could be totally wrong tho! i don't doubt that she could be popular but depending on the extent that her disorder effects her it might make somewhat of a difference on her social skills (as it has been known to affect teens and their social lives because they don't know how to socialize).
21. so good personality details, but it seems like you just copy-pasted it from the personality type you chose. if you have all those details, take out the "ENFP" and just add some unique traits to make her a person and not a type (if you haven't already).
22. occupation - "Wants to be" what?
23. so like any earthy/natural color
24. "Contrary to most youngest kids, she never wanted to stand out." a lot of people actually didn't want to stand out, they wanted to go with the masses and fit in (maybe "stand out" as in be popular/liked/pretty, but not different).
25. more background. history! timeline! what events led up to her current point? include anything minutely important to her development from birth onwards. it just helps with the character development! make sure there are reasons for her current mental state and personality.
26. "Very sweet and quiet, she loves the outdoors and hates for people to fight. " personality. so is "naive".
27. "So her siblings stress her out almost all the time and she then retreats to the woods." hobby!
28. why does she feel sad for emma?
29. "wholly driven by emotions" could be a major flaw. she could be reckless, easily angered, and much more. this is a great field to exploit for traits.
30. "Magnolia = Love of nature.
    And finally, Andrea! My sweet naive babe. She's the very opposite of your usual youngest. Very sweet and quiet, she loves the outdoors and hates for people to fight. So her siblings stress her out almost all the time and she then retreats to the woods." i'm kind of confused as to what this is?

so that's all. she's pretty good, but there's just a bit more development possible!

No holding back!

uh. that is a lot of characters. idk if i'm going to be able to get them all done and if you honestly expect me to?? it takes me a while to do just one character. i'll start with one of them and i'll try to get to the others, but other people do need critiques n i'd rather do one character from 10 different people than 10 characters from one person. sorry

Oh, yeah, sorry, no you don't have to do them all.
If you could just do these two, I'd appreciate it a lot!

DANGIT I DID THE WRONG ONE
ok sorry i'll get to those guys in a bit.

No holding back!

uh. that is a lot of characters. idk if i'm going to be able to get them all done and if you honestly expect me to?? it takes me a while to do just one character. i'll start with one of them and i'll try to get to the others, but other people do need critiques n i'd rather do one character from 10 different people than 10 characters from one person. sorry

Oh, yeah, sorry, no you don't have to do them all.
If you could just do these two, I'd appreciate it a lot!

DANGIT I DID THE WRONG ONE
ok sorry i'll get to those guys in a bit.

Oh no you're fine! I appreciate any critiques of my childs at all :)

@SupernaturalSyGuy
so for george:

1. exact age? helps with a timeline.
2. how short is his hair?
3. length/style of mustache?
4. revenge for what reasons? give us the multiple reasons
5. more flaws!
   5.1 added note is it watching porn or just reading it? i feel like i have to take a shower in holy water just saying that lmao
6. MORE PERSONALITY. what makes him a person and not just a good-for-nothing pervert with the kind of money to get away with it?
7. religion - i don't think someone christian would be ok with participating in the kind of activities he does (perverted stuff).
8. education - so why is he so perverted with his level of intelligence? why is he so insane? what makes him think that his actions (murder and nearly pedophilia/perversion) is ok, especially with his religion?

at this point it kind of seems like you've written him as an easily-hated character for the sole purpose of having him as unlikable, but i think you better give him some redeeming qualities or he might as well be a plot device. if your readers don't side with him and your main character does, then your main character will also be disliked and you might have trouble with your readership.

for Lumen:

1. how old is he? it's hard to critique without an age or i don't know what kind of personality to expect.
2. what is "fiery blonde"? like bright yellow blonde? red-orange blonde?
3. how long? do you mean like layered by "wisps of hair"?
4. more identifying marks if possible, though i like the ones you've got.
5. SO MUCH MORE PERSONALITY!!!! more flaws! i barely know anything about him. i would probably know that from a glance across the classroom at this point.
6. woah so did his friend cut off his hand? why? give a time line!

so that's all! maybe if you wouldn't mind adding a bit more information or develop your characters more before you ask for a critique, because i can't actually do much with the info i've got.
keep going!

GEORGE

1. I haven't really decided yet, but that's because I rarely give my characters a set age. I don't know why, but I just think that giving a characters age in a story isn't really all that important…. Though it is a good thing to say what age range a character is.
2. Haven't decided yet.
3. Again, I have yet to choose one.
4. …. That would be a very long list. There's 100 people on his list for crying out loud!
5. Both….
6. I'm honestly just making him up as I write.
7. He might be a Christian, as in he believes in God/The Devil (Satan/Lucifer) and Heaven/Hell, but lives a worldy life. This happens a lot out here in reality.
8. See my explanation to #6.

Right now, admittingly, he's more of a plot device. I was actually originally intending the story that he's in to be a comic and/or manga, so I was using the 'elderly perverted man' troupe for him as a basic footprint for him.

LUMEN

1. Same thing that I said for George.
2. Firey blond, as in his hair is made up of yellows, reds, oranges, red-oranges, yellow-oranges.
3. I really haven't decided yet. My characters actually develop more and more as I write.
4. Yeah, I might think of more at some point.
5. Like I stated above, my characters develop whilst I'm writing.
6. Yep! I have that very clear in my head, so I felt that it wasn't needed in the character profile.

Well, I do appreciate the help, but I do have to say that your remark (though I understand it) was kinda rude. You've looked at some of my other characters, which are in my opinion, quite developed, before. You helped me out with them as well! :-) Critiques are meant to help the writer develop, often further develop their characters, or whatever else the writer wants criticized…. I basically just needed someone to take a fresh look at these two, for I have been stumped with them for a while now. Thanks for looking at them though! You actually helped me see what I need to focus on with them, and made me think of some things for them as well!