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I'LL CRITIQUE YOUR CHARACTERS!! [STILL OPEN]
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tune
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Deleted user
ok @Syguy20132
sorry this took me a while!!
For Jason:
thanks for clarification on his names!
i think for body type just a say lean. that would make sense. also i think we can get that he's gtall from his height lol but you can put it if you want
what kind of scar? MORE IDENTIFYING MARKS BLEASE
"Leans on either elbow when thinking with his head in the palm of his hand." just a tiny bit confusing - do you mean when he's sitting down? otherwise i'm having a hard time visualizing it LMAO
framed him for what?
"acceptions" -> exceptions (i make those kinds of mistakes all the time)
more personality please!! though i actually have a good idea of what he's like just from what you've put so far. GREAT JOB
"A 'gold' sword necklace" do you mean it has a sword pendant hanging on a chain? otherwise it could be either a bunch of tiny swords looped around his neck or like. a giant sword hanging from his neck (you never know what new levels of stupidity humanity will reach. i don't actually think of any of those, but clarify cos the possibilities are endless)
"for animals can sence that he's kinder more gental than he lets on." how? and also. what animal. you could put "animal person" in personality.
wow. you're a very talented writer. tbh you're better than a lot of people i've betaread for before but don't tell them i said that anyways that was quite detailed, but maybe consider using transitions to make it go a bit smoother and remove some details/dialogue from the specific instances (ik it sounds kinda crazy lmao) if it's a prologue. BUT IT'S STILL REALLY GOOD MAKE SURE TO SAVE SOME OF IT IF YOU DO DECIDE TO EDIT IT OBVIOUSLY NO PRESSURE THO DO WHAT YOU WANT
anyways
all in all add some other qualities that might make him more of an anti-hero, simply because he doesn't really seem like a hero or an anti-hero right now. probably just cos i haven't really read your story and it depends on how you write him but you know.
For Levi:
"Mix of white and tan" you could say like. pale brown. honey. light. medium. blease add some actual color descriptions.
hair style? identifying marks?
personality: MOOOOORE. where are the flaws? prejudices? also "murderer" you put "murder" lol
maybe some more hobbies and talents (if he has them)
birth date? not really necessary tho
anyways he's got the basics, but he definitely has room for improvement. keep going!
For Lux:
i see what you did with the name. clever >v<
age: if you're serious about that, maybe make the number a bit more random so it doesn't seem too coincidentally perfect (that the story takes place on that exact year or smth)
"Black with a red stripe going down the left side of his face. starts above the left eye." this is just a bit confusing. do you mean he has a fringe/bangs that are red? in which case put that in hairstyle.
"Human". ????????????????? but he's 19,500?????????? as far as i'm aware humans started looking like actual humans barely 10,000 years ago.
"slightly tanned" what? slightly tanned peach? slightly tanned tan? ik this is nitpicky but it helps.
more identifying marks. this goes for all of the above too: how would you recognize them in a crowd/group photo?
"Believes that a ruler should be tough, yet kind and fair at the same time." not a prejudice. as i say a lot (you're not the only one, don't worry), prejudices are unfounded hate for randomly (and often unfairly) generalized groups of people. for example he might hate "poor people" because he thinks they're lazy or something (THIS IS NOT A REFLECTION OF MY BELIEFS DON'T WORRY)
talents and hobbies: any more? in 19,500 years i think he'd pick up more than one hobby or practiced/become good at quite a few more things.
personality: MORE!!! PLEASE!! what kind of person is he? is he selfish? selfless? reckless? a coward? general stuff!
"he managed to take with him" from where
education: more! has he ever been schooled? where? when? on what? in 19,500 years i should think he has.
"Cursed to become evil every new and full moon. " what exactly do you mean by this? clarify.
so a general note, the greatest empires of human history happened barely at the beginning of the millennium and a bit before that. i highly doubt that 19,500 years ago he was a king who looked like a modern human. Humans, i think, had barely "tamed" fire by then.
for William:
do you mean he goes from villain to hero? how important is he as a villain? is he the prime antagonist? then what does he become? deuteragonist/side-kick?
so "appears 23": you put 19,500 for the other guy. don't be afraid to put this guy's age. it's not really going to spoil anything, i'm just critiquing a character.
weight - does he have a true form?
to where does his hair fall? tips of ears? shoulders? super helpful in defining length. "short but long" leads nowhere.
more identifying marks
"Smiles if he sees something that he enjoys." uh. don't we all. also, maybe add more! how does he talk?
more personality please! also. is his hobby of killing people not a flaw. does he have a sadistic/merciless nature? that'd be a flaw.
quick addition if demons have a psychological need to cause chaos, how does he become a hero? is it because he can cause more chaos that way? if so, interesting. if not, careful how you write a redemption arc.
background - you can add more!! it will just help make the plot go smoother for you and you don't have to keep trying to remember things.
"Usually has a smirk on his face." mannerism!!
"orenge" orange…..
"If he want's to hide the fact that he's a Prince of Hell, he can make his demon-eyes completely black." out of interest, does that mean that other demons don't have orange eyes? and if his eyes are completely black, wouldn't that be a cause for more interest in the human world? or do you mean just his irises.
SO THAT'S ALL
sorry it took so long!
most of them are good characters (in fact they all are) but some have room for more information. good luck and great job!!
Deleted user
ok @Kohaku
"284 yrs (biologically) 26 (physically)" biologically and physically basically mean the same thing unless he's a spirit who inhabits different bodies and his biological form is different than his current physical one. otherwise i'm not sure: if he was frozen like Captain America or something maybe put "chronologically" and "mentally/physically".
more identifying marks
"He's normally calm and collected" personality i think.
does he have any more flaws?
more talents if possible!
hobbies: you mean he goes seashell hunting? how you've worded it doesn't necessarily make it a hobby. add some more if he has any!
good details in the personality. maybe just a few more! does he have any other sides to him than "work" and "relaxed"?
politics - so who does he take orders from? who is he loyal to? that could be politics, depending on the situation.
fav. possession - why? what's so special about a blue rock?
"Even during his training years, he liked taking breaks from time to time, dedicating his free time to interesting lectures" that's a hobby. "As a night elf, he's as smart as he is strong." that's probably personality. for education, what were his training years training him? did he go to a school or something similar? for how long? stuff like that!
background - pretty good, but maybe just a bit more about his childhood
basic night elf abilities: including…?
so that's all! he's pretty good! keep working on him, but so far he's fairly well-developed.
Deleted user
Hey so I have one. He is a jinn or genie in case you don't know what that means, and he lives around India and Arabia. Invalid Character
can't access him!! sorry!!
Deleted user
@LonelyPotato ok imma clear up some stuff (and pls excuse me grammar)
1) yes i know about the name and yes it stays
2) A).resolved altho there is a possibility he's gay (i personally am a clueless innocent person with no experience (or prejudice) with that stuff soooo i will see where that goes…
B).And as for species… Silverado is what is known as in his world as a halfblood wolf, but he is also a hybrid wolf so he's a halfblood hybrid, the two types of wolves that make up his hybrid half are luna and blizzaron (think arctic) so he's actually 1/2 human 1/4 Luna wolf and 1/4 Blizzaron wolf.
C).Then for age, yes i do mean as the story progresses.
D).And as for role…. he isn't a protagonist or antagonist but he is a key supporting character that goes thro a ton of development.
3) I'm not sure what else to add there….
4) slim delicate features
5) his eyes are kinda ice blue
6) yeah that first bit doesn't really go there and the first bit of the second bit is actually a physical effect more than a magic thing.
7) he normally is a joker in a calm situation but gets very serious and strategic when in a more dangerous or tense environment, basically 2 sides to his personality
8) i will work on that
9) again same as above
10) loyalty to his friends, and also his past isn't actually that bad, i have actually left a loose end there because he doesn't actually know what happened to his parents, basically he just gets separated from them and his older brother at a young age, it was rough for him but he's always had people at his back who cared.
11) i will work on it,
12) he is both a fighter and a healer and can hold his own with the best, he just acts primarily as a healer.
13) politics do exist, i have non human and human hierarchies, kinda, but silver has no affiliation or citizenship or whatever to any reigning political power.
14) riders are an elusive culture lost mostly in time going back in history a bit the riders disappeared in the fall of the wolf kingdoms, basically they are humans who bond with wolves in a rider/ridee relationship, but they didn't die out completely as there are still some remote groups of riders and their wolf buddies around, silver was found and taken in and taught how to fight by a group of riders as aforementioned.
15) he was originally taught the art of healing by his parents as they were both healers. He was unable to finish that training because he had gotten separated from them. And no idc about grammer that much (excepting in my actual book drafts)
16) rider are generally more sophisticated than most and given that most of my characters and the random people they run into don't go to schools or anything like that yes his "education" is pretty good that and healers in general ha bnb e a good education especially halfblood ones.
17) time is measured differently in their world so I'm still working on that….
So yeah, btw i am new to this site so a little later on after i have filled out my character sheets here a bit more i will look for another thread like this from u or someone else cause this is the best advice ever.
So thank you soooo much for taking the time to do this!
Deleted user
@Starlight
glad i could help!! obviously they were all suggestions so you don't have to change anything!
if you do want to change it, my recommendation would be just take the responses you gave me and plug it right into the category.
hmu if you need anything else! obviously when you've fleshed out any character(s) more feel free to ask for another critique as i'll be here (in this thread, specifically lmao) for a while.
But first, this is her proper profile if you also want to look at that although mind the warning at the beginning of her story as it gets quite dark- https://toyhou.se/1679191.louise
I didn't really get to link her personality properly to her story since I did the personality first so I guess it'll do. Also the fact that she sings was never mentioned in her story for some reason. Stupid brain forgetting things.
Sorry for the info dump. I hope it helps since it's a -sort of- original species
Deleted user
@LonelyPotato Sure actually my characters are pretty fleshed out, I just haven't had a place like this to nail down all the little details, And thanks again for ur help!
Letting you know that the character is currently private. You can change this by going to the character, clicking the little share button that looks something like this: < and changing them from private to public
I have this character. any links in his profile won’t work because he’s the only one who’s done. I also have the universe open.
I’d be very thankful for your help on this one https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/656277#!
Deleted user
ok so @Jake:
ok. first off. wow. did you draw that art?? if so that's amazing you must have practiced so much to get so good blease give me some tips
is the white streak dyed?
bit more on hair style - how long is it? does it have layers? good other details tho
so i'm not sure what you mean by heritage, as heritage is usually culture or other things that are inherited. do you mean he has a bit of whatever god's blood in him? if so just put like. half- or one-quarter god or whatever he is. it'll just help it be detailed but more concise.
yessss deku but honestly deku is kind of muscular, so maybe just say "lightly muscled". or lean
good identifying marks. but you put that he has black hair in identifying marks and dirty blonde in hair color, so just watch out
mannerisms - good details! is he socially awkward? in which case what a mood but anyways,, how does he talk? (like loud, with lots of gesticulations, etc.) does he have any fidgety habits like picking his fingernails or tapping his feet (may be related to certain emotions but doesn't have to be)
motivations are cool, but maybe add what you mean by "the accursed" because it's just a bit confusing without knowing your storyline. you don't have to tho
so him being blinded by his want for glory could be considered as a flaw. there's a word for this and i cAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT IS @#*$& but his other flaws are good
what other magic do you mean? like other elemental powers or like witchcraft and spells and stuff?
"Wants to prove himself to his tribe/people" a motivation!
so a lot of his personality is kind of repeating what you've already said. try to build it - is he more selfish or selfless? reckless or cautious? intelligent or not so much? general stuff like that. the more details the better.
"once back in the past reserved but once in a fight is cool headed and able to handle himself" i'm a bit confused as to what this means. do you mean when he's not in a fight he's reserved, but when he is he is cool-headed and able to handle himself? in which case you don't really need to use 'but' simply because cool-headed and reserved aren't that different.
aight that's all
still in love with the art omg
he seems really well developed and tbh i like him a lot! keep going :DD
Hey, remember me? I used your advice and so now I want you to critique some new characters please! It'll be a lot easier to critique them since he they aren't main MAIN characters. :) (Btw, ya know how you were asking about Evangeline and why she matters? Well here you go.)
ok @Syguy20132
sorry this took me a while!!
For Jason:
thanks for clarification on his names!
i think for body type just a say lean. that would make sense. also i think we can get that he's gtall from his height lol but you can put it if you want
what kind of scar? MORE IDENTIFYING MARKS BLEASE
"Leans on either elbow when thinking with his head in the palm of his hand." just a tiny bit confusing - do you mean when he's sitting down? otherwise i'm having a hard time visualizing it LMAO
framed him for what?
"acceptions" -> exceptions (i make those kinds of mistakes all the time)
more personality please!! though i actually have a good idea of what he's like just from what you've put so far. GREAT JOB
"A 'gold' sword necklace" do you mean it has a sword pendant hanging on a chain? otherwise it could be either a bunch of tiny swords looped around his neck or like. a giant sword hanging from his neck (you never know what new levels of stupidity humanity will reach. i don't actually think of any of those, but clarify cos the possibilities are endless)
"for animals can sence that he's kinder more gental than he lets on." how? and also. what animal. you could put "animal person" in personality.
wow. you're a very talented writer. tbh you're better than a lot of people i've betaread for before but don't tell them i said that anyways that was quite detailed, but maybe consider using transitions to make it go a bit smoother and remove some details/dialogue from the specific instances (ik it sounds kinda crazy lmao) if it's a prologue. BUT IT'S STILL REALLY GOOD MAKE SURE TO SAVE SOME OF IT IF YOU DO DECIDE TO EDIT IT OBVIOUSLY NO PRESSURE THO DO WHAT YOU WANT
anyways
all in all add some other qualities that might make him more of an anti-hero, simply because he doesn't really seem like a hero or an anti-hero right now. probably just cos i haven't really read your story and it depends on how you write him but you know.
For Levi:
"Mix of white and tan" you could say like. pale brown. honey. light. medium. blease add some actual color descriptions.
hair style? identifying marks?
personality: MOOOOORE. where are the flaws? prejudices? also "murderer" you put "murder" lol
maybe some more hobbies and talents (if he has them)
birth date? not really necessary tho
anyways he's got the basics, but he definitely has room for improvement. keep going!
For Lux:
i see what you did with the name. clever >v<
age: if you're serious about that, maybe make the number a bit more random so it doesn't seem too coincidentally perfect (that the story takes place on that exact year or smth)
"Black with a red stripe going down the left side of his face. starts above the left eye." this is just a bit confusing. do you mean he has a fringe/bangs that are red? in which case put that in hairstyle.
"Human". ????????????????? but he's 19,500?????????? as far as i'm aware humans started looking like actual humans barely 10,000 years ago.
"slightly tanned" what? slightly tanned peach? slightly tanned tan? ik this is nitpicky but it helps.
more identifying marks. this goes for all of the above too: how would you recognize them in a crowd/group photo?
"Believes that a ruler should be tough, yet kind and fair at the same time." not a prejudice. as i say a lot (you're not the only one, don't worry), prejudices are unfounded hate for randomly (and often unfairly) generalized groups of people. for example he might hate "poor people" because he thinks they're lazy or something (THIS IS NOT A REFLECTION OF MY BELIEFS DON'T WORRY)
talents and hobbies: any more? in 19,500 years i think he'd pick up more than one hobby or practiced/become good at quite a few more things.
personality: MORE!!! PLEASE!! what kind of person is he? is he selfish? selfless? reckless? a coward? general stuff!
"he managed to take with him" from where
education: more! has he ever been schooled? where? when? on what? in 19,500 years i should think he has.
"Cursed to become evil every new and full moon. " what exactly do you mean by this? clarify.
so a general note, the greatest empires of human history happened barely at the beginning of the millennium and a bit before that. i highly doubt that 19,500 years ago he was a king who looked like a modern human. Humans, i think, had barely "tamed" fire by then.
for William:
do you mean he goes from villain to hero? how important is he as a villain? is he the prime antagonist? then what does he become? deuteragonist/side-kick?
so "appears 23": you put 19,500 for the other guy. don't be afraid to put this guy's age. it's not really going to spoil anything, i'm just critiquing a character.
weight - does he have a true form?
to where does his hair fall? tips of ears? shoulders? super helpful in defining length. "short but long" leads nowhere.
more identifying marks
"Smiles if he sees something that he enjoys." uh. don't we all. also, maybe add more! how does he talk?
more personality please! also. is his hobby of killing people not a flaw. does he have a sadistic/merciless nature? that'd be a flaw.
quick addition if demons have a psychological need to cause chaos, how does he become a hero? is it because he can cause more chaos that way? if so, interesting. if not, careful how you write a redemption arc.
background - you can add more!! it will just help make the plot go smoother for you and you don't have to keep trying to remember things.
"Usually has a smirk on his face." mannerism!!
"orenge" orange…..
"If he want's to hide the fact that he's a Prince of Hell, he can make his demon-eyes completely black." out of interest, does that mean that other demons don't have orange eyes? and if his eyes are completely black, wouldn't that be a cause for more interest in the human world? or do you mean just his irises.
SO THAT'S ALL
sorry it took so long!
most of them are good characters (in fact they all are) but some have room for more information. good luck and great job!!
Jason
Your welcome!
Yes, when he's sitting.
I'd tell ya, but that would give it away.
Thanks for the correction!
My characters actually develop their personalities whilst I'm writing, therefore it is quite challenging for me to fill out the personality portion of the character profiles.
Yes, it is a pendant.
Animals, such as dogs for example, have a great scence for character, and can tell if someone is nice, mean, etc. Jason is kind towrds those who have earned his respect, haven't done anything to him, and his friends.
Awe, thank you very much! If you want to beta read something that I wrote, please private message me. :-D
Levi
His skin is just starting to go from pale white to a very light tan, if that's understandable…. Wasn't sure on how to describe it at first.
I haven't decided on a hairstyle yet, and am still thinking of any distinguishing marks.
Yeah, my tablet was malfunctioning when I wrote that. I forgot that I was going to fix that small typo.
Yes, he does have some more hobbies. I'll get to adding them soon.
I don't really like giving my characters a birthdate, for I feel that it isn't necessary in any of the stories that write/am working on. Though there is one story, a Supernatural fanfic, where I did give my oc a birthday.
Lux
:-) Plus the two words together sound awesome! Lol
Yeah, bangs/collic.
Slightly tanned peach, I guess.
Having hair like his from birth is rare in his world, and having two differently coloured eyes symbolizes that a person is cursed (see Eye Color). Therefore I feel that this makes him stand out.
I'll think of something to change this to….
I'll be going through some lists of hobbies to get some ideas.
I've been reading a helpful, though a bit outdated, book The Writer's Guide to Character Traits by Linda N. Edelstein, Ph.D, for info, ideas, etc; it's quite helpful, and I recommend buy and reading it if you ever get the chance.
From his castle/kindom of course….
Of course he has! I have to write down a complete list before putting them on here.
I have that tremendously clear in my head (and in the story itself), therefore I felt that it wasn't necessary to include in his character profile.
(This addresses both 2 and 4.) The story that features Lux is a fantasy, (elves, dragons, dryads, witches, warlocks, etc.) and therefore doesn't take place in our reality. This is how he can be so old, and is further explained in his backstory, which I'm still developing…. There's a lot to think about and deal with for his backstory. :-)
William
Yes, hence the eventually. He's the villian, but also the the main character.
Nobody is sure exactly how old he is, not even William himself. Clearly neither am I, but that's not really a bad thing.
He does have a 'true form', but seeing as he can possess different people and even objects, his weight varies.
I was using that as filler until I could think of something…. Or at least decide on a hairstyle.
For William, as with Levi, I am still trying to think of identifying marks.
I was basically putting in filler mannerisms. Lol
Good point.
SPOILER ALERT He actually slowly ends up falling in love with his female co-worker, and eventually starts changing how he acts. Gonna change that to anti-hero.
I already have his background wrote down in the story, therefore I felt that it wasn't necessary for me to include it on his profile.
Yeah, I've been meaning to add that, just never really got the chance to or kept forgetting to.
Typo that my tablet, for some reason, wouldn't let me fix, so I gave up on trying to change it.
Yes, it indeed does. Orange is William's true eye color. He can 'flick' his eyes from black and orange (the sclera, iris, AND pupil), but has them appear bright green (iris) to appear human and pass by unnoticed. If you wish to know more please don't hesitate to private message me.
Thank you so much for taking a look at my guys; it is highly appreciated!
don't have permission! sorry!
also, heads up to everyone still waiting for your critique, DON'T PANIC! I have a bit of a backlog but i will get to you ASAP
Deleted user
ok @Reblod
i couldn't access the other links (except for the races one, thank you for the info) due to wifi issues. i critiqued what i had so ignore anything that you addressed in the other links! sorry!!
other names? middle/last if she has one?
how does. hair. grow backwards?? also how long is it?
are the claw marks scars? more identifying marks!!
"Paranoid and always suspicious" probably more of a personality trait. mannerisms are habitual ways of talking or behaving, even including little things like "picks fingers when bored" or something like that.
the war is her outlet for what and is a distraction for what?
"This also happens because she speaks a bit too honestly. " do you mean she's blunt or doesn't really know how to lie politely?
"Louise assumes life is a pointless cycle of suffering and death. She often says that there is never an end. This means she strongly disagrees with the common prophecy about the end of the world." so this isn't necessarily a prejudice, but it's a good detail. maybe put the first part in flaws and the second part in personality (or flaws cos that works too).
more details on the personality if possible. it's funny how descriptive it already is, but obviously no one is going to exactly fit a cookie-cutter personality type.
politics - so who is she biased towards? are there sides? if so which side does she lean towards?
"which clashes with her personality ironically." not entirely sure that's necessary - put something like that in personality
education - what kind of education did she have? what was she taught? what level of education did she receive? how long was she educated for?
so the background is pretty good, but you can always add more details. what was her childhood like? where was he born? what happened to her family/friends?
so that's all! she's really well-done, so these are all just suggestions. good job!
he seems a bit underweight/edit i read the body type/why is he scrawny?
hair - what does spikey mean? does it stick out everywhere? in which case, if it's long, how? does he style/gel it at all? more details!
race - what's his actual race? if it's "assumed to be human" chances are he's probably not human. what is he?
more mannerisms. habitual behaviors and manners of speaking are mannerisms - add stuff like that! also, what exactly does "odd" mean?
"powers are weak" what are his powers, why are they weak, and why is that a flaw? can he control his power level? if so, it's still only really a flaw if he chooses to be lazy and/or not improve his powers. otherwise it seems like something a bully would say (NO OFFENSE)
"crystal magic" you put this in talents but you said his powers are weak
not a prejudice! prejudices are (unfairly) generalized groups of people that the character in question hates for almost no reason.
personality - more!!
religion - what gods and goddesses?
does he not know his own birthday?
education: what kind of education did he have? what was he taught? what level of education did he receive? how long was he educated for?
what shore? what is a naga? where is he now? basically, what brought him to where he is now?
that's all! hope this helped! he's a pretty good character already tho
Deleted user
Most of that is covered in her full profile on toyhouse. Was that one of the links you couldn't get to?
Oh but thank you, I appreciate the feedback ^^
yes, unfortunately i couldn't get to toyhouse. sorry!
Deleted user
he seems a bit underweight/edit i read the body type/why is he scrawny?
hair - what does spikey mean? does it stick out everywhere? in which case, if it's long, how? does he style/gel it at all? more details!
race - what's his actual race? if it's "assumed to be human" chances are he's probably not human. what is he?
more mannerisms. habitual behaviors and manners of speaking are mannerisms - add stuff like that! also, what exactly does "odd" mean?
"powers are weak" what are his powers, why are they weak, and why is that a flaw? can he control his power level? if so, it's still only really a flaw if he chooses to be lazy and/or not improve his powers. otherwise it seems like something a bully would say (NO OFFENSE)
"crystal magic" you put this in talents but you said his powers are weak
not a prejudice! prejudices are (unfairly) generalized groups of people that the character in question hates for almost no reason.
personality - more!!
religion - what gods and goddesses?
does he not know his own birthday?
education: what kind of education did he have? what was he taught? what level of education did he receive? how long was he educated for?
what shore? what is a naga? where is he now? basically, what brought him to where he is now?
that's all! hope this helped! he's a pretty good character already tho
I'm really bad at explaining things… sorry about that.
There is really no reason for it. I just didn't want to have a muscular main character. Plus, there are some people that no matter what they do, they just stay the same weight.
He doesn't do anything to his hair, its just naturally like that. He tries to comb it down, but it springs back up, like the guy in Paranorman.
What he really is spoils the entire story. That is why I put that.
Here comes where I'm bad at explaining things… What I mean by odd is that he sometimes goes into these trances out of nowhere and spaces out completely and he doesn't like attention from a lot of people. And I haven't really thought of how he speaks.
His lack of strength in his powers comes from unable to remember anything as well as no one knows what his powers are. Crystal manestiation, as crystal you find in a cave, is not a normal power
I should change that then…
8-9. I guess I should have expanded on these…
amnesia does that to you, plus I never really thought about my character birth date
About high school level. He was taught history, science, and fighting skills
Should have expanded on that. The naga and shore are explained on the universe tab, while the reasons are spoilers…
Deleted user
he seems a bit underweight/edit i read the body type/why is he scrawny?
hair - what does spikey mean? does it stick out everywhere? in which case, if it's long, how? does he style/gel it at all? more details!
race - what's his actual race? if it's "assumed to be human" chances are he's probably not human. what is he?
more mannerisms. habitual behaviors and manners of speaking are mannerisms - add stuff like that! also, what exactly does "odd" mean?
"powers are weak" what are his powers, why are they weak, and why is that a flaw? can he control his power level? if so, it's still only really a flaw if he chooses to be lazy and/or not improve his powers. otherwise it seems like something a bully would say (NO OFFENSE)
"crystal magic" you put this in talents but you said his powers are weak
not a prejudice! prejudices are (unfairly) generalized groups of people that the character in question hates for almost no reason.
personality - more!!
religion - what gods and goddesses?
does he not know his own birthday?
education: what kind of education did he have? what was he taught? what level of education did he receive? how long was he educated for?
what shore? what is a naga? where is he now? basically, what brought him to where he is now?
that's all! hope this helped! he's a pretty good character already tho
I'm really bad at explaining things… sorry about that.
There is really no reason for it. I just didn't want to have a muscular main character. Plus, there are some people that no matter what they do, they just stay the same weight.
He doesn't do anything to his hair, its just naturally like that. He tries to comb it down, but it springs back up, like the guy in Paranorman.
What he really is spoils the entire story. That is why I put that.
Here comes where I'm bad at explaining things… What I mean by odd is that he sometimes goes into these trances out of nowhere and spaces out completely and he doesn't like attention from a lot of people. And I haven't really thought of how he speaks.
His lack of strength in his powers comes from unable to remember anything as well as no one knows what his powers are. Crystal manestiation, as crystal you find in a cave, is not a normal power
I should change that then…
8-9. I guess I should have expanded on these…
amnesia does that to you, plus I never really thought about my character birth date
About high school level. He was taught history, science, and fighting skills
Should have expanded on that. The naga and shore are explained on the universe tab, while the reasons are spoilers…
just a very quick thing,, i'm not worried about spoilers, so you don't need to worry about withholding info on the character. all else fails put it in a delete it later. otherwise it just makes it a little harder to critique the character. obviously it's your choice tho!!
update for everyone else, i'm still getting to your characters!! don't worry..
