forum Come hit this lit RP session.

Started February 22, 2018 by shurikenwolfbadass_13

tune

(ooof sorry for the late reply, got lassoed by visiting relative T.T But sure! I'm not that great at romance myself but I'll give you my best advice! XD)

(Thanks! It's a little long so bear with me. You'll recognise the characters though :) also have fun with your relative XD
“They keep trying to boss me around. Please don’t turn into them. I won’t be able to take that.” She lifted her gaze to look at him; he was bustling around the campsite, muttering to himself. She gingerly walked up to him and took his sooty hands in hers. “Slow down. Just for a second. You’re exhausted, and with good reason.”
He tried to pull away. She tightened her grip on his hands. “My books say being in love makes you stupid and reckless. I guess they were right, basing myself off of our current situation. But, they also say it helps you find a courage you didn’t know you had. I think they were also right about that.” She looked him in the eye and reached up to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear; he reflexively leaned into her hand. She allowed herself a small smile.
“Be forewarned, Nathan. That wasn’t even the cheesy part.”
He exhaled loudly. “Lillian, come on.”
“Like I said, they were right,” she stubbornly continued, “So far, it’s only been adventure after reckless adventure. I- I lost myself, I guess, somewhere back there, and I’m not sure of much: I mean, am I alive or dead? Am I being cruel to Izzy? Is this even going to work? Why me, and why you? Anyway. I do know one thing. A small thing, true, but enough: whatever I am doing, whatever is going to happen, I want it to be with you. Whether that’s as a friend or… more, that is yet to be decided. As long as I’m with you.”
He dared look her in the eye. “Ah, fuck, Lili. This won’t work. You know what’s going to happen after we’re done with this. We have to part ways. I have to repent, you have to go home,” Nathan reminded her bitterly.
Lili felt her heart sink. “Repent? For Charlotte and Tess and Will? Do you honestly think there’s something you can do for them now? Listen, I know I won’t ever repl-”
“Lili, stop, now.”
“I won’t ever replace the-.”
“Lillian, I’m serious. Stop or-”
She slapped him hard across the face and stunned him into silence. “Okay, listen. I know I won’t replace them, that you won’t forget them. All I’m hoping you’ll give me is forgiveness, for your sake, you moron.”
He gently grabbed her face in his hands. “I learned very young not to allow myself anything I don’t deserve.”
They held each other’s stare until Nathan broke it. “No. Stop, Nathan. This isn’t right.”
“What isn’t right is what I did to them.”
“What you did to them was a mistake, sure. A very bad one at that. But that doesn’t mean-”
“What, Lili? That doesn’t mean what? That I’m not a bad person? That I’m not a traitor? You don’t understand this, Lili, you’re not from my planet.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Ouch. No need to take it out on me.” She paused. “You should see what I see, you know. The good, everyday day, when your words are sucked up by sadness, when your eyes well up for guilt, or when your laugh dies out for fear of chasing away regret. I know you hate the sound of your name. I’ve seen you cringe when I compliment you. I’ve noticed you frown when I smile at you.”
He tried pulling away, but she cupped his face in her hands.
“Nathan. Please. I know you can't forget what you've been through, what you think you’ve done, and I'm not asking you to. All I’m asking for is mercy on your part for yourself.”
He pushed past her towards the embers of their fire. “You don’t understand what Charlotte did for me, and what I did to her. I didn’t deserve them, and never will.” He finally met her gaze. “And I most certainly don’t deserve you. You… refuse to leave, refuse to go find yourself a better companion. You've chained yourself to me-”
“I'm not trapped!” she cried out. “I have no future. I'm probably dead, Nathan. And now it's you I want, and I'm willing to wait, wait as long as it takes for you to realise that.”
He shook his head.
“If you start thinking that way all of this is useless. It’s-”
“Stop. I'm not changing my mind and you know it.”
“All this for this, Lili, really?” he spat spitefully, waving a hand around. “A rundown shelter, a dying fire, dwindling supplies and a broken traitor?” His voice was rising. “Leave.”
“No, not now! Not after everything we’ve been through.”
He bit his lip and vehemently shook his head.
“What?”
“I can't let you do this.”
He stared her down. She arched a defiant eyebrow.
“Lili, stop now”
She exploded. “YOU STOP! STOP ARGUING! STOP MAKING YOURSELF OUT TO BE THE ONLY ONE THIS IS HARD FOR!” Tears were streaming down her face now. “I have to watch the boy I love, everyday, turn away from me as if I'm NOTHING. Every day he’s angry. Every day he- you, go on and on about how the kids and Charlotte are alone up there, and you're this terrible person, and I can't stand it! You hate yourself, you regret every decision you’ve made, and you're taking it out on the world. You're taking it out on me.”
He looked at her sadly, almost pitifully.
“Do you know what I saw back there?” she continued. “I saw my mother. My father, my baby brother. My best friend Mia. I had family too, you know. People who loved me.” She paused. “And then I saw you. You were kneeling on the ground. On a grave. Three graves, actually. Charlotte’s, Will's and Tessa's. You were crying, harder than I've ever seen anyone cry before. You sounded so… fragile, shattered. You were out of control, tearing at your hair, hurting every inch of bare skin you could find. You were slowly killing yourself. I was chained down a few feet from you. There was nothing I could do for you.”
He looked away from her, burying his face in his hands, hiding his face– but not before she saw the tear weaving its path through the grime. She had found the chink in his armour, and broken down a fraction of his wall.
“It’s only downhill from here,” he said finally, his voice, incredibly, unwavering. He cocked his head to the side to look at her. Seeing the resolve in her posture and stare, the last of his strength drained away.
“This is the stupidest thing you’re ever going to do,” he said again, falling to his knees by the glowing embers of the fire. She walked over to him and lay down beside him. He followed suit and put his hand gently on her cheek. She moved forward and rested her head against his stomach. He stiffened, hesitated, but put his arm around her, and she curled up against him.
In minutes, they were both asleep.)

(Okay, so I read it. And
I. Want. To. Hug. Nathan. So. Bad.
But aside from that, wow!! This is the best display of affection and genuine, deep love I've seen in writing in a looong time. And I think it's very realistic, at least based on some of my experiences. I wasn't sure what to expect when you said it was romance, but this exceeded any expectations I had, by far. :) I'm really pleased with how you portrayed their relationship because I believe it shows an excellent example of two people who truly love each other despite their flaws and troubles, and who are determined to stay with each other no matter what. I think we need more relationships like this in fiction that are based on something deeper than physical attachment.
I obviously don't know the context of this scene, but I was still able to follow it pretty well and it sounds like an interesting story! And it makes me much more curious about Nathan XD
As for any tips I might have, I really only feel confident enough to offer suggestions on the writing itself rather than the content. I always think that a scene, especially with this much dialogue, is better when it's broken up more. This also helps make it clear who's talking, which I did find a little unclear at times. For example, this–
“They keep trying to boss me around. Please don’t turn into them. I won’t be able to take that.” She lifted her gaze to look at him; he was bustling around the campsite, muttering to himself. She gingerly walked up to him and took his sooty hands in hers. “Slow down. Just for a second. You’re exhausted, and with good reason.”
–could become–
“They keep trying to boss me around. Please don’t turn into them. I won’t be able to take that.”
She lifted her gaze to look at him; he was bustling around the campsite, muttering to himself. Gingerly, she walked up to him and took his sooty hands in hers.
“Slow down," she said. "Just for a second. You’re exhausted, and with good reason.”
Idk, just a suggestion. I think a bit more clarity is all it needs–otherwise it's great! You're an excellent writer and I'm lowkey really honored that you're showing us some of your work! ^^)