"We could negotiate it?" He shrugged hopefully, knowing fully that it wasn't negotiable, but if they maybe talked about it some more…
"What if there was another way? If we found one– another way that would work?" Jude bit his lip, "I don't know what I'm saying. Sorry."
Nyx shook his head a little bit. "Jude, I…" He bit his lip. "I don't think that would work. You…I…" God, he wanted there to be a way to do it. A way for them to be together, to mean something more to each other.
"You're right." Jude chuckled nervously, "I'm just– rambling, yeah. We shouldn't talk about it." He leaned against a gold railing of the short hall, muttering, "Even though…" Jude shook his head, trying to scatter those thoughts to someplace else. He looked down, "Sorry."
Nyx swallowed hard. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. You just…" he shook his head quickly. "Let's just keep looking around, yeah?" he said softly, looking ahead at the paintings on the walls.
Jude nodded in quiet agreement, feeling the energy from before slip away. He admired the works with Nyx, a neutral smile frozen on his face while his mind ran their own scripts; like he was trying to make sense of an encrypted file.
Nyx stayed near Jude. Why does it have to be like this? All I want is to hold your hand and be loved and kiss you like there's no tomorrow. I want you to be part of my future. He wished he could say that. He really did. But he knew he shouldn't.
"Hm," Jude said, his mind blank and not even hearing himself, "What do you think of this one?" This is my fault– he's hurting just cause of how fucked up I am. He hasn't even properly met anyone else and you're already making him feel like this? Why do you wreck everything you touch?
Nyx blinked, looking at the painting. "It's…It's nice." he replied faintly. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing at Jude for a moment, then back at the painting. Kiss me, please. He wanted to say that so badly. Wanted to tug Jude close and– no. He couldn't. He shouldn't.
"Hm, yeah." Jude swallowed, the words coming out of him like an automatic commentary, "The lighting is nice– lemon peels were a common thing to paint for still lifes in this period." He felt like banging his head against a wall, then, maybe I'll stop plotting against myself. It wasn't supposed to be this way, he knew, having feelings for someone who felt the same about you shouldn't be a taxing thing…but it was draining.
"Why? Why lemon peels, of all things?" Nyx asked, raising an eyebrow curiously. He glanced over at Jude for a moment, then at the painting again.
Jude frowned, trying to recall what his teacher had told them in their still life studies, "The lemon’s the most realistic piece of fruit, I think. It looks juicy, like you can taste it." He shrugged, chuckling at the piece, "I'm not completely sure. I guess it's just one of those things."
(I gtg to bed soon, btw)
Nyx laughed a little. "Yeah, I guess. Who likes the taste of lemons, though?" he arched an eyebrow at Jude, shaking his head a little bit. He gave a soft smile, though.
(yeah me too~ happy new year again!!)
Jude shrugged, quietly wanting to kiss Nyx's little smile, "There are lemons in, like, Greece, I think, where you can eat them whole. The peel and everything, it's weird," He chuckled, glancing at the painting and another similar one next to it.
Nyx raised an eyebrow. "That's terrifying." He replied with a laugh, following Jude through the store. He gave a small smile.
Jude smiled at the sight of Nyx’s laugh, wandering absentmindedly through the museum.
“Yeah,” He shrugged, “But I heard it’s supposed to be really healthy, and I would imagine it tastes good. —Maybe you can add that to your bucket list.”
Nyx shrugged. "I uhm…am not sure how well I would be able to taste it, though." He responded, shaking his head a little bit. "I'm not sure if my tongue is capable of it anymore."
“Hm,” Jude thought, he hadn’t really thought of that, “I’m sure we could think of something.” He had many old friends from college who’d gone off to bioengineering and robotics, and he still had their numbers.
Nyx shrugged a little. "Plus… I mean, I have all of my organs still, I think, but I don't know…how well they would work." He said slowly. "I don't really need to eat, so long as I have the pod, but…"
Jude nodded, running his hand over a rough-brick archway, “I’ll talk to someone.” He glanced at the skylights above, “The pod’s not gonna be convenient when you’re traveling the world.”
Nyx shrugged a little, then nodded. "Yeah. That's true." He replied with a faint smile. He ran his hand through his hair, wishing he could reach out and touch Jude's.
"And sleeping's another issue. We'll figure something out for that, too." He added, wishing he could come up with a solution for their other problem. Jude smiled, resisting the urge to frown at the thought of them continuing like this; stolen glances and little smiles would never be enough for him.
"I can sleep normally. I think." Nyx replied slowly. "I'm… actually not sure." He shrugged, eyebrows knitting together a little bit. He ran his fingers through his hair.
"Hmm." Jude smiled, quietly wondering if Nyx could dream too, "We'll try it out tonight, I phoned my buddies to bring in a futon while I was waitin' outside." He sighed, running a hand over the soft velvet rope that sectioned off places currently unavailable.
Nyx blinked. "Huh? Oh. Okay." He replied slowly. He shrugged his shoulders. Are you staying with me tonight, then? He wondered. Will you be with me on that futon? Or…? But he didn't ask.
"Yeah." Jude nodded, trying to organize his thoughts, And I will keep my distance and not cross any lines. It reminded him of prom, when he abandoned his date and the dance to get drunk on the football field with his best friend, telling himself to not to do anything he'd regret. "But until then..we have the whole afternoon– we can go anywhere."