Nyx shrugged. "It's not your fault." He replied. "But…I guess that's another reason that I don't think that I could ever fit in. Because I was designed for war." For Afghanistan or Iran, for Russia and stealth operations in North Korea. For China, for everywhere that an operative like him could have been needed. Not for…for falling in love or leading a normal life.
"It's my father's, for not knowing about this, if we're giving him the benefit of the doubt, or maybe even letting this happen in the first place." Jude said, feeling almost…ashamed to be his son, for the first time in his whole life. "You can and will lead a normal life, because you're you. You're just like everyone else– you know what I mean. And you're gonna get out of here and travel and live and love and do all that great stuff." He shrugged, his expression neutral but begging to be happy for him. He pulled onto their street, circling the block to get to the hidden parking lot.
Nyx shrugged. "No, I…" He shook his head a little. "I don't think so." He replied slowly. "I wasn't designed for a normal life. I was designed for…for war and destruction, and killing people…" He shook his head again.
"Man, fuck that." Jude laughed quietly before putting the car in park and turning to him,
"You're nothing like you say. I mean– you kissed me like there was no tomorrow," He said a little quieter, trying not to reopen the wounds of the past few hours. It was worth making the point about, but it stung a little.
"You're a person– I hope you know that. Not a weapon." Jude said softly, trying to meet Nyx's gaze as it drifted far from here, through the window as he spoke.
Nyx's eyes were looking out the window again, at the building he had spent most of his life inside. Hell, all of his life, that he remembered. "Because tomorrow isn't a guarantee for me, Jude. I don't wake up on my own, I don't…" he shook his head slightly. "And how do you know I'm a person? What's your requirements for a person?"
"My requirements?" Jude said, "You make it sound like a criteria. When I look at you…I see skin, hair, eyes, and obviously metal, yes. But you're so much more than that– you have your own thoughts, opinions, feelings…" He looked away. "You're complicated, but so is everyone else."
Nyx shrugged slightly. "I'm more metal than I am skin or hair or eyes. Only one of my eyes is still flesh, and neither one of them can cry anymore." he replied. "I can only live because of the metal and wires. Take those away, and the stuff left behind wouldn't be enough to keep me alive."
"It's not about how you're alive, Nyx. It's the fact that you are. You're living, breathing, and talking to me. Don't you realize what you're doing? You're human. Different, but human. There's nothing you can do to change my mind." Jude sighed quietly, glancing at the high beams spotlighting the rough pavement in front of them. "The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It's what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." He quoted.
Nyx shrugged a little bit. "If you say so." He replied. He shook his head for a moment. "I still think…I don't know." He ran a hand through his hair.
Jude sighed again, turning to the creeping dark that surrounded them. He wanted to stay here with Nyx– in his car, hidden away, with the faintest sound of music from the radio that he hadn't noticed earlier. This was his chance, after this their world would fade away– the feeling by the train tracks, the cool grass tickling their skin as they rolled around in the quiet meadow, their kiss… Jude thought a silent goodbye, hoping that Nyx would have days like this again.
"C'mon," He said quietly, looking from him to the back door.
Nyx nodded, and undid his seat belt, climbing out of the car and heading to the door. He looked up at the sky for a long moment, crossing his arms loosely and swallowing. He wished he could rewind back to this morning. Back to before the kiss, before everything they had said and done.
Jude leaned against the car for a moment, watching Nyx look up to the sky. His expression was a little troubled, wishing for something out of the faint stars. The feeling had gone, and so had the sunset. Jude bit his lip as he walked slowly to the door, not bothering to lock his car, he'd be out in a minute. What a waste of a lovely night. Jude thought, remembering a scene from La La Land, the musical, and reminding himself to write that down in his movie recommendations for Nyx.
Nyx followed Jude inside the building again, swallowing. He really, really wished he could rewind. Fix this day. Give himself more self-control so that he didn't kiss Jude the way he did, didn't fuck everything up with that kiss. God. He really fucked everything up.
The lights seemed to blind him, too bright and artificial for the day they'd had, surrounded by nature. He made his way, slowly, around the short bend of the room, noting that he'd have to do something about the pod. Nyx couldn't backpack across the world with a two-hundred-pound pod. "I'll uh- be here tomorrow." Jude nodded, not knowing that that wouldn't end up being true.
Nyx nodded. "Alright." He replied. "And even if you aren't…I won't notice." His voice was quiet. "I can't tell the passing of time in there." He gestured to the pod as he walked over to it, getting in.
"Hmm." Jude nodded, running his hand over the cool metal edge. He noticed that the printer had stopped running, and a strangely folded set of 'skin' lied waiting. They had a long way to go. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?" Jude smiled apologetically, wishing he could say something more– sweet dreams, I love you, a goodnight kiss, anything.
Nyx nodded a little. "See you." He replied softly. He lay down in the pod, reaching back and attaching himself to it. His blue eyes flickered closed. Shutting down. He shut down, body going still, save for the motion of his chest rising and falling with breathing.
Jude lingered there for a moment, like he had, last time. He rubbed his eyes roughly, feeling like he was about to make a bad decision, once he left here. He strolled out the door, flicking the lights off as he left.
When he got onto the main road, he didn't turn left to head towards his home. He turned right, headed for an old friend's place. This is a bad idea.
(might have to go soon, but should we skip to the morning he comes in?)
(alright. Yeah sure. Can you do it?)
(yep)
(i came prepared lmao)
"Fuck," Jude muttered under his breath as he unlocked the back door and went through, rubbing his eyes tiredly as if he could move away the pale purple crescents that lived there. How was he going to explain this to him? That it wasn't Nyx's fault that he was back on. That he would stop– he would taper off as soon as possible and this was a one-time thing. Oh– how he wished he could collapse in his arms and have Nyx kiss it all better, kiss it all away. The quiet thought made him want to do some more, and he wanted to listen to it, to whine and blame it on his heartache. But he knew that this was how he'd fallen back into its clutches, like a warm and soft bed after hours of labouring. He'd gone to the last place he knew would give what he needed, and before he knew it, Jude's eyes were rolling back as he collapsed onto his couch. But that was two nights ago, and between then and now– he was surprised he was still walking. Tiredly, stumbling, but walking towards Nyx's pod, the beginning of his withdrawal already starting. Without thinking, he took one and popped it into his mouth. Uncrushed, but just to soften the blow for a little bit. What are the words? "Begin system start-up." He said, rubbing his eyes again.
(lmao)
Nyx sat up, and frowned when he saw Jude's appearance. "What's…what happened?" He asked, not knowing that it had been two or three days, not just one. "Jude?" He reached for Jude anxiously, pulling his hand back at the last second, realizing that maybe he shouldn't touch. He got out of the pod, frowning a little bit.
"Nothing." Jude said, his dilated eyes reacting badly with the light. "I just– fucked up." He shook his head, trying to look away as he moved closer to Nyx. "You don't have to worry, I'm okay." He lied.
(Merry Christmas! If u see this/celebrate it!!)
Nyx bit his lip, peering at Jude. "You don't…you aren't okay." He replied firmly. "I uhm…what can I do?" He looked at Jude worriedly, fidgeting with his hands a little bit.
(Merry Christmas to you too!!)
"–Nothing. I just…need to wait this out," Jude lied, shaking his head slowly and watching as it dizzied him. But I'm fine. Let's keep going." He sniffed, his nose red and numb. The skin looked even better as Jude neared it; impossibly real-looking. It seemes a little too stretched out, and it was thicker than Jude thought it would be.