Arquis bit down on his lip and willed himself to stay still. The tone of their voice almost convinced him otherwise. He was almost grateful for all the years of holding back. They had taught him control, if nothing else.
“I do not know what you want.” So much for control. He was breathing deeply, and he was certain his words were shaky. “Tell me. Please tell me.”
He knew what he wanted. It was both awe inspiring and terrifying that they had broken down his walls so quickly. He had only known them for a few days, yet he wanted to kiss them so badly that it almost hurt. Logically, he knew he shouldn’t. They had a long trip to take over the next few days. He didn’t want to complicate things. That was what he should have been thinking, but his mind and body both told him otherwise.
"How can I, when I don't know what I want either?" He said softly in reply, eyes still gazing straight into Arquis's, uncertain. He knew what they wanted but at the same time, they knew they should not want this. They could not have this. They did not want to break Arquis's heart when they inevitably left, for Rin could not stay here indefinitely. He had to get home someday. Had to talk with his father.
That made him hesitate. He pulled himself flatter against the shelf, attempting to give them some space. His mind protested, but he didn’t listen. Perhaps he had let his perspective skew everything. Perhaps he had imagined it all. He nervously tugged at the end of his tie and looked away.
“Oh. Have… have I misread the situation again?” he asked quietly. The thought saddened him. Was he truly so desperate that he had pushed them into this? He hadn’t meant to confuse him.
They blinked, shifting back a little as well to give Arquis space. "I…that is not what I meant, Arquis, it is only that I do not know that this is a good idea." He said in a quiet tone. "We are from quite different walks of life, and…and I shall have to leave eventually. I cannot stay here with you forever." They watched Arquis, gaze never leaving him.
“Oh,” Arquis replied softly. His heart, which had been pounding away, now felt as if it had sunk to the bottom of his stomach. He couldn’t hide his disappointment, which had begun to blend with an acute sort of sadness. This, he reminded himself, was the sort of thing that happened when he let down his guard. It was always lovely for a little while, and then he ended up devastated. He was not meant to have nice things. Not after what he’d done.
“If it is simply a matter of distance, then, well, I used to take trips. I could travel to see you.” Even as he offered it, he winced. It sounded needy; pathetic; a miserable attempt from a desperate man. He sighed. “I would if you wanted me to, Rin.”
Rin closed their eyes for a moment. "I don't know if that's wise. There is…too much about me and my life that I have not told you, that…" He shook their head faintly, lip catching between his teeth for just a moment. "Besides, I live in Kevra, when I live in a single location. It's…it would be a very long trip." He wanted this. Wanted to kiss Arquis now and damn the consequences, but neither of them could afford that. Arquis was not some sweet farm boy from a village; he was the heir to a powerful Anvillean family. Rinlos themself was not simply a wandering bard; they were the bastard son of a king, that still hoped to be made heir someday.
“I understand,” Arquis responded gently, though his eyes shone with pain. “I really do, Rin. And I will accept your declination, if that is what this is. Just tell me clearly. Tell me that you do not wish to try for more, or that you do not want to pursue anything any further, and I will accept your answer. But if there is any part of you that wishes to spend these next few weeks as more than acquaintances or friends then please say so.”
He had to take a moment to breathe; he hadn’t stopped for air. The breath he took in was shuddering and slow.
”This does not have to be anything bigger than we make it. It could last an hour, a day, or a week. Or it could not exist at all. But I need you to be honest and tell me what you are feeling. What you truly want. Because I am willing to make it happen, family and distance and the rest of the world be damned.”
Rin opened their eyes again, watching Arquis with a soft, still slightly uncertain gaze. They cautiously reached out to take one of Arquis's gloved hands in their own. "I am only worried what would come after. I do not wish to break your heart, and I do not wish to break my own, either." they said in a soft voice. "We can both go into this as clearheaded as we want, but someone will fall harder than we mean to." they had to resist the urge to cup Arquis's cheek with their free hand.
Arquis let them take his hand, and he traced along their knuckles with his thumb. As if reading his mind, he lifted their joined hands to his own cheek and let them stay there for a moment.
“I have lived so much of my life in fear of what will come next,” he whispered. His vision had gone blurry, and he laughed tearfully. “And it has only ever made me miserable. If you see this as anything worth pursuing, Rin, then please do not let the future hold you back. We could figure something out. I just need an answer. Please, give me an answer.”
Rin gently stroked his thumb against Arquis's cheek, looking up at the nobleman. "We can…we can give this a try." he said softly, hoping he would not regret this, hoping that this would turn out alright for the both of them. "Us, I mean. If that is something that you desire to do as well."
Both the caress and the words soothed Arquis. The tension bled from his shoulders, and he practically melted into the simple touch. His eyelids even drifted shut with contentment. People did not often treat him so gently; when they touched him, which was rare, it was never quite so soft. He wished for more but would not ask for it, not unless they offered.
“Yes,” he murmured, “I want to try.”
He opened his eyes slowly, registering once more how close the two of them were. Something bright burned in him. But he would not push, would not pressure them into anything. They had discussed kissing on the cheek just a little while ago, for goodness’ sake. Perhaps they wouldn’t be quite ready for more, especially not after such an emotionally taxing conversation.
He couldn’t stop himself from looking, though. He had always thought he was gorgeous, even when they had first met. His eyes moved from theirs down to his lips, which he couldn’t seem to tear his focus away from.
Rin noticed, after a moment, where Arquis's gaze had moved to, and he couldn't stop the way their lips curved into the faintest of smirks. He continued to gently stroke his thumb over Arquis's cheek, their own gaze dipping down to Arquis's mouth. They found the nobleman attractive, and intriguing, too. There were mysteries here, layered on top of each other. Rin wanted to unwrap them, but wouldn't pry where he was not wanted.
Arquis exhaled shakily. He lifted his hand to cup the one that was on his cheek again and ran his fingers all the way down to their shoulder. This inevitably drew him forward, though only a fraction of an inch. He swallowed. The shyness from earlier had returned, reminding him of his lack of experience. He tried to push it aside. His lips parted slightly as he drank them in again. They truly were easy on the eyes.
This time, he said it aloud. “Gorgeous,” he mumbled, flushing pink.
Rin's warm, light brown skin flushed faintly at Arquis's compliment. "No, I believe that's you." They countered with another quick, flickering smile, taking a tiny step closer, their hand still cupped around Arquis's cheek, thumb gently stroking against his skin. "Absolutely lovely, Arquis." The nobleman's name left their mouth in a soft, quiet tone. They almost couldn't believe this was happening; couldn't believe what they were doing.
Arquis flushed more deeply and smiled. He had to admit that hearing them say his name did something to him. He was about three seconds away from asking permission for a kiss when the door suddenly opened. Not thinking quite clearly, he pushed himself away from the shelves, coming to stand in front of Rin as if trying to protect them.
It was just Quirisa. She materialized after closing the door. Dangling on her arm was a picnic basket. When she saw the two of them together—Arquis, red-faced and alarmed, and Rinlos behind him—she stopped short. The basket swung back and forth from the change in momentum.
“No way,” she said, grinning. “I totally interrupted you guys, didn’t I? Called it! Marsiquia owes me money.”
“Quirisa!” Arquis stammered. “You were betting on- wait, no, that is not important. Why are you here? Did something happen?”
“No, no, I just came to drop off lunch. Don’t mind me!” She set the basket on his bed and did a mock salute at Rin, which she followed with a wink. “You two have fun! Not too much, though. You’ve got a lot of walking to do tonight!”
And just like that, she was invisible again. He heard her footsteps as she walked to the door. She let it slam behind her. Once he was sure she was completely gone, he turned back to Rinlos, pulse still racing from adrenaline.
“Goodness, I- goodness.” His smile was infectiously happy and a little bashful. “I was not expecting that at all.”
Rin cleared their throat, laughing a little bit to themself once Quirisa was gone, returning Arquis's smile. "Neither was I." they replied, laughing quietly. "Nor was I expecting your sisters to, apparently, place bets on…us. This." he shook their head a little, looking at the nobleman. "Well. Shall we…eat lunch, then? Or?" they cleared their throat quietly.
“Yes, it is quite disconcerting that she would gamble on it, especially considering Quirisa seemed to want you for her own,” Arquis responded. He punctuated the sentence with a nonchalant hand gesture that didn’t really match what he was feeling. His emotions were all mixed up an in intense knot that he couldn’t quite unravel. On the one hand, he wanted to pick up where they had left off; he wanted their hand on his cheek and eyes on his lips. On the other, he knew that they should probably slow down. They were moving so fast that it had made his head spin. With bliss, of course, but it had still left him dizzy nonetheless.
“I think lunch would be a nice idea. Are you hungry? Let me see what she brought.”
He went over to the bed and flipped open the lid of the picnic basket. Inside was a fresh half loaf of artisanal bread and small containers of various spreads. Judging by the look of them, one was cream cheese with citrus zest, another was hummus, and the last was some sort of cinnamon mixture. There was also a butter knife next to a large bowl of mixed berries and a thermos holding some kind of tea.
Rin shrugged a shoulder. "I…did not think she was serious about that." he replied, following Arquis over to the basket, eyes flickering over the spreads and bread. "It looks delicious." he commented, lifting the thermos. There were also two mugs, and he poured the tea out into the mugs, picking up one and taking a sip from it, closing their eyes for a long moment.
His response was light and a little teasing. “Oh, she is always serious about that sort of thing, though her goals are generally less romantic. Debauchery is much more her style.”
He sat down, crossed one leg over the other, and prepared himself a mug of tea as well. The aroma of it was delightful. There was a hint of something woody in there, though it was also dark and rich. He took a few slow sips, savoring each one. The texture of it was almost velvety. Whoever had steeped it had done an excellent job.
He drank about half of the mug before remembering that there was food. The thought of it made him grimace internally. He attempting to avoid eye contact with the picnic basket by instead studying Rin’s face.
(i just want you to know that I read the phrase "Attempting to avoid eye contact with the picnic basket" and immediately pictured a picnic basket with big cartoony eyes lmaoo)
"I see, I see. Debauchery is fun as well." Rin took a sip of the tea, blinking at Arquis when he realized the nobleman was studying them. "Yes?" they queried, raising an eyebrow faintly as they returned Arquis's studying with a studious gaze of their own. "Is something wrong?"
(sometimes I accidentally use the wrong phrase and most of the time it’s extremely hilarious)
“Not wrong, no,” Arquis replied quietly, “I am just quite enchanted with you.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie. They were like a siren, luring him in with his voice and beauty. But he hadn’t been telling the truth, either. There was something wrong. Something wrong with him, specifically. He couldn’t bear to eat, not with so much pressure on him. There was so much to worry about and think over and do, and he wasn’t sure he could take it at times. His appetite sure couldn’t.
(lmao yeah)
Rin blinked at him for a moment. "I see." they replied, looking down at the mug in their hands for a moment. They weren't quite sure why Arquis's words flustered them. They were used to compliments, both meant and not, from various nobles. So why should this fluster him? He reached over to the picnic basket, grabbing some of the bread and the spreads. "We should eat, Arquis." they had noticed the nobleman did not seem to eat a lot at meal-times, and they wanted to encourage him to. "Which of the spreads would you prefer?"
“I am not hungry,” Arquis started, then sighed, brushing a hand across his forehead. He didn’t want to worry them, even if it meant having to choke down some food. “But I suppose the citrus one would be alright. Here, I will prepare it. You can sit, if you would like.”
He gently took the spread and the loaf from Rin. Delicately, he cut the bread into slices, working with an almost surgical precision. He placed a couple of slices onto a plate for Rin—which he handed to him—and put one on his own. On his he daubed a small dollop of the orange cream cheese spread.
He picked at the crust of his slice for a handful of seconds and racked his brain for a distraction. “Do you have a heavy coat for this evening, or would you like to borrow one? It will be freezing out, and I do not want you to catch cold.”
Rin did not comment on the portion sizing, simply took his plate and gave himself some of the spreads, small dollops on his plate. "I have a coat, but thank you for asking." they replied, giving Arquis a soft smile as he spread some stuff on a slice, then took a small bite. He didn't skip meals; couldn't afford to when he was out and about, as he didn't always know when he would next be able to eat.
Arquis tilted his head slightly. “Wonderful. Is the food alright? Would you like me to ask for something else? Because I certainly could.”
He put aside his plate, unable to commit to finishing more than about three bites. Instead, he searched through the basket until he found the berries. The bread had felt too heavy in his throat and stomach. He’d have to go for something less dense, and berries fit that description.
The first one he popped into his mouth was a pale pink color. It tasted a little tangy but mostly sweet. The second was a type of cherry that was a deep red with a golden shimmer to it. When he ate it, some of the juice stained his lips, almost like lipstick.
Rin ate quietly, though he could not help the way their gaze flicked down to Arquis's mouth at the way the juice stained the nobleman's lips. They stared for a long moment before they realized that they were staring, and looked away again, eyes flicking to the food in their lap. "The food is perfect, thank you."
Arquis caught their wandering gaze and smiled self-consciously. “Do I have something on my face?”
He dug out a napkin from inside the basket and dabbed at his lips. A bit of the red came off, but not all of it, and he licked his bottom lip slowly. There was still, despite his best efforts, a smidge of color left over.
“Ah, yes, these do tend to stain. Did I get it all?”
Rin watched as Arquis tried to get the stain off, a small smile flickering over their face. They leaned forward, gently reaching out with their thumb to wipe away the remaining color. "there we go." he said softly. "Now it's all gone."
Arquis’s eyes widened when he saw what they were doing. The moment the pad of his thumb made contact, that ever-present, worried look on his face faded. The creases in his forehead disappeared, and his jaw unclenched.
Enamored, he gingerly placed his hand on their wrist. He brought their full hand to his lips rather than just his thumb. He pressed a gentle kiss to their knuckles before pulling away, checking their reaction to make sure he hadn’t gone too far.
Rin watched him quietly, lip catching between his teeth for a moment at the soft kiss to their knuckles. "Ah…" they trailed off, unsure what to say, but flattered by that soft little kiss to their knuckles. They slowly drew their hand back, but did not at all seem bothered by the kiss.
