forum "I'll take your heart out with a spoon." OxO // CLOSED

Started March 08, 2021 by @cryptic-glitch

tune

"so I'm assuming the shaking is because you feel so great?" Raz muttered from his corner on the couch. "Hey, you're the one who told me to watch over you." He arched an eyebrow and took a deep breath.

"Don't tell me how I feel," Simon growled. "And I asked you to keep me from doing something stupid. Like self-harm, or drugs. Not to mother me."

Raz sat up slowly, clutching a pillow to himself. "Has that happened before?" He asked softly. "We're you going to do it again?" He tried to steady his breathing but the mere thought of Simon doing something like that to himself…he shook his head.

Simon narrowed his eyes. "Does it matter?" He didn't like that Razielle was picking apart his sentences. "I don't see the benefit from you knowing the answer to that question."

"yes of course it matters Simon! Why wouldn't it?" Raz stood, chucking the pillow aside. "It doesn't matter what benefit you find in, I care about you and your safety, that's reason enough to know!" His own wings fluffed up as he yelled.

Simon raised one eyebrow, surprised. "I didn't realize that you cared that much. Yes, I've done it before. I'm not planning to do it again, but that doesn't mean much, does it?"

"why wouldn't I?" He muttered, pacing the room a bit to calm himself down. He nodded slightly "it can if you actually believe you won't." He paced to the kitchen, needing to occupy himself with making something. "When was the last time?" He asked softly as he started to make tea

Simon sighed, irritated, but said, "Three weeks ago. Really, I don't see how this is helping anything."

"three weeks ago?" He whispered, trying his best not to show his mortified face. "Have you told anyone else about this? Like a therapist or doctor?"

"Obviously," Simon said. "What do you take me for? Jesus Christ." He shook his head. "The cuts are nearly all healed by now."

Raz released a sigh in relief and nodded slightly. "That's good." He murmured, pouring the tea into two mugs. He came back over ttho e living room and passed Simon a cup before settling comfortably on the couch.

Simon glared at the mug that Razielle had given me. "Why are you so concerned with my well-being? If I recall correctly, I've not been the nicest to you."

"no but you're not the worst person I've met. Besides, what reason would I have to treat you poorly after getting to know you a bit?" Raz asked innocently, looking up at the other from the edge of his own mug. "what exactly did Gabriel say?"

"Word for word, he said, 'it's funny that you say that actually, considering that you were the one who hurt him first. Or am I wrong to assume that Razielle had those nasty bruises and patches on his wings prior to ever meeting you? I don't have to guilt trip you. You just have to look at him, and the pain that you've caused and you'll guilt trip yourself,'" Simon quoted.

Raz swore beneath his breath and shook his head "that angel has never been good at keeping his mouth shut." He muttered. He looked at Simon, watching his movements and expression. "Do you feel guilty when I'm around you? Even after my wings have healed and everything else?"

"Why wouldn't I feel guilty? I hurt you." Simon looked at Razielle, tilting his head. "You're looking at me like you're either about to kiss me or smack me and it's freaking me out."

Raz looked away and pressed his wings to his back, subconsciously trying to hide them. He shook his head "sorry. For both making you guilty and looking at you." He slowly stood, slightly swaying on his legs. "I'm gonna go…" He murmured softly, glancing at Simon and offering a departing smile.

“You okay?” Simon said. “You look a little. . . unsteady.” Inwardly he winced. I’m one to talk, he thought. “You don’t have to apologize, you know. I’m sure I’ve done the same thing to you.”

Raz hook his head "you haven't, at least none that I've noticed or made me uncomfortable." He looked back over his shoulder. "If I'm not around, you can't feel guilty, right?"

Simon smiled slightly. “I don’t think that’s how that works, Raz. I don’t think I’ll ever not feel guilty. By no fault of yours, I must say.”

Raz sighed, so utterly confused and mentally exhausted. He leaned against the door and slumped to the ground, knees pulled to his chest as he tried to sort out his thoughts. "I guess you're right. But how is it not my fault if what you're guilty of includes me?" He shook his head "I don't want you to feel guilty Simon." He whispered.

“It. . . I just. . . I feel guilty because I made a stupid decision, and you were caught in the crossfire.” Simon watched Razielle, an emotion he couldn’t describe making his chest ache.

Raz nodded slightly. He knew he couldn't make Simon's guilt go away anytime soon but he didn't want Simon to look at him as a representation of that guilt. He scooted forwards a bit so that he's closer to Simon but didn't reach out to touch him. "I'm okay now." He whispered reassuringly.

Simon frowned slightly. “Um. Thanks. I guess.” He tilted his head down. “Look, about what I said earlier, when I was drunk. . . I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just thought I should you should know. And I know that wasn’t exactly the place or the time for that. So sorry.”

Raz nodded and looked away, trying his best not to think about last night. "It's alright. You weren't exactly thinking straight and I could have had a better reaction than I did." Raz found it interesting that Simon didn't take back what he had said. "I-im not all that great in relationships. I didn't mean to shove that aside or anything like that, it was just…surprising I guess."

“Like I said, I’m sorry. I make enough bad decisions for the whole of New York.” He shook his head, making his hair fluff up.

Raz shook his head frantically "no! No it's not like that. I mean, I don't think it was a bad decision, I just…" Raz huffed a sigh and plopped his head against the couch cushions. "Words and feelings are hard, ya know? But I'm not mad that you said that or anything." He paused for a moment and scratched Spook's head. "So that long, huh? How come you never talked to me or something?"

“Because. You seemed so. . . removed from me, I guess. Most of it was just that I was afraid to mess shit up.” He shrugged. “And I think Annie was a little bit jealous.”