Cameron's brows drew together. "I…still don't quite understand." He replied slowly. He ran a hand through his hair, leaning back on the railing and looking up at Calixto. He debated whether or not to go up to the roof, to make conversation a bit easier.
Now was when Cal really wanted to slam his head into a wall. Words in his mind desperately begged to be let out. To scream. To ask those burning questions.
D O N ' T .
"I… it's stupid, forget it," he said, shaking his head dismissively. Calixto tried plastering on a smile, but it felt foreign. It seemed… like a mask. The grin felt forced and barely held up. He stared at Cameron a moment longer before pulling back from the edge.
Stupid.
Cameron might seem as though he cares, but Cal didn't need to trouble him. He was not going to be an anchor weighing him down.
Cameron frowned. He climbed up slowly. "Calixto?" He said softly. "What's up, man?" He sat down near Cal, but not close enough to be too close.
Calixto flinched as he heard footsteps against the ground beneath him. Of course he would come up after him. And now Cameron would see him sitting on the ground, knees to his chest. Vulnerable.
"I… I couldn't say what I wanted with all of those people able to hear," he supplied with a sigh. "I don't understand your kindness. You're what you are and… while I don't hold that against you I don't get why you give a damn about a stranger!" Cal hissed quietly. After a second, a sad chuckle escaped his lips. "This is stupid. Sorry."
(Sick of Losing Soulmates by Dodie fits Cal so much if you need a song to play)
(Actually here's his playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0agI0o9CLEglg6Q6yAOHKj?si=yxh6OdoUQD6TkxTvk5h1eg)
Cameron's eyes flickered slightly. He scooted closer to Calixto. "Can you give me a reason I shouldn't care?" He asked. He looked out at the city. "As for what I am…gods, do you think that being…being what I am somehow makes me heartless? Less than human? I still care. I still feel and think and hurt and love, just like anybody else, Calixto." He ran a hand through his hair. "And I care because…I don't know. I just do."
(Alright!)
(Cool, I'll check it out!)
"No, no, no, that's… that's not what I meant! Humans have never given a damn about me, so why should you? I won't be here but a night longer so… why care…? I don't understand what the hell you'd want with me," he argued, voice getting softer and softer. It felt like the walls around him were coming closer and closer to where he was in a small little box emotionally. Calixto was broken. He expected to be thrown away. His mindset was so horribly bad when given time to think.
Cameron was still here though.
"I don't want anything." Cameron replied slowly. "I'm just trying to…" He trailed off. "I don't know. I'm trying to…I guess atone, in a way. For everyone I've killed." He ran his hands through his dyed hair, shaking his head slightly. "Besides, length of time doesn't matter. My mama tried to teach me that…that no matter how long or short someone is in your life, you should still give them the best. Whether they're your partner for life, or just a stranger passing through. Because kindness will have a larger impact than I might ever know." He shrugged, looking down at his fingers. "And…that's what…maybe this is my way of remembering her."
(Bump?)
(omg oof)
(Just a minute gonna grab something to eat and turn on some feels music to get a feel again haha)
(Haha alright)
Cal frowned at his hands. The strange messages Cameron was trying to teach him were confusing. He wanted to treat a Mirro with the same kindness as one of his own? It didn't make sense.
"You don't want anything," Calixto stated, a forced chuckle following. No. Everyone was greedy inside. There was desire. Temptation. A sinful pull perhaps.
"Somehow I don't think that's entirely true. All I've ever been is used. So I don't understand this act you're pulling." Not an accusation. A statement. His walls felt if someone had tossed a hammer at them. Still standing, but each toss made the bricks crumble further and further. Part of him longed to leave and just hide in his room. Part of him knew that wouldn't solve anything. There was still pain that those walls fenced in.
Cameron frowned a little. Blinked at Cal. "I don't." he replied. "I don't want anything. I really don't. I have…a decent life now. The only thing I want is…is someone who loves me, but I'm not asking for you to love me, or even care about me in any sort of romantic fashion. This isn't an act, and I'm not going to use you." his voice was firm, and he unconsciously reached up a hand, brushing a finger along the hidden tattoo on his jaw.
(bump?)
Cal couldn't help the laugh that crawled up from his throat. "You're supposed to though. It hurts because I can't understand anything anymore," he spoke, feeling angry at himself. Taking his left hand, he began to press his nails into his flesh again. It was something else to focus on. He didn't like looking at Cameron. He sat there so innocently. He was working on being whole inside.
Cal only felt shattered. What good was free will if you had no idea what to do with it…? He was still imprisoned inside though. Except Cal had put himself there.
Cameron swallowed. "Calixto…" He trailed off, letting out a slow breath. "I know, okay? I…after Roshan…after the Empire…god. I had a hard time adjusting after those. After…after all of that. You'll learn to understand things again." He bit his lip slightly.
"Damn I hope so," Cal replied, now running his fingers through his hair. Why did it feel so nice to sit on the roof and talk with Cameron? Why did it feel so… good? He had no idea. Perhaps it was because his first positive interaction was with the other male. Well, perhaps that was too vague. The experience wasn't painful. It felt like a jumble of different emotions. "I shouldn't have said anything though. You're just gonna worry now, aren't you?" Calixto asked rhetorically.
Cameron let out a faint laugh. "Umph. Well. Maybe?" he replied, looking over at Calixto with a shrug. "I mean…if you don't want me to worry, then I'll try not to? I don't know." he snorted, running a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "But fine. Yes. I'll probably worry. At least a little bit." he let out another little laugh.
"I had a feeling. I can't exactly tell you not to," Cal replied, pursing his lips as he looked back up at the sky. The world didn't necessarily like him. It didn't seem to like Cameron entirely either. It was hard to open up entirely because of the fact they had only just met. Something inside almost longed to stay where they were though. Cameron was different. Calixto didn't feel safe enough to act entirely freely, but he hadn't kept entirely to himself.
"You aren't supposed to be working right now, right?" he asked, changing the subject. It was for a purpose though. Cal didn't want Cameron to get in trouble for something as silly as what had just gone down.
Cameron blinked. "Oh. Uhm. Well. Not… exactly? I'm on break." He replied with a shrug. "I…don't know if I have anyone tonight." He ran a hand through his hair, sighing softly. He shook his head a little bit. "So. Uhm. I don't know what you want me to say." He bit his lip a little bit.
Calixto blinked a few times before his cheeks warmed. Always with the same suggestion. "Not that. I just didn't want to keep you," he said, turning away. It was dark, but he didn't want Cameron to point out the fact he was flustered again.
Cameron nodded a little bit, letting out a faint laugh. "Ha. Yeah, alright." He replied, shrugging his shoulders. He sighed faintly. He didn't know what to say now. "I'll have to head back in in about five minutes, but I'm fine for now." He shrugged again. I don't know what he wants from me. I can't adapt.
Calixto's stomach began to turn at the other's response. He was beginning to think that Cameron was attempting to force his way into sleeping in his bed again. Groaning, Cal placed his hand on his face before turning to the male beside him. "Another thing I don't understand. Why are you so interested in sleeping with me?" Cal asked, tone sounding similar to pleading. "If you're attempting humor, I'm afraid it's having quite the opposite effect."
Cameron blinked, eyes widening. "What…no!" he said quickly. "I didn't mean…I…that wasn't what I was insinuating!" he spluttered, shaking his head and looking at Calixto with wide eyes. "I…I do that stuff because I have to, not…I wasn't…" he didn't know what he was saying. "I didn't…I…." he couldn't control his tongue anymore. He had no idea what he was trying to say, just that he hadn't mean to give Calixto that impression. "I'm not constantly horny or something!" he finally stuttered out. "I don't…I didn't mean to make you think that I…er…"
(Bro low key wanna write if they've been together and Cal just goes out of nowhere: hey remember how you kept asking to sleep with me the second we met?)
(And Cam was taking a sip of beer or something and nearly chokes, a bit embarrassed that that was the memory that Cal decided to bring up)
(lmaooooo yess that would be hilarious!)
Cal couldn't help himself. A small smile formed on his lips before he broke out into laughter. "Ahaha! Sorry, sorry. Just… you seemed so timid all of the sudden. Tripping over your words. Just seems a bit out of character. Not that I know you well enough to say that."
Cameron shrugged a little bit. "Right. Yeah. Sometimes I…do that. When I get…" he shrugged slightly. "Language issues. Sorry." he replied, shaking his head a little bit, his tongue still feeling like it was tied up and confused.
"You're fine. No need to apologise," Cal replied simply. It was odd to see Cameron like this. He really seemed like an extroverted person who flirted and laughed a lot. "I'm not the greatest with english either," he added, attempting to make the moment less awkward.
Cameron shrugged a little bit. "Right, yeah. I just…did you really think all of this was just an attempt to get in your pants?" He asked, raising his eyebrows a little as he looked at Calixto. "Because that's…I dunno. I don't like that that seems to be your main impression of me."