"Explain to me why you're trying to cover everything up like everything's fine," Calixto growled, anger growing in his chest. While, sure, you could have killed me. Even though you didn't, doesn't make me trust you. After last night, did you think sneaking in here was going to make things any better?! You-!"
The rant took a pause for a moment, Cal's hands quickly covering his mouth.
He sounded just like the very thing he feared the most.
Abuse shouldn't make an excuse to be an abuser.
Fear was the only thing noticeable in his expression now. It was clear how shaken he was.
The images from the past haunted him despite his mental pleas.
"You're gonna give me your arm," a deep and slurred voice commanded, the owner waving a cigar in the air. It was to press into his flesh to be rid of the excess ash. It took everything to keep his arm still and to move his head.
A barely noticeable shake of his head then resulted in his head being slammed into the wall.
"You aren't worth more than a stain in this here carpet…"
"You. Will. Do. As. I. Fucking. Tell. You!" Each word was accented with another slam, hand around his neck.
"I… you should go. I won't say anything," the male said, voice much more quiet than before. Biting his lower lip hard, Cal turned away from Cameron to pick up the clothes set on the floor from the day before. His arms shook slightly as he held the fabric delicately.
(yeah hi um this is what happens when i'm upset)
Cameron flinched slightly, going pale. "I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I-I…I didn't… I'm sorry. I was drunk and lonely, and I know that's no excuse." Not when you're a monster like me. He edged towards the door. "I'm sorry, Calixto." He swallowed. Idiot. You thought maybe you could hide it and eventually find someone who cared? Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. No one is going to love a monster, Cameron. Get used to being alone.
Hearing his name seemed to steady him a bit more.
No more X-9268.
It took him a moment to remember that he hadn't told Cameron his name.
"You said my name…" Cal whispered, looking at the other male again.
Lonely.
He had said… lonely…
"You can't help what you are. If… it helps… it isn't you I'm scared of," he added.
"Yeah, I…I looked it up in the guest register." Cameron admitted. He blinked slowly. "Please don't lie to me, Calixto. Everyone's scared of me or wants to kill me. That's how my life goes." He shrugged, hand on the doorknob. His green eyes flickered, not looking at Calixto.
Calixto stopped what he was doing, going over to the door and gently taking Cameron's hand off the doorknob gently. "I'm not," he argued back. "It's… it's trust in general, Cameron," Cal finished, looking down at the floor. This was the first time he had said the other man's name out loud as well.
Cameron looked at him carefully. "Oh. Okay. I…" There was a knock at the door.
"Cameron, you in there?" Called a voice.
Cameron sighed. "Yeah, I'm busy." He replied.
"Doing what?" The voice demanded.
Cameron sighed. "What I usually do in people's bedrooms, Aden." Taking a breath, he let out a soft moan, and stepped over to the bed, rocking it a little so the headboard thumped the wall. He didn't look at Calixto as he tricked Aden into thinking…well. What anyone would think. He let out another moan.
Aden cleared his throat. "Right. Sorry." His footsteps receded.
(i am SO glad i wasn't drinking any water when reading this omggg)
Despite the nonexistent interaction, Calixto turned red, hearing the noises the other male was making. He wasn't quite sure what to say after that display and wondered if he would be able to look Cameron in the eyes seriously. It had sounded so… sexual. Sure, it had to be believable, but the excuse was not something that he would have come up with. It also heavily bothered Cal that Cameron had used the word usually. It was likely because his kind was used to mating for life.
(lol haha you're welcome)
Cameron stopped as soon as Aden was gone, dropping his hands to his sides. "Sorry. If he didn't think I was…fucking someone or being fucked, I would have had chores to do and we wouldn't have been able to finish this conversation." He said, not quite meeting Calixto's eyes. "Sorry."
"Um, it's alright," he replied, if only for Cameron's sake. He had to bite the inside of his cheek in order not to flinch at the word "fuck" being tossed around so lightly. It was a word that he mostly associated with anger. But Cameron wasn't angry. He wasn't going to harm him. It was okay in here. Mostly.
Cameron took a deep breath, sitting down on the bed. "So…you probably have questions." He said slowly. "So ask them." He looked at Calixto, tracing the spear tattoo for a moment. He was kicking himself for this. For being so lonely and needy that he hadn't even considered the risks before climbing into someone's bed.
Staring at the tattoo, Calixto thought about what it would like to change skin color on a small portion of his skin to see if it was worth even getting one. It would likely hurt a lot getting a needle pushed in and out of your flesh and be told to be still.
He wanted to ask if Cameron was likely the only Berzerker left, but that seemed far too harsh to start out with. Even with his bluntness.
"I've not heard much about Berzerkers if I'm being honest. Aside from… what happened. How do you become one? Are you your own kind or still human?"
"We're born this way. This tattoo is given at birth." Cameron replied. "We're human, just…stronger." he shrugged slightly. "It's hard to describe. We weren't…we weren't always the horrors that the empire made us into when they conquered Kevra." Cameron remembered the difference all too well. In Kevra, they had been part of society, revered and protected and loved, despite their differences. When the empire conquered Kevra, they turned the remaining Berserkers into weapons of war.
Cal sighed sadly. "People never are," he said as he grabbed his bag off of the counter. He then worked on fishing out a new shirt to finally put on. Finding another dark tee, he unfolded it and slipped it over his head. He felt a bit out of place asking all of the questions when he himself wasn't completely open as Cameron was at the moment. If he never knew, it wouldn't matter anyways. It wasn't likely that he'd stay much longer.
(He's been bare chested this whole time btw lollll)
(Cal in the background: sO uM- I'm an alien from space-)
Cameron swallowed softly, carefully keeping his eyes away from Calixto's body. "We uhm…we were always paired. Your partner was your shield-mate, your battle-brother. Everything. You kept them safe in battle, and they watched your back. It helps with being able to control the battle-rage, if there is someone you need to protect." He thought again of Roshan, who had been his shield-mate. His everything.
Calixto frowned. While he hadn't asked, Cal now knew the reason for the emotions in the other's singing. Cameron's partner was gone. Perhaps he flirted with others to try and fill the void. It was quite sad.
"I'm sorry…" he whispered. He couldn't even imagine what it was like to love only for them to be taken away all too soon. Maybe Cal would never know.
(omg this song that came on fits with Cameron and Roshan so much-)
(Beautiful [English ver.] - Day6)
Cameron's mouth twitched in a sad, half-smile. "Yeah, me too." he replied quietly. He shrugged, lacing his fingers together. "Uhm…what else do you want me to explain?" he asked, looking over at Calixto. The dye was smeared and wearing off, revealing streaks of pale hair and skin.
(ooh I'll look it up!)
Calixto shrugged half heartedly. "I really don't have any purpose interrogating you any further," he said, voice a bit tired. "The lighter color hair suits you better," Cal noted out loud. Despite the dye, Cameron's hair seemed soft and fluffy in his mess of tangles.
(sorry that it's short, but I can't think of anything lol)
Cameron's mouth twitched in a slight smile. "Thanks. But I uhm…should redye it soon. I can't just walk around like this." Unconsciously, he reached up and traced the tattoo on his cheek, remembering when it didn't mark him as a wanted man and a villain. Just when it marked him as a Berserker. As a fighter. But he had always been treated like any other child. Well, except for the fighting. And the lessons on keeping his temper so he didn't kill anyone just because he was upset. But other than that, he had just been a normal kid, up until the empire had conquered Kevra and turned him into a monster.
(it's totally fine, nbd)
Cal frowned again, noting how Cameron was tracing his tattoo. It was in the same manner that he touched the open skin on his neck. The painful memories weren't easy to push down. They always tended to resurface. Someway or another. Calixto's hand moved to rub at the back of his neck for a moment before speaking. "You could always dye it a lighter color?"
(and that's when Cal knew: he had a thing for light colored hair-)
Cameron shrugged slightly. "Nah. Not really. The more Kevran I look, the harder it'll be to disguise myself. That's why I try to look as…as un-Kevran as possible." he replied, letting out a soft sigh. I don't hardly recognize myself in the mirror anymore. He didn't recognize how blank his green eyes had become, even when he was smiling or laughing or flirting. He didn't recognize the emptiness that pooled in their depths, or the way his cheekbones had sharpened and his features had grown haunted and worn.
(lol oof)
"I suppose you did a good job then," he commented. Cameron looked so much different with the paler hair and skin. It was as if he had shed his former skin and was someone new. The more he looked, the more he noticed the tiredness in his face. Something made him want to share that he wasn't alone in such a struggle, but he couldn't. He was going to leave after Cameron left.
He… was going to leave right?
Cameron seemed so sad though.
Could he learn to trust him?
"Yeah. Sometimes I think I did too good a job." Sometimes I wonder if Roshan would even recognize me anymore… He sighed softly, and ran a hand through his hair, a little nervously. He didn't want Calixto to leave. He was the first person Cameron had told about the whole Berserker thing, and…and Calixto hadn't run screaming. Hadn't called him a monster or anything of the sort.
(I finally got around to listening to that song….and holy wow did that fit Cameron and Roshan. Thank you so much for sharing that with me!! It gave me serious feels lol)
