"I, I think I'm up for it," Cicada responded. She knew she would be telling him sooner or later today and now seemed like a decent time to explain the less supernatural part. The one that involved her blacking out, "When I was, oh 9 or 10 I think, my parents died in a house fire. Bit of miracle I made it out alive. Anyways, after their death, I got put into the foster system since none of my relatives wanted me. Called me a 'devil child.' I wasn't one back then, not really at least. But I never got a real chance to grieve and gained a fuck ton of trauma from the fire. So combine unloving, uncaring foster homes with undealt with mental issues and you have a recipe for a fucked up childhood. The abusive ex I met later in high school didn't help either."
Phoenix listened intently, still gently pushing the swing back and forth. "I don't want to be one of those people, but have you tried therapy? You can't exactly say everything that just happened today, I don't even know what happened today, but it might help." He offered her, trying not to be insensitive. Which honestly, wasn't too hard.
“I, I haven’t tried it yet. But I’ve been wanting to,” Cicada admitted. She let out a sigh, “Fosters refused to take me and the my ex manipulated me into thinking I didn’t need. But I know I probably do. Sorry about just unloading right there. I figured getting a better picture of how messed up my younger years were would help explain what I’m about to say. I have this, um, thing about being touched. Pretty sure you’ve figured out that much already, but if I don’t know I’m going to get touched or grabbed or whatever I tend to freak out. And depending upon how hard they touch me, for example grabbing my wrist and pulling me roughly, I tend to blackout and my fight or flight just sort of takes over. The same thing happens around fire.”
Slowing his pushing, he sighed knowing there wasn't much he could do. Besides being careful around her, and letting her do her thing. "Yeah, I can understand that. That really sucks, Cicada." Phoenix mumbled, walking over to his own swing and sitting down. "I'll be careful. I promise. I'm not sure what else I can do to help besides that. Tell me if you can think of something, and I'll be happy to do it."
"You just, need to be my friend," Cicada responded looking over at him with a smile. She kept swinging a little as she let out a sigh, "It sounds stupid and cheesy, but that's what I really need right now. Probably what I've needed the past ten years, a friend. Telling me if you're going to touch me helps too and, uh, not treating me like I'm made of glass. Cause I'm not."
Phoenix cringed a little, knowing he may have taken his gentleness too far. But he was also nervous at the time. He didn't know what he knew now, which changed things. "I'm sorry for treating you like that. I'll try not to do it again… I was just kind of paranoid." He told her, gnawing on his bottom lip just a bit. He was making excuses, but they were legitimate. "I'll be here though. I promise."
Cicada laughed a little and smiled at him, "No, no you've been fine. I, I really did need to be treated like, um, glass, as much as I hate to admit that. But if you didn't from this point on that would be nice. You've been a really good friend so far, and, and I don't think you'll stop being one."
"Of course. I'll be… careful, about not being careful? I guess?" Phoenix offered with his own weak laugh, kicking off the ground so he would start swinging back and forth. "I'm glad you think I'm a good friend. I just hope I can keep upholding that image."
"You definitely are, and you don't have to try that hard," Cicada laughed a little as her smile turned soft watching him, "Um, how have I been as a friend? Just, um, curious."
"What do you mean? That questions leads to a variety of answers." Phoenix pointed out, glancing up at the blue sky. His smile was relaxed, as he lazily swung back and forth. "You're a great girl, and fun to hang out with."
"Heh, that's one answer," Cicada responded with a smile. She wasn't putting much effort into swinging, just allowing herself to rock back and forth calmly. She let out a sigh, "And I think it's a pretty good answer too."
(I apologize for not replying. I was a little busy/stressed out today, so my creativity hasn't been going well.)
"Indeed it is. As it is one-hundred percent true…" Phoenix chirped, running a hand through his hair to brush his hair back. "One thing to know, I rarely ever lie about something. So just assume eighty-five percent of what I say is going to be true."
(You're fine! I completely get creativity being dead.)
Cicada laughed a little as she looked over at him. She seemed to have almost completely recovered from earlier being able to laugh and joke with no worries. It was strange how quickly she could turn around, "Will do. What about actions though? Like the little forehead kisses?"
(It's been happening too much for my liking… eheh. But thank you for understanding)
Glancing over at her, he gave her nervous smile. "What do you mean? Like… affection meaning something? Or am I missing what you're talking about?" Phoenix asked, drumming his fingers on his palm and against the chain.
"I, while I was, um, freaking out, you kissed my head and forehead. I was just, wondering what that might have meant?" Cicada responded blushing just slightly. She let out a sigh, "You don't have to answer, I'm not looking for answers. Just being curious."
Letting out a weak sigh, he nodded just a bit. “I was just trying to relax you… I guess. Get your mind off the current situation. You were so panic stricken, I just hated seeing you like that.” Phoenix told her, pulling up a soft smile. “I guess I was just showing you that I care.”
Cicada smiled back at him softly. Her face was still just slightly red, but she swung her legs to get the swing going again, "I, thanks. It did help me, I guess because I was a little shocked at the actions. So um, yeah it helped. And, um, it was nice to see that you cared."
Smiling back at her softly, he nodded just a bit. "If I ever do something that bothers you, just tell me. I wouldn't want to annoy you." Phoenix told her, watching her swinging back and forth. "I don't want to lose my only friend. I'd be stuck with my sister again… and I really like hanging out with you."
Cicada laughed as she smiled back at him. She gave him a little nod, "I definitely tell you, but it'll take a lot to annoy me. That and I also really like hanging out with you."
"Mm, that's a good sign. It's lucky we both found each other." Phoenix purred softly, kicking off the ground. "I mean, if you hadn't asked for my help, I'd probably be sitting back in my dorm doing homework right now."
"Hah, probably," Cicada let out a laugh though she was concerned about the little purr she heard. But she wasn't going to question it, not at this time at least, "I mean, it would be more productive than sitting on a swing talking with me."
"Pfft, I don't wanna be doing homework though. So change my previous sentence to 'attempting' to do my homework." Phoenix chuckled a little bit, sighing a bit. "I can't make myself do something when I don't want to do it. I literally find all the excuses in the world."
Cicada laughed as she kept looking at him, "That makes sense. I do the same, except with sleep."
"I wish I didn't… I would get so much more done if I didn't procrastinate as much as I did." He hummed, kicking at the ground again. "I could probably be ruling the world, if it weren't for my stupid procrastination."
"Probably, but it's maybe better if your not the overload of the planet right now," Cicada gave him a reassuring smile, "The world probably isn't ready for you ya know?"
