(I’m not crying you’re crying
(ಥ﹏ಥ))
Jas’ head immediately snapped up at the sound of gun going off. No…please..No! He charged off towards the sound, praying to whatever god out there that would hear his please that it had missed, if he had to stay on this earth forever so be it, just please let it be a miss. He assumed no god liked him that much because what he came face to face with was his worst nightmare. The nightmare that not even his own abilities could chase off. Down below in the center of the gambling ring were two figures. One in a black suit was cradling the other in a stunning red dress. You could barely see the blood seeping through from the bullet wound at Connor’s chest. But the blood leaking from his mouth ruined the image of innocence. Jas let out a strangled scream, ripping through the night as he descend through the glass panes of the ceiling in a cloud of shades. He landed kneeling beside the two, desperately reaching out to Connor. No matter how many lives they went through, this was always the hardest part of their immortality. Even more now that Connor loved Jas back. Another strangled yell escaped him, ragged and loud enough to keep the approaching officers away. Or maybe it was the sight of seeing his decent like a fallen angel through the ceiling that kept them away. Or maybe the murderous glare Jas threw there way…he didn’t know and he certainly didn’t care. Jas gently cradled Connor’s head and pressed a kiss to his brow. “Baby look at me, please.” He rasped through sobs that racked his entire body. “I told you, love. I begged you to stay with me. But you, being the amazing man I fell in love with so many lives ago, had to be a good person and save the world. Didn’t you?” Jas let out a small laugh and gently wiped away the blood from Connor’s lips. “I’m proud of you, heart. So very proud. Look what you’ve done. You and Jake saved people’s lives today.” He glanced up at Jake and reached out to take his hand in an attempt to comfort him even if Jas as a complete mess. He sucked in a breath. “I should have been here for you. I’m sorry sweetheart. Please, forgive me my heart, my soul, and my life. Forgive me for all the lives I made difficult for you, for…everything I did to upset, or annoy you.” He paused, not really caring if Jake knew they were immortal. He was the only he trusted at this point, save for his own family. “Forgive me for not asking your hand in marriage earlier, but I hope you can accept my offer now. In our next life I’ll find you, and make you mine again. I’ll ask you to all the spring and winter formals, and to prom, and of course we’ll get married and have all the Kids you want. Maybe a pet. Though cats are out of the question. I’m your only kitty.” He was rambling now, not sure if Connor was even conscious anymore but he couldn’t stop. He didn’t want to stop. When It came to Connor he didn’t know how to stop and he prayed he’d never find an end. “Please love, just hang on for a few more moments, I swear it’ll be okay. Just hand on.” He whispered, lifting his head and screaming for an ambulance, screaming until his voice was raw.
(God that was hard to write!)
(OMG R U, ACTUALLY. I'm so sorry…. the entire time I was writing that I was singing the song that goes like "Shot through the heart, and you're too late" my bad XD. Now you got me crying out here like bro stop this is so sad…..)
Jake leaned down as well and held Jas's hand. He could barely look at Connor. He hated himself for it.
Connor whispered out "no" multiple times. He didn't want him to feel like that, and he chose this, and Jas was the highlight of these last few months. How could he tell him all of that at once with the short time he had? Connor reached his hand covered in his blood to Jas's cheek. His hand was shaking just like the rest of his body. He could barely speak, and it took a while for him to say his following sentence, but he managed. "What…are you doing here>" He coughed and gave a sad attempt of a slap on the cheek. "I thought I…told you to stay…home. That guy could still be here." Connor gave a weak smile. "I'm glad I got to see you…" He laughed, which made him take a deep breath so he could breathe. "I…love you. You are…the best thing that has ever happened…to me. I want you…to know…you make me so happy. I don't care…if you didn't get here in time…I can die happy…I'll meet you again, okay? We'll do all the things that we want to do." His voice was turning raspy and cold. "Thank you…for being proud of me. I'm glad people can…benefit from my loss. I know…I'm a bit gross right now, but can you kiss me? Please? Last thing." He looked at Jas despite the look. He knew this was it. It was time. Never has he thought it would end like this. He hoped they would grow old together. Have grandkids and die of old age holding hands. I guess that was a silly dream. Tears started to stream down his face. He just wanted to feel Jas's lips one last time before they met again.
(I was starting to get choked up yeahXD oh god the song makes it worse in a good way XD)
Jas closed his eyes as Connor touched his cheek, gently cladling the hand at his cheek and breathing a Shakey sigh. "I-" he blinked rabidly when he felt a tap at his cheek and realized it was Connor trying to yell at him. "He's with the police, love." Jas managed, gently brushing away the wig hair that stuck to Connor's brow. "Unfortunately they got him before I did." He frowned slightly but was determined not to let Connor see that. "I know we will my love. I swear the first thing I do when I see you is propose properly no matter where we are." He offered a wobbly smile and nodded, drawing in a ragged breath, welcoming the sting that it brought to his raw throat. "You did, sweet creature mine. You saved people." His gazed softened before he shook his head and leaned in close, letting Jake go for a moment. "Darling I've told you, I don't care what we're doing I will always accept any and all affection from you. And any chance I get I will give you my heart and soul." He whispered, trying his best to hold back tears as he gently tilted Connor's head up and pressed a Connor's lips, drawing it out slowly. "Please marry me Connor, please say yes, else I'll he forced to take this kiss as yes." He laughed painfully and pressed soft kiss to Connor'a features, whispering 'please say yes' in between.
(Ahhh this hurts(;_;))
(ikkkkk ahhhh)
"Of course…" Connor closed his eyes, trying to move closer to the kiss. "Yes…" Hw whispered. "I will marry you…" A final tear rolled down his cheek, hitting the ground as his hand gave out and his body limp. His last words seemed like a whisper that echoed through the police sirens. Connor had passed away.
(idk what else to write I mean he's dead)
Jas gave a small laugh, letting his tears roll down his cheeks as he hugged Connor's lifeless body close. "See you in our next life, love." Jas whispered, finally letting the worst of his sadness show through.
…
Jas meandered through a few more years of life. He had completely cut all ties with the Institution but kept the threat he had promised in the back of his mind. The only reason he didn't fulfill his promise was the sole fact that he knew Connor would dissaprove of his actions. Instead, he speant most his days with his family and wholeheartedly supporting Suni's and Damion's flourishing relationship, even poking fun at his younger brother about a wedding date. That earned him a playful toussle. Jas silently promised he'd stay to watch his younger brother get married and grow a family.
Jas even grew more comfortable with Jake, even bringing him to meet his family as a close friend and managing to even see his mother who had come to visit from the heavens. Thankfully none of them thought Jake as a replacement. Jas thought he could do this, live a fulfilling life even if Connor wasn't there. He had friends and his family. He'd be alright.
…
It had taken him twenty more years to finally have the courage to move on from this life. It had been hard to tell his family though his mother knew all along exactly what he was and promised she'd be watching over him from the heavens. He had thought that it would have been harder telling his family then telling Jake but they had shared so much over the years including their memories of Connor. But he knew it time to leave this life and find Connor in the next.
…
(Gonna start in high school. We can skip around)
Jas glared around the dimly lit gynasium, spotting couples students far too close to be appropriate. He kept his car ears close to his head and he nudged through the crowd to find a place to rest. He had been searching for what seemed like forever for Connor throughout his highschool life. He was positive he was in the right school but he still hadn't gotten lucky and had Connor in his classes. He finally managed to get outside, and promptly shucked off his suit jacket. "Mom, Suni, sash? if you're listening please show me the way to him." He prayed, lightly toying with the string bracelet at his wrist, a gift from his kitsune family as a reminder of their constance presence.
(This is just so sad like omg. The second-hand embarrassment.)
Connor on the other hand had a loving family with a little sister a few years apart. He had grown to look a little different from his last life, but not much changed. Instead of red hair, he had dark purple hair in the same haircut as his last life. He was pushing through the ground trying to get through. He wondered why there were so many people at the pep rally anyway. All Connor wanted to do was sit down and do his homework during this stupid event. He finally squished himself out of the crowd dusting off his clothes. He pushed up his glass and sat on the same bench as Jas. He didn't realize who he was sitting to nor did he really care. As long as it wasn't Jas. Connor hated him so much that he could murder him. He swore off the life of a hero because he didn't want to be the person everyone's burdens are moved on to. But Jas has been everywhere he was and it was fucking annoying. He cursed under his breath. "Why does everyone want to be here anyway. It's like no one wear deodorant. The smell is atrocious." He pulled out his folders and started to work on his Ap Calc homework.
(he's an emo nerd! Yes!!)
Jas had rested his head against the bench seat and was feining being asleep just in case anyone got the idea of talking to him. Other than a few classmates that hadn't come to the rally, jas hadn't really made any friends, too focused on passing his classes and finding Connor to create a new social life for himself. His ears flicked when he heard movement nearby but just thought it was some other loner kid looking for solitude. It was only when he heard his voice did jas realize who had sat next to him. He pried open his eyes, forcing away the tears that stung his eyes. He turned his head and found Connor not even a foot away from him, though looking much younger and a bit different. He breathed a small laugh, scared a louder noise would suddenly make everything dossapeare. "Hello, love. I've missed you." He whispered, not daring to touch Connor. Not yet.
(New song very fitting:
Don't forget about me - CLOVES
Gonna pretend its playing inside the gym)
(Got it got it. lmao he kinda is though that was completely unintentional)
Connor didn't turn his head towards the whisper. He only tied his hair up so he could see the worksheet better. His hair grew a little longer than his jaw. His voice wasn't to the point where it was emotionless, but it was close. "I'm sorry. Did you say something? Were you talking to me?" He could barely hear whispers over the music and the screaming teenagers. High School had to be the worst part of any life. to have to go through and learn math for 12 years of your life for decades. It got to the point where was so smart he breezed through his classes like they were nothing. Because they were. "I can't really hear that well over the noises." He chew on the eraser of his mechanical pencil as he mumbled a math equation and wrote down the answer. When Connor finally looked over he didn't recognize Jas at first. He kept his mean stare like it had been for years locked on the boy who whispered.
Jas shook his head and tried his best to calm his eratoc heartbeat. Fine. He'd play along for a bit. They did both look different, jas had grown out his dark hair and his features were sharper, more akin to his feline counterpart which he had lovingly named Whisp. Ever since Connor had died, he had never gotten control of his shifting abilities, meaning his house cat firm was no longer a thing. But if he could recognize his Connor through all of life's changes then surely there was something in Connor that could recognize his kitty. He met Connor's gaze and held it, silently praying for Connor to recognize him. It stung a bit to see Connor's I'm-going-to-kill-you gaze back, especially directed at him but Jas knew to be patient. He nodded towards the assignment clitched in Connor's hand. "I asked what you were working on. Usually people come out here to get away from," he waved a hand to the gym window behind them. "All of that. Not to do homework."
Connor's gaze relaxed and he breathed a laugh. "Oh…uh, I'm not a very big party person. Also, I'm sorry, I have this resting bitch face." Connor looks back to his worksheet and then back to Jas. He was fairly attractive as he was in every life, he felt familiar to Connor but couldn't put his finger on it. "Anyway, I'm working on AP calc homework. It's more interesting than whatever they think they're accomplishing with this silly use of extra time. Honestly, high school sucks." Connor looked at the crowd and sighed getting back to his work. "So, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with the rest of the peppy crowd and cheering go tigers?" He rolled his eyes his voice turning into a sarcastic tone.
Jas' nearly said "I know," but he bit his tongue. He breathed in slowly, trying to relieve the building tight feeling in his chest. Just give him a few more minutes. "It's alright, I don't mind." He shrugged slightly, before nodding. "I think they just want a break from classes. It's not so bad once you get through the sweat and the yelling." He stretched slightly and shook his head. "Not my type of party. I was never a 'go tigers' kinda person. I'm actually waiting for someone to show up. Doesn't seem like they're quite here yet though. I'll give them a minute or two." He offered a smile as he watched Connor work for a few moments. How long had he waited to see him again, to finally be with him and fullfill all the hasty promises they had spoken about moments before he had died. Jas' found himself looking away and gazing out onto the school grounds, instinctually toying with the wedding bands around his throat, now three instead of two. One Winston's, one his, and one for Connor.
Connor looked at the rings around Jas's neck. How come they seemed so familiar. He thought back to where he had seen that same necklace. He saw there for a moment his homework was completely irrelevant. "Who um, who are you waiting for. They must be pretty lucky to have a guy like you waiting for them." Connor looked closer but tried his best not to stare. Why is my mind going blank. It shouldn't be this hard to remember where is this gap coming from? He pushed up his glasses a few loose strands falling in front of his face. Then again if he did know this guy then he just indirectly complimented him. It would be super embarrassing. He moved closer to Jas, studying him. "What's your name again? I feel like we've met before." when the question left his mouth their faces were so close. It didn't feel in natural either. It felt normal. It couldn't be him…last life I saw him in felt like ages ago. Unless it was. No..please say some random name. Anything but Jas.
Has tilted his head "someone speccial to me. Though calling them lucky when I'm in their lives might be too generous. Black cats aren't necessarily the lucky sort. He gaze a wink and arched an eyebrow when Connor moved in closer. He gave a humorless laugh and straightening from his slouched position, finding himself directly face to face with Connor. He grinned slowly. "Have you had your fun yet dear? All this time speant away has really developed your sense of humor. But please, no more pretending, heart. You know who I am. You have no idea how much I've missed you."
(Oh god…no)
Connor looked confused with a dopey smile on his face. "Wh-What are you talking about?" He thought back to what he might mean. He stood up in shock. "Jas?!" He yelled. It would've echoed through the gym if not for the music. "Fuck, you have got to be kidding me. Ew, and I was so close to you too. That is gross." He looked at Jas with an annoyed and angry look. "What did you call me?! Like, are you serious? Heart? What? Ugh, I just wanted one life without you. Is that so hard?" Connor paced back and forth on the bleachers. He wasn't just angry at Jas. He was mad at himself for getting so close to him. "I'm leaving. You can't be here." Connor started to pack up his stuff violently in his back. He pushed up his glasses and started to exit the gym.
Usually Jas would have been happy to hear Connor yell his name, if only it didn't have the edge to it that it did now. Jas just sat there, completely confused. What was Connor going on about? "If this is still part of your joke, you've made your point. Really Connor." He said, slowly, heartbreaking realizing that Conor was not indeed joking. "What is this about Connor? Was it because i came after you at the casino? I promised to stay at the hotel until the police. I did just that. I'm sorry if you didn't want me to see you die but there was no way in Heaven or hell I'd let you die without me by your side." He protested, ears flat against his head in confusion and annoyance. "Wait a minute!" He jogged after Connor and grabbed his arm so he'd stop. "I'm sorry if I'm not the person you want to see at the moment but at least tell what I did wrong before, please. I'm confused Connor and after all this time, after everything we promised each other for this life, the last thing I thought you'd be was mad at me." He stared at Connor with desperation, seeking to understand why Connor was back to hating him. As if their previous life meant nothing.
Connor whipped around, ripping his hand away from Jas. "What casino, what hotel, what are you talking about?" Connor stood in front of the trophy case that was in the hallway. It was quiet and dark, and the only light they had was from the gym and trophy case. Maybe a few lights down the hallway. "Of course, I hate you. I've had enough of your flirty comments and constantly being there. Everywhere I go, you're there to bring me trouble. You act like this is news to you. I have to hear your flirty little comments every life, and then you always cause trouble for me." Connor moved closer, pointing a finger to Jas's chest. "Don't touch me unless you want to fist fight. I'm in the mood for your silly games right now, Jas. Why are you here, and what casino are you talking about?" Connor was genuinely pissed.
Jas shook his head in disbelief, he had to catch himself on the wall adjacent to the trophy case to remain upright. "No…no you're lying. I'm serious love, if this is a game, you can quit it. It's not funny anymore." He dragged in a breath and blinked back tears, knowing Connor was dead serious. He gave a laugh and but down on his knuckles to keep from crying out. "Of all the things to forget, it had to be the first life I got to love you freely." He shook his head nad looked away from connor. "I'm here for you, sweetheart. I always had and always will be." He shook his head and slowly backed up away from connor, even as his heart broke into pieces over the man he loved so much. "If you really want to know, you know how to find me, dearest. I'll be waiting my love. After all, I did promise you something in our last life." He gave a grin before disappearing into the night.
Connor stood there in silence. He couldn't believe the crap this guy was spouting. He could rip his hair out while thinking about it. Connor was too angry to even think of a place Jas might be. He could've gone anywhere in the world. How would he find him? Connor leaned against the wall and tried to calm down. He cleared his head and thought of a happy life where he was sitting in a field of flowers. Connor blocked out the noises around him and started to think. Where could he be? Connor had a feeling there was something he missed. Why else would his heart beat so fast around the one person he hated. What was missing? Why did his chest hurt, seeing him cry, and why did he have the urge to kiss him then on the bleachers? This life is going to be the worst life he'll ever have. "He's on the roof, isn't he. What is with him and roofs." He made his way up the stairs, hoping that he would find Jas so he could explain everything when he got there.
A sob wracked through Jas' body as he furiously wiped away tears. How was he allowed to remember all of their previously and Connor remember none if it? Every kiss, every promise, meeting jas' family, everything they had planned for this life. Gone now. What was even the point if one of the two partners kmww nothing of it? Jas assumed he had looked like an insane person to Connor before, which probably only added to his hatred. He whined as if in pain and looked up "I know you three are kitsune and tricking is your whole shtick but this is just cruel." He muttered, knowing his mother and siblings, while favored trickery, would never do something this bad. "Can I come with you guys for a bit? Please? I don't want to be here if Connor hates me." He whispered, ears flicking back when he heard movement by the door. He sucked in a breath and wiped away the rest of his tears. "I'm getting worse at hiding from you, lo- Connor." He chewed his lip, wanting to reach out to him even if Connor would pull away but he restrained himself. "I'm sorry for before," he said softly, settling down on the rooftip edge. "I probably don't make a lot of sense right now."
Connor sighed. His chest hurt again and he just couldn't stand to do his glare. There were so many emotions he was feeling and he couldn't explain any of them. "Damn right your not. I just…you're just…." He walked over to Jas and sat about 6 feet away from him. "You're just everywhere. It's kind of annoying. Enough about that. What was going on about down there? Did you say something about police and a casino? I don't really go to casinos unless I'm required to. So, I'm a bit confused. The last life I saw you in I definitely didn't go to a casino. I died in an alleyway if I remember correctly." It wasn't like Connor to forget his past lives, but what Jas was saying made so sense.
Jas looked over at Connor "you know it's not something I can control." He murmured, watching as the other sat down. "that's the last life you remember." He stretched out on the edge of the roof and gazed up at the stars. "In the last life I remember you died in the casino in Florida. It was both one of the greatest and worst days in all lives. We explored Florida, you shower me where you grew, you even threw me in a lake." He laughed even as new tears stung his eyes. "I guess I should start at the beginning of that life huh?" Has sighed and began telling Connor about howbtheybfirst met in their forgotten life, how Connor started out as always, hating has but slowly grew to love him. Jas told Connor about about living together, about Connor meeting his parents and siblings, of their promises to get married, travel the world and eventually raise kids. Despite it breaking Jas' heart, he was telling their life story, an adoring smile crossing his features. "You also seemed to have a slight obsession with my cat ears." He teased, momentarily forgetting Connor remembered none of it. "What's the last thing you remember?" He asked, his smile falling. "feelings or emotions? Even if you can't quite understand them."
Connor was confused by this whole story. However, he did remember his life when he was born in Florida. There was a lake in his village a very clean one. It made him think back to that life. Connor's face turned from emotionless to angry. How did he know that about him? Why would he show him his hometown? He can barely stand the sight of him. He was going to protest that he didn't need to hear anymore, but the more Jas spoke the more he became speechless. Love? Him? We kissed? What? His brain was running a million miles per second. So many things began to add up. How he felt comfortable, how he felt his heartbeat whenever he was within a certain radius of him. It all makes so much sense but no sense at all. Connor snapped out of his thoughts when Connor mentioned his car ear. "You're what-" He cut himself off realizing Jas did in fact have cat ears. He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, they are pretty fluffy. Okay, but wait, so you're saying I fell in love with you. Jesus kill me now." He sighed. He stood up running a hand through his hair. "I…I think you're right. I'm not saying I remember! I'm just saying it adds up. When we were on the bleachers I…" He grunted not wanting to say anything about it. "When I was close to you, it didn't feel unnatural or bad. It felt warm and comforting. Every time I'm near you my chest tightens. I just don't get it. I'm not in love with you! I hate you!"
Jas gave a halfhearted smile, "glad to know you still like my ears." He muttered, tired, so very tired. He had found Connor, after so long. All he wanted to do was sleep. He guessed he'd be sleeping alone from now on. It wasn't as different as it used to be in his past life, though the empty feeling he had though recessed now opened up again. He flinched at the declaration, tilting his head towards the view they had of the school grounds. For a cruel moment, he wondered if the nine lives thing aplied to him. "I know." He whispered softly, slowly sitting up and wrapping his suit jacket back around his shoulders. "But you have to believe me Connor, I do love you. No matter what I've done before these lives, I have always loved you." He dug around through his pockets and held out a small piece of paper. "If you ever want to find me, for whatever reason, I live beside the fox shrine on 32nd. My apartment is the 12th. I get it if you don't want a life with me as well. I won't push an interaction unless I have a good excuse, I promise." He clenched his jaw, holding back tears for a few more minutes. "There's also a cafe address on there. I heard they're hiring." He offered one last sad smile before shifting into a large, human sized, black cat, whisps of smoke falling from his black coat. He bowed to Connor before reluctantly stalking off towards the fire escape down the east side if the campus building
Connor was speechless. He did know Jas could go to such a significant form. He couldn't even do that. Just how much did he miss? Connor went home that night confused and tired. His family only frustrated him by asking questions. He hated when people asked him questions. When he finally got up to his room, for once, he couldn't do his calc homework. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't satisfied with telling Jas to fuck off. He didn't understand why, but he needed to see him. It was almost one when he came to this realization. He turned off his light and rushed downstairs, still in his pajamas, but he didn't care. His hair was messy and probably smelled like sweat, but he must leave. He slid on his shoes and grabbed the key to the house. He opened the door and slammed it, locking it behind him. He started to run but soon flew into the air. In the back of his mind, he whispered 32nd repeatedly. He spotted the sign and flew close to the ground before transforming back. He looked for the kitsune shrine, almost forgetting it was still winter. He was cold, but he didn't care. Connor finally found the shrine paired with the matching building Jas had told him. He stuffed the note in his pocket and opened the door to the building. He was surprised it wasn't locked, but he didn't have time to question it. Connor marched up the steps, and when he got to Jas's apartment, he knocked a lot. He looked like an absolute mess.
