(Jensen, are you alright? What’s with the name change?)
Sebastian sagged against the wall, keeping his eyes glued towards the exit. Briefly, he considered making a run for it, but quirky abandoned the thought— Julian could call 911, and it would all be over. A desperation clawed at his heart, and his hands fluttered briefly up to his throat before lowering again. “Me. I’m wrong. There’s something wrong with me.”
(I just listened to a sad song and sometimes I change my username to one of the lyrics in it
but the lyric was too long so I shortened it a lot lol)
"Have you tried getting help? Seeing a psychiatrist?" He asked. He wasn't exactly sure what to say in these situations, but maybe if he kept him talking for long enough, he'd change his mind. At least for tonight.
(Oh lol sorry)
“No— no money. Can’t pay.” His sentences were short, cut off by both the alcohol in his system and his mounting need to do something. “I’m sorry— I shouldn’t be— burdening you—“ He made for the door, heart pounding.
(it's all good lol
I might change it to something else tho)
Julian panicked when Sebastian tried to leave, and he reached out to grab his wrist. For a moment, his calm demeanor broke, and you could hear the panic in his voice. "No, please don't. Y-you're not a burden, I just want to help. Please."
(Oof)
The contact only seemed to weaken Sebastian’s further. He steadied himself, looking back with pleading eyes. He could finish this at home. He could still do this. “The- The only way you can help me Is to— is to let me do this. I need to do this. Please.”
"No, you don't. You don't need to do this," he said. "Stay here with me, I can lock the door and we can talk things out. There's a better solution, I know there is. I promise."
“Why are you doing this?” he asked miserably, not moving from where his feet were planted. “Why do you want to help? I just— I just want it to be over. I’m begging you—“
"Because I care about you," he said. "I want you to live and at least have a chance at happiness."
“What chance?” Sebastian turned his head, as if searching for one. “I don’t see any.”
"Of course you don't. Depression doesn't let you see any chance at happiness, but it's there." He sighed, gently letting go of Sebastian's wrist so he wouldn't get uncomfortable, but staying close so he wouldn't try to run away again.
Sebastian’s eyes darted around the room like he was a caged animal. “T-Trust me, it’s not. Just—“ He tried one more time, though he knew it would be in futile. “If you let me die— it would be a favour. You would— you would be helping. Instead of living in constant hell— maybe I could have a chance at heaven. Or just rest. An end.”
"You don't know that for sure. Nobody knows what's waiting for us after this. And trust me, you can find happiness. There are therapists, medications, people who care about you that you can look to for support." He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly as he tried to calm himself down again. "Look, you're not going to convince me that this is a good idea, because I know what you're going through and I know this isn't the only way."
“Therapists and doctors that— that I can’t pay for.” Sebastian hiccuped, finally moving from the spot he’d been frozen to. “It isn’t the only way— I can continue living. But it’s- it’s the only way I want to take.”
"Other people can help you with the expenses. You're not alone in this." He felt himself tense up when Sebastian move, but told himself not to freak out. Not yet, at least.
I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. The mantra that had been replaying itself for years inside of Sebastian’s head resurfaced. “So what now?” he asked miserably, turning to the mirror. Disgust was evident on his face as he studied his features, disgust at himself. “Who are you going to tell?”
"It depends," he said, thinking for a moment. He had to choose his words carefully. "I'd like to see if there's somebody who you trust that I could call, and ask them to keep an eye on you tonight. But I don't have to explain exactly what happened. That's up to you do do."
I am alone. “There’s no one. I don’t- I’m not in contact with family. And there are no friends.” Sebastian traced the long scar running over the bridge of his nose, his fingers aching to wrap around the handle of a knife so that he could redo it properly.
(I’m so sorry! I don’t mean to intrude. This is just the only way I felt I could get in direct contact with Topaz. Topaz, I understand if you say no, but is there anyway you’d consider doing a role play with me? If so, I’ll create a chat so I won’t be disrupting this one. I’m sorry once more!!!!)
"You've got me. I care about you," he said. He wasn't sure what he could say to calm him down. It seemed hopeless, but he wouldn't give up. He also wasn't sure how much longer he could go without having a panic attack. His hands had started to tremble slightly, but he ignored it. The only thing he cared about right now was making sure Sebastian was okay.
(Oh hey there! I’m flattered you’re asking, do you want me to create a PM so we can talk things out?)
(I’m so sorry! I don’t mean to intrude. This is just the only way I felt I could get in direct contact with Topaz. Topaz, I understand if you say no, but is there anyway you’d consider doing a role play with me? If so, I’ll create a chat so I won’t be disrupting this one. I’m sorry once more!!!!)
(There should be an option at the top of the page that says "inbox" if you want to directly message anyone. It's in small letters so it's kinda difficult to see lol)
"You've got me. I care about you," he said. He wasn't sure what he could say to calm him down. It seemed hopeless, but he wouldn't give up. He also wasn't sure how much longer he could go without having a panic attack. His hands had started to tremble slightly, but he ignored it. The only thing he cared about right now was making sure Sebastian was okay.
Sebastian inhaled sharply. “I— I’m glad. But I’m clearly— clearly causing distress here, I should go. Thank you for—“ He cut himself off before he could say ‘for trying.’ “I don’t want to cause any more panic.”
(Yes, please create one! Thank you both! I’m sorry, and I promise I’ll never interrupt again after this.)
(Lol it’s no problem, dw about it, you’re new so it’s natural)
"Do you think you're going to cause me less stress by leaving, after what happened?" He sighed, leaning against the wall for support, but tried to make it look like he was doing it casually. Just a little longer. You can get through this. Don't fall apart yet. "Look, maybe we can talk this out somewhere else. Somewhere more comfortable than a bathroom in a bar. It might help."