forum what no I'm not in too many one on ones

Started January 06, 2019 by @SaltyLasagna

tune

No, you don’t. But I do. “Thanks, Julian.” Sebastian swayed slightly in his seat, lowering his glass. “Another refill, please?”

"That's three drinks," Julian warned. But he couldn't exactly say no to Sebastian. He was the bartender, getting people drinks was his job. Hesitantly, he refilled his gladd.

“Mm,” Sebastian agreed absentmindedly, shifting in his seat to pull his wallet out of the back pocket of his black jeans. “Thank you.”

"Yeah…" Julian muttered. Although Sebastian had said he was okay twice already, Julian couldn't stop worrying. There was something different about him today. He couldn't help thinking that maybe somebody had hurt him, or something bad happened. But he couldn't ask again.

While he waited for the third drink, Sebastian began to lose himself in the intoxicated buzz now rushing through his veins, swaying in his seat. “Thanks,” he repeated, unsure of what else to say.

Julian finished pouring his drink and gave it to him. "You already said that, but you're welcome."

Sebastian didn’t answer, only tipped the glass back and downed nearly all of the golden liquid within. The whole room seemed to tilt, each individual colour popping— a disorienting but blessedly distracting effect. “I guess,” he began again, words slightly slurred, “It would be too much to ask for.. one more?”

Julian sighed. "I don't think that's a good idea. You've only been here for a few minutes, and you're already pretty drunk. I don't want you passing out in the street on the way home."

That’s not going to happen.. Something tightened in Sebastian’s chest, or maybe jt was just his slightly loopy smile. He stood unsteadily, pushing a wad of bills into Julian’s hand, along with a letter. “Open that— open that at home, tonight,” he instructed, though his tongue was heavy from the amount he’d had to drink. “Not before then. I’m going to the washroom.” He stumbled away before Julian could argue, the smile melting off his face.

Julian felt a sinking feeling in his chest as he watched him walk to the bathroom. Something was definitely not right. He looked down at the letter, then over at Sebastian. He waited until he disappeared from sight before he took off to the back room, muttering "I'm going on my break" when he passed his boss. As soon as he was alone in the back he took a deep breath and opened the letter, terrified of what he might read.

Sebastian pulled the door of the stall closed behind him, retaining enough wits to lock it before he pulled a tiny container from his pocket. Fingers shaking, he unscrewed the lid and tipped a pile of pills into his hand. Before he’d left Julian, he’d grabbed his water bottle from beside his guitar case, and he now raised it to his lips, a single tear trickling down his cheek.

The letter was in almost pristine condition, as if it had been written with the utmost care. The top line read as such:

Dear Julian,

When you read this, I’ll hopefully be dead.

As soon as he got past the first line, Julian had dropped both the letter and the money on the floor. He knew what that meant, what Sebastian was going to do. And if he took enough time to write a whole letter, that means he was serious. Julian felt his chest tighten from panic, and he made his way across the bar and to the bathroom and quickly as possible without running so he wouldn't make a scene. He rested his hand on his phone in his back pocket, just in case things got too bad and he had to call 911. With a shaky breath, he opened the door to the bathroom and walked in. "Sebastian? You in here?"

(Fuck I had a lot of typos I’m sorry I’ll fix that)

Sebastian’s shaking hand almost dropped the water bottle. “J-Julian?” he slurred, doing his best to act confused, despite the fact that he was losing all hope. “I’m uh, sort of busy pissing here..”

(lol I didn't even notice)

"I don't believe you," he said quickly, and possibly a little too harshly. "I, uh… I started reading the letter," he admitted, making sure he didn't sound angry with him.

(Oof)

Fuck. No— oh god no— Sebastian’s panic mounted into a tsunami crashing into him. He didn’t bother responding, only knocked the water bottle back and filled his mouth with water. In his haste to slip a few pills in, they all spilled through his shaking fingers, scattering on the floor.

Julian's panic grew when he saw the pills, and he rushed over to the stall door. "Sebastian," he started, voice cracking. He took a deep breath. Stay calm. Don't panic, that won't make him feel any better. "Sebastian, please come out and talk to me."

“I— I can’t—“ Sebastian’s voice quaked almost as much as his hands, which were desperately scooping up the pills and dropping them again. “Fuck— Julian please—“

“I— I can’t—“ Sebastian’s voice quaked almost as much as his hands, which were desperately scooping up the pills and dropping them again. “Fuck— Julian please—“

"I'm not leaving until I know you're okay," he said. His tone was firm, but not aggressive, and he surprised himself with how calm he sounded. His hand was still resting on his back pocket. If Sebastian wouldn't come out, he'd have to call an ambulance. "Sebastian, please. Just open the door, let's talk. I'm here for you."

He shifted backwards in alarm, sending his water bottle rolling under the divider between his stall and the next. Shit. No. Oh god— He flattened himself against it, breathing heavily. “Julian, please go. I’m begging you.” Desperate by now, he dug around in his pockets, finally pulling out a small pocket knife. Artery.. where’s my artery…

"There's no way I'm going to leave you here to die," he said. He's not coming out yet… should I call an ambulance? He thought. He took his phone out of his pocket, hands shaking so much he almost dropped it. "Sebastian, I'm going to call 911," he said slowly.

“No!” Sebastian jumped to his feet, swaying under the influence of his earlier drinks as his panic became almost unbearable. “Julian no— I’ll do anything—“ His voice broke on the last word, hands fumbling with the lock of the stall door. His pocket knife went skittering across the floor.

The knife slid across the floor and under the stall. Julian wasted no time in snatching it up and quickly put it in his pocket. He hoped there was nothing else Sebastian was going to try. "It's okay, take a deep breath," he said.

The door of Sebastian’s stall flew open as he stumbled through, unable to meet Julian’s eyes. “It’s not— it’s not okay—“ He hadn’t realized that he was crying until now, but his cheeks were wet and his eyes were puffy and his heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. “I was- I was going to be free— I was going to rest—“

"Why?" Julian said, cutting him off, though his tone was gentle. "What's going on? What's wrong?" He wanted to hug him, let him know he was there for him, but he didn't know if it would make things worse or better.