Lucian felt the prince tense under his touch but he did not let go. He should have. If he had an once of self preservation he would have. But he held on. His grip was neither tight nor lose. He was just…there, present. And he made no indication of letting go. He stared at him for a moment much too long, wondering where it had all gone wrong. Then he finally sighed softly and released Aurel. He took a step back, shaking his head. "Nothing."
He spun on his heels and strode out of the library as if nothing had just happened. Because nothing had. It couldn't have. Even as his heart started beating faster in his chest. It seemed those feelings he had harbored for the prince all thos eyears ago had never truly faded away. No matter what lovers he took and measures he made, his heart still belonged to the prince. Even if he had turned into a monster.
Aurel stared back at Lucian, lips parting faintly. And then Lucian was leaving the room, leaving Aurel standing in the library by himself. He took a deep breath, then followed Lucian out after just a moment. He swallowed faintly, looking over at the other man. "Well. Shall we head to the astronomy tower now?" he questioned, letting the moment that had just happened be forgotten.
Honestly, he didn't know what else to do but move on. Asking any other questions about it would just lead to more awkwardness, more stilted conversations where they both danced around the things they really wanted to say. So instead, he just planned to take Lucian to the astronomy tower. The astronomy tower was, to be honest, Aurel's safe place. He went there at night sometimes when he couldn't sleep, and just stared at the stars. It helped to calm him down. Even when he had been in the military, he could look outside of his tent and see the stars up above.
Lucian couldn't bare to look at him for a moment. Not as the prince caught up with stride and fell in step next to him. Emotions were difficult and he had become and expert at hiding his. He had to be, with what he did for a living. The rebels depended on his silence and indifference everyday. If he showed a sliver of emotion, he risked them all getting caught. But Aurel seemed to snap whatever hold he had on his own.
He nodded his head once as he tried to gather his strength to even look at the prince. He didn't know why he had touched him. He never should have done that. But he felt compelled to. He wouldn't have been able to stop it even if he wanted to. Even now, it was hard to keep his hands by his sides. He wanted to reach over and grab his head and tell him with would be alright. The romantic in him believed that Aurel would whisk him away somewhere they could be together. But his head knew better than that. And it knew that would never, ever happen.
Aurel was still processing that touch. He did not often receive touch that was gentle. Most physical contact that he had with others was while dueling or training, which was…violent, and not a gentle or even neutral touch. So it was strange, for Lucian to have…done that. And then dismissed it like that. At the nod, he cleared his throat and led the way, quiet as he made his way through the halls of the palace. The astronomy tower was at one end of the palace, a little removed from the rest of the area. The route to get there actually led outside, through a small patch of garden, and then into the base of the tower. There was a subterranean way to get there, a tunnel, but Aurel preferred the outdoor way to get there.
There was a small room at the base of the tower, and Aurel paused for just a moment, then started to head up the stairs. It was a winding staircase that went up and around and around, all the way to the top. The top was lovely, almost all glass. There was also a wrap around balcony at the top, just in case one wanted to step outside and see it from the outside of the room instead.
Lucian liked soft touches. In the dark when he found a moment of peace, a moment of pleasure, sift touches and caresses was what he turned to. He loved to touch, to be touched. He thrived off of it. And it saddened him to see how much Aurel was affected by his touch. It had been simple. Just a gentle hand on his shoulder, his arm. He had done nothing more. He'd only wanted to show him that Lucian was there for him. And Aurel seemed to be frozen by it. He vowed to himself to show the prince the soft side of life. That there could be an equal balance.
He followed Aurel through the palace and outside as they made their way to the astronomy tower. He noted where the guards posted and where the staff went to and from. Important information for later. He would need to memorize it soon. He followed behind Aurel as they walked up the steps of the spiral staircase. He was a little out of breath as they reached the top. He was in no means out of shape but that many stairs would best anyone. Anyone other than the prince it would seem. He took a minute to catch his breath before admiring the the room they were in. It had been too long since he had stepped foot in here.
(I'm so sorry for the wait)
Aurel glanced over at Lucian again, running a hand through his hair and shrugging a shoulder minutely, before leading the way out to the balcony. This portion was his favorite part, especially on cool, clear nights. Those nights where it wasn't too hot or too cold to enjoy it properly, when the sky was clear and the stars were easily seen…oh, those were his favorite nights to come out here. Because out here, alone under the stars, he could more easily shake off everything and just breathe. Just exist, and breathe, and let his worries drift away, if only for a while. Eveyr now and again, he had fallen asleep out there, and awoken in the middle of the night or even at sunrise, body stiff from strange positioning.
Now, the sun was starting to dip down to the horizon, painting the sky in the beautiful colors of sunset. Pinks and oranges and all those lovely pastels. The astronomy tower was just a good place to view the sky in general, and it was a beautiful place to hang out. The view from it was amazing too, looking out at the palace grounds and then, beyond, at the city. From a distance, none of the cruelties and horrors were tangible, and it was just a city with the sun setting on it.
Lucian didn't notice the look Aurel gave him. Not when he was transfixed on the room and all the memories it brought back to him. He ran his fingers over a desk he remmeber he had hid under one of his first nights at the palace. He had been terrified and found sanctuary here. He had a pillow, a blanket, and hid under the desk. He had missed his mother and sisters and didn't want to be apart from them.
He looked up as he saw the prince crossing the room to the balcony. With the doors open, he felt the cool breeze of the evening air. The sun was beginning to set giving brilliant hues on the horizon. The sky was filled with shades of pink and orange. It was calm and peaceful. Likely the only time he would ever find it here. He slipped through the open doors and quietly trudged up next to Aurel, standing entirely too close, though they didn't touch. He worried about his old friend. He worried about his mental wellbeing. He didn't think Aurel was okay and he wished more than anything to make it better.
Aurel could feel how close Lucian was standing, knew that the other man was standing just a little closer than most normal people would, but… well, he didn't really mind. Not much, anyway. If Lucian were to attack him, for some reason, Aurel was more than capable of defending himself. He highly doubted that Lucian would attack him– it would be very unwise, after all –but Aurel was almost always prepared for some sort of attack, or some assassination attempt. People had tried before.
He had tensed slightly, at how close Lucian was, but that was more of an unconscious thing than anything else, more reflective of his own defensiveness than of any real fear of Lucian. His hand was resting lightly on the hilt of his sword in a stance that he often did. It was comfortable, not meant to be threatening, though with Aurel's height and looks, any touch to his sword often seemed to come across as threatening to many. He had a reputation, after alll, that preceded him.
Lucian wasn't ignorant of the hand that rested on the pommel of the sword. He knew very well that even though the prince beside him appeared almost relaxed, he was anything but. He was tense, the muscles straining under his shirt. And as if the sword wasn't a dead giveaway. That was alright. Aurel was allowed to be suspicious. He couldn't imagine the sort of horrors that he had gone through once the king had sent him away. This wasn't his friend by his side. Not anymore. This was his enemy. For now, at least.
"It's a beautiful blade," he said, his attention still at the sight before them. He didn't look at Aurel, not as he spoke. "Does it have a name?" A sword like that must have a name. His own was named, though it had accomplished no such feats as Aurel's had likely done.
Aurel's gaze flickered over to Lucian when he spoke, considering the words for a long moment. It wasn't a question he was often asked. "Reaver. Its name is Reaver." he had named it years ago, and had wanted something simple and to the point. Reaver accomplished that. It got the point across, which was his intention all along anyways. It might not be a name that would instantly strike fear into people's hearts, but at least his sword had a name. That was it.
"Do you have a weapon?" Lucian didn't have a sword at his side, but that didn't mean that he didn't own a weapon, nor that it didn't have a name. "If you do, does it have a name as well?" Aurel ran a hand through his hair, though his other hand was still resting against the sword hilt, and he was still, well, tense. That tense-ness to him almost never seemed to go away.
Lucian looked at the prince at his side at last. He offered his old friend a gentle smile, something Aurel probably hadn't recieved in good many long years. "A fitting name, I think." It was better than what he had been expecting, based on the stories he had heard. "May I see it?" He gestured to the sword. It was alright if Aurel declined, but if he indulged, Lucian would like nothing more than to inspect the blade worthy of the prince.
"I do," he said. "I have a longsword. It's with the rest of my belongings. I'll introduce you to her. Perhaps you might entertain me in the training yard with a spar or two." He turned his body half a step so he was facing Aurel. "Her name is Aetherius. Not exactly a fear mongering name but you'll understand when you see her."
Aurel hesitated for a moment, considering the question, then reached to unclip the sword from around his waist. He carefully held it out to Lucian, still sheathed. "Just don't drop him." he replied, mouth quirking slightly. He listened, though, as Lucian talked about his own sword, and about sparring. "Perhaps we might spar, later. We will see if you can keep up with me." most could not. Aurel was known for his swordsmanship, for his control over his blade. Even before he had been sent into the army, he had been very good with a sword for his age.
"And I look forward to seeing her and understanding her name." Aetherius was indeed a slightly odd name for a sword, but then again, everyone named their sword a little differently. Aurel had gone for simple but effective, with Reaver. That had been his goal, and he had succeeded in that much with it.
Lucian tried not to let the surprise show but he knew it slipped onto his face. His eyebrows raised and he took half a step back. He hadn't expected Aurel to actually agree to this. He had been all but ready to accept the decline and ask him more questions. But the fact that he unclipped his belt, albeit hesitantly, and handed it to him said something about the connection between them. He let his own lips fall into a natural smile as he took the sheath from him. And there was something else on his face. Something softer, though what, Lucian couldn't place the feeling.
"I'd enjoy that, even if you are likely to win. It's been a minute since I've had a good sparring session." Lucian was by no means a renowned warrior but he could hold his own. He had been trained, even if he preferred to spend his time in books. He withdrew Reaver from his sheath, setting the leather aside so that he may inspect the blade fully. "And I look forward to introducing her to you." He felt the balance of the blade, tested the handle and the metal. It was heavier than Lucian preferred for a blade and slightly too long, but it fit Aurel. He sheathed the blade and extended it back to the prince. "It's an excellent sword. When did you get it?"
Reaver was the right length and weight for Aurel, but probably a little longer and heavier than Lucian needed in a weapon. "I got Reaver when I was 18." he had owned the sword for four years now, and it had served him well. It was a good, solid weapon, that he intended to use until it was no longer usable. He had other weapons, other swords, but Reaver was the one he preferred. It was the one he was most used to, and the one that was the best fitted for him. The others were more… stock produced, whereas Reaver had been specifically made and designed with his height and strength in mind. It was better than his other weapons, some of which felt too light or not long enough.
Reaver was heavy enough to break shields, if he swung hard enough and hit the right points on the shield. He kept it sharp, too, honing the edge to just what he needed from it. You didn't want a sword to be oto sharp, or the edges grew too thin and could snap under pressure. But neither should it be too blunt, either, as it would then not slice the right way.
Lucian nodded his head. It was a strong blade, but it would never suit him. It was too long and too heavy for him to comfortably swing and handle the blade. He was about four inches shorter than Aurel, give or take, and certainly not as heavily built. The prince was a soldier through and through. Lucian, on the other hand, was built more like an aristocrat. While he was defined due to his training, it was nothing of significance. Nothing like Aurel. And he was nowhere near as skilled. But he was still excited with the idea of sparring with him. He might even be able to learn a thing or two.
"Where did you get it? Was it a gift? Or did you pick it out?" He was content with his own blade but that didn't mean he wouldn't want to reach out to the blacksmith and commission something for someone close to him. Which really weren't many people.
Aurel watched with slightly narrowed eyes as Lucian held his blade. He didn't love watching other people hold his sword, but he was willing to tolerate it. Plus… some part of him still trusted Lucian, to some degree. He didn't think Lucian would kill him with his own sword. Most likely not. That wouldn't be the smartest choice. Up here on the balcony, there was a soft breeze blowing through that helped keep the temperature nice and regulated. It was nice up here, hence why Aurel liked it so much.
"I picked it out." he replied. "But my father was the one that purchased it." Aurel had been the one to assist the blacksmith in finalizing the designs, in making sure the sizing was right. But it was his father that had had him pick it out in the first place, make those decisions to begin with. He was very fond of his sword. But it was still rooted in his father.
Lucian didn't keep the sword any longer than it took to examine it. He could see the look that Aurel was giving him. It was the look of someone utterly obsessed with his sword and untrusting to anyone who wielded it other than the prince himself. He supposed he could understand some of it. He wouldn't necessarily like it if someone held his own sword for too long. He took great pride in caring for his own sword, eh would worry that someone would ruin it. But he never worried about someone using his own sword against him. Something Aurel likely didn't share with him.
He hummed in acknowledgment, nodding his head. It bothered him that this sword was stained with the king's blood money. That the king still had a hand on it. Perhaps one day, Aurel would have a blade that was utterly his own as Lucian did. He had picked out his sword, helped design it, and paid for it himself. She belonged to him.
Aurel took it bck when Lucian held the sword back out to him, buckling it around his waist again so that it sat at his side like he preferred it to. His hand rested lightly against the pommel, exhaling faintly as he looked over at Lucian. "And what of your sword? Was it a gift, or was it something that you selected for yourself?" he considered Reaver his, even if the funding for it had come from his father as a "gift". Reaver was his, even if the sword had been paid for with blood money. What money did Aurel ever handle that wasn't? The blood on his hands would never be washed clean.
It was a fact he was well aware of, though he generally did not think on it. His hands were covered in blood, and that fact was something that would never change for the rest of his life. The blood would only grow thicker and darker and run more red, the longer he lived. Even when he became king, that blood would never lessen. It would only grow, and grow.
Lucian smiled sadly as he saw Aurel relax with the sword now back at his side. He hid his look of sadness, of course. He didn't need Aurel thinking he was weak or pitying him. Lucian was sad for him. Sad that he had to grow up like and rely on the comfort of his sword by his side. He wished that it had never been this way. he wished they had run away while they still had the chance too when they were children. Perhaps they could have escaped to a different country, one where it would be accepted for Lucian to have courted Aurel and this whole mess wouldn't have happened. But fantasies would get him nowhere.
"Where else shall we go see, Aurel? Or perhaps you would like your chance to spar me out in the training yards? I fear I might need a bit of a warm up before being able to step in the ring. It has been a long carriage ride to the palace." He shifted the conversation, trying to lighten the aura around his once friend.
(screams uhhhh i'm sorryy)
Aurel exhaled, turning faintly to look back at the interior of the observatory tower. "Where else would you like to see?" he responded. "I could show you to the gardens, or to the dining hall. Dinner is likely coming up soon, and it would not do for me to be late." his father would be very displeased, if Aurel came to dinner late. Even if the reason was because he was showing Lucian around the palace, there was still no excuses accepted by the king for it. "We could spar afterwards. Or, if you'd like to wait a little longer, then that is also acceptable."
The idea of sparring Lucian again, after all this time, was… an interesting one. There were many things he had missed about his old friend, and their sparring sessions as children and even young teens had been nothing on the level that Aurel now fought at. He was curious to see how Lucian's skills had progressed. COuld the other man match him?
(XD hiiii)
Lucian watched Aurel, even as the prince looked away from him. All these years had done nothing but make the prince more handsome. It was a cold beauty but a beauty all the same. He could watch him for hours if given the chance. It had been a mistake to come. It had been a mistake to be around the prince. Lucian didn't trust himself around him. He didn't trust it when his heart was too involved. It seemed he had never moved on from his pining as a child. He had never gotten his closure, even with the few lovers he had taken over the years. Lucian was in some deep shit.
"I think the gardens might be the safer choice there. Then we can join the other for dinner from there." His stomach was quietly rumbling at the thought of food. He hadn't eaten in a longer time than he would like to admit. "Perhaps we should save the sparing for another day. I need time to check out my competition and prepare myself for how badly I will lose."
(uhhhhhh hellooooo)
(i promise I'm going to try and be more active, I really do feel bad about constantly leaving you hanging like this)
Aurel nodded, and headed back into the main room of the observatory, holding the balcony door for Lucian as the other man came through it. "Yes, I would not want your loss to be caused by a lack of rest and preparation." he replied, a small hint of humor flickering into his tone for just a moment. "I want it a test of skill alone, not of who has had enough food and rest." he let the door close, leading the way back down the staircase, going at an easy, moderate pace so that Lucian could easily keep up. Luckily for them both, the gardens were all around the observatory, so they were now right in the gardens.
A lot of the layout was very similar, if not the same, to what it had been ten years ago, in their childhood before everything had changed. The flowers, maybe, had been changed around, but a lot of things were the same. Aurel looked over at Lucian, then back around the visible portion of the gardens. "Did you have a specific place that you wanted to visit?" the orchard, maybe? Or one of the mazes? Those had always been fun.
(Henlo, you're totally fine!!)
Lucian's eyes flickered over to him, a hint of surprise in them. Was that humor in the prince's voice? His heart skipped a beat and his stomach was fluttering. His lips quirked up at the small jest. "Ah yes, because who wouldn't want their opponent at full capacity?" In truth, he knew he was going to lose either way. It was just a matter of how badly he would lose. Lucian at least wanted to put up a good fight. And hopefully save himself from some embarrassment by holding out at least five minutes.
He walked beside Aurel, mindful of the pace that the prince had set. He was walking slower to allow Lucian to follow him easily. While it was appreciated, it wasn't needed. He could keep up the pace easily. Though Aurel was certainly taller than him and had a longer stride, Lucian could keep up. He had been following around his father all his life, and that man held no regards on whether or not Lucian was right behind. "I'd like to see if I can still remember the path in any of the mazes." He had made it his mission to memorize each one when he lived at the palace.
(look at that, a reply within 24 hours!)
They both knew that Lucian would lose the sparring match no matter when it took place, but at least this way they could have something a little bit closer to a fair match, so long as they were both ready for it. They could do it another day, when Lucian was rested and ready. Aurel glanced over at Lucian when he spoke of the mazes, and he nodded. "We can see if you remember." he replied, changing his path just alittle so that they could head over towards one of the mazes. The mazes were so familiar to him that they were almsot no longer confusing, much easier for him to follow than they used to be.
His favorite would always be the biggest of them. Large, circular, and labyrinthine, there was a small counrtyard at the center that had always been one of his favorite places to go. It was a place that most didn't bother trying to reach, and was one of the few places on palace grounds where he could truly just be alone and be himself at, without worrying about who might find him. That, however, was not the maze that he led Lucian towards. That one was too big, and with dinner encroaching on their time, he didn't want to be late because they got lost in the mazes. So he instead headed towards one of the smaller ones, pausing at the entrance to look back at Lucian.
