"Lucian. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Aurel asked, trying to ensure that Aurel understood that saying things like that, or worse, could put the other man in trouble. In danger. That if the king overheard or learned of what Lucian had said, Lucian would no longer be safe at all. Aurel rubbed his thumb against his sword's pommel, feeling the cold metal beneath his finger as he did so. Did Lucian understand, just how much danger this could cause? He wans't sure. He hoped so.
Gods, he hoped so. The amount of things that the king could and would do to Lucian if he disocered that Lucian was saying these things, thinking these things. Lucian would die a long, slow, painful death, and Aurel would be able to do nothing. And even if Lucian and he were no longer friends the way they used to as children, he still did not want to see Lucian die. If he lost Lucian…oh, gods, that would be awful. Max, then Lucian…no. He couldn't do it. He could not stand the idea.
Lucian was quiet for a moment. Just another reason he didn't want to be back at the palace. The walls had ears and nothing anyone could say was safe. He was almost tempted to pack his things and leave. To go back home to his estate where he had a little bit more freedom. But he had a job to do and he wasn't leaving until he accomplished it. The palace was a wealth of information and so much of it the rebellion could use against the king and his tyranny.
He finally slid his eyes back to Aurel, locking eyes with the prince. "I understand." The words came out bitter and harsh. He let out a harsh breath and relaxed back into the couch. Or at least, he resembled relaxed. He was tense on guard. It took take him time to adjust being back to court. And the last time he had been at court, he had been a child. Now he was an adult. it was a whole other playing field.
Aurel nodded, leaning back in his seat again and exhaling. Good. He had needed to know that Lucian understood. And now that he knew that, he could change the topic. "Good." he replied in a quiet voice. "I would not want to see you dead." gods, he couldn't lose Lucian too. Even if their friendship was unrecoverable, even if they would never have it again, he could not lose his childhood best friend too. He could not lose the man that he had once called his closest friend. The only person he had ever truly cared about.
He rubbed a hand down his face, closing his eyes for just a moment as he processed. "I wish things had been different. But…there is nothing that could have been done, and there is nothing that can be done. These are our paths now." or at least, it was his. And it was not even totally from fear of his father's anger anymore. Now it was who he was. A hard, angry man, who lashed out when people got too close. His father had broken and reforged him, and this was who he was.
"Nor I you," Lucian murmured the words so low that they reached no one's ears but his own. He didn't want to see the death of his childhood bestfruend. He didn't want to see the death of the first person he ever loved. He wanted to do something about it. He wanted to help create change. But if he couldn't convince Aurel he might just very well see him dead. They both had to tread carefully but for different than the prince thought. They had a traitor right under their noses and he was lounging on a seat like he owned the place. Careful indeed.
Lucian simply smiled. "We'll, I hope when you do take the throne that we can still be great friends." Aurel would never take the throne, not if he had something to do about it. If the prince helped, well he coukd hopefully be pardoned. But that crown would never be his. It belonged to the people. The people suffering under this cruel reign. "What are your plans for the rest of this evening?"
Aurel exhaled at the question, glad that this conversation was going to move somewhere else. Somewhere lighter, perhaps. Easier to talk of than his father and his father's fury. "I am unsure. I will speak with my father, and see if he has any tasks for me. Dinner is in a few hours, so I will be attending that. Following that…I do not know." perhaps he would spend the evening polishing up on his reading, or on his maps. He had Aremar's map memorized, by now, and had been working to memorize ever more specific areas. If he could navigate it by paper, he wanted to be able to navigate it by memory of said map. The more he could go without one, the better off he would be, if he were ever lost or captured or taken prisoner. He had also memorized a few of the countries around Aremar, though he had of course focused on his own country.
"And what are your plans for this evening?" he questioned. Likely Lucian just planned to relax. The journey from the Callistar's estate was a long one, and he knew Lucian was likely tired from that. While he had never traveled to the Callistar's estate from the palace, he had been near it a few times. Sometimes near enough that he had debated stopping by. He had always made the decision not to. Partially because, as a prince, if he showed up unexpected, it could raise political issues. And partially because he had been afraid. Afraid that Lucian would not welcome him, afraid that his former best friend would not want to see him.
Lucian nodded his head. Good, so other than dinner, there was nothing planned for this evening. This would give him time to start to learn the guard's pattern. It was much too risky to write it down, even in code. If he got caught with that knowledge, well, he could only imagine the pain that was ahead of him. It was a good thing Luce was quick to memorize. A few days, a week at most to memorize the entire of the guard's schedules. Where they posted and when they changed the guard. That was vital knowledge if he was going to sneak about the palace and break into places. But first, the library. He needed to find blueprints of the palace to find exactly where the king's office would be. He couldn't afford to make any mistakes, nor get caught. Both would lead to failure and his eventual death. After a gruesome torturing that was.
"I'll do a bit of unpacking," he said. "Perhaps you could show me around the palace again. It's been so long I could use a refresher on my memory." And he wanted to see what information he could get out of Aurel. He wondered if he could even get shown where the king's office and workspace were. He would still need the blueprints. It would be good to memorize every passage way and shortcut so he could make a quick escape.
Aurel nodded slightly. "Would you like me to show you around now? Or would you prefer I come back after dinner to collect you and show you around then?" he asked, rubbing his hand faintly against his knee in just an absent little gesture. Gods, it felt strange being back in this room. This room was so strongly associated with his childhood, that to be back in it as an adult…it felt strange. To look around from a different perspective. Quite literally. He had grown significantly since then, gotten taller and filled out his muscles. So just physically, his perspective was different now. But internally, oh, those changes were perhaps even more sharp against his former self. Ten years had changed him.
"Whichever you would prefer for me to do is fine. I…have no other plans." and spending a bit more time with Luce sounded good. The way he missed Luce had faded over the years, to some dull little ache that pulled, every now and then, at his heart. He rubbed his figners over the pommel of his sword again, eyes resting on Lucian as he waited for an answer from him.
Lucian nodded his head. "I have nothing else to do, really. I would be happy to go now." he felt a stab of guilt in his gut. He felt terrible for using Aurel this way. As a way to gain leverage over his father and hopefully find information to use to take down the monarchy. He shouldn't feel this way. Not after everything Aurel has done to their people. He knew if he raised his concerns with any of his superiors they would have only reminded him of the atrocities that have been committed and that the prince didn't deserve for Lucian to feel this guilt. That it was Aurel that should feel guilty, not he.
Lucian got to his feet, shuffling back to allow for the prince to take the lead. He did need a refresher, that much was true. While muscle memory could likely get him to all the important places, like the kitchens he and Aurel used to sneak into and steal sweets in the night. He would only be able to find the essentials and even then, he may run out of luck. So a tour would be good for him.
Aurel cocked his head slightly, exhaling, and got to his feet. "Of course. What areas do you remember how to get to?" it had been ten years. How much would Lucian have forgotten, in that time? He shook his head faintly, already knowing the answer to that question. Enough. A lot of things would be forgotten, in the time of ten years. So many details, so many things. And gods, was their friendship one of those? Were they not both just hanging on to old, ancient memories?
He opened the door of Lucian's bedroom, frowning for just a moment, and then he shook his head and erased that frown from his face. He took the lead, headed down the hallway and away from the Callistar's quarters. Those, he knew, would be the most familiar to Lucian, the easiest for Lucian to remember. "Most of the noble family's quarters are, uh, in this area of the palace. I will not be taking you on a full tour of those, as most sections are labeled as to which family has residence in them."
Lucian followed behind the prince, giving a lingering look to his bedroom before shutting the door behind him a click. "Well, I know how to get to the kitchens, which I think is by far the most important thing to remember." A small jest at all the times they snuck into the kitchens late at night. "I remember the library with all of our boring lessons." Ones he had to practically drag Aurel to get him to attend to them. "The infirmary as well. Remmebr that time I thought I woukd fly if I jumped off the roof with an umbrella." That had not even the highlight of his life.
He looked down the hallway, remembering the few times he had visited Aurel's room. They had mostly gone to Luce's. It was an escape from the royal life. Hos room had become a sort of sanctuary for the both of them. He nodded his head as he peered down the hall. "I think I'll be content staying in my own room." The more Aurel believed he wouldn't snoop the better.
The royal quarters were in a different wing of the palace, and Aurel had no intention of taking Luce there. His room, like Luce's, had both changed and remained the same. Gods, hadn't so much of their respective lives been like that? Full of change, but yet remaining the same. "I see." he replied softly. "Do you remember how to get to the main hall from here?" the main hall was where most areas of the palace branched off from, and if you could navigate there, it was far easier to remember and find your way around the palace. That was a good place to start. So he started to head that way, letting Lucian follow.
This would be a far better way to fill his afternoon than anything else he might have thought to do. This would keep him occupied, without putting him around his father, which was the last thing he wanted. Th less he had to be around his father, the better.
Lucian put his hands in his pockets, giving the image of relaxed when he was anything but. How could he relax in a place like this? How coukd anyone? The answer was simple. No one could. "It's been a while but I could probably find my way." He would have to rely on his feet to carry him before he could find the way with his head. He watched Aurel out of his peripheral vision. The prince, the soldier, was stiff as a rod. It helped him feel better that he wasn't the only one tense at the circumstances.
"How long have you been gone from the palace?" He had heard enough about Aurel's conquests to know he didn't reside at the palace all that often. Lucian wasn't sure he wanted to know how ling he jad been gone. The longer he was absent, the more havoc he was raining on the people.
"A while." he replied slowly. "I left at 13, and I didn't come back until my duel. At 16. After that, I've been back and forth for visits. This is the longest stay I've had at the palace for a long time now, and I've been here for…nearly nine months." he had reached the age that his father wanted him around the palace more. Where the man could keep an eye on him. He didn't want Aurel getting too powerful, separate from him, so, he had brought Aurel back to the palace to keep him under control.
That, and the king was starting to hint that he wanted Aurel to find a wife. Not to fall in love. No, he wanted Aurel to have a wife. And he wanted that wife to be young, and lovely, and frightened into silence, just like his own had been. Just like Aurel's mother had been. That, and a wife that Aurel cared about even a little bit would be a wonderful bargaining chip for the king to have. A leash, ready made.
Lucian nodded his head as Aurel spoke. Despite his hatred of his father, there was one good thing to being back home, his mother. Most of his sibling had grown shaped by their father. They shared his beliefs in the way of things. But his mother was precious. She was sweet and kind and did not deserve to have the husband she did. She deserved to marry someone who loved her. But she had been saddled with his father in a power play. He was worried for her now that he was away.
"Are you happy to be back home?" Lucian knew the answer before it was ever even answered. Of course he wasn't. Who would be happy to be by the king's side? The king was cruel and a beast. But of course, Aurel wasn't going to give the truth. He would have to hide it in a lie. But Lucian would know. He always knew those things about him. He was always good at reading the prince.
At the question, Aurel frowned, just a little bit, and considered the question. "Of course I am." he lied. "I would rather be here than anywhere else." gods, he hated this palace. Even his bedroom didn't really feel like the safe sanctuary it should have been. His father's presence permeated these halls, left a coil of tension seated deep inside of him no matter where he was or where he went, or what he did. He hated it here, but where else could he go? What else could he do? Nothing, really. He had no choice but to be here, to follow his father's wishes.
"And how do you feel about being back in the palace?" he didn't know what Lucian would say. Would the man be happy to be back here, or not? He didn't htink so…but maybe he would be wrong. Who knew?
Lucian heard the truth within the lie. He simply nodded his head and gave him an understanding look. "My door has always been open to you and it always will be. If you ever need a moment of..silence, you know where to find it." Sanctuary. Solitude. Peace. That was what his room had always been. It was an escape from palace life. And maybe he was making a mistake offering an olive branch but it was one he was willing to make.
"It will be an adjustment for sure." And dangerous. It was so dangerous. Even more so for who Lucian was and what he represented. If he so much as hinted who he was, death would be coming for him. "I have mixed feelings at the moment. I miss my family and wish to be with them. But I am happy to be reunited with other family." Aurel. He had always been family to Lucian, whether his feeling of romance were reciprocated or not. Aurel woukd always have Lucian there when he needed him. All he need do was ask.
"I appreciate the offer, Lucian." Aurel responded, nodding a little bit as they headed back to the main hall. "I understand about missing your family. I…missed mine when I was gone." and Lucian fell under that definition. Gods, he had missed Lucian more than he had missed some of his blood family. Certainly more than he had missed his father. If he had never had to see his father again, he would have been perfectly happy with that. "Being reunited is…certainly a good feeling." it was. It really was. Even if their conversation felt a little stilted and awkward at times, it felt good to be reunited with Lucian.
Once they were back to the main hall, he exhaled. "Where did you want a tour of, exactly? I know you said you remembered the way to the kitchen, but I am not sure where you truly want me to lead you to. There are…so many rooms within this palace, so many halls." he wasn't sure even he had been through all of them, but he probably had.
Lucian highly doubted that. Or at least doubted he missed his father. His father was a monster and an abomination. Even Aurel had to know that on some level. Lucian missed his sisters, his mother. To a point at least. There were some complications but there were complications with everything wasn't there. Including this relationship he had with Aurel. And it was complicated in ways that Aurel was ignorant to. "Yes, it is," he mirrored his words. He glanced down at his shoes as they shuffled through the halls.
"Just all the major parts of the palace. The ones I'll need to get to, such as the library or astronomy tower. The rest I'll find on my own. Getting lost can be part of the adventure." And getting lost night allow hik to get to certain places he wouldn't otherwise be able to go. He could always feign being lost. And it wouldn't necessarily be pretending.
Aurel nodded slightly, pausing once they had reached the main hall. This was close to the main, grand entrance to the palace, and was the easiest place to find again if you got lost within the sprawling halls. "I see." he replied, turning back to Lucian for a moment. "The library first. It is the closest." there was always multiple ways to get anywhere in the palace, but Aurel would take Lucian along the easiest, most straightforward routes, rather than leading him through some of the more winding, secluded ones. He set off again, taking Lucian down a hallway, back through the halls of the palace. These were larger than the residential halls, more grand.
"If you do get lost, I am sure you know what to do. Simply flag down a servant and they should be able to give you guidance." most of the servants knew their way around the palace, and would be able to help, should Lucian require it. Aurel had never had to ask for it, he had grown up here and knew most of htese halls like the back of his hand. Despite his long absence, he still knew it by heart. This palace was the only home he had ever known, even if some days these halls felt more like a prison than a place of safety like a home was supposed to be.
Lucian followed Aurel to the main hall. This he remembered. With the refresher, he wouldn't have a problem finding the main hall. At least not from important points in the palace like his bedroom or the dining hall or throne room. The rest reminded to be seen. The more he looked, the more familiar and yet so unfamiliar feeling washed over him. There was so much he remembered as they passed through the halls. And yet, so much had changed. There was a darker aura around the palace. Some decorations and fixtures had changed. It was darker, sadder than he remembered. He put one step in front of another, looking down at his feet as he walked.
What Aurel didn't know was that was the point. He wanted to get lost. He wanted to be left to his own devices so he could wander around and snoop for anything important. He wouldn't have to feign innocence because he had really gotten lost. If anything, he would need to use the staff to his advantage. They knew the palace inside and out. They knew the workings and people. He needed to make a connection with one of them. He knew the rebellion had a least one informant in the palace. Likely a maid. he only needed to find who it was. They might be able to work together.
(sorry for the wait kfjhb)
Aurel led the way through the halls again, this time headed for the library. The throne room, the library, the astronomy tower, and the dining hall were typically used as landmarks, so to speak, by the people in the palace. If you wanted to help someone find a specific room, you would tell them where it was in relation to one of those locations. It was simply the easiest way to guide people through the palace, seeing as the rooms themselves were not numbered, nor named in any way. Some had unofficial names, sure, but most did not.
The walk to the library was not overly long, and the two soon found themselves before the double doors that led in. Aurel paused for a moment, then pushed the doors open. The library itself was large, with two stories and winding stacks of books. "Here we are." he said, glancing over at Lucian for a long moment, then looking back to the library. A few people wandered in and out of view, some with books in their arms, some empty-handed.
Lucian had his hands clasped behind his back as they walked side by side. He was quiet for the remainder of this walk, lost in his head. Occasionally, he woukd see a brief imagine kf his old life. Two boys running through the halls or sparring with wooden swords they were not supposed to have inside. It was enough to lift the corner of his lips into a whisper of a smile. He missed the days when life was easy as a young boy. When he didn't understand the world and only cared about when his lesson was over so he could go out to play. But now that he was older and he understood the horrors of life, he couldn't be silent any longer.
It was the only reason he was here. The only reason he had tricked his father into brining him to court, so that he could further the cause of the rebellion. For a moment, he thought about the betrayal that Aurel would feel when he discovered what Kucian had dons. Lucian would be long gone by then of course. And then he had to remind himself that Aurel had done unspeakable things. He, along with his father, deserved what was coming for them.
He didn't even notice that they had reached the library until he had almost run into Aurel. He stopped short, blinking and lifting his head to look around them. The library. He remembered how he and Aurel used to take their lessons over by the window. He wondered if the prince at his side remembered too.
Aurel did remember when they had had lessons in that library, when they had spent those hours paging through books and working on their homework together. They had had the same private tutor, had had all the same work to do. And they had helped each other through most of their classes. They had each had different strengths, and they had both used their strengths to help each other. Even outside of schoolwork, that had been something that they had done too. They had helped each other. And now…gods, would anything ever be like that again? He wasn't sure.
Maybe it didn't matter. He and Lucian would probably never have that kind of connection again. That connection had been severed, ten years ago, when Aurel was sent away. They would never be those kids again, would never be able to just live like that again. Maybe they could never truly reconnect the way they had once been. It would be okay. But gods, sometimes Aurel missed that connection. He had never had a friendship, a true one like that, since they had stopped being friends. Every other "friendship" he had had in his life, had all been fake, in some way.
(…I'm so sorry I have not replied.)
Lucian's heart hurt. The longer he looked at the library, one of few things that hadn't changed. He saw the table and chairs where they used to work. The sofa where they would hide and read books together. Not educational books. He saw the scorch mark on the floor where he had once lit a small fire to get out of their tutoring. Or at least his attempt at a small fire. He had been lucky the librarian knew how to smother it out.
Nothing would ever be the same again. Not after that day that Aurel had been sent away where gods know what horrors laid for him. Lucian couldn't imagine. His face was grim as he looked back at the prince. He shouldn't have done it but it was like it had a mind of its own. He raised his hand and gently placed it on the prince's arm.
(all good, no worries!)
Aurel's gaze shot to Lucian at that touch, muscles tensing. He wasn't used to being touched, not gentle ones void of any expectations, and he didn't know what this meant. "What?" he asked, gaze moving from where Lucian's hand rested on his arm, to Lucian's face. That touch had…thrown him off-kilter, just a little. Off-balance, in a way that he wasn't sure how to handle. It had been unexpected for numerous reasons, and now he was just trying to figure out why Lucian had done it in the first place.
This library held so many memories for him, most of them good ones. Was it the same for Lucian? Was that why the other man had reached out to touch him? In a soft way of remembrance for what they had once been, here in this room? Or was there something else at play, now? Was Lucian putting his hand on Aurel's arm for a different reason?
