forum I have no notifs and it makes me uncomfy, rp anyone?

Started February 12, 2021 by @ElderGodSwimwithGamers group

tune

Kit nodded weakly and rubbed at his eyes. "T-Thanks…" He whispered in reply. "I… I just feel like they blame me for Koa going missing, even if they say they don't… I feel like it's my fault…" He coughed weakly and held tighter to Marin.

"You're brother was protecting you," Marin said softly as they held Kit close. "I'm sure your parents were so relieved to see they didn't lose you, too. It's not your fault…"

"I-I guess…" Kit sniffled a bit and held tighter to Marin. "I just… wish I knew where he went, you know? It… it was so sudden… I-I really wanna see him again…"

"I… I know…" Marin knew what it meant to lose people so quickly. To not be able to say goodbye. They hated it, how people were ripped from them.
"I know how much it hurts…"

"But… but it's been years, s-so I should probably be over it by now, right?" He hiccuped and buried his face in Marin's shoulder, trembling in their arms. "It's probably stupid to keep dwelling on it…"

"It's not. I… I've lost a lot of people, in my years, and… it still hurts me, to this day." Marin closed their eyes a moment, hugging Kit close.
"It's not stupid…"

"Mm…" Kit drew in a wavering breath and curled up in Marin's arms, curling his tail around the two of them. "I was little when it happened, though… only about 4 years old. Shouldn't I have gotten over it?"

"No," Marin assured softly. "If anything, it'll only affect you more. You were so young…" He still hadn't developed proper coping mechanisms. He was just a child.

"But why? I don't remember a lot of things from then anyway, but… that memory is really clear…" He tensed up a bit and curled up more, obviously uneasy.

"Well, it's because it hurt you a lot," Marin explained. "I remember things from when I was really young too." Marin pulled Kit close, hand on his head.

"I guess so, but… I've been training to be a guide all this time. You would think I would have forgotten about it by now since I've been worried about other things, right? W-Why can't I stop thinking about it? Why won't it go away?" He asked weakly.

"It… it doesn't go away, not like that," Marin said, voice soft. "You can't distract yourself from it, there are other ways we need to deal with memories like that."

"Oh…" Kit turned his face away and held tighter to Marin. "How am I supposed to deal with it, then? It seems like I think about it all the time, and it makes me feel… bad. Uncomfortable."

"Well… you've got to work through it. Accept that it happened, and that it's not your fault. It'll take a long while, though… But it'll be so much better for you in the end." Marin hummed softly, pulling Kit close and wrapping their cloak around the boy more.

"Mm…" Kit curled up into a tight ball and closed his eyes. "It's already been a long while, though… how much longer of a while is it gonna be…?" He asked weakly, seeming tense and nervous.

"Well… it only starts to go away when you actually work to getting over it, instead of trying to forget it." God, Marin had no idea what they were doing…

"Oh…" Kit was quiet for a moment. "But if I'm thinking about it actively, then it'll just make me sad, won't it? And being sad probably doesn't make me feel better, right?"

"Well, being sad is a part of getting over it. You've got to be sad to feel better, work through your feelings so it can be better in the end." Marin rubbed Kit's back gently, not sure if they were doing this well or not.

"I guess that makes sense, but I don't like feeling sad…" Kit fidgeted a bit with his hands, seeming nervous. "And I've already been sad for a while, so I should be able to move on now, right?"

Marin wasn't sure how to explain grieving to a child.
"Well, there are different kinds of sad," the mage said. "There's this sad, and then there is the sad that comes from coming to accept something. I don't like being sad either, but if you work through the sad now, you don't have to be sad forever."

"Hm…" Kit was quiet for a moment, considering. He still seemed to be a bit confused, having trouble distinguishing the different kinds of sadness. "How do I start the sad of getting over something, then? So… so I can get it over with?"

"Well…" Marin was used to dealing with soldiers, not children, when it came to trauma. They weren't sure if they were doing this right at all.
"You have to let yourself think on it, talk through your feelings with me."

"I… uhm…" Kit considered for a bit, his eyebrows knotting up again with confusion. "Hm… I dunno, really… whenever I think about Koa, I feel… sick. Like all my insides are cold and empty or something…" He fidgeted uncomfortably with his hands, already seeming uneasy talking about it. "And my hands get sweaty and then I just like… can't think about anything else. It's hard to focus on anything."

Marin nodded slowly.
"Okay…" They held Kit close, rubbing his back. They had no idea how to continue from here.
"It's normal to feel like that, after you go through something like that."

Kit hesitantly nodded, not seeming entirely convinced. "But I don't feel sick when I'm just normal sad, so why do I feel so bad when I think about Koa?" He asked quietly.