"Chat, did I ever tell you guys about the time I ate my ass for charity?"

"DYING IS NOT A REDEMPTION ARC! I DON'T CARE IF YOUR CHARACTERS DON'T WANT TO SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD, I'LL SPEAK ILL OF THEM BECAUSE THEY SUCKED!"

And you should say it!

"DYING IS NOT A REDEMPTION ARC! I DON'T CARE IF YOUR CHARACTERS DON'T WANT TO SPEAK ILL OF THE DEAD, I'LL SPEAK ILL OF THEM BECAUSE THEY SUCKED!"

And you should say it!

I screamed it in the car because I'm right

"Here's the thing about subverting expectations, it should be something people would genuinely not expect! If you subvert expectations and the joke doesn't land, then that's worse! That's way worse! That SUCKS!"

"Ice cream tittiessssss!!!"

"Mmmmm. SIMP"

"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. But stay 6 feet apart!"

"Ice cream tittiessssss!!!"

So I was sitting there, ice cream on my titties-

"I'm a virgin."

"You ho, no you're not."

"Ice cream tittiessssss!!!"

So I was sitting there, ice cream on my titties-

I SPIT OUT MY DRINK

“Look at the cute lil——HOLY TAP DANCING CHRIST IT’S CHARGING TOWARDS MEEEEEEEEE!!”

"You're DQ'd for being a jerk."
"I could go for some Dairy Queen right now, not gonna lie."

"Oh look. Now there's two not-dead people

Me, at 12:14, in the dark, shaking my finger at my cat: whisper yells WHERE IS YOUR DECENCY? HAVE YOU NO SHAME?

“Why are my chinchilla’s balls so large???”

"My heart is going to pop right out of my mouth…"
"WELL SWALLOW IT BACK IN"

"Leaven? Not in my good Jewish Matzo bread!"

"Leaven? Not in my good Jewish Matzo bread!"

I love this too much

"Tuntatunta"
"No, it should be Tint."

"If quarantine had a body, I would've ripped it to shreds right now."

"Homophobic boats and other aesthetic words"

"Leaven? Not in my good Jewish Matzo bread!"

I love this too much

Good.

"Well, I don't chew with the average body parts that people usually chew with"

"I want a snack, I'm hot… Wait, not hot. What's the word for when you want a snack?"
"Hungry?"
"Yeah, that."

:/

And whaddaya mean by that?