forum Three in Death and Two in Life (Come Read and Critique, please!)

Started October 29, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

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I like it! There are a couple parts that I felt were a little clunky, but overall it was well done and I think you did a good job of letting Avitas' voice shine through.

• When you introduced Lee, you probably could've added a little bit of description so we can visualize her better. Even if it's just "…and looking down at her. Warm brown eyes squinted up at him" instead of "She squinted up at him"
• I really enjoyed the passage with the piano– especially the part where he gets messed up by his missing pinkie. It's a lovely detail that I think most authors would gloss over, and I really enjoyed the way you used it in the narrative
• The exchange between James and Avitas was a bit rushed but other than that it read well and did a good job pushing the plot forward. Add a bit of banter, and have the two clash. If I were Avitas, I certainly wouldn't accept that one of my friends was the princess right away if a random stranger told me she was, especially if I lived in a poorer neighborhood.
• I'm a huge fan of the last line! Idk why, just the attitude and the kind of balance of power between James and Avitas is satisfying and fun.

I like it! There are a couple parts that I felt were a little clunky, but overall it was well done and I think you did a good job of letting Avitas' voice shine through.

• When you introduced Lee, you probably could've added a little bit of description so we can visualize her better. Even if it's just "…and looking down at her. Warm brown eyes squinted up at him" instead of "She squinted up at him"

Yeahhhh oops. I meant to and I guess I didn't lol. I'll describe her better next chapter she's in

• I really enjoyed the passage with the piano– especially the part where he gets messed up by his missing pinkie. It's a lovely detail that I think most authors would gloss over, and I really enjoyed the way you used it in the narrative

That actually…I knew I wanted that in here. Because it would show that yes, that pinky does affect his life

• The exchange between James and Avitas was a bit rushed but other than that it read well and did a good job pushing the plot forward. Add a bit of banter, and have the two clash. If I were Avitas, I certainly wouldn't accept that one of my friends was the princess right away if a random stranger told me she was, especially if I lived in a poorer neighborhood.

He doesn't know her that well, so that was part of why he didn't react very strongly. Also because James said he would pay Avitas for the help, and money is a good motivator for anyone

• I'm a huge fan of the last line! Idk why, just the attitude and the kind of balance of power between James and Avitas is satisfying and fun.

Me too lol. I wanted to end that chapter with some sort of contrast like that, and I'm glad it works!

Ooof im getting excited! Good job keeping the pace moving and the plot consistent and clear. Your characters continue to all be unique and not just variations of the same person and I am here for it! :)

Thanks!! Yay!

SO. It's been a while, and I'm sorry about that! I do have good news, though: regular updates will probably be returning! Not tomorrow, but next Tuesday, with any luck

Yay!! I can't wait!

(And now, at long last, the next chapter!!)

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Chapter Seven: Ace

Ace awoke, unsure where she was for a moment, then remembering. She had spent the night at Kalir’s, waiting until Tessa was well enough to go back to the palace. Her handmaiden was recovering from the drugs she had been given, which Ace was very, very thankful for.

“Your highness?” Tessa’s voice interrupted her thoughts, and she turned.

“Yes? How are you feeling?” Ace asked quickly. “And I told you to just call me Ace.”

“It would be rude.” Tessa replied. “And I’m…better. Still a little loopy, though. Have you, er…have you seen that guy I was talking about? The white-haired one?”

Ace frowned a little, and shook her head. “No, I haven’t. Why?”

Tessa closed his eyes, relaxing into the pillows. “Good. And…no reason. I was just wondering.”

Ace nodded, getting out of the bed and looking out the window. She was still in her pajamas, which consisted of just a tank top and shorts. The sun was coming up on Avara, their planet, and she could feel its rays basking her face. She sighed softly, running a hand through her short blond hair. “Tess?” she said. “Have you ever left Avara?” she hadn’t. She wanted to, but…she doubted she ever would.

“Yeah, I have. I’m originally from Authea, remember? So duh, I’ve been off of Avara.” Tess replied. Ace could hear, rather than see, the smile on the other girl’s face.

Ace let out a huffing sort of laugh, shaking her head. “Right, yeah. I forgot.” she sat down on the window seat, still looking out over the slums. Over the roofs that seemed to be in less and less good of a condition every time she saw them. Over the place she still considered her home, the sun’s rays catching on each bit of bare metal and creating the illusion of a shiny new city, when in reality…this area of the city was a far cry from shiny and new.

“No kidding, Ace.” there was a dry humor in Tessa’s voice that Ace knew was always, always there. Or at least, every time they spoke, it seemed to be.

Ace rolled her eyes, still looking out at the slums. She didn’t want to be a princess, sure, but…this place was all she had ever known. This was home, where she had run through the streets, laughing and playing games. Where she had helped out elderly Mrs Kutchner, who was now dead. Where Kalir, Ro, and Sita had cautioned her about where she should play, and Ro had bandaged up her knees when she fell and scraped them. The palace…the palace was a foreign, unknown and unknowable place, where different, strange, and new things were expected of her. Things she didn’t quite understand or know how to even begin understanding. She let out a slow breath. Stop worrying so much.

But. There was also the fact that maybe, just maybe, she could do good. She could do good things as the princess and queen. She could help those in the slums attain a better life, one where they wouldn’t be so downtrodden and poor. But she had already tried. Had already begged her mother– her *mother! The queen! It still boggled her mind– to help the slums. Her mother had tried, but any decisions the queen made had to pass a council, except in wartime. And there was no war now, and so the decision had to be accepted by the council. The council had reviewed the proposition for nearly two weeks, before giving their final answer. No. No, they wouldn’t help the slums. If those in the slums couldn’t get out, couldn’t make enough money to get themselves and their families out, why, it wasn’t the council’s problem, now was it? It wasn’t the nobility’s problem, and wasn't the upper classes’ problem, nor their burden to bear.

Ace had thought of Kalir, of how hard the immigrant man had had to work, just to scrape up enough to purchase The Golden Star. How hard it had been to even find that work, especially not as a native Avaran. She remembered being very small, living with them, and all of them had been living in this tiny, three room house. She had shared a room and bed with Sita, and Ro and Kalir had shared a room and bed. One night, after she had gone to bed, she got up to get a drink of water, and found Kalir nearly in tears in the kitchen, his arms around Ro. Kalir, she found out the next day, had been fired from his job, and they were already behind on the frankly outrageous payments for that tiny house. Kalir didn’t know if he could find another job, and if he couldn’t…if he couldn’t, all four of them would be out on the streets, even with Ro and Sita working their hardest to make money

Ace had tried to help. She had stolen first food, then money, trying to help Kalir. Trying to help the man she regarded as her father. Kalir had made her return what she had stolen, telling her never to do it again. Stealing, he said, was wrong. No matter how desperate you are, you should never, ever steal from another person. Especially not here in the slums, where everyone was just trying to scrape together a living. She still remembered that lecture, and knew she would never, ever forget it.

“Ace.”

She was snapped from her reverie by the sound of her name. “Huh? What?” she spun around, looking at Tessa, blinking.

Tessa laughed softly. “Someone was absolutely gone.” she teased. “What were you dreaming of?”

Ace shook her head. “Nothing important, Tess.” she replied softly. She ran her hands through her hair again. “What do you need?”

“We need to head back to the palace. Before your mother goes bat shit crazy, thinking you got stolen.” Tessa replied, looking at Ace. “Seriously. The last thing this planet needs is the kidnapping of its princess.”

Ace sighed. “I don’t want to go back, Tess. I’m so tired of it. I can’t make a difference there. I’ve tried. But maybe I can make a difference here. Maybe I can help people here.”

“Why, is that what you want?”

“Yes.” she answered immediately. “I want Kalir to stop looking so tired and old every time I see him. I want him and Ro to be able to adopt a child all their own, I–”

“They already have a child, Ace. And that’s you. And I think you know that.” Tess interrupted, quietly.

Ace sighed. “I know, and I'm so glad for that. But they didn’t exactly get to choose me. I want them to have the money to be able to actually raise a kid. Not just me. I got taken away from them. I want…” she sighed softly. “And I want life to get better for everyone down here.” she pictured Avitas, the musician without his left pinky. “I want them to be able to afford cybernetics if they need them. I want them to have more opportunities, more chances. I want them to live, Tess, not just survive on the scraps!” she threw her arms out. “All they need is just a little boost, and so many people would have so much better lives! But the council won’t raise a single fucking finger to help, because they say that the state of the slums isn’t their problem! That if people are in the slums, it’s their own fault! And it’s not fair!”

“Ace.” Tessa said. “I know. And I think your dream is beautiful. But I also think that it’s really rather impossible. You’d have to…why, you’d have to change the entire hierarchy of this world before you could pass a law like that. I mean, think about the way the walls divide this place. You’d have to either convince the nobles, or be able to silence them or make them submit to your ideas. They won’t want people they see as gutter scum being able to climb up the ladder and be their equals. Can you imagine?”

“Yes, I can.” Ace frowned a little bit. “But it can be done. It can. I just…I just need to figure out how. I know there’s a way, but I don’t know what that is. My mother won’t do anything. She already tried with the council. And the council is the whole problem. Why, I’ll bet those shits haven’t even left the nobilities section in…their entire lives! They’ve never been down here. They don’t know.” her blue eyes lit up with the fire of an idea, as its rough shape began to take form in her mind.

“Ace?” Tessa’s voice was cautious. “What are you thinking? I know that face.”

Ace grinned. “I’m thinking, we show them what it’s like down here. We get a cam, we record everything, and pick out footage to show them. We show them just how bad it is down here. I mean, god, think how bad the Enforcers are down here! Footage of that would have to shake the council awake! People get hurt for nothing! The Enforcers use their power to abuse instead of protect!” she squirmed, getting up to pace. “This could work!” she looked at Tessa. “But I need your help. Please. I won’t be able to do this alone.”

“I’m not as familiar with the slums as you are. Why would you need my help?” Tessa asked, raising dark eyebrows in Ace’s direction.

Ace smiled. “Because…two is better than one. And you can have a cam too, and we’ll get twice the footage!” she bounced on her toes, already dreaming of the future if the council said yes. No, when they said yes. Because when they saw how bad it was down here, they would have to help. Any human would. And sure, she knew that a lot of the slums was holding steady, wasn’t too terribly bad. But there was still the fact that a lot of it was. A lot of it was absolute shit for those that lived there, and that was what she wanted to fix. That was what she wanted to mend. “Are you in?” she asked Tessa.

Tessa sighed softly, looking at Ace. “Ace…you’re insane, you know that? But yeah. I’m in.” she held out her hand for a handshake.

Ace shook her hand, mind whirling with the possibilities. She skipped excitedly, mind screaming through all the possibilities. “We need the smallest, best cams we can find. Small so that people don’t know, best so that we can zoom in on footage if we need to.” she thought aloud. “Good microphones. Ooh! Maybe the type that can fly? You know, the remote control ones that RTI developed last year!”

Tessa laughed a little from where she sat. “Ace…we’ll see. Maybe we can get them.”

Ace walked to the windows, leaning against the windowsill and looking out at the rooftops again. “Just you wait. I’m gonna change everything.” she whispered, a quiet promise to those that lived under those rooftops, and in the alleyways.

Oof! Goosebumps!!! I can feel the plot progressing and, more importantly, I can definitely sympathize with Ace. Her want and desire are clear but not explicitly stated, which is excellent. Other than a few minor grammatical errors, you are doing fabulous. Cannot wait for the next chapter! XD

Yay! Thank you so much!!

I agree, this chapter was really good! The pacing of the conversation was excellent, the plot got moving without feeling forced, and best of all you really helped round out Ace's character. Before I was pretty ambivalent about her, but now I have a much greater appreciation for her as a person because you took the time to integrate little details that made her feel much more real! Great job!!

Yay!! I'm so glad!!

So uhm. i have a very strong urge to…make James trans?? Like FtM?? And idk where it came from or why, but…??? what do y'all think?? because I can't decide if i should do it or not??

Chapter Eight: James

James was rolling his eyes. Again. For what felt like the 9 millionth time in the past two days. Because he wasn’t sure that this Avitas kid really had any idea what he was doing. James was pretty sure he was just being led in circles at this point, but any time he tried to voice a complaint, he was shushed almost immediately.

Case in point, right now. “Avitas, are you sure that–”

A finger was pressed to his mouth. “Shush! You have an accent, James, and it’s not an Avaran slum accent. It’s prissy rich boy from off-planet accent. So keep that mouth shut, m’kay?”

James growled, hands balling into fists and feeling humiliated. He had felt humiliated quite a lot over these past days. What with the mud that Avitas was constantly slapping onto his body. The food he had had to eat that he had nearly spat out as soon as it hit his tongue.

Avitas smirked. “Aw, don’t look at me like that, James. You’ll be back to your velvet cushions and twelve course meals in no time. Until then, though, you need to listen to me.”

“But you’re not even focusing!” James finally exploded, waving an arm helplessly. “You’re taking your time messing around and doing other things and…and kissing any boy you think looks good, instead of helping me!”

“Wrong. I’m gathering information.”

“And kissing is a necessary way to gather “information”?” James arched an eyebrow. “More like a way to trade saliva.” he snorted.

Avitas rolled his eyes. “You’re out of your depth, prissy. Now shut your trap before it gets hurt. We don’t wanna give you back to daddy all bruised, now do we?”

James’ lips tightened. “Can you fucking focus? You aren’t, and I’m paying you to focus, not kiss boys or muck around and waste my time. Maybe I should call in the Enforcers.”

Avitas’ eyes flashed with something at that last part. Fear? Was the boy from the slums afraid? “No!” He exclaimed. “James, you can’t call the Enforcers. Please. You can’t.”

“Why not? They’d be more helpful than you have proved to be.” James turned on his heel and started walking. He, in truth, was lost. He had no idea where he was, much less where the nearest Enforcer station was, but at least he was doing something now.

A hand caught on his sleeve, pulling him back and spinning him around to see Avitas face. The cocky, self-assured look was gone, replaced by something dangerously close to pleading. “James, please, you can’t call them, you can’t. Please. If they hear that the gods damned princess is missing, in the slums, they’ll tear it apart looking for her, and–”

“Good. At least then someone would be doing something. Now get your filthy hands off of me, you’ll spoil this shirt even more.” James pushed Avitas’ hands away, only for Avitas’ to latch onto James’ collar.

“No!” Avitas exclaimed. Now his face really did look like he was pleading. “James, they’ll tear the slums apart. All these homes? They’ll rip them to pieces, they’ll take people to jail. They’ll destroy everyone’s lives, please, James, you can’t do this to them. You can’t do this to us. This is my home, we all…everyone here survives by staying under the Enforcer’s radar, if you…if you bring them into this, people will die.”

James stayed silent, looking at Avitas.

“James. Please, you can’t do this. I-I’m sorry if I haven’t been as helpful as you wanted, but I…I…please, James, if there’s anything in you that has any pity or mercy, please don’t bring in the Enforcers.” there was definitely a pleading note in the other male’s voice now, and he clung to James’ shirtcollar desperately.

“Why on earth would they hurt people? They help, Avitas. They’d only hurt if you have something to hide.” James hiked an eyebrow up at Avitas.

Avitas shook his head. “No. Not here in the slums. Maybe they only help prissy rich boys like you, but for guys like me?”

“Gays?”

“No, you thick asshole!” Avitas looked exasperated. “Not gays! Poor guys. Guys who live in the slums. They don’t help us, they hurt us. Doesn’t matter why we’ve come to them. They just punish everyone involved and call it justice.”

“Oh. I…I didn’t know that, Avitas.” James frowned a little bit, eyebrows drawing together. “Now will you let go of me?”

Avitas let go, pushing James away at the same moment. “Gods, James. There’s a fucking lot you don’t know. Now will you just listen to me instead of fighting me every step of the goddamn way?”

James pressed his lips into a thin line, then finally nodded. “Yes. Fine. But you actually have to do things, alright?”

“Do things?” Avitas looked amused, lips twitching up into a faint smirk.

“Gods, Avitas! You know what I mean.” now it was James’ turn to be exasperated. “Actually try to find the princess, not just fool around.”

“Right, right.” Avitas looked thoughtful. “You know…there’s one place we can go. But you have to keep your mouth shut, alright?” something that James couldn’t quite pin a name to flashed across Avitas’ face. “You have to do exactly as I say, without questions. Got it?”

“Yeah…but where?”

“Somewhere that might have answers.”

---

“Somewhere that might have answers”, had turned out to be a gang leader. So really, Avitas should have said someone. Or at least, that was James’ internal monologue as he stood silently beside the boy from the slums, waiting. Avitas had forced James to put on a ragged old jacket, that smelled of mud, blood, and sweat, so that it would help to mask that “prissy rich boy smell”. As Avitas called James. James was pretty sure that at this point, he didn’t smell all that great even without the disgusting jacket, but when he had told Avitas that, Avitas had just laughed and said that “whatever soap you coat yourself with in the shower still has a presence on your skin, prissy. You smell nice, in comparison to most in the slums”.

So James was stuck with this jacket on, barely breathing to try and keep from inhaling the stink. “Gods, have you ever washed this thing?” he demanded in a hoarse whisper.

Avitas merely laughed. “Yes, actually. But I gave you my stinkiest one. Extra special, just for you.” he winked, then faced forward again, smile fading as the door before them opened to reveal a man.

Physically, he didn’t seem that imposing. Average height, dark, greasy hair, and dark eyes. A little pudgy, with a bent, broken nose. But those dark eyes gleamed with malice. He wasn’t someone that James wanted to ever meet in a dark alleyway. And this was the man Avitas had brought him to meet. Rath Josen, leader of one of the gangs.

“Josen. I’m here for some information.” Avitas was speaking in a strange tone that James hadn’t heard from the other boy before.

“Who’s the kid?” Josen settled down into a chair behind a desk. The desk, James noticed as he looked at it, was made of real wood. Which was rare, especially here in the slums. It must be antique, he decided, examining it. On the wall behind the desk was an array of maps, some of the galaxy, some of the system, and some of Avara, with varying levels of detail. All had various pins or markings in them, marking things that James wasn’t sure he wanted to know about.

“The one wanting the information. He’s mute, doesn’t talk.” James raised his eyebrows a little at the lie, but kept silent.

Josen’s eyes found James’ own, studying him. James plastered on the same polite smile that he used for board meetings, linking his hands together behind his back and nearly choking as that damned jacket released a new wave of odor.

“I see.” Josen finally said, looking at Avitas again. “Well, out with it, don’t waste my time, boy.”

“Right. We’re looking for a blonde girl, about this tall,” Avitas held up a hand for height. “With blue eyes. Her hair is cut short. Maybe…B cup chest size?”

James’ felt one of his eyebrows drifting upwards at that last descriptor. He didn’t see why the princess’s…bra size…was important, but he couldn’t say anything about it.

“So?” Josen’s voice was cold. “Why does this concern me?”

“Well, I…it’s important that she be found, sir, and I didn’t want to go to the Enforcers. So, naturally, I thought of you. I thought that maybe you would know…” Avitas trailed off.

Josen’s eyes were on James again. “Just who is this supposed mute you’ve brought with you, Avitas?” he asked thoughtfully. “He’s wearing one of your old jackets over a shirt made from, I believe, Cambrean cloth. And those boots you’ve got, mute…those there are real leather. From Jagos, right?”

Yes. Josen was correct. Cambrean cloth, and Jagosian leather. Oh gods.

“So. You’ve brought me a rich boy. I’m willing to bet that he isn’t even a mute, now is he?” Josen got up, walking over to James. “You just didn’t want him giving himself away. What’s your name, boy?” this last question was addressed to James.

James’ eyes were wide, and he looked at Avitas, panicked. Avitas looked pale, and merely shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “J-James.” he finally stammered out, feeling like he had been impaled by Josen’s cold, cruel gaze.

“James…what?” Josen asked, pacing in a circle around James.

James swallowed hard, shaking his head. If Josen knew that James was the son of Henri Donovan…gods. He didn’t even want to know what the man would do to him because of that. Hell, even Avitas didn’t know. Nobody here in the slums did. There was a crack, and James flinched back as Josen’s hand slapped across the boy’s face.

“Ah!” he cried, hand flying up to cover his cheek.

“What. Is. Your. Surname?” Josen growled.

“Donovan. It’s Donovan.” James whispered, ashamed of how quickly he had cowed and caved in.

A smile spread across Josen’s face. “Ah, you wouldn’t happen to be Henri Donovan’s son, now would you?”

James nodded helplessly. Oh, gods. This wouldn’t end well.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: James is my favorite! He's just a poor lil cinnamon roll! XD
Other than that, the relationship building between him and Avitas is excellent. You add a good mix of head-butting and grudging alliance, while at the same time leaving possible room for friendship. In addition, you are getting better at fleshing out each character with each chapter. I think that holding back some details of the slums and character's pasts was a good choice; too much backstory kills the plot.
As for making James trans, I mean it's your story. All I would have to say is let him decide. If you are really feeling that he should be and he wants to be, then go for it.

This is amazing, I love your writing style, and I'm gonna just follow along to maybe try to learn from you. By the way, that prophecy is amazing.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: James is my favorite! He's just a poor lil cinnamon roll! XD
Other than that, the relationship building between him and Avitas is excellent. You add a good mix of head-butting and grudging alliance, while at the same time leaving possible room for friendship. In addition, you are getting better at fleshing out each character with each chapter. I think that holding back some details of the slums and character's pasts was a good choice; too much backstory kills the plot.
As for making James trans, I mean it's your story. All I would have to say is let him decide. If you are really feeling that he should be and he wants to be, then go for it.

Lol thanks!
Oh thank you!! Yeah I figured that they wouldn't get along too well bc they're so different.
Yeah, I've kinda been flipping back and forth lol

This is amazing, I love your writing style, and I'm gonna just follow along to maybe try to learn from you. By the way, that prophecy is amazing.

Thanks!! Haha alright. Oh thank you!

Hey guys…just a heads-up. I don't know if I'll be able to upload a chapter today.

It's alright :) Personal life first

So uh. There won't be a chapter this week either because I'm a lazy ass but also because I'm struggling with it lmao. Sorry guys! I'll do my best to get one out next week.

(I am so so sorry for the long wait you guys! Real life has gotten busy as fuck and I'm very sorry. _{Also I hit writer's block bc Tessa is…not my favorite} but anyways here's the next chapter!)

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Chapter Nine: Tessa

Tessa raked her hands through her curly dark hair, pulling it back into a low ponytail as she followed Ace. This might not have been the best idea, she reflected, sighing and shaking her head as Ace talked and talked and talked. And talked.

“Your– Ace.” Tessa put a hand on the princess’ shoulder, turning the blonde girl to face her. “Slow down.”

Ace reached up to cover Tessa’s hand with her own, nearly bouncing in place. “But Tess, I’m so excited! Think about all the good we’re going to do! Together!”

Tessa’s mouth twitched in a faint smile, and she shook her head. “Ace…” she sighed softly. She didn’t know how to make her plan go the way it was supposed to. Both her own plan, and Ace’s. “Calm down, and try to keep a level head? Remember that…it may not work out the way you want it to.” she bit her lip slightly.

“I know, I know, I know.” Ace said. But Tessa could tell that the princess wasn’t really listening to a thing that Tessa had said to her.

“Besides, we already talked about this. This is going to go great, and you can’t convince me otherwise.” Ace ran a hand through her hair, grinning at Tess.

Tess shook her head, but smiled. “Alright, alright. Let–” she broke off as she spotted Ace’s friend from five days ago. Avitas. He was running towards them, eyes wide. She reached out and stopped him before he could get too close. “What do you want?”

“Ace– there was– he–” Avitas was panting, gasping for air. He bent, hands braced on his knees.

Tess’ eyes narrowed, and she pushed him upright and into a wall. Sure, he was taller than she, but she was strong. “What happened?” she demanded.

His throat worked for a moment. “Th-there was a guy. James.” he gasped out. “He– he was looking for Ace. Said she was the princess. So I was…I was helping him, and I didn’t know…I didn’t know he was Henri Donovan’s son, honest to gods I didn’t, and now…”

“What!” Tessa slammed him backwards again. “What did you do?”

Avitas made a noise in the back of his throat. “Rath Josen. I took him to Rath Josen because I thought…I swear to the gods, I didn’t know he was Henri Donovan’s son, or I never would have brought him there…” he gulped. His eyes were fearful. Good.

“What. Fucking. Happened.” Tessa growled, glaring at Avitas.

“Tes–”

“Shut up, Ace.” Tessa snarled, looking at Avitas still.

“Josen took him ca-captive. He…and I don’t know…I think…Josen’s looking for you, Ace.” Avitas’ wide eyes flashed to the princess, then back to Tessa. “He’s one of the biggest bosses in these parts, if he…if he finds you, you’re a goner.”

Tessa dropped him, backing away with her lips in a thin line. “You gods-damned idiot.” she spat out. “You bastard! Do you realize what you’ve done?” she raked her hands through her hair, black curls falling around the shoulders she hardly recognized in the mirror anymore.

Ace stared between Tessa and Avitas. “If this Josen guy is really so dangerous…we should just head back to the palace.” she said softly.

“Y-you can’t.” Avitas said in a dry, soft voice. “He’s got most of the sector guards in his pocket. They wouldn’t let you through. Even if you’re the princess. Josen, he’s…he’s got a better hierarchy and set up than most gangs around here. He’s…dangerous.”

“Yeah? How do you know so much about him?” Tessa asked in a dangerously soft voice, hand twitching to her belt. “How do you know that he’s got the guards in his pockets? That he’s dangerous?”

Avitas took a deep breath. “It’s…common knowledge?” he said weakly.

Lies. Her hand flicked to her belt, pulled out a knife. The blade flashed in the sun as she pressed it to his throat. “What aren’t you telling us, Avitas?”

She watched his throat bob. He licked his lips nervously. “Tessa…I…” he spoke slowly. “I don’t know what to say.” he didn’t look at her, his attention on the knife.

“Start with the truth.” she hissed, pressing the edge of the blade to his throat, glaring up at him. “Or I gut you right here.”

“Tessa–” Ace started again. Tess glanced at the princess. Ace’s eyes were wide and afraid as she stared at them.

“Shut it, Ace. He’s lying, and it could be endangering your life.” Tessa fixed her gaze on Avitas again.

“Shit, I…Tessa…” Avitas’ stammered, staring at her fearfully. “I’m…”

“Spill. It. Now.”

“I work for him, okay? I’m just one of the dippers, just a pickpocket, nothing more I swear. This isn’t a trap, I promise you it isn’t.” he blurted, those blue eyes never leaving the knife she was pressing to his throat.

She pressed harder. Blood trickled down his fair skin. “Anything else?” she growled, glaring daggers at him. How dare he endanger Ace like this? After all her work, everything she’s done to guarantee her plans would work, and he just waltzes in and destroys all of it.

“N-no I swear!” he exclaimed, straining backwards to get away from her knife. “I swear I’m just a dipper, I just steal things I wouldn’t hurt the princess, I swear to all the gods I know of!” his voice was high, panicked.

She kept the knife there for a few more moments, then dropped back. She wiped it on her pants, sheathing it. “If you’re lying, I will kill you.” she said in a soft, deadly tone. She looked at Ace.

“Tessa, what the fuck?!” Ace screeched. “What the fuck was that??! You pulled a knife! You’re a handmaid, not a…a…assassin or whatever the fuck that was!”

“Ace.” Tessa said calmly. “I’m no assassin, but I was never just a handmaiden.” Layers upon layers. Don’t drop the act. “I’m supposed to be a secret bodyguard. To protect you from scum like him.” she jerked a thumb at Avitas, remembering when the same things were said of her. That she was scum beneath someone else’s boot. She clenched her jaw at the memory. She wasn’t that anymore. She wasn’t. And she never would be again. Soon, neither would her people.

Ace took a deep breath. “He’s not scum, Tessa. He’s a person, just like you and me.” she said slowly, staring at Tessa. “And…you should have told me you were a bodyguard before you pulled a knife on someone I consider a fucking friend?”

Avitas, Tessa noticed, was being very quiet through this. Perhaps he was afraid that she would threaten him with the knife again. She allowed a very faint smile at that. She might not look the same as she usually did, but that didn’t matter. She could still terrify a man.

“Ace.” Tessa said, as calm as she could possibly be. “He’s not like you and me.” she kept her voice level. “We aren’t criminals.” at least, Ace wasn’t. Tessa knew that she herself, though? She was. Just not on this planet. “And I couldn’t tell you. I wasn’t allowed to. Now you know, though.”

“Tessa, he’s part of the reason I want to fix this place.” Ace stared hard at Tessa. It made the girl uncomfortable. “I want to give him other opportunities, opportunities that don’t involve criminal activities.” she took a step closer to Tessa. “Earlier, you backed me up on this.”

“Earlier, I didn’t know that you were going to condone criminal behavior.” Tessa’s voice was frosty, even as she wished that someone would have done something like this on her home. For her people. But then again, if they had, she wouldn’t be doing this.

“Tessa, oh my gods.” Ace groaned. “It’s not like he really has a choice down here. I’ve seen the job choices. Good, reputable ones are very few and far between.”

“So what?”

“So…so there has to be some forgiveness for smaller theft like he does. It’s not like he murders people.” Ace replied, crossing her arms and staring over at Tessa with her teeth gritted. “Don’t you get it?”

“No, Ace. I don’t.” Tessa replied calmly, staring right back at Ace challengingly. “I don’t get it at all. If you start pardoning criminals, where do you stop? Whose crimes are finally “too big” to be pardoned, huh? Where are you gonna draw that line?”

Ace blinked. “Tessa, I…I don’t know.” the princess looked like Tessa had sucker punched her. Not a good look. “But he…he’s not a criminal, and he…gods, I don’t know, Tess.”

Tessa shook her head. “Fine. We can talk about this later.” she said firmly, putting her knife away. She looked at Avitas. “You. How do we get out of here?”

“You don’t.” Avitas replied after a moment. “There’s no way for you to escape without getting hurt, killed, or captured. You’d have to be able to fly, and there ain’t no one here that would even let you near a ship, no matter how shitty it is.” he shifted, looking at Tessa.

She clenched her jaw. “Well then. Looks like we need to find us a ship, don’t we?” she looked at Ace. “We should go back to that bar, talk to Kalir. He might be able to help us. Right?”

Ace nodded. “Wh– yeah. He should be able to. I uhm…I hope so, anyway. I don’t want to cause any trouble for him, though. That would be a really shitty thing to do.”

Tessa snorted. “Yeah, no shit. Come on. Both of you.” she glared at Avitas. “You’re coming with us so that I can keep an eye on you.”

So, not going to lie, it was a little choppy. It didn't flow as well as some of your other chapters, but that could just be because you're struggling with Tess's character. That doesn't mean it's necessarily horrible, just that maybe you need to do a read-through and take out some bits that chunk up the flow.
That being said, you do keep an aura of mystery around Tess's character that makes me very intrigued by her past/backstory/what she's really doing with Ace. I think that is a key characteristic of plot and character development and I definitely prefer protagonists that I slowly learn about, not just get their entire life thrown at me in a paragraph.
All in all, keep up the good writing and I can't wait for the next chapter.
cough cough and james cough cough

Haha yeahh…I've been trying to keep the mystery up for a while longer because…just because, and Tessa's character…ugh.
Thanks tho!
haha James isn't in the next chapter…I don't think. The next chapter is Orion's

Hey guys…just wanted to let y'all know that there won't be a chapter this week, because chemistry is beating my ass and i need to focus on that. it literally made me cry because i can't get it and UGH So yeah. Sorry!

Don't even worry chemistry sucks so I feel you