forum Three in Death and Two in Life (Come Read and Critique, please!)

Started October 29, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

tune

Hey, this is just a heads-up that I might not get the next chapter up this week, because of thanksgiving and other stuff going on. Which I'm very upset about, since I'm looking forward to this next chapter :')

I have nothing to sat that hasn't already been said! So far I think that James might be my favorite character.

(this was probably the most difficult chapter so far…for point of reference, the main character is referred to as "it" the entire chapter, save for a few notable times)

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Chapter Five: VE-19-0

It stood outside of the bar known as The Golden Star, with its hands loose and by its side. It knew it looked like any other human might. It was tall, with a masculine body. Its hair was white, and its skin was pale, its eyes a pale blue. It observed everyone that came out of the bar, its memory taking note of each face and mannerism. It didn’t understand why people came here. To get drunk and leave with someone else? It did not understand the motivations of humans. It was here for Tessa Montvier, as she was calling herself for this mission. Her time was running out. The overseers were growing impatient, and if it failed to bring Tessa or a mission report of her back, it would be punished for this failure. It had drugged Tessa, and had meant to grab her after she passed out. But the princess and her friend had gotten in its way; now it was not sure what to do.

Heading for the back door of the bar, it waited in the alleyway. Tessa would leave out this door, and it could speak to her if it caught her. And it would. It had been designed to be superior to humans, no matter what they could do. But to its surprise, if indeed it could feel surprise, it was not Tessa that came out of the door. It was a boy, who looked to be about the same age as VE-19-0 was.

The boy was the princess’s friend, it realized, cocking its head a little as it watched, expressionless.

The boy looked at VE-19-0, his eyes flickering over its body in a way that made VE-19-0 wonder what he could be looking for. “Hey.” the boy greeted. His voice sent a strange jolt through VE-19-0’s mind, and it blinked. It was being spoken to?

“Hello.” it greeted cautiously. It was taller than this boy by approximately 5.25 inches. It was very tall, it knew.

“I haven’t seen you around before, are you new around here?” the boy asked. His name was Avitas Calon, VE-19-0 recalled. A petty thief and pickpocket. He ran with Josen Lothar’s group. He was missing a finger. He was also objectively handsome. Not that VE-19-0 cared.

“Yes, I am.” it replied to Avitas, its blue eyes studying the boy. His pants were mud-stained and worn, his shirt threadbare at the elbows.

“I see. Would you like a tour?” Avitas asked with a smile.

VE-19-0 blinked slowly, studying him. It needed to wait here for Tessa. Tessa was the mission. No distractions. “No, thank you. But could you tell me which way the wind is blowing?”

Avitas raised an eyebrow at it, then nodded. He licked his finger, not looking away from VE-19-0, then stuck the finger in the air. “That way.” he pointed.

VE-19-0 ignored the strange feeling that washed through it as it watched Avitas. Yes, the boy was objectively good-looking, but so was VE-19-0. “South.” it observed with a sharp nod. “Thank you.” it turned its attention away. Avitas would get the message and leave.

It could feel Avitas’ eyes on it for a few more minutes, then the boy headed back inside. It remained there to wait for Tessa for 2.5 hours, at which time it surmised that either it had mismeasured the drug and killed her, or she had left some other way. It headed back to its superiors, planning out what it would say to them. The superiors would not be happy if VE-19-0 had lost Tessa. She was one of their greatest achievements and spies. Excepting it, of course.

VE-19-0 was the pride of the facility. It was one of the first of its kind that functioned correctly and had the same mental capacity of a human. Indeed, it was, for all intents and purposes, nearly human. Its DNA and genetics were nearly identical, except that they were fake. It looked human, and behaved human, except any emotions had been forced away until it was simply cold logic that remained. It knew quite well that it, unlike humans, had no soul. It was lesser. It was nothing. That was why it was referred to as it, and referred to itself as an it as well. Sometimes in the night, when it was alone with its thoughts, it would dream of what it could be like, were it human and not what it was. It knew never to speak of these dreams, when it thought of itself as he, him, and his, and wondered what it would be like to kiss someone, or to have friends. It had been given a name, once, by one of the kinder nurses when it was younger. “Orion”, a hunter from an ancient myth. It quite liked the name, though it did not get a chance to use it much.

It knocked on the door of the facility, and the door was opened. VE-19-0 looked around, taking stock of the white walls and floor, the cold lights that remained on without a flicker or sound. The utter silence, save for the breathing of the humans that greeted him.

"Where is Tessa Montvier?" Demanded one. Dr James Cartridge. It recognized him.

"I located her and drugged her, but the princess and a friend took care of her. I did not get the chance to come near her." It replied, emotionless as it kept its eyes fastened on the wall in front of it. To make eye contact with a human was a challenge to them. That was what they saw it as, since it was inferior to them.

"So you failed." Dr Cartridge said in a low tone.

It dipped its head. "I did, sir."

"Did you speak to anyone?"

VE-19-0 did not know what to say. If it said anything about Avitas, there was a high possibility that the male would be examined and likely hurt because of the simple act of speaking to it.

"VE-19-0, did you speak to anyone?" Dr Cartridge repeated.

It shifted a little. "No sir." It lied. It did not lie often. But it found that it did not like the idea of Avitas being hurt for speaking to it. Strange. But Avitas had spoken to it as if it were human, as if it were an equal, when it wasn't. Perhaps that was why.

There was silence for a moment. VE-19-0 wondered if they knew it was lying. If they did…it would be locked in the box again. His limbs tensed at the idea. Not the box. Anywhere but the box.

"Alright. Anything else to report?"

"Tessa seems to have made good headway. The princess trusts her, and I believe even considers her a friend." It replied, relaxing again. It would not be put in the box. Not today, anyway. And that was all it could hope for. It shouldn't even be hoping in the first place. Hope was for humans. Hope was for people.

"That is good. You may go to your room, now." Dr Cartridge turned away, as if VE-19-0 were nothing. And it was nothing. Nothing at all.

So it nodded, and headed down the hallway to its room. It went inside, and it sat on the bed after changing out of the civilian wear. It now wore a white jumpsuit. White, like everything else in the facility.

---

He was awoken by the intercom system above his bed.
“VE-19-0. You have deceived us.”

His blood went cold as he sat up in bed and put on its shoes. His lie had been discovered. He blinked, and came fully awake.

It got off the bed and made the sheets, neat and tidy, and ran a comb through its pale hair, checking in the mirror. The more presentable it looked, the better.

Two guards came, one taking each arm. It knew better than to try and fight them. Fighting led to punishment, and punishment was never a good thing. Punishment meant time in the box, or being hurt or cold or losing all privileges. It was brought into one of the interrogation rooms. Here, the walls were not so white and the floor was not so spotless. The lights were harsh and each noise seemed magnified a thousandfold. The walls were stained with blood that even after scrubbing could not be completely washed away. An apt comparison to VE-19-0’s hands, it realized. It cast a surreptitious glance at those hands, to make sure no blood was somehow upon them. No. Its hands were clean, though scarred. It was forced down into a chair, its limbs bound so it couldn’t move.

“VE-19-0. You told us you spoke to no one.” Dr Alistair said, coming out from another door. “That was a lie. Which begs the question: how many other lies have you told us, hmm?” he sat down across from VE-19-0, folding his hands on the table between them. “So. Who is he?” he slid a picture across the table.

The photo was of it and Avitas. The boy that had acted as if VE-1-9-0 was merely another human. Another person, that maybe…maybe could have been friends with. Or something else? VE-19-0 did not know. “I do not know.” it lied, keeping its pale blue eyes on the photo. It did not want to betray Avitas and bring about harm.

“Liar. You know who everyone is. You know everyone on this damned planet. We showed you all the files. So I repeat: who is he?” Dr Alistair’s voice was low, angry. VE-19-0 knew that punishment would happen if he did not give up the information that the Doctor desired.

“I really do not know, sir. I do know who everyone on the planet is, but not him. Perhaps he is a tourist?” Avitas Calon was no tourist, it knew. Avitas had grown up on Theta, on the planet. He had an adopted younger sister, though, who was from off-planet.

“He’s no tourist. He’s wearing Thetan peasant clothing.” the doctor growled, standing and looking down at VE-19-0. “This is your last chance to come clean, or you will be punished.”

It did not want to be punished. But it did not want to bring harm to an innocent, either. “Will he be hurt if I tell you?” it asked.

“Perhaps. We would have to speak to him to ascertain what he knows before making a decision. Besides, why do you care? He’s just another human. He might be scum, but he’s better than you. You’re nothing, VE-19-0, and I think you perhaps need a reminder of that.” the Doctor’s voice was low and angry as he glared down at VE-19-0.

“I don’t need a reminder, sir. I know that I am nothing in comparison to people.” it replied, looking down at the table. It was nothing. Which was why it would do anything in its power to save a real person, someone who mattered to someone, somewhere. “He is not a threat.”

“We’ll decide whether or not he’s a threat. You just tell us who he is.”

“No. I can’t do that.” VE-19-0 replied.

The doctor sighed. “Alright.” he cracked his neck a little. “Then, effective immediately, all privileges are revoked, and you will be locked in the box for a few days. Obviously you need a reminder about who is in charge here.” the doctor went to a guard. VE-19-0 could hear him speaking. “Take away everything but the cot itself. No mattress, lights, books, nothing. No clothes, either. It has lost that privilege. Put it in the box, highest setting.”

VE-19-0 felt its throat close up as it heard the punishment for trying to protect Avitas. A human he barely knew. But a human, nonetheless. A human, so he mattered more than VE-19-0. It would survive this.

But that didn’t stop it from fighting as it was forced into the box, tears already streaming from its eyes at the prospect of what the next few days would do to its mind and body.

Oh my gosh I have a new favorite character man Orion/VE-19-0 is awesome!!!! I love, love, LOVE him, I legit can’t wait to read more about him. I love how he’s put into this ‘it’ mind frame and just ahhhhhh I love him, that’s all I have to say lol _{Plus I might have already starting shipping him oops}

Ahhh I'm so glad you guys like him!!! @Rvan he's my favorite too lol, and yeah the "it" mindframe was the hardest part. i kept trying to write "he" and "him" instead lol _{oof lol}

Crocs, you are welcome to him lol

His story is definitely going to be the most tug-on-the-heartstrings of all of them :')

Legit that kinda happens to me when I switch between past tense and present tense stories lol

I think I have a ship cackles maniacly
Actually though, I love this! You keep the suspense really well and don't tell everything at once which is good

Legit that kinda happens to me when I switch between past tense and present tense stories lol

Lol

I think I have a ship cackles maniacly
Actually though, I love this! You keep the suspense really well and don't tell everything at once which is good

Lol. Ooh thank you so much!!

OH LORD HE'S MY NEW FAVORITE.
HANDS DOWN.

Lol yay! I'm glad he's well-liked! And SEE I TOLD YOU HE WAS GOING TO BE INTERESTING

I didn't think I could like anyone more than I liked Avitas but here we go, I have a new child to adopt.

I also really like this bit

A human he barely knew. But a human, nonetheless. A human, so he mattered more than VE-19-0. It would survive this.

because normally people in stories who are logic-driven and "emotionless" don't fully rationalize their irrational decisions but Orion clearly does and I dunno why but I feel like it's a nice character choice and I like it.

^^
I agree. It explains why this kind of choice was made, and it makes it feel more in character. It irks me when logical and emotionless characters make decisions usually associated with emotions or impulse, so this is a really nice way of writing this.

Ohh thanks guys!! Yeah I asked on the character forum for tips on writing a character like this, and one that I received was that he would likely put those he deems "real humans/people" as above himself, so I tried to show that. I'm really glad you all like him!!

I agree. It explains why this kind of choice was made, and it makes it feel more in character. It irks me when logical and emotionless characters make decisions usually associated with emotions or impulse, so this is a really nice way of writing this.

also, it makes him feel a lot more robotic/artificial to me 'cause there's this thing in robotics called "Asimov's Three Laws" that's about the order of priority for programming AI (1st law is you can't hurt humans, 2nd law is you obey your orders, 3rd law is you protect yourself) and he fits into it with his actions/thoughts, which even if it's not intentional is a nice touch.

Ahhhh, I love Asimov! Yes, I can totally see that now that you've pointed it out!

I agree. It explains why this kind of choice was made, and it makes it feel more in character. It irks me when logical and emotionless characters make decisions usually associated with emotions or impulse, so this is a really nice way of writing this.

also, it makes him feel a lot more robotic/artificial to me 'cause there's this thing in robotics called "Asimov's Three Laws" that's about the order of priority for programming AI (1st law is you can't hurt humans, 2nd law is you obey your orders, 3rd law is you protect yourself) and he fits into it with his actions/thoughts, which even if it's not intentional is a nice touch.

I….did not do that on purpose but let's pretend I did. That was genius of me, right? I'm kidding. But now that you point that out, he really does fit it! he's not a robot, tho…but still

Alright guys. Since I don't know when I'll be able to get the chapter up (since it's the holidays and I'm busy), we're going to do a little Q&A time! Ask questions about the characters/World/Story, and I'll answer them, so long as they don't spoil the plot. Basically, this is a time to ask any/all questions you want, and I'll answer the ones I can. Fire away!

So (you might have mentioned/covered this already n I'm just blanking XD) but… I know Ace was an orphan but now she's royalty. How? What is kind of the backstory there where she went from being an orphan to royalty?

That…I know that wasn't handled great, and I promise you that the full story will come out in the story later. For now, here's what I can tell you:
Ace was kidnapped as a small child, and the kidnappers lost her in the streets. She was found and taken in by Kalir and his family, and was assumed to be an orphan. She also considered herself as such. She was eventually found by the queen, who is sick and getting worse. The king died a long time ago.

Ahh alright so long as it comes up sometime later its fine. That's the only thing I can think of you're doing great :)

Alright. Thank you!

(so uh. It's been a hot minute, but here's the next chapter!)

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Chapter Six: Avitas

“Avi!” his name was called by a girl at the same moment that she collided with him, throwing her arms around him. “You’re back!”

He smiled and hugged her back. “Hey, Lee.” he greeted, pulling away after a moment and looking down at her.

She squinted up at him. His adopted sister, Lee, was only 15, four years younger than himself. “No luck today? You didn’t find any cute boys to bring home?”

He blushed a little, shaking his head. “Nah. I saw one guy that was…really striking, but…he wasn’t all that interested.” he thought of the tall male with pale skin and hair, who looked so…so clean, in comparison to everyone he knew. Pure, almost.

She shrugged. “Oh. Better luck next time, I guess. Now come on, I wanna show you something!” she tugged on his arm, and pulled him through their small house to the back room, where all their musical instruments were kept. His violin, the piano. The cello, which they both played, but mostly her.

She got out the cello and tuned it, then began to play. He closed his eyes to listen as his sister’s newest composition swirled through his mind and took shape. Beautiful, flowing, graceful notes that he could hardly believe she had come up with. When she had finished with her song, she looked at him expectantly.

“Lee, that was…that was beautiful.” he said softly, looking at her. “It really was.”

She smiled happily, feet tapping with excitement on the plasti-wood flooring. “Yes!! Kosi said that it was good, but…I wanted to get your opinion before I send it in for the contest, because I was wondering if you could accompany me on the piano? If you have time, I mean. Because I think it would sound even better with a piano, and Kosi agrees, but…” she trailed off, her brown eyes wide and earnest as she looked at him.

He sighed. “I would love to. Let me see the music first, though.”

She squealed happily, and jumped up, holding out a few sheets of handwritten music. He took it, and began to read the music, humming it under his breath as he went. “Alright.” he finally said after a moment. “I can play this.” he got up and walked to the piano, and began to sight-read it carefully, going slower than the marked tempo to cut down on mistakes. He hummed the melody softly as he did, cocking his head slightly and continuing to play the smooth, gentle chords.

Lee sat down beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he played.

He winced as a chord rang sour, and looked down at the keyboard to see where he had messed up. His eyes flicked to his left hand, to his fingers holding down the keys, and… “Damn it!” he exclaimed, face twisting. “Stupid damn missing pinky.”

Lee bumped his shoulder with his. “Can’t you just…use the ring finger or something?” she asked softly.

He nodded, not looking at her. “Yeah, but it’s…damn it.” the missing finger meant that he couldn’t stretch his left hand as far, could hardly reach a full octave spread on the keyboard. It meant that his entire playing style was cramped and difficult and didn’t work well.

“I’m sorry.” Lee said quietly.

He shook his head. “It’s not your fault.” his response was automatic, spilling from his lips. “Okay, Lee? Please believe me that it isn’t your fault.” He did a lot of what he did for her, yes, but that didn’t make any of it her fault. None of it.

Lee sighed. “Fine.” she leaned her head on his shoulder again.

He ran a hand through her hair gently. “Now then. I’m going to practice this a little more, and then we’ll try playing together, yes?” he raised his eyebrows a little.

She smiled a little. “Alright.”

And that’s what he did. He played the music on the piano, practicing and focusing on what he was doing, humming along as he played. Eventually, Lee got up and left, and he kept playing long into the evening. He wasn’t even playing Lee’s piece by the time he stopped, just whatever hit his fancy. Whatever accurately conveyed his feelings at that moment in time. He sighed softly and continued to play long into the night, even after he probably should have gone to bed.

---

The doorbell awoke him.

“I’m coming I’m coming I’m coming.” he mumbled as he made his way to the door, raking his fingers through his hair. He opened the door to see a taller, olive-skinned male with dark hair standing in the doorway. “What do you want?” he asked sleepily.

The man let out a breath. “Uhm…I heard that you were seen with the princess today. Is that true? I need to find her.” he said quickly.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Avitas demanded. “As for the princess…” he trailed off, and shook his head.

“James Donovan, son of Henri Donovan, of RTI?” the male replied, studying Avitas. “Please, I need to find the princess. It’s of the utmost importance.”

Avitas crossed his arms, eyes flickering over the other male. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr Donovan. It’s just my sister and I here. I would assume the princess is safe in her palace.” James’ clothes were mudstained. Though not worn, and his skin was far too clean. A prissy rich boy, looking for the princess in the slums? Yeah, right. Something was fishy about this. “So piss off.” he made to close the door.

“Wait!” James stuck his hand in the way. “I’ll make you a deal.” His eyes flashed in the dim lighting. “Please, you’re the only lead I’ve got.”

Avitas narrowed his eyes, catching the whiff of money. Well, not literally. Literally, all he smelled was the acrid scent of body odor and mud. But if this boy was a prissy rich kid, offering a deal…he could make money. He could get himself and his sister away from this hellhole. Away from Josen and the streets. “Talk.” he replied, pausing with his hands on the door.

James let out a quick breath. “Oh, thank god.” he ran a hand through curly hair, looking at Avitas. “The girl you were talking to, at the bar. The golden-haired one, not the dark haired one. That was Princess Acenthianrae.”

Avitas let out a bark of laughter at that. “Ace? No way in hell is she…” he trailed off, considering. He had only seen the girl in dim bar lighting. He had only rarely seen images of the princess, and…he supposed he could maybe see a resemblance. But why would the princess be in The Golden Star??

James was watching him, a strange expression on his face. As if he thought Avitas was stupid and slow, and was just waiting for the gears to turn.

Avitas clenched his jaw. “Fine. Let’s say that you’re right. Why would I know where she is? Have you checked the bar?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Of course I’ve checked the bar! I’m not an idiot!” James snapped. “You are the last person I know that saw her.”

Avitas snorted softly. “I know her as Ace, and I hardly know her anyways. What do you expect me to be able to do?”

James shook his head a little. “I don’t know.” he replied. “I just…come on. Any leads at all, please?”

Avitas thought. “I…there was that dark-haired girl?” he suggested.

“I know. I thought of that, but I couldn’t find her. Even if I could have, I doubt she would have told me.” James replied. “So…please.” he gave Avitas a pleading look.

Avitas shook his head a little. “I don’t know.” he thought for a moment, then shook his head again. “Sorry. I really don’t. I wish I did.” he sighed, crossing his arms.

James muttered a swear word that even Avitas didn’t know, and Avitas had thought that he knew all of the swear words out there. “Please. I’m out of options. I’ll compensate you for it, I swear. How much do you want for this?”

Avitas let one side of his mouth twitch upwards in a faint smirk. “How much are you gonna give me?” he replied in answer. “Because I’ll take anything and everything you’ll give.”

James blinked quickly. “Uh…does 30,000 credits sound good to you?”

“30,000…” Avitas trailed off, his eyes going huge at the idea of having that much. That much, and he could get Lee out of here. He could get his adopted sister out of here, give her the instrument and lessons and luxury she deserved. Hell, he’d be able to get a cybernetic for that missing pinky. “Hell yes. What do you need me to do?” he asked.

James nodded, studying him. “Where did you last see the princess? Where do you think she went? And would you show me?”

Avitas nodded. “Bar. I don’t know. Yes.” he grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. It had worn out at the elbows already, and had been clumsily patched up. It didn’t look good, but it functioned. “But first, we have to rough you up, rich boy. You look like you took a shower yesterday.”

“Uh…that’s because I did.” James didn’t seem to understand.

Avitas scooped up a handful of mud, and without further ado, slopped it all over James’ coat, shirt, and face. “Smear this everywhere. Including your hair. You’re too clean.”

James sputtered angrily, but finally did as Avitas had instructed.

Avitas smirked. Now wasn’t this a sight? A rich boy from off-planet, coated in the mud of the slums.