forum Three in Death and Two in Life (Come Read and Critique, please!)

Started October 29, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

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Lol yay! I'm glad he's well-liked! And SEE I TOLD YOU HE WAS GOING TO BE INTERESTING

I didn't think I could like anyone more than I liked Avitas but here we go, I have a new child to adopt.

I also really like this bit

A human he barely knew. But a human, nonetheless. A human, so he mattered more than VE-19-0. It would survive this.

because normally people in stories who are logic-driven and "emotionless" don't fully rationalize their irrational decisions but Orion clearly does and I dunno why but I feel like it's a nice character choice and I like it.

^^
I agree. It explains why this kind of choice was made, and it makes it feel more in character. It irks me when logical and emotionless characters make decisions usually associated with emotions or impulse, so this is a really nice way of writing this.

Ohh thanks guys!! Yeah I asked on the character forum for tips on writing a character like this, and one that I received was that he would likely put those he deems "real humans/people" as above himself, so I tried to show that. I'm really glad you all like him!!

I agree. It explains why this kind of choice was made, and it makes it feel more in character. It irks me when logical and emotionless characters make decisions usually associated with emotions or impulse, so this is a really nice way of writing this.

also, it makes him feel a lot more robotic/artificial to me 'cause there's this thing in robotics called "Asimov's Three Laws" that's about the order of priority for programming AI (1st law is you can't hurt humans, 2nd law is you obey your orders, 3rd law is you protect yourself) and he fits into it with his actions/thoughts, which even if it's not intentional is a nice touch.

Ahhhh, I love Asimov! Yes, I can totally see that now that you've pointed it out!

I agree. It explains why this kind of choice was made, and it makes it feel more in character. It irks me when logical and emotionless characters make decisions usually associated with emotions or impulse, so this is a really nice way of writing this.

also, it makes him feel a lot more robotic/artificial to me 'cause there's this thing in robotics called "Asimov's Three Laws" that's about the order of priority for programming AI (1st law is you can't hurt humans, 2nd law is you obey your orders, 3rd law is you protect yourself) and he fits into it with his actions/thoughts, which even if it's not intentional is a nice touch.

I….did not do that on purpose but let's pretend I did. That was genius of me, right? I'm kidding. But now that you point that out, he really does fit it! he's not a robot, tho…but still

Alright guys. Since I don't know when I'll be able to get the chapter up (since it's the holidays and I'm busy), we're going to do a little Q&A time! Ask questions about the characters/World/Story, and I'll answer them, so long as they don't spoil the plot. Basically, this is a time to ask any/all questions you want, and I'll answer the ones I can. Fire away!

So (you might have mentioned/covered this already n I'm just blanking XD) but… I know Ace was an orphan but now she's royalty. How? What is kind of the backstory there where she went from being an orphan to royalty?

That…I know that wasn't handled great, and I promise you that the full story will come out in the story later. For now, here's what I can tell you:
Ace was kidnapped as a small child, and the kidnappers lost her in the streets. She was found and taken in by Kalir and his family, and was assumed to be an orphan. She also considered herself as such. She was eventually found by the queen, who is sick and getting worse. The king died a long time ago.

Ahh alright so long as it comes up sometime later its fine. That's the only thing I can think of you're doing great :)

Alright. Thank you!

(so uh. It's been a hot minute, but here's the next chapter!)

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Chapter Six: Avitas

“Avi!” his name was called by a girl at the same moment that she collided with him, throwing her arms around him. “You’re back!”

He smiled and hugged her back. “Hey, Lee.” he greeted, pulling away after a moment and looking down at her.

She squinted up at him. His adopted sister, Lee, was only 15, four years younger than himself. “No luck today? You didn’t find any cute boys to bring home?”

He blushed a little, shaking his head. “Nah. I saw one guy that was…really striking, but…he wasn’t all that interested.” he thought of the tall male with pale skin and hair, who looked so…so clean, in comparison to everyone he knew. Pure, almost.

She shrugged. “Oh. Better luck next time, I guess. Now come on, I wanna show you something!” she tugged on his arm, and pulled him through their small house to the back room, where all their musical instruments were kept. His violin, the piano. The cello, which they both played, but mostly her.

She got out the cello and tuned it, then began to play. He closed his eyes to listen as his sister’s newest composition swirled through his mind and took shape. Beautiful, flowing, graceful notes that he could hardly believe she had come up with. When she had finished with her song, she looked at him expectantly.

“Lee, that was…that was beautiful.” he said softly, looking at her. “It really was.”

She smiled happily, feet tapping with excitement on the plasti-wood flooring. “Yes!! Kosi said that it was good, but…I wanted to get your opinion before I send it in for the contest, because I was wondering if you could accompany me on the piano? If you have time, I mean. Because I think it would sound even better with a piano, and Kosi agrees, but…” she trailed off, her brown eyes wide and earnest as she looked at him.

He sighed. “I would love to. Let me see the music first, though.”

She squealed happily, and jumped up, holding out a few sheets of handwritten music. He took it, and began to read the music, humming it under his breath as he went. “Alright.” he finally said after a moment. “I can play this.” he got up and walked to the piano, and began to sight-read it carefully, going slower than the marked tempo to cut down on mistakes. He hummed the melody softly as he did, cocking his head slightly and continuing to play the smooth, gentle chords.

Lee sat down beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he played.

He winced as a chord rang sour, and looked down at the keyboard to see where he had messed up. His eyes flicked to his left hand, to his fingers holding down the keys, and… “Damn it!” he exclaimed, face twisting. “Stupid damn missing pinky.”

Lee bumped his shoulder with his. “Can’t you just…use the ring finger or something?” she asked softly.

He nodded, not looking at her. “Yeah, but it’s…damn it.” the missing finger meant that he couldn’t stretch his left hand as far, could hardly reach a full octave spread on the keyboard. It meant that his entire playing style was cramped and difficult and didn’t work well.

“I’m sorry.” Lee said quietly.

He shook his head. “It’s not your fault.” his response was automatic, spilling from his lips. “Okay, Lee? Please believe me that it isn’t your fault.” He did a lot of what he did for her, yes, but that didn’t make any of it her fault. None of it.

Lee sighed. “Fine.” she leaned her head on his shoulder again.

He ran a hand through her hair gently. “Now then. I’m going to practice this a little more, and then we’ll try playing together, yes?” he raised his eyebrows a little.

She smiled a little. “Alright.”

And that’s what he did. He played the music on the piano, practicing and focusing on what he was doing, humming along as he played. Eventually, Lee got up and left, and he kept playing long into the evening. He wasn’t even playing Lee’s piece by the time he stopped, just whatever hit his fancy. Whatever accurately conveyed his feelings at that moment in time. He sighed softly and continued to play long into the night, even after he probably should have gone to bed.

---

The doorbell awoke him.

“I’m coming I’m coming I’m coming.” he mumbled as he made his way to the door, raking his fingers through his hair. He opened the door to see a taller, olive-skinned male with dark hair standing in the doorway. “What do you want?” he asked sleepily.

The man let out a breath. “Uhm…I heard that you were seen with the princess today. Is that true? I need to find her.” he said quickly.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Avitas demanded. “As for the princess…” he trailed off, and shook his head.

“James Donovan, son of Henri Donovan, of RTI?” the male replied, studying Avitas. “Please, I need to find the princess. It’s of the utmost importance.”

Avitas crossed his arms, eyes flickering over the other male. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mr Donovan. It’s just my sister and I here. I would assume the princess is safe in her palace.” James’ clothes were mudstained. Though not worn, and his skin was far too clean. A prissy rich boy, looking for the princess in the slums? Yeah, right. Something was fishy about this. “So piss off.” he made to close the door.

“Wait!” James stuck his hand in the way. “I’ll make you a deal.” His eyes flashed in the dim lighting. “Please, you’re the only lead I’ve got.”

Avitas narrowed his eyes, catching the whiff of money. Well, not literally. Literally, all he smelled was the acrid scent of body odor and mud. But if this boy was a prissy rich kid, offering a deal…he could make money. He could get himself and his sister away from this hellhole. Away from Josen and the streets. “Talk.” he replied, pausing with his hands on the door.

James let out a quick breath. “Oh, thank god.” he ran a hand through curly hair, looking at Avitas. “The girl you were talking to, at the bar. The golden-haired one, not the dark haired one. That was Princess Acenthianrae.”

Avitas let out a bark of laughter at that. “Ace? No way in hell is she…” he trailed off, considering. He had only seen the girl in dim bar lighting. He had only rarely seen images of the princess, and…he supposed he could maybe see a resemblance. But why would the princess be in The Golden Star??

James was watching him, a strange expression on his face. As if he thought Avitas was stupid and slow, and was just waiting for the gears to turn.

Avitas clenched his jaw. “Fine. Let’s say that you’re right. Why would I know where she is? Have you checked the bar?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Of course I’ve checked the bar! I’m not an idiot!” James snapped. “You are the last person I know that saw her.”

Avitas snorted softly. “I know her as Ace, and I hardly know her anyways. What do you expect me to be able to do?”

James shook his head a little. “I don’t know.” he replied. “I just…come on. Any leads at all, please?”

Avitas thought. “I…there was that dark-haired girl?” he suggested.

“I know. I thought of that, but I couldn’t find her. Even if I could have, I doubt she would have told me.” James replied. “So…please.” he gave Avitas a pleading look.

Avitas shook his head a little. “I don’t know.” he thought for a moment, then shook his head again. “Sorry. I really don’t. I wish I did.” he sighed, crossing his arms.

James muttered a swear word that even Avitas didn’t know, and Avitas had thought that he knew all of the swear words out there. “Please. I’m out of options. I’ll compensate you for it, I swear. How much do you want for this?”

Avitas let one side of his mouth twitch upwards in a faint smirk. “How much are you gonna give me?” he replied in answer. “Because I’ll take anything and everything you’ll give.”

James blinked quickly. “Uh…does 30,000 credits sound good to you?”

“30,000…” Avitas trailed off, his eyes going huge at the idea of having that much. That much, and he could get Lee out of here. He could get his adopted sister out of here, give her the instrument and lessons and luxury she deserved. Hell, he’d be able to get a cybernetic for that missing pinky. “Hell yes. What do you need me to do?” he asked.

James nodded, studying him. “Where did you last see the princess? Where do you think she went? And would you show me?”

Avitas nodded. “Bar. I don’t know. Yes.” he grabbed his jacket and pulled it on. It had worn out at the elbows already, and had been clumsily patched up. It didn’t look good, but it functioned. “But first, we have to rough you up, rich boy. You look like you took a shower yesterday.”

“Uh…that’s because I did.” James didn’t seem to understand.

Avitas scooped up a handful of mud, and without further ado, slopped it all over James’ coat, shirt, and face. “Smear this everywhere. Including your hair. You’re too clean.”

James sputtered angrily, but finally did as Avitas had instructed.

Avitas smirked. Now wasn’t this a sight? A rich boy from off-planet, coated in the mud of the slums.

I like it! There are a couple parts that I felt were a little clunky, but overall it was well done and I think you did a good job of letting Avitas' voice shine through.

• When you introduced Lee, you probably could've added a little bit of description so we can visualize her better. Even if it's just "…and looking down at her. Warm brown eyes squinted up at him" instead of "She squinted up at him"
• I really enjoyed the passage with the piano– especially the part where he gets messed up by his missing pinkie. It's a lovely detail that I think most authors would gloss over, and I really enjoyed the way you used it in the narrative
• The exchange between James and Avitas was a bit rushed but other than that it read well and did a good job pushing the plot forward. Add a bit of banter, and have the two clash. If I were Avitas, I certainly wouldn't accept that one of my friends was the princess right away if a random stranger told me she was, especially if I lived in a poorer neighborhood.
• I'm a huge fan of the last line! Idk why, just the attitude and the kind of balance of power between James and Avitas is satisfying and fun.

I like it! There are a couple parts that I felt were a little clunky, but overall it was well done and I think you did a good job of letting Avitas' voice shine through.

• When you introduced Lee, you probably could've added a little bit of description so we can visualize her better. Even if it's just "…and looking down at her. Warm brown eyes squinted up at him" instead of "She squinted up at him"

Yeahhhh oops. I meant to and I guess I didn't lol. I'll describe her better next chapter she's in

• I really enjoyed the passage with the piano– especially the part where he gets messed up by his missing pinkie. It's a lovely detail that I think most authors would gloss over, and I really enjoyed the way you used it in the narrative

That actually…I knew I wanted that in here. Because it would show that yes, that pinky does affect his life

• The exchange between James and Avitas was a bit rushed but other than that it read well and did a good job pushing the plot forward. Add a bit of banter, and have the two clash. If I were Avitas, I certainly wouldn't accept that one of my friends was the princess right away if a random stranger told me she was, especially if I lived in a poorer neighborhood.

He doesn't know her that well, so that was part of why he didn't react very strongly. Also because James said he would pay Avitas for the help, and money is a good motivator for anyone

• I'm a huge fan of the last line! Idk why, just the attitude and the kind of balance of power between James and Avitas is satisfying and fun.

Me too lol. I wanted to end that chapter with some sort of contrast like that, and I'm glad it works!

Ooof im getting excited! Good job keeping the pace moving and the plot consistent and clear. Your characters continue to all be unique and not just variations of the same person and I am here for it! :)

Thanks!! Yay!

SO. It's been a while, and I'm sorry about that! I do have good news, though: regular updates will probably be returning! Not tomorrow, but next Tuesday, with any luck

Yay!! I can't wait!

(And now, at long last, the next chapter!!)

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Chapter Seven: Ace

Ace awoke, unsure where she was for a moment, then remembering. She had spent the night at Kalir’s, waiting until Tessa was well enough to go back to the palace. Her handmaiden was recovering from the drugs she had been given, which Ace was very, very thankful for.

“Your highness?” Tessa’s voice interrupted her thoughts, and she turned.

“Yes? How are you feeling?” Ace asked quickly. “And I told you to just call me Ace.”

“It would be rude.” Tessa replied. “And I’m…better. Still a little loopy, though. Have you, er…have you seen that guy I was talking about? The white-haired one?”

Ace frowned a little, and shook her head. “No, I haven’t. Why?”

Tessa closed his eyes, relaxing into the pillows. “Good. And…no reason. I was just wondering.”

Ace nodded, getting out of the bed and looking out the window. She was still in her pajamas, which consisted of just a tank top and shorts. The sun was coming up on Avara, their planet, and she could feel its rays basking her face. She sighed softly, running a hand through her short blond hair. “Tess?” she said. “Have you ever left Avara?” she hadn’t. She wanted to, but…she doubted she ever would.

“Yeah, I have. I’m originally from Authea, remember? So duh, I’ve been off of Avara.” Tess replied. Ace could hear, rather than see, the smile on the other girl’s face.

Ace let out a huffing sort of laugh, shaking her head. “Right, yeah. I forgot.” she sat down on the window seat, still looking out over the slums. Over the roofs that seemed to be in less and less good of a condition every time she saw them. Over the place she still considered her home, the sun’s rays catching on each bit of bare metal and creating the illusion of a shiny new city, when in reality…this area of the city was a far cry from shiny and new.

“No kidding, Ace.” there was a dry humor in Tessa’s voice that Ace knew was always, always there. Or at least, every time they spoke, it seemed to be.

Ace rolled her eyes, still looking out at the slums. She didn’t want to be a princess, sure, but…this place was all she had ever known. This was home, where she had run through the streets, laughing and playing games. Where she had helped out elderly Mrs Kutchner, who was now dead. Where Kalir, Ro, and Sita had cautioned her about where she should play, and Ro had bandaged up her knees when she fell and scraped them. The palace…the palace was a foreign, unknown and unknowable place, where different, strange, and new things were expected of her. Things she didn’t quite understand or know how to even begin understanding. She let out a slow breath. Stop worrying so much.

But. There was also the fact that maybe, just maybe, she could do good. She could do good things as the princess and queen. She could help those in the slums attain a better life, one where they wouldn’t be so downtrodden and poor. But she had already tried. Had already begged her mother– her *mother! The queen! It still boggled her mind– to help the slums. Her mother had tried, but any decisions the queen made had to pass a council, except in wartime. And there was no war now, and so the decision had to be accepted by the council. The council had reviewed the proposition for nearly two weeks, before giving their final answer. No. No, they wouldn’t help the slums. If those in the slums couldn’t get out, couldn’t make enough money to get themselves and their families out, why, it wasn’t the council’s problem, now was it? It wasn’t the nobility’s problem, and wasn't the upper classes’ problem, nor their burden to bear.

Ace had thought of Kalir, of how hard the immigrant man had had to work, just to scrape up enough to purchase The Golden Star. How hard it had been to even find that work, especially not as a native Avaran. She remembered being very small, living with them, and all of them had been living in this tiny, three room house. She had shared a room and bed with Sita, and Ro and Kalir had shared a room and bed. One night, after she had gone to bed, she got up to get a drink of water, and found Kalir nearly in tears in the kitchen, his arms around Ro. Kalir, she found out the next day, had been fired from his job, and they were already behind on the frankly outrageous payments for that tiny house. Kalir didn’t know if he could find another job, and if he couldn’t…if he couldn’t, all four of them would be out on the streets, even with Ro and Sita working their hardest to make money

Ace had tried to help. She had stolen first food, then money, trying to help Kalir. Trying to help the man she regarded as her father. Kalir had made her return what she had stolen, telling her never to do it again. Stealing, he said, was wrong. No matter how desperate you are, you should never, ever steal from another person. Especially not here in the slums, where everyone was just trying to scrape together a living. She still remembered that lecture, and knew she would never, ever forget it.

“Ace.”

She was snapped from her reverie by the sound of her name. “Huh? What?” she spun around, looking at Tessa, blinking.

Tessa laughed softly. “Someone was absolutely gone.” she teased. “What were you dreaming of?”

Ace shook her head. “Nothing important, Tess.” she replied softly. She ran her hands through her hair again. “What do you need?”

“We need to head back to the palace. Before your mother goes bat shit crazy, thinking you got stolen.” Tessa replied, looking at Ace. “Seriously. The last thing this planet needs is the kidnapping of its princess.”

Ace sighed. “I don’t want to go back, Tess. I’m so tired of it. I can’t make a difference there. I’ve tried. But maybe I can make a difference here. Maybe I can help people here.”

“Why, is that what you want?”

“Yes.” she answered immediately. “I want Kalir to stop looking so tired and old every time I see him. I want him and Ro to be able to adopt a child all their own, I–”

“They already have a child, Ace. And that’s you. And I think you know that.” Tess interrupted, quietly.

Ace sighed. “I know, and I'm so glad for that. But they didn’t exactly get to choose me. I want them to have the money to be able to actually raise a kid. Not just me. I got taken away from them. I want…” she sighed softly. “And I want life to get better for everyone down here.” she pictured Avitas, the musician without his left pinky. “I want them to be able to afford cybernetics if they need them. I want them to have more opportunities, more chances. I want them to live, Tess, not just survive on the scraps!” she threw her arms out. “All they need is just a little boost, and so many people would have so much better lives! But the council won’t raise a single fucking finger to help, because they say that the state of the slums isn’t their problem! That if people are in the slums, it’s their own fault! And it’s not fair!”

“Ace.” Tessa said. “I know. And I think your dream is beautiful. But I also think that it’s really rather impossible. You’d have to…why, you’d have to change the entire hierarchy of this world before you could pass a law like that. I mean, think about the way the walls divide this place. You’d have to either convince the nobles, or be able to silence them or make them submit to your ideas. They won’t want people they see as gutter scum being able to climb up the ladder and be their equals. Can you imagine?”

“Yes, I can.” Ace frowned a little bit. “But it can be done. It can. I just…I just need to figure out how. I know there’s a way, but I don’t know what that is. My mother won’t do anything. She already tried with the council. And the council is the whole problem. Why, I’ll bet those shits haven’t even left the nobilities section in…their entire lives! They’ve never been down here. They don’t know.” her blue eyes lit up with the fire of an idea, as its rough shape began to take form in her mind.

“Ace?” Tessa’s voice was cautious. “What are you thinking? I know that face.”

Ace grinned. “I’m thinking, we show them what it’s like down here. We get a cam, we record everything, and pick out footage to show them. We show them just how bad it is down here. I mean, god, think how bad the Enforcers are down here! Footage of that would have to shake the council awake! People get hurt for nothing! The Enforcers use their power to abuse instead of protect!” she squirmed, getting up to pace. “This could work!” she looked at Tessa. “But I need your help. Please. I won’t be able to do this alone.”

“I’m not as familiar with the slums as you are. Why would you need my help?” Tessa asked, raising dark eyebrows in Ace’s direction.

Ace smiled. “Because…two is better than one. And you can have a cam too, and we’ll get twice the footage!” she bounced on her toes, already dreaming of the future if the council said yes. No, when they said yes. Because when they saw how bad it was down here, they would have to help. Any human would. And sure, she knew that a lot of the slums was holding steady, wasn’t too terribly bad. But there was still the fact that a lot of it was. A lot of it was absolute shit for those that lived there, and that was what she wanted to fix. That was what she wanted to mend. “Are you in?” she asked Tessa.

Tessa sighed softly, looking at Ace. “Ace…you’re insane, you know that? But yeah. I’m in.” she held out her hand for a handshake.

Ace shook her hand, mind whirling with the possibilities. She skipped excitedly, mind screaming through all the possibilities. “We need the smallest, best cams we can find. Small so that people don’t know, best so that we can zoom in on footage if we need to.” she thought aloud. “Good microphones. Ooh! Maybe the type that can fly? You know, the remote control ones that RTI developed last year!”

Tessa laughed a little from where she sat. “Ace…we’ll see. Maybe we can get them.”

Ace walked to the windows, leaning against the windowsill and looking out at the rooftops again. “Just you wait. I’m gonna change everything.” she whispered, a quiet promise to those that lived under those rooftops, and in the alleyways.

Oof! Goosebumps!!! I can feel the plot progressing and, more importantly, I can definitely sympathize with Ace. Her want and desire are clear but not explicitly stated, which is excellent. Other than a few minor grammatical errors, you are doing fabulous. Cannot wait for the next chapter! XD

Yay! Thank you so much!!

I agree, this chapter was really good! The pacing of the conversation was excellent, the plot got moving without feeling forced, and best of all you really helped round out Ace's character. Before I was pretty ambivalent about her, but now I have a much greater appreciation for her as a person because you took the time to integrate little details that made her feel much more real! Great job!!

Yay!! I'm so glad!!

So uhm. i have a very strong urge to…make James trans?? Like FtM?? And idk where it came from or why, but…??? what do y'all think?? because I can't decide if i should do it or not??

Chapter Eight: James

James was rolling his eyes. Again. For what felt like the 9 millionth time in the past two days. Because he wasn’t sure that this Avitas kid really had any idea what he was doing. James was pretty sure he was just being led in circles at this point, but any time he tried to voice a complaint, he was shushed almost immediately.

Case in point, right now. “Avitas, are you sure that–”

A finger was pressed to his mouth. “Shush! You have an accent, James, and it’s not an Avaran slum accent. It’s prissy rich boy from off-planet accent. So keep that mouth shut, m’kay?”

James growled, hands balling into fists and feeling humiliated. He had felt humiliated quite a lot over these past days. What with the mud that Avitas was constantly slapping onto his body. The food he had had to eat that he had nearly spat out as soon as it hit his tongue.

Avitas smirked. “Aw, don’t look at me like that, James. You’ll be back to your velvet cushions and twelve course meals in no time. Until then, though, you need to listen to me.”

“But you’re not even focusing!” James finally exploded, waving an arm helplessly. “You’re taking your time messing around and doing other things and…and kissing any boy you think looks good, instead of helping me!”

“Wrong. I’m gathering information.”

“And kissing is a necessary way to gather “information”?” James arched an eyebrow. “More like a way to trade saliva.” he snorted.

Avitas rolled his eyes. “You’re out of your depth, prissy. Now shut your trap before it gets hurt. We don’t wanna give you back to daddy all bruised, now do we?”

James’ lips tightened. “Can you fucking focus? You aren’t, and I’m paying you to focus, not kiss boys or muck around and waste my time. Maybe I should call in the Enforcers.”

Avitas’ eyes flashed with something at that last part. Fear? Was the boy from the slums afraid? “No!” He exclaimed. “James, you can’t call the Enforcers. Please. You can’t.”

“Why not? They’d be more helpful than you have proved to be.” James turned on his heel and started walking. He, in truth, was lost. He had no idea where he was, much less where the nearest Enforcer station was, but at least he was doing something now.

A hand caught on his sleeve, pulling him back and spinning him around to see Avitas face. The cocky, self-assured look was gone, replaced by something dangerously close to pleading. “James, please, you can’t call them, you can’t. Please. If they hear that the gods damned princess is missing, in the slums, they’ll tear it apart looking for her, and–”

“Good. At least then someone would be doing something. Now get your filthy hands off of me, you’ll spoil this shirt even more.” James pushed Avitas’ hands away, only for Avitas’ to latch onto James’ collar.

“No!” Avitas exclaimed. Now his face really did look like he was pleading. “James, they’ll tear the slums apart. All these homes? They’ll rip them to pieces, they’ll take people to jail. They’ll destroy everyone’s lives, please, James, you can’t do this to them. You can’t do this to us. This is my home, we all…everyone here survives by staying under the Enforcer’s radar, if you…if you bring them into this, people will die.”

James stayed silent, looking at Avitas.

“James. Please, you can’t do this. I-I’m sorry if I haven’t been as helpful as you wanted, but I…I…please, James, if there’s anything in you that has any pity or mercy, please don’t bring in the Enforcers.” there was definitely a pleading note in the other male’s voice now, and he clung to James’ shirtcollar desperately.

“Why on earth would they hurt people? They help, Avitas. They’d only hurt if you have something to hide.” James hiked an eyebrow up at Avitas.

Avitas shook his head. “No. Not here in the slums. Maybe they only help prissy rich boys like you, but for guys like me?”

“Gays?”

“No, you thick asshole!” Avitas looked exasperated. “Not gays! Poor guys. Guys who live in the slums. They don’t help us, they hurt us. Doesn’t matter why we’ve come to them. They just punish everyone involved and call it justice.”

“Oh. I…I didn’t know that, Avitas.” James frowned a little bit, eyebrows drawing together. “Now will you let go of me?”

Avitas let go, pushing James away at the same moment. “Gods, James. There’s a fucking lot you don’t know. Now will you just listen to me instead of fighting me every step of the goddamn way?”

James pressed his lips into a thin line, then finally nodded. “Yes. Fine. But you actually have to do things, alright?”

“Do things?” Avitas looked amused, lips twitching up into a faint smirk.

“Gods, Avitas! You know what I mean.” now it was James’ turn to be exasperated. “Actually try to find the princess, not just fool around.”

“Right, right.” Avitas looked thoughtful. “You know…there’s one place we can go. But you have to keep your mouth shut, alright?” something that James couldn’t quite pin a name to flashed across Avitas’ face. “You have to do exactly as I say, without questions. Got it?”

“Yeah…but where?”

“Somewhere that might have answers.”

---

“Somewhere that might have answers”, had turned out to be a gang leader. So really, Avitas should have said someone. Or at least, that was James’ internal monologue as he stood silently beside the boy from the slums, waiting. Avitas had forced James to put on a ragged old jacket, that smelled of mud, blood, and sweat, so that it would help to mask that “prissy rich boy smell”. As Avitas called James. James was pretty sure that at this point, he didn’t smell all that great even without the disgusting jacket, but when he had told Avitas that, Avitas had just laughed and said that “whatever soap you coat yourself with in the shower still has a presence on your skin, prissy. You smell nice, in comparison to most in the slums”.

So James was stuck with this jacket on, barely breathing to try and keep from inhaling the stink. “Gods, have you ever washed this thing?” he demanded in a hoarse whisper.

Avitas merely laughed. “Yes, actually. But I gave you my stinkiest one. Extra special, just for you.” he winked, then faced forward again, smile fading as the door before them opened to reveal a man.

Physically, he didn’t seem that imposing. Average height, dark, greasy hair, and dark eyes. A little pudgy, with a bent, broken nose. But those dark eyes gleamed with malice. He wasn’t someone that James wanted to ever meet in a dark alleyway. And this was the man Avitas had brought him to meet. Rath Josen, leader of one of the gangs.

“Josen. I’m here for some information.” Avitas was speaking in a strange tone that James hadn’t heard from the other boy before.

“Who’s the kid?” Josen settled down into a chair behind a desk. The desk, James noticed as he looked at it, was made of real wood. Which was rare, especially here in the slums. It must be antique, he decided, examining it. On the wall behind the desk was an array of maps, some of the galaxy, some of the system, and some of Avara, with varying levels of detail. All had various pins or markings in them, marking things that James wasn’t sure he wanted to know about.

“The one wanting the information. He’s mute, doesn’t talk.” James raised his eyebrows a little at the lie, but kept silent.

Josen’s eyes found James’ own, studying him. James plastered on the same polite smile that he used for board meetings, linking his hands together behind his back and nearly choking as that damned jacket released a new wave of odor.

“I see.” Josen finally said, looking at Avitas again. “Well, out with it, don’t waste my time, boy.”

“Right. We’re looking for a blonde girl, about this tall,” Avitas held up a hand for height. “With blue eyes. Her hair is cut short. Maybe…B cup chest size?”

James’ felt one of his eyebrows drifting upwards at that last descriptor. He didn’t see why the princess’s…bra size…was important, but he couldn’t say anything about it.

“So?” Josen’s voice was cold. “Why does this concern me?”

“Well, I…it’s important that she be found, sir, and I didn’t want to go to the Enforcers. So, naturally, I thought of you. I thought that maybe you would know…” Avitas trailed off.

Josen’s eyes were on James again. “Just who is this supposed mute you’ve brought with you, Avitas?” he asked thoughtfully. “He’s wearing one of your old jackets over a shirt made from, I believe, Cambrean cloth. And those boots you’ve got, mute…those there are real leather. From Jagos, right?”

Yes. Josen was correct. Cambrean cloth, and Jagosian leather. Oh gods.

“So. You’ve brought me a rich boy. I’m willing to bet that he isn’t even a mute, now is he?” Josen got up, walking over to James. “You just didn’t want him giving himself away. What’s your name, boy?” this last question was addressed to James.

James’ eyes were wide, and he looked at Avitas, panicked. Avitas looked pale, and merely shrugged his shoulders helplessly. “J-James.” he finally stammered out, feeling like he had been impaled by Josen’s cold, cruel gaze.

“James…what?” Josen asked, pacing in a circle around James.

James swallowed hard, shaking his head. If Josen knew that James was the son of Henri Donovan…gods. He didn’t even want to know what the man would do to him because of that. Hell, even Avitas didn’t know. Nobody here in the slums did. There was a crack, and James flinched back as Josen’s hand slapped across the boy’s face.

“Ah!” he cried, hand flying up to cover his cheek.

“What. Is. Your. Surname?” Josen growled.

“Donovan. It’s Donovan.” James whispered, ashamed of how quickly he had cowed and caved in.

A smile spread across Josen’s face. “Ah, you wouldn’t happen to be Henri Donovan’s son, now would you?”

James nodded helplessly. Oh, gods. This wouldn’t end well.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: James is my favorite! He's just a poor lil cinnamon roll! XD
Other than that, the relationship building between him and Avitas is excellent. You add a good mix of head-butting and grudging alliance, while at the same time leaving possible room for friendship. In addition, you are getting better at fleshing out each character with each chapter. I think that holding back some details of the slums and character's pasts was a good choice; too much backstory kills the plot.
As for making James trans, I mean it's your story. All I would have to say is let him decide. If you are really feeling that he should be and he wants to be, then go for it.

This is amazing, I love your writing style, and I'm gonna just follow along to maybe try to learn from you. By the way, that prophecy is amazing.