forum Sci-Fi Dystopian Action Story- please critique my premise

Started March 18, 2018 by @AJ

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For about the last two years or so, I've been playing around with this idea for a far-future sci-fi dystopia story and I REALLY enjoy writing. I plan to make it into an animated TV show if I can, so I've been structuring it as episodes and seasons. Here is the basic premise, along with some background knowledge:

Historical Backstory (TL;DR)
The year is 2499, and the world has been ravaged by war for the last century. World War V has been winding down, and the United States is losing. The liberated space colonies have refused to offer any assistance to Earth, so out of desperation, the US fires off their last resort: a WMD with such destructive calibur that it has the power to destroy the Earth. The US knows this and is willing to do whatever it takes to win- but not without caution.

As a safeguard, they set up the Domes: Cities scattered throughout their territories guarded by protective force-fields able to withstand the radiation. As predicted, the nuke ended up taking out the enemy along with most of the world- but the domes were safe. Only about 1.5 million humans are left alive.

Flash forward about 200-300 years, and the human population has regrown and the domes have expanded (World population: approx. 10 million). While no major wars have been fought, there have been several skirmishes between the continents Kazia (formerly Asia) and Normersha (formerly North/Central America). They’ve been fighting on and off for the last forty-two years over the limited amounts of non-Dome produced resources, and the atmosphere is getting steadily more tense. The upgrades in offensive weaponry on both sides have forced them to develop cybernetics for soldiers that are otherwise broken beyond repair.

However, these cybernetics come with a price: The only batteries powerful enough to provide the necessary energy for the cyborgs are also very temperamental. While certain precautions are available, any and every cyborg with battery-powered parts is liable to the dangers posed by certain types of shockwaves that trigger the batteries and set them off, causing them to explode. Lower quality cybernetics have a higher chance of exploding at smaller triggers.

The discovery of non-explosive cybernetic parts in 2786 by Dr. Elias Gregory revolutionized their progress; However, they opted to keep this breakthrough confidential as a means to keep the rising cyborg population under firm control. Since the discovery, the law has been purposely cracking down on cyborgs in order to legally re-enlist them into a now risk-free military force, preparing them for a violent strike back at Kazia in order to permanently claim dominance in the race for resources.

(cont'd)

Setting
The Americas, over 700 years in the future. Mainly takes place in the array of city-states collectively known as Normersha. (other “countries” include their southern neighbor Hespos, their eastern neighbor Kazia (KAH-jha), and what’s left of Europe that’s known as Ropum.)

This world’s definition of a City: Large area composed primarily of urban dwellings, mostly self-sufficient/ self governed.

Our story begins in the year 2789 in the city of Gentia, the second largest city besides Centrum (the Capitol). Gentia is where the entire cyborg/ unscathed veteran population resides as to make it easier for the government to monitor them.

There are four classes of city-dwellers (descending order):

The Admins (Senators, Enforcement Programmers [those who handle robotic/ electronic law enforcement], those who work in Gov- Mainly found in Centrum and various Operative Cities)

The Elites (Aristocrats, Factory Bosses, lower Gov workers)

The Earners/ Unscathed Veterans (Working Class)

The Borgs (Veterans with dangerous [explosive] cybernetic parts that are unable to work at normal jobs for safety issues. Cage fighters, black market dealers, prostitutes, low-ranking shopkeepers, etc.).

There are 7 levels for each Class; Surpassing the Level 1 status of your Class will promote you to a new one.

PLOT

Our story begins when Marnie Van Dax (profile: Marnie Van Dax), a a bubbly, quirky inventor from a Level 4 Elite class family meets Felix McCrayze (incomplete profile: Felix McCrayze), a level headed and ambitious hoverboarder from a Level 6 Earner family. Despite their differences, the two become fast friends- mostly because neither of them had any other friends.

We later find out that Felix's aunt Shanon (https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/186890#) is a cyborg veteran, along with several others in Felix's neighborhood. Marnie is a bit shaken by this, seeing as how she's been taught all her life that cyborgs are extremely dangerous, but she eventually warms up to them.

(The first few episodes are mostly just establishing the world and character development, heads up.)

How do you surpass a level to be promoted to a new one?

Is this story going to be published as a book or an animation first?

What is the government like within this world? Is there someone who controls everyone and anything or is it more democratic?

What happened to the other countries after world war v? Asia became Kazia and America became Normersha. Did the other countries join them or become a new country?

What about the liberated space colonies? Who or what are they? How are they important to the story? What happened to them after world war v?

How can these domes be able to withstand such radiation?

What is the condition of Earth? What does it look like now? Is the aftermath similar to a nuclear fallout?

Sorry for so many questions, (there might be more later btw), but I really want to know and this story sound very interesting to read, or watch.

How has living changed now that the environment is different now? Is it hard to get by in this world? Are these domes crowded?

(cont'd)

The real plot begins when Marnie and Felix eavesdrop on a Borg support group meeting and find out that Cyborgs all over the city have been going missing.

To make a long, spoilerific story short, both Marnie and Felix are enlisted by the Borgs to help find the missing cyborgs- Marnie for her inventing prowess, and Felix for his hoverboarding talents/ ability to deliver non-electronic messages without getting caught (the only kind the gov can't monitor).

I'm not going to detail much of the story from here to the end of season one because spoilers, but in summary, the Borgs uncover a government conspiracy and have to get out of Gentia, fast. Felix comes along with him because his mom and aunt are both leaving, and Marnie goes because she was identified during a Borg emancipation and is now a wanted criminal, guilty of hacking government files, stealing information, and treason against the government. The several hundred escaping Borgs are split into factions, and Marnie is given to the faction containing the McCrayze family, led by Commanding Sergeant Shanon McCrayze.

The rest of the series chronicles their many adventures across the war-torn and toxic landscape that once was our world, the fine line that separates good and evil, and what it truly means to be human.

How do you surpass a level to be promoted to a new one?

Mainly by increasing one's economic state, aka, getting richer. Every citizen has the right to earn and spend personal currency however they choose- this is not a communist system, in other words.

Is this story going to be published as a book or an animation first?

At the moment, I'm not sure. I really want to animate it, but I wouldn't be opposed to first drawing it as a comic and then converting it to a TV show.

What is the government like within this world? Is there someone who controls everyone and anything or is it more democratic?

(TL;DR)
Citizens are told that each city operates as an independent city-state that operates in close friendship with all other cities in Normersha (and by extension, Hespos); That while each city stays in contact, trades with, and sends factions of their military to Centrum (the default capital city) for the good of the country, they are still independent in their own right. This is a lie.

In reality, Centrum controls everything. The government is made up of a hierarchy, with a panel of seven senators at the top. These senators have the final say on just about everything; They choose each city’s official leader or panel of leaders, and have total control over supply sources and the military. While they were allegedly “elected” by the people, these senators are simply disposable figureheads; whenever there is dissent, a senator is blamed and replaced. However, the real panel of senators keeps running business as usual all without the citizens knowledge. The identities of the real senators remain unknown.

Subtle surveillance is placed in every city to keep things under control (in fact, an entire department in Centrum is dedicated to overseeing each city’s conduct). Some of the camera drones on the streets are visible, but they are generally seen as the equivalent of beat cops and are supposedly there to keep the people safe. Other cameras- such as the ones installed in buildings, houses, and businesses- are unknown to the citizens and are used to squash any potential revolutionaries, particularly in the cyborg population. These devices can be detected, but only with very advanced tech that is kept unavailable to the general public.

Your Stat Ring, an earring-like device given to you at birth, knows everything about you: Your age, your name, bank balance, ID code, legal record, everything. It connects to your DigiCuff (personal device worn as a bracelet/ gauntlet) and allows you to connect with other users both on the Net and the streets (you have a personal profile with can be viewed by scanning one’s Stat Ring with your DigiCuff).

Without your Ring, you have no identity and no way to access anything in the cities or on the SmartNet (a city-wide type of internet that has the advanced option of physical interface- think VR but way cooler). Your entire life is in this Ring. Not to mention that it’s also a means for the city to track your activity and it’s super illegal to try and remove or deactivate it.

Every citizen has a unique code in their Stat Ring that Centrum can then identify them with. The city surveillance units can scan a Stat Ring for its ID code; for example, if you are committing a crime and a drone spots you and scans your Ring, it can send Enforcement Droids (Androids programmed to take in criminals) to your location on the City Grid. Once you are pronounced guilty, a “stamp” is placed in your ID status and personal profile, marking you as a Known Offender.

Is Marnie close to her family? If she is I'd expect a lot of sadness to leaving them. Is she also attached to her city? 'Cause then she'd also have a hard time leaving it as well as I would expect.

What about the liberated space colonies? Who or what are they? How are they important to the story? What happened to them after world war v?

The space colonies honestly don't have much story relevance; all that the characters know (and by default, all that we know) is that yes, they exist, and no, they are not willing to get involved in Earthly affairs.

I might choose to explore the colonies a bit further if the plot calls for it, but at the moment, there's no plan for that.

How many seasons would you expect this series to be?

have*

How can these domes be able to withstand such radiation?

Keep in mind that they were built around 2499, nearly 400 years beyond us technologically. The specific technology isn't especially plot relevant, so I won't be explaining it in great detail- all that we know is that these are pretty dang hard to break through.

What is the condition of Earth? What does it look like now? Is the aftermath similar to a nuclear fallout?

In some places, the terrain is so damaged that it would be suicide to walk through it unprotected- one of the many reasons most citizens don't leave their birth cities. However, some areas are less damaged than others and small, non-domed settlements have been set up- closely monitored by Centrum, of course.

If the domes are so hard to break through, how can people leave them?

How has living changed now that the environment is different now? Is it hard to get by in this world? Are these domes crowded?

At first, living in the Domes was a bit of a hard adaptation, but over the centuries, mankind quickly grew used to it. Some Domes have figured out how to expand their perimeters in order to house more citizens, but for the most part, family sizes are regulated to 1-4 offspring per household (depending on your city), with marriages (called "Unions") requiring government approval. Out of wedlock births are crazy illegal due to the threat of overpopulation.