“Jackson… I’m a horrible person because I’ve done all those things but I don’t love you.” There it was, the confession. And gosh it felt like heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders, like he finally had room to breathe for the first time in a very long while. Maybe he had let something develop between the two of them because he’d been afraid he’d be all alone if he didn’t. Maybe he truly was just a horrible person. Maybe both were true.
Jackson's hands stilled for a moment, swallowing and letting out a nervous laugh, "What… what do you mean you… you don't love me?" He asked quietly. Damn that merman. It was all his fault, all of this was his fault and he should have never let him off that boat if it meant he could could slap him.
Carter shook his head, “I don’t feel the same way about you as you feel about me,” He said gently, “After I saw Arria…” I realized who the love of my life was and always would be. Carter chewed on the corner of his lip. “I’m… I’m sorry, Jackson. Maybe in a different world, a different life, we could be together.” But not this one. Not when I need to apologize to my love, when I want to fix all the things I’ve broken. Carter loved Arria, and no amount of love between Carter and Jackson could ever equate to that.
Jackson finished up stitching up Carter's arm in silence, placing the needle and thread down before he spoke again, "But, I heard what you said to Arria, we all did. He's gone, Carter, we can be happy together without having to trail after him." He tried to convince, honestly becoming more desperate as the seconds ticked past.
Carter swallowed, regret sinking in his chest. “I didn’t mean what I said. I was angry, stressed.” Carter… he was even scared. Scared about the new distance between him and Arria that had formed, how he stupidly hadn’t realized that Jackson and Arria -two parts of Carter’s life- would eventually collide. Carter had made his bed, now he had to lie in it. He could only hope for forgiveness from Arria now, there was only moving forward.
Jackson took a step backwards, blinking a few times and looking away from Carter, "So… there's no chance you'll stay here with me?" He asked, busying himself with clearing up to give himself some sort of distraction. He was an idiot for thinking everything would work out with him, they'd been so close to a life together and now it was all gone.
Carter swallowed. “I’m sorry. It was wrong of me to come to you for comfort so often like I had. I… I don’t think we can… work out. I belong to the sea,” Carter told him gently, trying to manage a tiny smile but it came out to be a grimace. But as much as Carter wanted to tell Jackson he’d love him, that was just a lie. Carter loved Arria, and Arria alone.
(Lowkey part of me wants Jackson to not let him leave so they have to deal with even more crap lol yet they’ve already suffered so much lmao)
(me too honestly but like… do we want to put them through that pain again?)
Jackson shook his head, biting his bottom lip harshly, "I should have killed him when I had the chance." He mumbled, though it was loud enough for Carter to hear. He threw the glass into the nearest bin, trying to keep his anger in check.
(tbh the author in me wants to put them through all the pain they can get lmao thats prolly a bad thing)
Carter had to replay the words in his head to confirm that he’d heard them right. “Jackson…” Carter shook his head. He didn’t mean that, Jackson wouldn’t say something like that. It was just emotions running high. “You don’t mean that Jackson. I’m sorry, I just… he’s the love of my life, and I abandoned him. I was going to, at least.”
(me too tho)
"No, no I do mean that," He replied, turning back to Carter with his arms crossed, "If he wasn't alive you would still be saying you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. If he was dead, we wouldn't be here right now and we'd be starting a new life together."
Carter frowned. He knew breakups were hard, but… this? “Jackson… listen to yourself. I’m sorry I don’t love you like you love me.” Carter slowly stood, biting his lip. “Jackson, I really care for you. But you don’t want Arria dead, I know breakups can be hard, but really. The Jackson I know wouldn’t wish for anyone to die.”
He chuckled softly, "Then clearly you don't know me as well as you thought you did," He replied. He took his phone out of his pocket, sending a quick message to someone, "The lace is on lock down, now, you can't get out."
Carter’s eyes widened and he took a step back from Jackson. “What do you mean? Jackson, this isn’t funny, okay?” Carter needed fo get back to Arria, to apologize for all the horrible things he said. He didn’t know what Jackson was planning, but surely he wasn’t that serious. Carter could talk him out of it, he was just upset about what happened.
(NOOOOOOOOO!)
"You're not going back to him, Carter," Jackson leaned against the nearby wall, arms still crossed and eyes trained on Carter, "I won't let you, not when we can have a life together now, without him in the picture. You even proved to him you didn't love him just admit it."
Carter looked at him distrustfully. “Jackson, that’s not how it works. I’ll never love you like I love him,” He said, giving up on the fluff and trying to be gentle. This was not okay, this wasn’t very forgivable either. “Please, Jackson, just let me out. This isn’t funny. I’m my own man, let me leave. Don’t make this worse than it already is.”
Jackson narrowed his eyes, taking a deep breath and releasing it though his nose, "If you loved him why'd you lie to him then? Why'd you make me stop the boat? Deep down you know you did the right thing, you know it Carter. C'mon, just stay here."
Carter sighed, walked over the distance between them and taking Jackson’s hands in his. “I thought he hated me. I… I was angry and scared, and I made a mistake.” Carter glanced towards the exit. Jackson had locked down the base, and if Carter couldn’t convince him… Well, he could always try… But Carter didn’t want to do that. He loved Arria, he truly did, and he wanted to cut it off with Jackson now.
Jackson shook his head, still being stubbon, "No, you didn't make a mistake, you did the right thing. If I do let you out how are you even going to find him? You… you can't go underwater for long enough and he's probably long gone," He placed a hand on Carter's cheek, "Stay here, I'll treat you better then he ever did or could."
(Cries why are you guys so good at this?????)
(Aww I’m flattered)
Carter felt a twisting feeling in his gut. He needed to get back to Arria, and Jackson wasn’t going to let him out. Carter would need scuba gear too, if he wanted to find Arria. To prove that he’d go to the ends of the earth for him. And Carter couldn’t do any of that if he was trapped here, so Carter had to resort to the only thing he knew how to do. Carter leaned his head into Jackson’s hand, sighing softly and closing his eyes, trying to form a pained expression. It wasn’t that hard, considering how painful it was to fake this. “He wouldn’t treat me like you treat me, would he? He can’t comfort me like you can…” Carter mumbled submissively, letting his despair creep up into his voice.
(Nu Carter…. Stop hurting the cinna-fluff!!!)
(omg thank you :) )
Jackson smirked slightly, to stupid to see that Carter was faking it, too caught up in his own head to see it, "No, he can't," He repeated, placing a hand on Carter's waist, "He could never. Forget about him now, you've got me and we'll be happy, I swear it." He pulled Carter close, just a little.
Carter let himself be pulled closer, and made himself close any more distance between them. He pressed himself up against Jackson’s body and made himself not pull away. “I wanna be happy with you,” He mumbled, desperately trying to pretend it was Arria. Even that didn’t work to well—Carter knew Arria would never make him feel the way he felt right now. “He couldn’t kiss me like you do. He couldn’t hold me in those strong arms like you do,” Carter mumbled, his eyes following Jackson’s arm from his shoulder to his fingertips. He was toeing a dangerous line. Now that he’d seen this new, possessive side of Jackson, he was left questioning how far it went. How far Carter would have to go in order to get out of this place. Carter wondered how much he’d hate himself by the time this was all said and done.
Jackson's fingers drew circles into his hips, intent on keeping him there for a little longer, "He really couldn't, sweetheart," His free hand reached up to runt through Carter's hair. What he was about to say next got lost as bright red lights started blazing and sirens started going off. Jackson cursed, "Fuck." Pulling away from Carter.