"You… you don't think I'm grateful?" The tears flowed. He couldn't hold them in anymore, "Find me like what, Carter? So broken I can barely feel anything good anymore? I've been stuck in a tank for three fucking years, hoping you'd come find me. I have been isolated, starved, whipped, beaten and chained. I have done everything I could to get out, taken every punishment just because I hoped you would come get me. And when you finally do, you have the audacity to tell me I'm not grateful. Well I'm not the one he had to go and fall in love with… with someone else," His voice broke, he broke right there in front of him, display everything he had kept it for so long, "Don't you dare tell me you're sick of feeling hopeless. Don't you dare insinuate you've had it harder and don't you fucking dare tell me I want to leave you because at least I still fucking love you."
Carter had no hopes of holding in his own tears. He’d do anything to get out of this, to get out of this too small boat. He couldn’t just walk away and hide from this. “Well maybe you shouldn’t love me anymore then! The ring is gone anyways, isn’t it! Maybe you shouldn’t have waited for me, I was going to give up after this event anyways!” Carter shouted, emotion and pain swirling in his chest. What was he saying? Carter couldn’t stop the words from spilling out, the oh so horrible words. “Yes, you’ve had it harder but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel any pain!” Carter furiously wiped at his face, consequently smearing blood on his cheek. He didn’t even care about the physical pain, it was nothing in comparison to how much it hurt to talk like this with Arria.
Arria went silent, tears streaming down his face, "You really don't love me anymore…" The last piece of his heart broke. He couldn't get out anymore words. Carter was going to give up. He was going to leave him forever. To be stuck in that tank. It hurt so, so much, "I would have stayed in that tank for the rest of my life for you. Just so you could have been happy, so you could have had a better life," He said quietly, "I would have… so if you really don't love me anymore. Stop the boat." Everything ached, everything hurt. To see Carter crying, to know he was so close to giving up on him, to know he didn't love him anymore, "But just know I will always love you. Even if you don't love me."
(MY GODS NO!!! NOT THIS NO!!!!!!!)
“I couldn’t bear to be like that!” Carter shouted, his face crumbling as the tears seemed to come out faster, “You could’ve been dead for all I knew! And it hurt so fucking much because the man I gave my whole heart to could be dead, and every time I came back home empty handed I would cry until I didn’t feel anything! It hurt too much to keep loving you when I knew I might not be able to get to you in time!” Carter was very tempted to just jump off the boat himself. It would be a lot easier to do that instead of finish this. “I’m sorry I couldn’t handle it,” Carter’s voice weakened, the last word sounding a little cut off because of how he had to bite his lip at the end to keep himself from crying too hard. He looked to Jackson, his eyes holding infinite amounts of pain as, voice breaking, he said, “You can stop the boat.”
(annnnd guess who's cryiiiing ha ha… MeE)
Jackson did as he was told, stopping the boat. Arria's entire world came crashing down if that was even possible. He released a shaky breath, swallowing all those emotions. Everything they'd been through was for nothing. He pushed himself up onto the side of the boat, looking down at the water before making a split second decision. He looked back, leaned down and kissed Carter. Soft, yet so full of emotion. He pulled back, "Goodbye, Carter. Have a good life." He mumbled.
(Okay but like they have to end up together…right? I refuse to end this here)
(HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT??????)
(I dunno yet… CaRtEr NeEd'S tO rEaLiSe HiS mIsTaKe)
(Me too bro I’m bawling but like this is so great)
Carter broke. The whole world broke. Everything broke. That kiss was so, so… Carter didn’t even know. He didn’t know how to describe the swirling feeling that had erupted in him, how much he missed Arria. How much he needed this male in his life. And now… he realized how much he just damned himself. How horrible what he just said had been. And he knew that he didn’t deserve forgiveness. He loved Arria, yet he just shattered the only chances he’d had a love with him forever. He told himself he loved Jackson, but that was a huge fucking lie. The relationship that had formed with Jackson was unhealthy, Carter didn’t truly love him—he simply needed the comfort from someone else. He had used Jackson. And Carter realized how horrible he had become.
(And yeah, at least I was planning on them ending up together, I thought it might be best for them to cool off and Carter could sort things out with Jackson first before he goes to mope on the beach and realize what an asshole he was.)
(Lol, that sounds like a good idea)
Arria leaned back, taking in Carter one last time. Memorizing him as he knew after this he wouldn't see him for a log time, if ever again. He let a few more tears flow, lip wobbling and trembling and fists clenching before he threw himself off the side of the boat and deep, deep under the water. Swimming down and down and down until he couldn't see the boat. He pushed himself in the direction of the city. He was so, so tired. So empty… He'd lost the greatest thing in his life. Carter didn't love him. He'd made that perfectly clear tonight. Never again. He would never fall in love ever again. He couldn't feel this much pain ever again.
Carter slumped on the boat, pressing his face into his hands as the sobs started to come out. He didn’t care what Jackson and the others witnessed. Carter couldn’t stop crying. His shoulders shook with every sob that racked his body. Everything had gone to shit. And Carter didn’t know how to fix it. Maybe it was better for Carter to be out of Arria’s life, so he couldn’t be able to break things again. No. Deep down in his heart, the only small piece left intact, held onto that word. No. Defiance, defiance of what just happened. No. Carter just didn’t know how long he’d last before that piece of him broke too.
Jackson slowly walked towards Carter, Jenny starting to boat and heading the rest of the way towards the base. The leader crouched down next to Carter. He felt so, so bad for him, but also he was glad the merman was gone. Glad they could stop chasing after him. Glad they could finally start a life away from all of this and that stupid merman, "Hey, babe," He mumbled, resting his hand on his shoulder, "I'm here, you'll be okay."
Carter looked up at Jackson with tear filled eyes. He needed to end this right now, Carter realized that. But… not in front of everyone else, Carter already ruined enough today. The only way he could be completely honest with Jackson would be it he could talk to him in private, and the other male deserved honesty. Arria deserved honesty, and Carter hadn’t given it to him. He could allow himself to make the same mistake twice. “C-Can we talk wh-when we get home?” Carter asked, his voice a meek whisper and his lips wobbling.
Jackson nodded offering a small smile, "Of course, anything you want." He placed a kiss on the top of Carter's head, sitting down next to him before placing an arm around him. They'd be fine, everything would be fine. It didn't take long before the boat pulled into the dock. People started to walk off and Jackson stood, offering a hand to Carter to help him up.
Carter couldn’t let himself to lean into Jackson’s side like he used to. He couldn’t let himself crumble anymore now. He would not cry into his shoulder anymore, he would not drag him on like that. Carter took the male’s hand though, only because he wasn’t sure if he could easily get up on his own with the many glass shards in his arm still. He wiped at his face, trying to clear himself of the tears, even though that only smeared the blood on his cheek a little more and caused a couple more tears to escape.
Jackson led them inside the base. Everything was hectic, everyone calming down from the mission and from the scene on the boat. Jackson gave Carter's hand a squeeze, leading him to the med bay to get his arm fixed up. The doctors inside vacated the room when they entered, leaving just the two of them alone. He helped Carter to a chair before going to find some wipes and some needle and thread to stitch up his arm, "Okay, what did you want to talk about?"
Carter sighed, focusing his gaze on the floor. “I want to talk about us. After all that…” Carter sniffled a little, but he didn’t let himself cry. He knew he wronged Jackson, and he knew this shouldn’t be hard. But Carter would never forget all the nights he cried on Jackson’s shoulder, all the night he would clung tightly to Jackson, all the nights he’d talk until his voice was hoarse about his worries and his stresses. There was something between them, but… it wasn’t the love he and Arria had. Maybe if a different life, where Carter had never met Arria and he had a normal life, maybe they could’ve fallen into a love as strong as the one he and Arria had. But that simply wasn’t the case. Carter loved Arria, not Jackson. He couldn’t go on like this anymore.
Jackson stilled for a moment before grabbing a pair of tweezers, starting to pull out the extra shards of glass and cleaning up the blood as he went, "What… what about us? Everything is okay, yeah?" He asked, flicking his gaze to Carter's face before looking back at his arm. His stomach twisted just a little, a part of him already knowing where this was going.
Carter bit his lip, wincing a little as the glass was removed. “I… I’ve been a very, very bad person,” Carter began softly, looking away. He took a couple deep breaths, trying to organize his thoughts. He didn’t want to hurt Jackson, he’d already hurt too many people in the past twenty four hours.
Jackson frowned, "No you haven't, what are you talking about Carter?" He placed the glass down in on a cloth next to him, folding it up once all the glass was out. He wiped up the rest of the blood, grabbing the needle and thread.
Carter shook his head a little, “Jackson… I’ve been horrible to you. All those nights I’ve come home crying and that kiss…” Carter bit his lip, glancing at Jackson but looking towards the ground not a moment later. I don’t love you. Carter was having a difficult time just saying. the words, however. He basically said them so easily to the love of his life, yet he couldn’t say them when they were the truth? Maybe it was because he felt like it’d hurt more when it was the truth.
"Hey, I don't care. You coming home crying was does not make you a horrible person, Carter," Jackson said, beginning to stitch up his arm with practiced skill, "And if you don't want me to kiss you again that's… I get that, you might not be the kissing type and all that, but it doesn't make you a horrible person." He offered Carter a smile, even though it was slightly strained.
