forum Gay O/O [CLOSED]

Started January 14, 2019 by @blue_topaz

tune

Kyle’s smile dropped, “Marius, please tell me the truth. How are you really?” Please be honest. Please be honest.

“I feel…” he trailed off, glancing away. “Like a burden. Which is- Please don’t argue that. How are you?”

“Tired, because I was up all night worrying about you.” Kyle replied with a shrug before turning back to the breakfast.

Marius turned his head for a second, certain that he was going to throw up all over Kyle’s polished floors, simply because of the awful guilt twisting his gut. “I’m sorry. I should have just—“

“No, no don’t think like that,” Kyle said gently, turning back around, “Breathe Marius, breathe, You’re going to be okay, I’m here.”

That's the problem! he wanted to say, wanted to shout, but he didn't trust his voice not to break, nor that the words wouldn't hurt Kyle. It hadn't fully sunk in, the fact that he was still alive, the fact that he was at the home of one of his classmates, so he stood there for a moment, letting it. All of his walls had crumbled, turned to dust, leaving him exposed in front of the other man; what did he think of him now? Inhaling shakily, he moved to reply, but nothing came out.

"You don't have to talk, I just want you to breathe for now, okay? That's all I ask," Kyle sighed through his nose. He'd seen people break. Seen people crumble right before him but not like this. Marius was exposed in a way that he didn't like and Kyle was probably not helping in anyway, "Sorry, I'm probably not helping you as much as I want."

No, you're not helping at all. Marius immediately hated himself for thinking that. Kyle was trying to help, he was being incredibly kind, but his definition of 'help' was definitely very different from Marius's own. "Don't– Don't apologize. It's fine." I don't deserve an apology form you.. it's me who should be apologizing..

"No, it's not fine. Tell me how to help you," Kyle said gently, "Please. I've never… just… please." He wanted to do everything he could to make Marius feel better. To at least make sure he wasn't going to try and commit suicide again but it didn't help when he himself had no idea what he was doing.

Let me go. Let me jump. Of course, Marius didn't say that out loud, instead gave a helpless shrug of his shoulders. "I– I don't know how you can help me." I don't even know how to help myself.. besides ending everything. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, you don't need to apologise," Kyle gave him a gentle smile, "Then I'll figure out how to help. Even if it takes the rest of the school year, I will."

Marius stared down at the ground, truly miserable. "I don't want to burden you. You don't have– you don't have to do this."

"You're not a burden," Kyle placed his hand on Marius' shoulder slowly, gently and cautiously, "And I know I don't have to, but I want to. I want to help you. I want to be there for you."

Marius caved in, the weaker side of him succumbing to Kyle. "I'll try not to make things too hard for you," he promised quietly, briefly meeting Kyle's eyes before looking away once more.

"Hey, I don't care if its hard. As long as you be honest with me about things, okay?" Kyle raised an eyebrow and gently made Marius look at him, "Tienes unos ojos bonitos ya sabes…" He muttered.

No promises. "I will- I will be as honest as I feel safe enough to be," he replied truthfully, wishing he could look away. The prolonged eye contact– it was more than he could handle at the moment. "What- what does that mean? The second– the second thing you said?"

Kyle dropped all contact with Marius and took a small step back, embarrassed. His flushed a light shade of pink, "Oh… I uh- I just said you have beautiful eyes…" He muttered, rubbing at the back of his neck.

And that was it for Marius. It was all just too much, and the complex, nauseating knot of emotions in his gut was only getting worse. He couldn't handle any other conflicting feelings to top it off, no matter how touched and flustered he would have normally been. He needed to keep things simple, straight forward. How did he feel? The answer was currently so confusing that it hurt to think about. He needed one or two words at the most to limit the complications on his life. I feel… Miserable. That was a good word. Guilty. There we go. Nice and simple.

He only nodded in response to what Kyle had said, training his gaze on the floor.

Kyle felt his heart tighten a little for some unknown reason. He coughed and turned back to the food, "Did you want anything to eat? Feel free to go watch TV but you might need to make sure it's not on some Spanish channel or have subtitles or anything."

Marius was indifferent about both, but he nodded for Kyle’s sake. “Those— those sound nice— thank you.”

"You don't have to, you know," Kyle muttered, "I'm not forcing you to eat or do anything you don't want to."

“Kyle,” he said slowly, voice barely above a whisper. “If you didn’t tell me to eat, I would starve myself to death.”

Kyle took a moment before he responded, "Okay. You can get whatever topping you want out the cupboard, these are almost done."

Again, Marius merely nodded, tugging at the sleeve of his sweater.

"They're in the top cupboard over there." Kyle pointed, looking to Marius before turning back to the pancakes.