Kyle didn’t manage to return the smile but he nodded, though still worried, “Head to bed early tonight then, please. But if you need someone to talk to then don’t be afraid to come to me. I might not be the most caring person but… I’ll listen.” He gave Marius one more worried look before tuning to his note again.
Maybe a weak ago, Marius would have been extremely touched by the offer. But now? He was too tired to care. He just wanted to get this and his life over with, once and for all.
Finally, finally, the clock's hands indicated to nine o'clock, and the session was over. He packed up as quickly as he could, fingers fumbling with the zipper of his bag. Ready to go, he looked Kyle straight in the eye. "Goodbye."
And he was gone, disappearing out the door and around a corner in the hallway, only relaxing when the elevator doors closed firmly behind him.
“Mi amor!” Kyle called out but he was already gone and he didn’t even know why he said what he did, he could have called out Marius’ name. Something was wrong, he could feel it.
He packed up his bag quickly, hurrying out of the room and not even saying a goodbye to the others before he rushed off to where Marius went. Generally when he fe,t like this something always went wrong but hopefully this time everything would be okay.
He came to the elevators and pushed the button. Marius didn have anywhere else to go so he must have gone up. Or maybe down? Kyle went up first, praying everything would be fine.
Marius emerged on the roof, the chilly wind nipping at his nose as he walked, surprisingly steady, to the very edge. A low concrete wall was the only thing preventing him from going over the side, one that could easily be jumped, so it wasn't an issue. Marius closed his eyes, pulling an envelope out of his pocket and gripping it tightly in his hand before exhaling slowly. Mentally, he ran through everyone he cared about, saying 'goodbye' to each individual. And at last, he was ready. Goodbye, he thought again, before swinging one leg over the wall.
“Marius!” Kyle sprinted towards him, stopping a few meters away. He didn’t think he’d been so scared out of the twenty years of his entire life, “Mi amor, por favor. Please come away from the edge,” He said softly, trying to calm his breathing. Out of everything he’d done in his life, all the bad things, this was scaring him the most.
Marius froze, his head snapping up from where his eyes had been fixed on the parking lot below. "No," he breathed, heart skipping several beats. This wasn't possible. So close to his final destination– and now Kyle was here. Trying to stop him. Trying to hold him back. Marius steeled himself, inhaled sharply, and hoisted himself up onto the wall.
“Please Marius. We can talk about this. Talk to me, I want to help you,” Kyle took a few steps closer, now in arms reach of the other. He could pull him back if he wanted, he was strong enough to do so but he didn’t, not yet, “Mi amor, this isn’t right, you have so much to live for.” The Spanish words rolled off his tongue easily without him even noticing this time.
Mi amor? Marius shook his head rapidly, not realizing that there were tears streaming down his cheeks until they began to pool on the cusp of his lip. "If you want to help me," he said, voice shaking, "Then turn around, and walk back downstairs."
“I can’t do that,” Kyle said gently, knowing fine well he would jump. He took the last step towards him, very carefully interlacing his pinky finger with Marius’, “Please don’t jump. I’m sorry you’re going through this and if I could I would take all your pain and put it in myself so you don’t have to deal with it anymore. Come down and talk to me, por favor.”
The touch sent an electric shock through Marius's body. Shaking all over, he craned his head, looked back at Kyle. He didn't move, didn't speak, only stood their, ready to topple over the edge at a moment's notice.
Carefully, and slowly, Kyle interlaced the rest of his fingers with his until they were fully holding hands, “Talk, cry, scream to me, do anything to me, hit me if you want to let you feelings out,” He swallowed, “But please don’t jump,” He whispered, “I’ll help. I’m here for you.”
Marius was weak, trembling, unable to remove his hand from Kyle's. If I jump now– he'll go over with me. The thought made his blood run cold. So, slowly, carefully, not meeting Kyle's eyes, he came down from the ledge, and backed away.
Kyle released a breath of relief, carefully wrapping Marius in an embrace, “Never, ever think about ending your life. There’s people to talk to, people who care for you. I care for you mi amor, more then I ever thought I would but I do, and I want to help,” He pulled back and rested a hand on Marius’ cheek softly, “Please talk to me.”
Marius flinched away, the contact bringing him nothing but a painful reminder of how badly he'd failed. He was still in a daze, not fully understanding everything that was going on– the only thing he knew for sure was that he was a weak, pathetic failure. "If you wanted to help," he repeated in a quaking voice. "Then you should have let me jump."
Kyle shook his head, “No, gosh no, Marius,” He used his knuckle of his index finger to make him look him in the eye, “Jumping wouldn’t have helped anything. I’ve seen too many people die, I’m not adding another one to my list. Especially someone I care about.”
Why? Marius's inner voice screamed. Why do you care so much about me? You barely know me! He turned his head away again, unable to form a coherent sentence for another minute or two. "I- I'm sorry. I– I'll just.. go back to my flat–"
“No way. You’re staying with me tonight so I can keep an eye on you,” Kyle said firmly yet somehow softly as he kept good grip on his hand, “Please. I want to help and I-“ He sighed, “Por favor mi amor? Just this once?”
"Why do you keep calling me that?" Marius asked, voice breaking, just a little. "You- You barely know me. Why do you care this much?" His eyes drifted back to the edge of the roof. "Just let me die.."
Kyle hadn’t even realised the name being spoken, it just felt right so he didn’t question it, “I care because you’re a beautiful soul. I may not know you well, but I know enough that I would be heart broken if you died. Let me get to know you then, then I can show you how much I really care.”
Marius pulled away, each word hitting him like a bullet. Lies. All lies, each one of them. But he humoured the other man, too exhausted to argue. "Fine. Fine. I- I'll do whatever it is you want me to do tonight."
Kyle,released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, “Gracias. Come on, we’re getting off this roof and giving you a good nights rest for once.” He said, gently leading him over to the exit of the roof and the large drop.
Marius trailed after numbly, not trusting himself enough to speak. The elevator ride seemed to stretch on forever, neither of them saying a single word, and the walk across campus wasn't much better– not with the nocturnal college students staring at the tears on his cheeks and his red-rimmed eyes.
The walk was too long for Kyle’s liking but eventually, the made it back to his flat. He quickly unlocked the door and led Marius inside. There wasn’t much inside, just the essentials and a few personal items - most were pictures of Kyle and an older woman, “You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in if you want, and you can have my bed, I’ll take the couch or the floor.”
At his words, Marius came alive again, shaking his head quickly and firmly. "No. Thank you– but I'll take the floor." Misery and shame laced themselves through his voice, much steadier now than it had been minutes ago. "It's fine."
“No, no way am letting a guest sleep on the floor,” Kyle sighed and rubbed at his face, “You said you’d do what I wanted you to for tonight, and I want you to sleep on the bed, por favor.” Never had Kyle acted this way towards someone, and it kind of shocked him but he didn’t mind.