Jay glanced up at Zanna as he walked. She's mocking you. No, she's not, she's trying to help. You don't know that. Yeah, well you don't know either! Because we're… technically the same person. The battle continued in his head. It definitely wasn't helping his anxiety, but it was uncontrollable.
"Jay, I'm trying to help you," Zanna said, "If I'm not just tell me."
"Mhmm… right.." See? I told you! Shut up, she could be lying. Why won't you just leave me alone?! "Quiet… quietquietquiet leave me alone." He whispered to himself barely audibly. He was trying to shut up the voices. Do you really think that's going to work? For god's sake just let me be!
"Jay," Zanna stopped walking, "I need you to look at me."
Jay stopped, but he couldn't look at Zanna. He took a wavering breath, trying to turn his head. Come on, you can't even complete the simple task of turning your head? You're so pathetic. Leave me alone! Please… He closed his eyes, holding his breath again.
"Hey, it's okay take your time," Zanna said, "But I need you to at least open your eyes and breath. You don't have to look at me, just breath."
"Okay… okay…" Jay nodded and tried breathing again, opening his eyes. His vision was a bit blurry and littered with stars, but that was the least of his concerns. Why am I like this? I can't even sit in a room for more than ten minutes without getting hit with a wall of anxiety. He forced himself to turn his head towards Zanna, his eyes wide with fear. Stop freaking out, your parents could even be in jail right now. You're fine. Stop being so pathetic.
"You're doing great Jay," Zanna spoke softly, "Now say five things you can see."
"I see stars…" That's not what she meant, stupid. "I-I mean…. um… cot, you… M-Morrigan, nurse, and… and bandages?"
"That's good Jay," Zanna took a deep breath, trying to remember what to do, "Now say four things you can feel."
"F-feel? As in emotional or physical?" You're asking too many questions. Shut up it's fine. It's really not though. No, it's not… You're not allowed to ask questions, remember? Remember what your parents would do? Stop stop stop STOP! They're in jail! You don't know that. They'll kill you. Even if they're in jail, you'll die when they get out. Jay's eyes welled up with tears. They wouldn't do that! They've done some bad stuff in the past. Just leave me alone!
"Physical," Zanna said, "I know your panicking right now, but I need you to hang in there with me."
Jay looked down at his hands. "Hands… palms sweating." He started to fidget the the rubber band. "Rubber band…" He remembered what he was supposed to do with the band and snapped it against his wrist. As he suspected, not enough. No effect. That made him more worried, since he wasn't supposed to slap himself. He started to pace in small circles again, continuing to snap the rubber band to no effect.
"Jay, I need you to sit down. Please."
(BTW anyone feel free to beat up Jenny. Don't kill her off.)
Jay sat on the cot, still snapping the band. "Work work work work work! Why isn't it working?!" He almost broke the rubber band in his efforts. "Snap out of it! Stupid stupid stupid…. Calm down! Slap yourself… I can't…" Jay gave up on the rubber band and drew his knees up to his chest, holding his breath again. "Stop voicing your thoughts, stupid… idiot idiot! Be quiet…"
"Jay," Zanna sat down next to him, "You are not an idiot, or stupid. You're brilliant. Now I need you to match my breathing or tell me four things you can physically feel."
Zanna took large exaggerated breaths to make a point.
Jay did his best to mimic Zanna's breathing. "Cot…" Stupid. "Rubber band…" Idiot. "P-pillow.." Just stop. "And…" Failure. The tears fell from his eyes and he quickly tried to wipe them away, looking down at his hands. "Tears…"
"Good," Zanna breathed a sigh of relief, "Now tell me three things you can hear. Preferably not in your head."
She knows you're talking to yourself. "Um, I-I can hear… people walking, in the hall. The janitor, I think… and-" The school bell rung and Jay jumped about a foot in the air, shrinking against the wall. "Bell." His heart starting racing again. Now you're ruining their progress. You just make everything worse.
"You're doing great Jay," Zanna spoke, "I know you have voices in your head because I know people who have anxiety. Now tell me three things you can smell."
(I don't know what LGBTQ+ is but I'd like to join.)
"Alcohol…. or is that just in my mind? Rubbing alcohol? I-I think…" A flash of a memory. "Blood… no… there couldn't be blood here…" Jay hid his face in his hands. "Stop it… leave me alone… nothing's here… it's a nurse's office…" The night when he had to pick glass out of his head. Jay winced a bit. "Stop stop stop! No…" His father slapping him across the face. "Please… pay attention, pay attention! Three things… three things… stupid, stop getting distracted…"
"It's okay Jay," Zanna realized he was having a flashback, "You're not there. You're in a nurse's office with your friends. Your parents are probably being held by the police right now."
(I don't know what LGBTQ+ is but I'd like to join.)
(So can I join?)