Eerie rubbed his eyes a little. “Y-you do?” He hiccuped a little, glancing up. His eyes were somewhat puffy from the held-back tears. He sniffled quietly wiping away tears. He still wished he was on Levi's lap, but the mlst obvious sign of discomfort was Levi moving him off.
Levi nodded earnestly. What if Eerie stopped touching him? Stopped letting Levi hold him at night? This was the only opportunity Levi had ever gotten to hold somebody he would recognize in the morning. It would be so easy to lose it. It would be so easy to lose Eerie.
Eerie took Levi’s hands and leaned into Levi’s chest. His leg moved out again, blatantly reflecting the want of what they had before. This time Eerie didn’t move to do anything. He’d let Levi do it. He inhaled slowly and deeply, trying to grab hold of the tears running down his husband’s chest. He’d scared himself for no reason, and his body was reacting.
Levi draped an arm cautiously over Eerie's shoulder, hoping to god he wasn't crossing any boundaries. Eerie was half in his lap, so boundaries might not have been as big an issue as he thought, but he didn't want to mess up. He couldn't handle messing up. "Is this okay?"
Eerie nodded. He wanted to be closer. He wanted Levi to press into him and never let go. He wanted Levi to pin him and… Eerie trailed off into his thoughts, turning a dark shade of red at how steep they got. He didn’t try to stop them, though.
Okay. Good. Eerie was comfortable with this. This was okay. Levi gently scooped Eerie into his lap. There was no straddling, nothing very suggestive, but they were closer together now. But what if Eerie didn't want to sit in Levi's lap? What if he'd rather sit beside him? What if he wasn't comfortable? "This okay?"
Eerie chewed on his lip and nodded. He slowly split his legs so he was straddling again. He leaned forward over himself, suddenly very self-aware of himself. Ehat if Levi didn’t like what he saw? What he felt? Eerie hoped, when the time came, Levi would… well… like what he saw and felt. It was probably a long stretch, though. He rose his head slowly anyway, pulling it closer to Levi’s with a sniffle.
(I'm heading to bed. Goodnight.)
Levi leaned closer to Eerie. Their lips were very close together. It wouldn't take any effort at all to close the gap between them. To make them start kissing again. He suddenly felt very… bare in front of Eerie. Very inadequate in the face of Eerie's smooth skin and silky long hair. How could his choppy haircut and second skin made up of scars ever compete? How could Eerie ever truly think he looked… handsome. "Do you think I look good?"
(Night. Tomorrow?)
Eerie breathlessly nodded. His vivid imagination had fiercely kicked into overdrive, which stole the breath from his lungs. He wanted to be there, where his imagination was. He wanted Levi to press into him and make him feel undeniable pleasure. Right now, he thought Levi was the most attractive person he’d ever laid eyes upon. Eerie wanted to take this up, eat him up like a final slice of birthday cake, saved just for him.
(Yup! Sorry I didn't answer, I fell asleep.)
Oh. Levi ran a hand over the hot poker scar on his shoulder. If Eerie liked him and Eerie liked kissing, then Levi should kiss him, right? Wouldn't Eerie like that? It wouldn't take too much effort, really. They were practically breathing the same air as it was. But Levi didn't want to mess up. What if he was reading the signs wrong? "Do you want to kiss me?"
(That’s alright! Glad you’re back!)
Eerie nodded again. He shifted slightly on Levi’s lap, bringing their lips even closer. Eerie pushed his wild imaginings out of his head and tried to focus on the present. If Levi worked out what he was thinking about… Eerie turned a darker shade of red.
So kissing was what Eerie wanted. Levi could do kissing. He took a deep breath and pressed forward, pressing a gentle kiss onto Eerie's lips. When Eerie blushed, Levi let out a little noise of confusion. Did he do something wrong? Wait, wasn't blushing good? No, it was bad. Blushing mean embarrassed. Should Levi stop kissing Eerie?
Eerie tightened his grip on Levi’s hands. He didn’t want the latter to be confused, he wanted Levi to be content with the kissing. He shifted forward into the kiss, leaning into it desperately. He was glad Levi was actually putting effort forth into the kiss, making it more genuine to Eerie. He wanted to stay like this forever, kissing Levi.
Levi was five seconds from pulling away until Eerie clutched at his hands. Did that mean he wasn't supposed to stop kissing? Other people were so confusing. It seemed like the more invested Levi got in a person, the harder it got for him to interpret them. He tilted his head, searching for an angle that would make Eerie feel better.
Eerie tilted his head closer to Levi and deeper into the kiss. He shifted his hands up to Levi’s neck, leaning into Levi’s chest with his own. Eerie hoped this cleared up any confusion of what he’d rather be doing.
(TRIGGER WARNING)
Levi pulled Eerie a little closer to him, smashing their chests together. There were hands on his neck and there were hands on the scars on his neck and there were hands on his neck. His heart was beating faster and faster because what if… and suddenly he wasn't in the sauna anymore.
He was in the prison camp. Getting dragged across the floor. His back hurt. His shoulder hurt. There was blood on the floor. It was his. Big hands were pulling him across the floor. No… the ground. There was sky above. There was rope around his wrists. There was rope around his neck. And now he wasn't on the ground anymore. No. He was hanging. The rope cut into his neck. It hurt. He couldn't breathe. It hurt. He couldn't see. It hurt.
Eerie felt Levi’s pulse quicken. He hastily pulled away, dropping his hands to his lap.
“Levi? Are you okay?” He himself had a fast rhythm in his breathing, but for an entirely different reason. He gently set his hands on Levi’s chest, trying to calm him down.
“Levi?”
(STILL KIND OF TRIGGER WARNING-Y)
Hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt. Everything hurt. His neck hurt. He couldn't breathe. Was he dying? How could he die? Why? And he didn't… he couldn't… Breaths tore through his chest, one after another as he pulled in as much air as possible. The world around him was slipping into and out of focus, leaving him dazed and scared. Sometimes he was in the sauna, sometimes in the tree. There was a weird buzzing in his ears.
Eerie rose off of Levi and hurried over to one of the capsules of cold water. He tugged it out, set it down heavily on the bench, took the cold, metal ladel, ladeled up some of the ice-cold water and hurried back over to Levi, and tipped the water carefully on his shoulders and back. He was careful not to do it over Levi’s head, since that seemed to be his ultimate weak-spot.
(STILL PRETTY BAD)
Levi gasped, sucking huge amounts of air into his lungs. He remembered drowning instead of hanging. God. When had he become a cocktail of accidents waiting to happen? His shoulders quaked and shivered and he gulped over and over. Everything was cold. Cold water, over his shoulders. Over his head. He still couldn't breathe.
Eerie simpered and tried to get Levi to stand up. He tossed the ladel away, which somehow landed in the basin. He wrapped his arms around Levi, took some of his weight and stood him up. The heat was probably getting to his head. That or… maybe Eerie?
Levi jolted away from Eerie at first, but there wasn't much he could do. Everything felt heavy. His arms and legs were full of lead, weighing him down. Stopping him from struggling. What was going to happen to him? What if Eerie hurt him? What if he hurt Eerie? He just wanted to curl up into a tiny ball and never leave. "Lemme go. Lemme down," he mumbled, speech only half coherent.
Eerie shook his head and dragged him over to the door. “No, I want to get you out. The heat is messing with your head.” Eerie pushed open the door, and a rush of cold air pushed through into the steamy room. He tugged Levi into the room, breathless and shivering already. He sat Levi in a lounge chair, then walked to shut the door, not wanting to ever go back into that room.
Levi yanked in choppy breaths, chest shuddering every he gasped. "Not the heat. Just me." Always him. It was always his fault. His stupid brain messing everything up for everyone around him. The spa day was shattered into tiny little pieces. Just like every other dream he'd had. Why did he have to dream? Why did he have to want things? It made life so shitty.
Eerie walked over and sat down on the arm of the chair. He wrapped his arms around Levi and leaned his head onto his.
“I don’t blame you, then. You’ve been through a lot.” He rubbed Levi’s back gently, squeezing the latter close, but not tight. If Levi wanted space, he could easily ask and Eerie would leave him alone.
The following keyboard controls are supported across Notebook.ai. All keyboard controls are disabled when editing a document or notebook page.