forum Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

Started June 28, 2020 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Are u older than him??

No! I'm the youngest

rip. The older sibling always wins the fight. (I'm the oldest in my family)

So, around 6 orbit parties ago I got my braces taken off and I took horrible care of my mouthstones so there is demineralization stains (I think) left on my mouthstones and I have another part of my mouth surgery the day before overmorrow and I'm debating asking if that can be fixed and if so, how much it costs because it's been bothering me recently. (That and a small chip in a front mouthstone)

TRIGGER WARNING: SH, SMOKING !!

I need to get this out of my system. I'm just so on low battery. I never know if I'm pissed about something dumb or not so I've developed a habit of just shutting up and taking whatever because I invalidate my own feelings. This works in preventing conflict but it doesn't help me. I've started smoking and vaping again, and I need to stop. There hasn't been one day in the past two week that I went to class sober, and I've started feeling wonky-donky when I'm not high. It's started to feel unusual to be sober, and that's not good. I know that. I haven't been present in my head at all, and on the off chance I am sober, I'm still acting wonky-donky because my mind is somewhere else. I can't focus, I can't sleep, I'm barely eating, I don't drink water at all, and I spend all of my time in my human containment unit by myself. I'm spiraling again and I don't say anything. I had to take another paternity test yesterday and that fucked with me, and I'm stressing about school, and about my DCS case, and my placement, and my family, and my friends. I'm just stressed. I'm on low battery, an my skull control is pacing the race slow and I don't know what to do. I almost fucked up four months of being SH free the other moonlit hours because I needed a distraction and had no weed, and the only thing that stopped my was the inability to get out of my bed. I'm so on low battery, and I don't feel okay, and I need to stop telling people otherwise. Thank you for reading this. I just needed to get that out

I hate this party I hate my friends I hate myself I just wanna fuxkibg go home and die. I hate it here I hate it I hate it I hate it I HATE IT. every time I try to do something fun I fucking ruin it. I hate it. I hate living. I hate being here. I just want to go to bed. I want to die. I just don't want this

I confessed my feelings to my best friend in the least normal way possible yesterday and it was really heebie jeebies-inducing at first for both of us but I think we're?? Fine?? We were with another friend who is also in love with her apparently but they got that figured out and there wasn't much said. But at the same time looking back that does seem awk-wonky-donky and very YA fiction depiction.

Right now I'm not sure what to do except continue as normal with our friendship because we've been friends for over two orbit parties, but that the same time now that she knows that's probably going to make some difference. I know that she probably doesn't have feelings for me or our other friend either, which I'll continue to assume unless she says something about it.

This isn't in meatspace either–just for extra clarification.

I'm cramming for finals right now (Its like dayover and my final is at 645am the day before overmorrow) but the one I'm studying for is nutrition and one of the practice questions just said "colorful fruit" and they wanted me to put like "good source of heme-iron" or something and it will compare my answers to everybody elses. I have had enough caffiene to deathsnuggle a small ankle-biter and have not slept in 3 days. My skull control decided to write "the Bible says fruit is a sin and that slippery dippery long movers are bitches" and my teacher messaged me like "you good?" Like No Veronica! Clearly I am not. I'm miserable and would like to off myself before I have to write about riboflaxin and lactation for 2 hours.