Ender heard the door creak open, and hid the bottle. He seemed to be making something out of the scrap; even Ender didn’t really know what it was yet. His pupils were a little more dilated than usual, but aside from that, nothing was any different than normal.
"Hey," Pogo mumbled, his attention drawn to whatever Ender was making with the scrap. He hadn't caught on to anything quite yet.
"What's that?"
“…..I dunno yet….” It was starting to get a little difficult for his eyes to focus. He started to feel more relaxed than before, and more than a little sleepy. His hands had also started sweating a bit.
"Well, I, uh, was wanting to talk to you," Pogo replied, seating himself across from Ender. "Sorry for just, uh, walking out when I did. I-I needed a minute to get myself together, haha.."
“……..it’s okay…..” Ender rubbed his eyes a little, trying to keep himself as awake as possible. He was desperately trying to hide the side effects, but, as usual, he’s terrible at covering things up. “…..what did’ya wanna talk about?”
"Well, about… us, I guess," Pogo began quietly, still having yet to catch on to the probably drugged angel before him. "A-About… well, how I, uh, do like you. More than as a friend. But I just…"
He took a deep breath.
"I don't know how it'd work. I live far away from here, in the city, and I've… got a life there. I have a house, a job… and you live way out here in a radioactive forest, and you've got people here you care about, and even if I stayed, I'm not really someone who's able to survive in this kind of environment, y'know?"
He rested his head in his hands.
"A-And, well, with them in my head, they'd be witness to pretty much everything I do, and I don't know if they'd want to, well, be a witness to all that."
Oh, wow, you're actually thinking of me.
"Ba–.. basically, yeah, I'm just going to come out and say it, I do like you, a lot. But all of this is just… confusing to navigate, I guess. A-And I feel like if this is going to be something, I've gotta be open to you, so…"
His voice trailed off.
Ender could barely hear what he was saying, but nodded every so often so hopefully, it would look like he understood. He only caught a bit of it. “…….I could……try to go with you…..tto the city……” Usually, he wouldn’t even consider this, but right now, he didn’t have a care in the world. Everything felt hazy, and his vision started to blur.
Pogo furrowed his brow, finally taking a good look at Ender. Something wasn't right.
"Is… everything alright? You sound tired."
He nodded, incredibly drowsy. “……..yyeahhh………” His mouth was getting pretty dry, and his hands were clammy. Ender was barely awake. He started to feel dizzy, and rested his head on his desk. “……..’m finnneee…………”
Pogo didn't really believe that. He found his bottle of water and handed it to Ender.
"You really don't sound fine. Did you drink more beer?"
He shook his head. “……nopee…..” Ender closed his eyes. “…….’m just gonna……..nap for a littlee bit…..” One of the desk drawers was half open, showing the worn pill bottle. If you focused hard enough, you could tell it read “Xanax”. He quickly shut the drawer.
Pogo, suspicious, opened the drawer back up and picked up the pill bottle. Xanax? The anxiety medication?
He glanced back at Ender, then at the bottle, then back at Ender again, putting two and two together.
"Is… is this prescribed, or did you just find this?"
“……justt…..found it……..” Ender was half-asleep, and his words slurred together. “…….didntt wannna worry so mmuch…….I ddont think youu like it whhen I worrry……aand I donnt wanna worryy youu with mmy worryyingg……” He was incredibly dazed and dizzy, and he felt like if he moved at all, he would throw up.
"W-Wait, no, Ender, this isn't…"
Uh oh.
Pogo shoved the bottle of Xanax in his satchel and shut it tight, turning back to Ender and, again, offering his water bottle. "O-Oh my God, Ender, how much of this did you take?"
I don't think angels can overdose.
"E-Ender, I meant talk to me when you worry, not… God, what did you do?"
He didn’t reach for the water, a little worried that if he moved, it would make it worse. “………..can’t…..can’t rrememberr howw much…….ssorryy…..” The bottle was about half empty. “…….didnnt wannaa……..makke you worriied…….figuredd ya wwere goinn’ outsidee to lleave thiss placee……ddidnt think youu’d ssee……” Another wave of nausea hit him, and he tried to keep himself from gagging. He felt hot and cold at the same time, and as if he was separating from his body.
…….iss thiis……..what itt feeels likee……whhen hummans diee?……
“…….canntt diee……..donnt worryyy…….’m finneee……”
Pogo sat back, rubbing his face with his hands.
"God, Ender, I'm not going to leave!" he sputtered, his worry and confusion turning to anger. "Why, honestly, would I just up and go like that? I-I can't have you trying to hurt yourself the second I'm not within your line of sight! It's not healthy!"
The dazed look slipped from his face, and was replaced by a numb stare. Any enjoyment he might’ve gotten from the pills was gone. He tried his best to articulate his words and keep them from slurring. He was able to fight it pretty well.
“…….I…..I’m sorry….”
you made him upset again. great job.
“………i’m scared…….I’m scared, Pogo……”
Ender stared at the ground.
“I have a story I need to tell you. Maybe….. maybe it’ll help you understand.”
He sighed. “A few years ago, a man came into here. He seemed really nice; he was smart, and kind, and…..cute. He asked me all about my life, and told me about his. He stayed for a while. I trusted him.” Ender’s breath was shaky. “Then, he left. No warning. No goodbye. At first i thought one of the neighbors had gotten him or something…. but then I saw him again. The Bad Men came. It was a group of five. One of them was him. He didn’t seem to care that he’d left me behind, and now he was coming to kill me.”
Ender was fighting back tears. “I’m scared it’ll happen again.”
Pogo fell silent.
Well, Kapnos whispered. That explains a lot.
He winced, guilt tugging at his stomach. Maybe he shouldn't have been so quick to get angry.
"I'm… sorry," he managed. "Sorry that happened to you. Getting betrayed like that must have been, huh… pretty traumatic."
He reached out and took Ender's hand in his own, still unable to meet his gaze.
"I don't know if I can do anything to make you feel better other than just telling you to trust me, and I imagine that doesn't do a lot for you. I don't know how to prove to you I'm not some government spy other than by just… not being one."
He took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. For raising my voice. I-I didn't know," he mumbled. "It just… worries me when you do stuff like this. It's not a good coping mechanism. But… I'll try to be more patient with you from now on. Just… promise me, when you get scared like this, you'll turn to something better. Pick up a hobby, go take a walk, talk to someone, I-I don't care, just… nothing destructive."
Ender nodded. “….I’ll try……sorry for worrying you……” He looked down at Pogo’s hand, holding his. He wasn’t used to this… but it was nice. The warmth of Pogo’s hand contrasted with the cold of his own. “….I think I’m just gonna try to sleep this off……g’night, Pogo…..” He got up from the chair and lied down on his bed, falling asleep almost instantly.
He slept curled up, like a child that was hiding from a thunderstorm. He didn’t bother to get under any of the blankets; he was far too sleepy.
"G'night…"
While he was happy to see Ender try and take care of himself, it worried him that he could hardly get the covers over himself before passing out. Being cold made it hard to sleep — at least, that's how it was for him.
Well, it's not like he had much else he could do, and he had a headache coming on.
He climbed into the bed with Ender and curled up next to him. Ender himself provided no warmth to him, but he could tolerate a rough night's sleep if it gave Ender any comfort.
He yawned, rested his head against Ender's back, and was asleep in minutes.
Ender woke up, still curled up fairly tightly. He noticed an arm loosely around him, and Pogo’s body heat against his back. He smiled a little, looking back at the sleeping human. He was so warm, and soft, and… pretty. It was a word he had seen in books, and heard in songs; he had to look it up in his old, worn encyclopedia to figure out what it really meant. He had never encountered a better use for the word than this.
The Xanax had worn off fully, and he felt somewhat refreshed. He hadn’t slept in a while. He didn’t need to sleep, but it was usually a nice experience.
He got up gently, trying not to wake Pogo, and began to make breakfast. He had a small pamphlet on how to lessen radiation in food and water, and it was mostly just a lot of boiling. He decided on hard boiled eggs and some toast. Every so often, he looked for food on the edge of town; bread tends to keep for a while, and he managed to find a hen in the woods, somehow. The eggs were, more or less, normal. He began cooking.
Pogo, as expected, didn't wake up feeling super rested, but at least he woke up to the smell of something pleasant.
His mouth parted in a yawn, and he grumbled incoherently, turning around and shifting the covers a bit before realizing he probably wasn't going to fall back asleep at this rate. He sat upright, rubbing his eyes, before turning his attention to the small amount of noise coming from the kitchen.
"Something smells good," he mumbled drowsily, pushing himself off the bed and stumbling into the kitchen. "What're you making?"
“Eggs and toast. I’ve got some berry jam that’s pretty good, but it might be a little radioactive…..” He rummaged through his kitchen cupboards, pulling out an average-sized jar full of something reddish. “Aha! I knew I had some strawberry jam around here somewhere!” He scooped the eggs onto 2 plates, and began spreading the jam onto the toast.
“Sleep well, darling?”
Ender didn’t realize what he said until it had already come out of his mouth. His face turned as red as the jam he was topping the toast with. He had heard it in lots of songs, but had never used it. He wasn’t used to the way the word rolled off his tongue.
“…..s-sorry…..it just kinda…..slipped out….”
Pogo raised an eyebrow. He'd never tried jam on toast before — he was more of a butter person himself — but if there was ever a time for trying new things, it was certainly now.
Ender's slip up caught him off guard, however, and he found his face reddening. That was new.
Gods, can't even go a morning without you two going at it, Kapnos complained. At least let me have some coffee first.
I'll give you coffee if you give me a minute.
In response to Ender's apology, he stood up on his tip-toes and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
"Thanks for making breakfast," he murmured, a soft smile spreading across his face. "Do you, uh, happen to have coffee? I usually let them have some in the morning."
He grinned, blushing even harder. “I think I have some….they’re probably in there.” He pointed to a cupboard. He set the plates on the table. “Breakfast is served!”