forum “You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful... something not everybody knows how to love.”// No more people please // OcxOc

Started July 17, 2021 by @michael_rainer_eats_uranium group

tune

Pogo kept hugging him, resting his head on Ender's chest.

"It's okay now."

Ender clung to him. He kept crying for about 10 minutes.
“…….y-you promise you’re r-real?…..” Ender looked up at him with his now bloodshot eyes.

Pogo nodded. "Promise."

He lifted his head and pressed a kiss to Ender's cheek. "All of this is real."

He smiled slightly. “….t-thank you…….” He continued to hold onto him.

Pogo managed a smile in return, yet it faltered. His question still hadn't been answered.

"But… who are you? What are you? Th.. They told me you were an angel, but…"

“…….I am……..well…….I was…….I was created to torture condemned souls…….but I couldn’t make myself do it…….i ferried them away from Purgatory, and into the After…..and then they started to find out……….they ridded me of most of my power, but kept it so I can’t die……..so I’m cursed to keep outliving the people I care about……The Angel who couldn’t do the one thing he was created to do.”
Ender stared at the ground.
“They called me Kxehmnos. But I haven’t been called that in a few hundred years.”

(Shitty photoshop of Ender I made cuz I was bored lmao)

(oho! thats super pretty)

Fancy name, Kapnos snickered. Humans shit on demons, but when it really comes down to it, we're the honest ones compared to angels. Those guys'll preach love then cast out one of their own for not conforming in the same breath.

Pogo dropped his gaze.

"Well, I'm grateful you didn't do what you were created to, really," he managed. "And I think those humans you ferried were grateful, too. I-I think it takes a lot of courage to go against the majority like that, despite what it cost. You're really brave."

Ender smiled a little bit. “….thank you……” His smile faded quickly. “I don’t think I was supposed to have free will…….they haven’t given new angels free will since Lucifer…..but…..I guess they figured they’d try it out, and hope I’d play along……”

failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

“I’ve also got these….these voices…..they sound completely androgynous, and always really……ringy? If that makes any sense…..they try to make me think I’m bad…..or a failure…..or just generally doubting everything…..they get the better of me a lot……like…..earlier…..” He stared at the ground. “I dunno if that’s a normal human thing, but…..it’s been there ever since they kicked me out…..sometimes they yell at me, but covering my ears does nothing…..”

Pogo sat with his thoughts for a little bit.

"Just sounds like your thoughts, honestly," he murmured. "I mean, as a human, we all have our inner conscience, and with it we have our thoughts. And… sometimes those thoughts can be a bit mean. We have to watch our thoughts, make sure we aren't being mean to ourselves, 'cause it's an easy trap to fall into."

He nodded to himself. "Maybe you've just gotta work through your thoughts a bit."

He nodded. “…..but…..how?…..”

Pogo pursed his lips. "Well, I've seen a psychologist, and she showed me how to, in a sense, question those thoughts. I used to get them a lot myself."

He sat upright.

"For instance, I, uh, had a lot of trouble interacting with people because I believed I was just a nuisance. She taught me how to reflect each time I had those thoughts and either disprove them entirely or reframe them in a more positive light. So when I started having those thoughts again, I reminded myself that I had friends who often wanted to spend time with me, and by that logic I couldn't be a nuisance, ya know? 'Cause they enjoyed being around me."

He shrugged. "A-And that's why I suggested what I did, that instead of you being a failure, you were someone brave, refusing to give up your morals for the sake of adhering to authority. If you reframe it like that, your "failure" becomes a success. And you just… keep doing that, until the bad thoughts go away, because every time they do show up you've got a way to counter them."

He nodded, still holding onto him. “…..t-thank you……” He didn’t want to let go.

Pogo managed a smile.

"You want something to drink? Maybe I've got something to drink you haven't tried before."

He got up from the couch, making his way into the kitchen. He was a little parched himself, worry leaving his mouth dry, but didn't feel it was worth mentioning.

"I've also got my mixing supplies in here, if you want better alcohol than I could give you back at your bunker."

He nodded. “….yes please…..I think I need some……”

Pogo pulled out two old-fashioned glasses and mixed together some White Russians, returning back to Ender and handing him a glass.

"It's got some coffee liquer, which'll help wake you up. They call this one the White Russian," he said with a nervous smile. "I prefer the Black Russian — no cream — but the cream dilutes the cocktail a bit with this one, which is good for, uh… not getting hammered, haha."

He sat back down on the couch, nursing his glass. Probably not the best drink to get hydrated, considering caffeine and alcohol both dehydrated, but it was certainly a drink.

"Maybe heading directly into the city is a bad idea, but… there'd still be a lot to show you here, I think. I-It depends on what you want to do. We could also just relax, if you're tired."

Ender began drinking it. He hadn’t tasted anything like it before. He liked it. “….what else is here?…..in the city?…..I’m curious….”

"Well, I got the bread from a bakery, but the bakery also doubles as a café. There's also, uhm…"

He remembered that he wasn't all too familiar with the activities in the city, so he pulled out his phone and figured he'd search up local attractions.

"There's that café, the beach, the mall, the supermarket, uhm… I've got a list here, if you wanna pick something that seems interesting," he offered, holding out his phone for Ender to take if he wanted.

“What’s the beach like?” He tilted his head. He had never seen a beach before.

"Oh! It's, uh, a place next to the ocean," Pogo replied. "There's a lot of sand, a lot of water, and a lot of crabs. The only downside to that place is that there's a lot of people, too."

He searched up images of a beach on his phone, then held it for Ender to see. "This is a beach. Not the beach here, but what a beach typically looks like."

“Oooh!” He smiled a little. “What’re crabs?”

Pogo snickered. "Crabs? Little bastards is what they are. They're crustaceans, got a hard shell and pincers, and they love to pinch you. Gotta be careful in the more shallow beach waters."

He tilted his head to the side, "They do taste good, though."

He nodded, as if he were taking notes. “……do they…..hurt?”

He shrugged. "That's… I mean, yes, but it really depends. I-I mean, I've got a bit of tolerance to pain, so I wouldn't find that it hurt so much compared to someone with low pain tolerance, y'know?"

He nodded again. His thoughts came back to him again. He stared off.
“……I remember what Purgatory feels like……the place below the After……I was there before I got here……somehow……”
He looked up at him.
“Hallways. Only……only hallways. Hallways that twist and turn on themselves forever. I remember the peeling tan walls, and the cold, stained white tiles on my feet……it smelled like mold…..there were doors……most were locked, but some opened…….they just led to more hallways……”
Ender’s eyes were empty. “You can get to Purgatory from here. Here being the Overworld. Not…. not here here, but….. you know. It’s easy to tell where they are. Abandoned department stores, empty subway stations, certain old houses, dingy places…. they all have that feeling. The feeling that you shouldn’t be there for long.”