Violeta was shaking so hard she could barely stand, pressing her lips into a hard line to keep whimpers from escaping. “I—“
Yet more tears leaked out.
“But it’s not okay—You have to understand that. I know you want to believe that I’m—that I’m good enough—but I don’t deserve to eat.” She was pleading with him now, gripping his shirt like her life depended on it. “Gray—please, understand. Agree. I know you love me, but——I have to earn my right to eat. And right now? I shouldn’t even—I shouldn’t be telling you this—“
Gray’s heart squeezed at her state. He wiped her tears away gently, holding her tighter.
“I wish I could make your troubles go away with a snap of my fingers,” he murmured, sighing. “I hate seeing you like this. I absolutely hate it. And I’ll be with you every step of the way, Vy, but I want you to know it hurts seeing you like this. Thinking so lowly of yourself, thinking you don’t deserve what is a basic necessity of life. Vy, everyone deserves it. But I won’t make you eat. I won’t force you. I’ll try to make sure you eat at least a little, but I won’t force you. I promise.”
“I-I’m sorry,” she cried, pressing her face against his chest. “I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have dumped all of that out of you—I shouldn’t have burdened you——And I’m sorry I’m such a freak. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m an awful girlfriend and a whiny person and I need to get myself together and—“
“Hey, let’s get a few things cleared up, okay?” Gray pushed her back to make her look at him in the eyes. “I love that you trusted me with this. I love that you confided in me. It’s not a burden. It will never be a burden to me. You’re not a freak. You’ll never be a freak. You’re a wonderful person and an equally amazing girlfriend, and there’s no such thing about you that screams whiny. Okay?”
Violeta forced her eyes to the floor, unable to stand the sight of the worry in his eyes. This was her fault, all of it. This whole mess was her doing, but she knew she couldn’t argue against him. So she gave a tiny nod, biting her lower lip until the skin broke.
“No, don’t do that,” Gray shook his head, pulling her lip from her teeth. He pressed his mouth on hers, kissing her gently. “None of this is your fault. None of it. I just want to know one last thing. Who made you feel this way? Tell me so I can ruin them. I just want to know their names.”
Violeta shuddered, pulling her lip between her teeth again. “Gray, where were you in high school? It was everyone. Everyone, then I started to say the same myself. And—And my dad. Please don’t try to—to ruin them.”
How could he have not noticed? He claimed he loved her, but he had noticed nothing. Absolutely nothing. Occasionally he’d see people flirting with her, but he never noticed their ill intentions, and it burned him.
“I’m sorry, Vy,” he whispered, caressing her cheeks. “I’m sorry I never noticed. I’m sorry you had to go through that without me. I’m so sorry, Vy.”
Violeta closed her eyes.
"It's fine—I should be used to it, anyways. I'm sorry for killing the mood…. What do you want to do right now?"
“No, you didn’t kill the mood,” Gray assured her. “I’m glad we had this talk. And I’m going to make sure no one makes you feel this way again. As for what I want to do right now… I want to make my girlfriend happy again. So, girlfriend, tell me what’ll make you happy right now.”
Violeta swallowed, grimacing slightly as the all-too familiar taste of bile filled her mouth. "Well, I should probably drink some water before I kiss you," she murmured, opening her eyes again. "Then…. can we cuddle? Or maybe… I don't know, I could show you something I made?"
“Anything you want to do,” Gray repeated, squeezing her shoulders. “I’m up for it. If you want to cuddle, we’ll cuddle. If you want to see my jaw drop at your amazing artistic, we’ll do that.”
“You’re sweet.” For the first time since she disappeared into the bathroom, Violeta offered the slightest of smiles. “I was hoping to play you something..?”
She finally smiled. Even though it was a small smile, she finally did. It made him happy. He grinned at her.
“Well, then, we should get settled in, right?” He nuzzled her cheek. “I want to hear it. Hear you play.”
After a quick rinse of her mouth, Violeta lifted two instruments fr their position against the wall. “Guitar or uke?” She was clearly shaky, barely having recovered from the episode, but she was smiling. Which, I’m a situation like this, was a very rare thing.
Gray hummed thoughtfully, looking over the two instruments. “Try the uke,” he finally said. “I want to hear you play that.”
Violeta replaced the larger of the two by the wall, already itching to feel the strings beneath her fingers (which she much preferred to using a pick, however much it could hurt sometimes).
She looked back at Gray as she settled on the bed. Would he enjoy her playing? Or would he fake approval the entire time.
Gray tilted his head to the side, waiting for her to begin anxiously. He’d seen her paint countless times before, especially during high school. No, he was not a stalker he totally was.
He was sure he was going to love it. He loved everything about her.
“Should—Should I play something I wrote?” she questioned, fidgeting anxiously. “Or should I play a cover of a song? Which would you like more?”
“Play something you wrote,” Gray said gently. “Unless, of course, you’re too nervous for that.”
Violeta shifted her fingers, forming a chord on the neck of the instrument. After a shaky inhale, she launched into a soft intro, plucking at each string with unimaginable care.
Her voice was average to begin with, nothing special, but nothing particularly awful. But now? It was too croaky, trembling with each word, still affected by what she’d just thrown up. She winced with each off-key note, unable to look Gray in the eye.
Gray smiled softly as she began to sing, strumming the instrument. Her voice was shaky and off-key, but he still found it beautiful. Gosh, he was totally smitten, huh?
“Vy, you don’t have to force yourself to do it if you don’t want to,” he interrupted gently. “If you still don’t feel well, it’s totally okay.”
"Sit next to me," she instructed softly in reply. "So I can lean against you while I play."
Her fingers lingered over the strings, playing a gentle melody on repeat while she waited.
Gray obeyed, sitting down next to her, body leaning against hers. “Like that?”
Violeta tucked herself beneath one of his arms and nodded, exhaling a sigh of relief when some of her tension withdrew. "Perfect."
